A/n~ *Gasp* I saw Return of the King.. My life is now complete. I have
nothing more to look forward to. wait, yes I do!!! I have more reviews to
look forward to, right guys??? *turns to watch the retreating reviewers run
away* jk, anyway, just thought I'd get this chapter out, since it is
Christmas break and all. Oh, shameless plug: go read Awakening of a Magus,
and A Fathers Sin. They are both amazing stories. Oh yeah, fluff alert!
(but not what I'm sure you all want)
Chapter Eleven
**************
"I still remember the sun, always warm on my back."
I'm still not quite sure what happened that night. I woke up the next morning, feeling as though something significant had happened during the night. I searched my memory, trying to figure out just what had happened. I remembered my nightmares and crying through them. I remembered that at a certain part of the nightmare, it started to feel too real to be just a nightmare. I remembered dreaming the same part where someone was holding onto me so tight that I couldn't escape. The dream played out to the end as usual, and I began to cry again. But after the dream was over, I remembered starting to realize in my sleep that there really was someone holding me tightly. I tensed up, trying to prepare myself against what was to come. I started to resist the unwanted visitor to my room, struggling and kicking, trying to break free. I couldn't let it happen again. I couldn't go through it again. Not when I was so close to escaping this horrible place.
What happened next shocked me so much that I forgot completely about escaping. I don't know quite what I was thinking; my mind must have been confused from the nightmares. The person holding me was rocking me back and forth and started trying to comfort me. He spoke, and I knew immediately who he was. It was Malfoy, and because my mind was so damaged from the nightmares, I remember asking him if the guards were gone. I remembered him telling me they were gone, and I was relieved. But then Malfoy got curious and started asking me about what happened. He wanted to know why I was so upset, an as much as I wanted to tell someone, as much as I wanted to get rid of all the pain, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I couldn't bear to think of what he would think of me, of how he would avoid me. I so ashamed of what happened and I knew that I just could not tell anyone. He kept questioning me, and I stayed silent, crying more with each question. I kept thinking of how much everyone would look at me with disgust, and I couldn't bear it if that happened.
I remembered telling him that I couldn't tell him, how the guards might come back, and then I think he figured it out on his own. He stopped asking me for a moment, and I heard him inhale very slowly. Then he point blank asked me if the guards had taken advantage of me. I did nothing but sit there and cry more. I couldn't bring myself to answer, but he forced me to look him in the eyes, and he knew. I waited for him to throw me aside, and call me a Mudblood again. I waited for the look of contempt, and the disgust, but it never came. Instead, he pulled me closer against him, and held me again. I had started sobbing again, and he was rocking me back and forth. I was so confused; why didn't he leave? Why wasn't he gone? He asked me to tell him exactly what happened, and I knew that since he already knew what had happened, what would it matter if he knew the details? So I told him; I relived that night for him, telling him everything that happened.
I continued crying after I had finished. Malfoy had sat still the whole time, not saying a word. When I had finished, he sat for a while, still not saying anything. I hadn't noticed, because I had continued sobbing into his chest. After a while, I realized where exactly I still was, and asked him why he was still here. I was still confused as to why he hadn't left me, why he hadn't abandoned me as I had figured would happen. He replied, saying something I'll never forget. "No one should have to endure their pain alone." I realized then that he wasn't going to leave me, and he didn't blame me for what happened. He stayed, and let me cry the rest of my tears out. I remembered falling asleep at one point, still in his arms, but I don't recall having anymore nightmares that night.
After realizing just what had happened the night before, I sat up quickly the next morning in my bed. Mal-Bran was gone, and I heard the usual morning sounds from the big room. The morning bell must have just rung, so I sat for a moment, trying to collect all of my thoughts, How was I going to face Bran this morning? Now that he knew everything, how would he treat me? I knew that he wouldn't hold it against me, but would he pity me? I didn't think I could bear that anymore than I could abandonment. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. Before I could answer, Mal- Bran slipped in. After shutting the door quietly behind him, he turned to face me. I was still embarrassed, so I quickly turned my attention to the floor in front of his feet.
"How are you doing?" he asked, his concern sounding genuine. I looked up to face him, and whatever I had planned to say, the words had escaped me. Now that he was there in front of me, I couldn't think of what to say to him. He was still looking at me, with so much worry written all over his face. I returned my gaze to the floor.
"Much better, thank you," I replied quietly. And because I was still insecure about his reaction, I added," If you don't want to have anything to do with me after we get out of here, I understand." I felt so hurt and so confused still. But he came over to the edge of my bed, shaking his head. He sat next to me, and because I wouldn't look at him, he lifted my chin towards him, so that I couldn't look away.
"What happened was not your fault. What happened was unfair to you, and there is no reason for me, or anyone for that matter, to blame you. I am completely amazed that you would be able to bear me, or anyone of the male race, to be near you. It should be me saying those words to you. But if you don't mind, I'd rather stick around. I can't possibly imagine what kind of pain you are suffering through, but I can imagine what it's like to suffer through pain without anyone there. I thought that a true friend is supposed to stay by your side, through anything, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm not leaving, Hermione, not for anything. I finally made a friend, and I won't lose her to such evil as those death eaters. I want you to know, that I'm here, whenever you need to talk, or whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. I promise."
By the middle of his reply, the tears started threatening to spill. He had truly changed so much. I was so completely blown away by his little declaration. To hear that whole answer come from Draco Malfoy's mouth was almost too much to comprehend. Almost. By the time he finished, I just couldn't hold my tears back. I was an emotional wreck, and I just couldn't help it. I wrapped my arms around him, and he hugged me back.
"Thank-you. You don't know how much that means to me." I tried conveying to him my gratitude in words, but they weren't enough. So I gave him one last hug, leaned back, and dried the tears on my face the best that I could. He smiled and shook his head. Another real smile from the usually smirking Malfoy. This day was getting odder by the moment, and I was sure it wasn't even seven o'clock yet. We both stood up at once, realizing that the other cabin members might start wondering where we were. Bran left the room first and I followed soon after, taking a moment to take control of myself. I definitely needed to work on that. When entered the main room, everyone was just getting into their line, ready to head off to the mess hall for breakfast. I took a deep breath, encouraged by a knowing smile form Drac- Bran, and opened the door for the rest of the cabin.
********
Throughout the next week and a half, we worked out the details to our plan. The heads of the cabins were informed of where they were supposed to be with their cabin members and the time they were supposed to be there. The girl, who was to poison the Master's food, and drug all the guards' drinks, was given her deadly weapon, and briefed on exactly what she must do. Plans were set in place for the young boy who had discovered the trunk of wands, who would have the help of several others distributing them when it was time. Bran made a very short trip, unnoticed by any other besides me, to Professor Dumbledore's office. I was so jealous of him. He could just escape, come and go as he please, while we were all still stuck here. He wasn't gone too long, probably only long enough to explain to Dumbledore about the plan, and get the help we needed. Professor Dumbledore had quite helpful, giving Bran many objects that he had quickly transformed into portkeys. Somehow, they would activate right at the moment we had all planned to in our cabins after dinner, at exactly 9:15 pm. Bran and I would stay here, until every cabin had left, to make sure there was no one left behind.
I was so excited that even worked each day with a huge grin across my face. I just couldn't wait to get out of here, and I kept thinking in my mind of what would happen when we got to Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, and the professors would be there to greet us, and there would be nothing to worry about, no work to do the next day, no guards to be afraid of. That week and half, Draco and I had become good friends. Yes, I was getting more comfortable with calling him by his first name, and although it still felt weird to me, he was a friend now. We planned everything down to the last detail, and he was pretty much the "leader" of our little escape committee.
I found it so ironic that only a few years ago, we were at each other's throats, and in less than a week, it was as if we had been friends for a long time. I remember him and me talking long into the nights, comparing our childhoods, and telling stories. And I remember the both of us discussing things we had learned at Hogwarts, and I remember being surprised. I knew that I was the top of my class, but apparently, Draco wasn't far behind me. It was good to finally be able to talk to someone my age about the things that I had resorted to talking only the professors about. Those nights were also filled with hope. So much hope for the impending freedom, and I was still amazed how everything was working out.
Two nights before our plan was to follow through, I started thinking a lot about Harry and Ron. It had been a year since I'd seen them, and I wondered how much they changed. According to Draco they had joined the Order, and were helping Professor Dumbledore on "missions". Naturally I was worried about them getting involved in such dangerous situations, but Draco assured me that they were capable. I missed them so much, and I let myself feel that pain for the first time in months. I had purposefully shut them out of my mind, so that I wouldn't go mad with longing. I didn't even allow myself to think about my parents, not even that night. I wouldn't think about them until everyone was safe at Hogwarts. I was too afraid to even let their images into my mind, because I knew I missed them so badly. Another thought came to mind about Harry and Ron that startled me. What if they found out what happened, with the guards? What would they do? How would they react? I knew that Draco was okay with it all, but what about Harry and Ron? I filled with the same dread as before, fearing that they, my best friends, might abandon me.
I was in my room in the cabin, and the others were still awake, talking and getting ready for bed. I quickly slipped out of my room, and hurried over to Draco, who was sitting on his bunk, about to lie down.
"May I speak to you for a moment, please?" I said it as calmly as I could, but I knew Draco could detect the sense of panic in my voice, and in my eyes. He nodded, and followed me to the smaller room.
"What's wrong?"
"You've got to promise me, Draco. Promise me that you say anything to Harry or Ron, or anyone about. about what happened. I don't know how they'd react." Another thought found its way into my mind, frightening me even more. "You didn't say anything to Professor Dumbledore about it, did you?" He looked at me with an odd expression, as if he were trying to figure me out. I hoped that he would understand, and hoped even more that he hadn't said anything.
"No, I didn't say anything to the professor, and don't worry. I won't say anything to Harry and Ron, either. But you will." At first I thought I had misheard him, but then I realized what he had said. I looked at him, a little confused.
"Hermione, I won't say anything, but they are your friends. If they are as close of friends as I think they are, they'll notice something much too different about you than just the effects of a year at a death camp. They'll notice, and they'll ask. And you need to be prepared to tell them Hermione. How will they be there for you, and comfort you, when they don't know what's going on? I'm saying that you must tell them or else, but I think that you need to tell them at some point. I've heard that secrets between friends aren't always good things." He suddenly made an odd face, as if he wanted to say something more, but didn't. Somehow, I knew that he was right. I knew I had to tell them, but I was just so scared.
"I'll tell them. But on my own time. I don't think I can handle it right now." I resigned myself. I wasn't looking forward to it at all, but they did have a right to know what happened to me.
"Agreed. Just don't keep it inside for too long. It's not healthy" He smiled and I smiled back, knowing that he'd keep his promise. We hugged eachother lightly, and he said goodnight as left the room, to go to sleep.
*********
A/N~ I know, I know, it's a really short chapter, but I needed to make it a filler for what's to come. The next two chapters will be super long, I promise. For those who were hoping they'd fall in love at the camp, I'm sorry to burst your happy bubbles, but said from the beginning this was going to be long and drawn out love story. And yes, through this entire chapter, Draco and Hermione are just friends, nothing more.yet. Well Happy New Year to all, may it be a better one than the last. *Does a happy dance* Five months and eleven days till freedom!!!!!!
Chapter Eleven
**************
"I still remember the sun, always warm on my back."
I'm still not quite sure what happened that night. I woke up the next morning, feeling as though something significant had happened during the night. I searched my memory, trying to figure out just what had happened. I remembered my nightmares and crying through them. I remembered that at a certain part of the nightmare, it started to feel too real to be just a nightmare. I remembered dreaming the same part where someone was holding onto me so tight that I couldn't escape. The dream played out to the end as usual, and I began to cry again. But after the dream was over, I remembered starting to realize in my sleep that there really was someone holding me tightly. I tensed up, trying to prepare myself against what was to come. I started to resist the unwanted visitor to my room, struggling and kicking, trying to break free. I couldn't let it happen again. I couldn't go through it again. Not when I was so close to escaping this horrible place.
What happened next shocked me so much that I forgot completely about escaping. I don't know quite what I was thinking; my mind must have been confused from the nightmares. The person holding me was rocking me back and forth and started trying to comfort me. He spoke, and I knew immediately who he was. It was Malfoy, and because my mind was so damaged from the nightmares, I remember asking him if the guards were gone. I remembered him telling me they were gone, and I was relieved. But then Malfoy got curious and started asking me about what happened. He wanted to know why I was so upset, an as much as I wanted to tell someone, as much as I wanted to get rid of all the pain, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I couldn't bear to think of what he would think of me, of how he would avoid me. I so ashamed of what happened and I knew that I just could not tell anyone. He kept questioning me, and I stayed silent, crying more with each question. I kept thinking of how much everyone would look at me with disgust, and I couldn't bear it if that happened.
I remembered telling him that I couldn't tell him, how the guards might come back, and then I think he figured it out on his own. He stopped asking me for a moment, and I heard him inhale very slowly. Then he point blank asked me if the guards had taken advantage of me. I did nothing but sit there and cry more. I couldn't bring myself to answer, but he forced me to look him in the eyes, and he knew. I waited for him to throw me aside, and call me a Mudblood again. I waited for the look of contempt, and the disgust, but it never came. Instead, he pulled me closer against him, and held me again. I had started sobbing again, and he was rocking me back and forth. I was so confused; why didn't he leave? Why wasn't he gone? He asked me to tell him exactly what happened, and I knew that since he already knew what had happened, what would it matter if he knew the details? So I told him; I relived that night for him, telling him everything that happened.
I continued crying after I had finished. Malfoy had sat still the whole time, not saying a word. When I had finished, he sat for a while, still not saying anything. I hadn't noticed, because I had continued sobbing into his chest. After a while, I realized where exactly I still was, and asked him why he was still here. I was still confused as to why he hadn't left me, why he hadn't abandoned me as I had figured would happen. He replied, saying something I'll never forget. "No one should have to endure their pain alone." I realized then that he wasn't going to leave me, and he didn't blame me for what happened. He stayed, and let me cry the rest of my tears out. I remembered falling asleep at one point, still in his arms, but I don't recall having anymore nightmares that night.
After realizing just what had happened the night before, I sat up quickly the next morning in my bed. Mal-Bran was gone, and I heard the usual morning sounds from the big room. The morning bell must have just rung, so I sat for a moment, trying to collect all of my thoughts, How was I going to face Bran this morning? Now that he knew everything, how would he treat me? I knew that he wouldn't hold it against me, but would he pity me? I didn't think I could bear that anymore than I could abandonment. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. Before I could answer, Mal- Bran slipped in. After shutting the door quietly behind him, he turned to face me. I was still embarrassed, so I quickly turned my attention to the floor in front of his feet.
"How are you doing?" he asked, his concern sounding genuine. I looked up to face him, and whatever I had planned to say, the words had escaped me. Now that he was there in front of me, I couldn't think of what to say to him. He was still looking at me, with so much worry written all over his face. I returned my gaze to the floor.
"Much better, thank you," I replied quietly. And because I was still insecure about his reaction, I added," If you don't want to have anything to do with me after we get out of here, I understand." I felt so hurt and so confused still. But he came over to the edge of my bed, shaking his head. He sat next to me, and because I wouldn't look at him, he lifted my chin towards him, so that I couldn't look away.
"What happened was not your fault. What happened was unfair to you, and there is no reason for me, or anyone for that matter, to blame you. I am completely amazed that you would be able to bear me, or anyone of the male race, to be near you. It should be me saying those words to you. But if you don't mind, I'd rather stick around. I can't possibly imagine what kind of pain you are suffering through, but I can imagine what it's like to suffer through pain without anyone there. I thought that a true friend is supposed to stay by your side, through anything, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm not leaving, Hermione, not for anything. I finally made a friend, and I won't lose her to such evil as those death eaters. I want you to know, that I'm here, whenever you need to talk, or whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. I promise."
By the middle of his reply, the tears started threatening to spill. He had truly changed so much. I was so completely blown away by his little declaration. To hear that whole answer come from Draco Malfoy's mouth was almost too much to comprehend. Almost. By the time he finished, I just couldn't hold my tears back. I was an emotional wreck, and I just couldn't help it. I wrapped my arms around him, and he hugged me back.
"Thank-you. You don't know how much that means to me." I tried conveying to him my gratitude in words, but they weren't enough. So I gave him one last hug, leaned back, and dried the tears on my face the best that I could. He smiled and shook his head. Another real smile from the usually smirking Malfoy. This day was getting odder by the moment, and I was sure it wasn't even seven o'clock yet. We both stood up at once, realizing that the other cabin members might start wondering where we were. Bran left the room first and I followed soon after, taking a moment to take control of myself. I definitely needed to work on that. When entered the main room, everyone was just getting into their line, ready to head off to the mess hall for breakfast. I took a deep breath, encouraged by a knowing smile form Drac- Bran, and opened the door for the rest of the cabin.
********
Throughout the next week and a half, we worked out the details to our plan. The heads of the cabins were informed of where they were supposed to be with their cabin members and the time they were supposed to be there. The girl, who was to poison the Master's food, and drug all the guards' drinks, was given her deadly weapon, and briefed on exactly what she must do. Plans were set in place for the young boy who had discovered the trunk of wands, who would have the help of several others distributing them when it was time. Bran made a very short trip, unnoticed by any other besides me, to Professor Dumbledore's office. I was so jealous of him. He could just escape, come and go as he please, while we were all still stuck here. He wasn't gone too long, probably only long enough to explain to Dumbledore about the plan, and get the help we needed. Professor Dumbledore had quite helpful, giving Bran many objects that he had quickly transformed into portkeys. Somehow, they would activate right at the moment we had all planned to in our cabins after dinner, at exactly 9:15 pm. Bran and I would stay here, until every cabin had left, to make sure there was no one left behind.
I was so excited that even worked each day with a huge grin across my face. I just couldn't wait to get out of here, and I kept thinking in my mind of what would happen when we got to Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, and the professors would be there to greet us, and there would be nothing to worry about, no work to do the next day, no guards to be afraid of. That week and half, Draco and I had become good friends. Yes, I was getting more comfortable with calling him by his first name, and although it still felt weird to me, he was a friend now. We planned everything down to the last detail, and he was pretty much the "leader" of our little escape committee.
I found it so ironic that only a few years ago, we were at each other's throats, and in less than a week, it was as if we had been friends for a long time. I remember him and me talking long into the nights, comparing our childhoods, and telling stories. And I remember the both of us discussing things we had learned at Hogwarts, and I remember being surprised. I knew that I was the top of my class, but apparently, Draco wasn't far behind me. It was good to finally be able to talk to someone my age about the things that I had resorted to talking only the professors about. Those nights were also filled with hope. So much hope for the impending freedom, and I was still amazed how everything was working out.
Two nights before our plan was to follow through, I started thinking a lot about Harry and Ron. It had been a year since I'd seen them, and I wondered how much they changed. According to Draco they had joined the Order, and were helping Professor Dumbledore on "missions". Naturally I was worried about them getting involved in such dangerous situations, but Draco assured me that they were capable. I missed them so much, and I let myself feel that pain for the first time in months. I had purposefully shut them out of my mind, so that I wouldn't go mad with longing. I didn't even allow myself to think about my parents, not even that night. I wouldn't think about them until everyone was safe at Hogwarts. I was too afraid to even let their images into my mind, because I knew I missed them so badly. Another thought came to mind about Harry and Ron that startled me. What if they found out what happened, with the guards? What would they do? How would they react? I knew that Draco was okay with it all, but what about Harry and Ron? I filled with the same dread as before, fearing that they, my best friends, might abandon me.
I was in my room in the cabin, and the others were still awake, talking and getting ready for bed. I quickly slipped out of my room, and hurried over to Draco, who was sitting on his bunk, about to lie down.
"May I speak to you for a moment, please?" I said it as calmly as I could, but I knew Draco could detect the sense of panic in my voice, and in my eyes. He nodded, and followed me to the smaller room.
"What's wrong?"
"You've got to promise me, Draco. Promise me that you say anything to Harry or Ron, or anyone about. about what happened. I don't know how they'd react." Another thought found its way into my mind, frightening me even more. "You didn't say anything to Professor Dumbledore about it, did you?" He looked at me with an odd expression, as if he were trying to figure me out. I hoped that he would understand, and hoped even more that he hadn't said anything.
"No, I didn't say anything to the professor, and don't worry. I won't say anything to Harry and Ron, either. But you will." At first I thought I had misheard him, but then I realized what he had said. I looked at him, a little confused.
"Hermione, I won't say anything, but they are your friends. If they are as close of friends as I think they are, they'll notice something much too different about you than just the effects of a year at a death camp. They'll notice, and they'll ask. And you need to be prepared to tell them Hermione. How will they be there for you, and comfort you, when they don't know what's going on? I'm saying that you must tell them or else, but I think that you need to tell them at some point. I've heard that secrets between friends aren't always good things." He suddenly made an odd face, as if he wanted to say something more, but didn't. Somehow, I knew that he was right. I knew I had to tell them, but I was just so scared.
"I'll tell them. But on my own time. I don't think I can handle it right now." I resigned myself. I wasn't looking forward to it at all, but they did have a right to know what happened to me.
"Agreed. Just don't keep it inside for too long. It's not healthy" He smiled and I smiled back, knowing that he'd keep his promise. We hugged eachother lightly, and he said goodnight as left the room, to go to sleep.
*********
A/N~ I know, I know, it's a really short chapter, but I needed to make it a filler for what's to come. The next two chapters will be super long, I promise. For those who were hoping they'd fall in love at the camp, I'm sorry to burst your happy bubbles, but said from the beginning this was going to be long and drawn out love story. And yes, through this entire chapter, Draco and Hermione are just friends, nothing more.yet. Well Happy New Year to all, may it be a better one than the last. *Does a happy dance* Five months and eleven days till freedom!!!!!!