Chapter 4:
a/n sorry for the long updates... but now that school's over tadaah!! I'm here again... so here goes.
----in love, never put yourself in a situation where you are not sure where you stand in a person's life......... never assume......... never expect......... so that if they drop you, you have enough strength to move on..........----
It's really obvious to see that I get easily frustrated, considered that I got used to making long essays, term papers and thesis in five days tops........ but thought this time, it's really didn't make sense that I'm getting frustrated in things........such as these.
I was also pretty impressed that the 'fox' got out of his reverie and offered his two cents. I'm impressed and amused.
10:30 in the evening and I'm still not in the mood to sleep. i came scratching and turning in several position and sleep was still not visiting me. Maybe it's just that this is getting really serious......... I came to admit to myself that I'm......
In love with her.
I love her.
Hn. This life is getting way more real than the reality of my life in Makai. I think this further discussion will lead me to death. Or much worse, to end up in an a asylum, in which I'll have her to myself in my mind forever.........
But then, that's not a bad idea right?
I'm really sorry for her....... maybe she's just a victim of my inadequate interaction with women. And this maybe just an illusion to release my frustrations.
I gave myself a slight shrug and bolted out of bed and decided to change and went for a walk. Only to get face to face with the woman who should be blamed for all of this.
"Botan?" I asked innocently, yeah as if I didn't know who she was in the first place.
"Kurama-kun---"Botan asked flushed, and it seems to me she's not happy to see me, when I noticed after she looked at me she was a little bit, perplexed.
"It's very late, it's not really advisable to stroll around the park." I replied, I was really lost for words. Her look at me was not really inviting. She was, as I look at it. Tired. I urged her that we sit on the bench behind us.
"I'm having this problems.......... Heart problems." She admitted.
No. is she adding MORE insult to my injury?!
I would've been mad at her and walked in the opposite direction, but then even if I'm not Doctor Love, I'll try to help her. I'm still. Her friend. I gave her an inquiring look and urged her to continue.
"You know the feeling that even thought the person you REALLY like didn't like you at all, but then you still continue to like that person......... have you ever got that feeling?" She asked me....
I think I know the answer to that, but because of my trusty defense mechanism, I gave her a concerned smile and uttered an unbelieving NO.
"Well, I'm having it right now." She smiled smugly and stared at the pavement.
Me too. And I'm pretty much known who she is talking about. And the thing I can't understand is......... why the hell did Koenma even consider on marrying her if he didn't like her?!
Women are not really that easy to decipher, and it's a little bit strange that Botan could be exuberant and sad in the same time. And the thought excited me—really.
"It's a little bit queer to wish that everything will just go away and I'll have to keep him to myself forever." Botan added.
My eyes bulged at her in utter astonishment of what she said, how could be that two persons, having in love at the same time... having the same thought but yet doesn't feel anything for each other....
Well actually this is an understatement, considering that the feeling yet not mutual but considered one way.
"Maybe it will be such an adventure if we could leave the world and be contented with each other and soar thought the sky with nothing else but the company of the other." Botan added – yet again.
This time I remained speechless. For two REASONABLE reasons. One. This is the first time I've heard her be so....... As to put it Philosophical, considering that she might be a scattered brain klutzy cute--- okay I'm getting way to many adjectives--...... and to think that I'm thinking so foolishly about the person more important than my own immortal life. And I hope than whenever she gets to this state of being, I hope it involves a very important person. ME. Nobody else but me. Yes, I'm selfish. I've never been so selfish all my life. And for this century--- I'm glad I am.
I have to laugh to myself of being so....... Dreamy. Like a teenage boy who feels like the first time he has ever been in love.
Not a teenage however but....... It IS the first time.
Two. 'We' part got to me, is she referring to the one she is currently with this night (preferably me... who else?) or she's in the dreamy state I've been for countless minutes, considering she's dreamy of another man... not me?
"The thing is Botan, you could never assume what life will give in the end, this troubles--- you're faced with means that life has given you something to delve upon. And for that life trusts you to carry on the problem and look for a solution. You have the choice. Either you give up. Or you fight for what you believe." I replied, looking at the now startled Blue beauty beside me.
"It's such a great feeling to be in love....... Have you ever had that feeling?" She asked back. Wait a minute she didn't even get to sink what I've said in her mind......... and now she's asking me?
How will I answer the question?
"Yes, I did... in fact I'm in love right now." I ended, She doesn't have to know anything. When time comes, I'll make her understand but for now... -now that she's still a fiancée for another, I'll just have to keep my mouth shut as to not to cause any damage...... regarding her. And me.
I know from the look in her eyes that she wants me to open up. But I can't I just have no strength to open it up. Not a slight idea. No. I can't.
So what do I call myself right now? A very unselfish person? A selfish person or a......
*'A coward' And again the kitsune dishevels my thoughts.
After a couple of I think hours, of utter silence, I ended the night with bidding her farewell, and watch her flew to the sky with her oar.
Tomorrow's events will sure be a BIG step for me to have the move. But will I?
a/n... so how was it? A little rusty eh? So, I need suggestions and stuff... encouragements so I could try to think over if I'll continue or not.... Okay? Thanks!!
a/n sorry for the long updates... but now that school's over tadaah!! I'm here again... so here goes.
----in love, never put yourself in a situation where you are not sure where you stand in a person's life......... never assume......... never expect......... so that if they drop you, you have enough strength to move on..........----
It's really obvious to see that I get easily frustrated, considered that I got used to making long essays, term papers and thesis in five days tops........ but thought this time, it's really didn't make sense that I'm getting frustrated in things........such as these.
I was also pretty impressed that the 'fox' got out of his reverie and offered his two cents. I'm impressed and amused.
10:30 in the evening and I'm still not in the mood to sleep. i came scratching and turning in several position and sleep was still not visiting me. Maybe it's just that this is getting really serious......... I came to admit to myself that I'm......
In love with her.
I love her.
Hn. This life is getting way more real than the reality of my life in Makai. I think this further discussion will lead me to death. Or much worse, to end up in an a asylum, in which I'll have her to myself in my mind forever.........
But then, that's not a bad idea right?
I'm really sorry for her....... maybe she's just a victim of my inadequate interaction with women. And this maybe just an illusion to release my frustrations.
I gave myself a slight shrug and bolted out of bed and decided to change and went for a walk. Only to get face to face with the woman who should be blamed for all of this.
"Botan?" I asked innocently, yeah as if I didn't know who she was in the first place.
"Kurama-kun---"Botan asked flushed, and it seems to me she's not happy to see me, when I noticed after she looked at me she was a little bit, perplexed.
"It's very late, it's not really advisable to stroll around the park." I replied, I was really lost for words. Her look at me was not really inviting. She was, as I look at it. Tired. I urged her that we sit on the bench behind us.
"I'm having this problems.......... Heart problems." She admitted.
No. is she adding MORE insult to my injury?!
I would've been mad at her and walked in the opposite direction, but then even if I'm not Doctor Love, I'll try to help her. I'm still. Her friend. I gave her an inquiring look and urged her to continue.
"You know the feeling that even thought the person you REALLY like didn't like you at all, but then you still continue to like that person......... have you ever got that feeling?" She asked me....
I think I know the answer to that, but because of my trusty defense mechanism, I gave her a concerned smile and uttered an unbelieving NO.
"Well, I'm having it right now." She smiled smugly and stared at the pavement.
Me too. And I'm pretty much known who she is talking about. And the thing I can't understand is......... why the hell did Koenma even consider on marrying her if he didn't like her?!
Women are not really that easy to decipher, and it's a little bit strange that Botan could be exuberant and sad in the same time. And the thought excited me—really.
"It's a little bit queer to wish that everything will just go away and I'll have to keep him to myself forever." Botan added.
My eyes bulged at her in utter astonishment of what she said, how could be that two persons, having in love at the same time... having the same thought but yet doesn't feel anything for each other....
Well actually this is an understatement, considering that the feeling yet not mutual but considered one way.
"Maybe it will be such an adventure if we could leave the world and be contented with each other and soar thought the sky with nothing else but the company of the other." Botan added – yet again.
This time I remained speechless. For two REASONABLE reasons. One. This is the first time I've heard her be so....... As to put it Philosophical, considering that she might be a scattered brain klutzy cute--- okay I'm getting way to many adjectives--...... and to think that I'm thinking so foolishly about the person more important than my own immortal life. And I hope than whenever she gets to this state of being, I hope it involves a very important person. ME. Nobody else but me. Yes, I'm selfish. I've never been so selfish all my life. And for this century--- I'm glad I am.
I have to laugh to myself of being so....... Dreamy. Like a teenage boy who feels like the first time he has ever been in love.
Not a teenage however but....... It IS the first time.
Two. 'We' part got to me, is she referring to the one she is currently with this night (preferably me... who else?) or she's in the dreamy state I've been for countless minutes, considering she's dreamy of another man... not me?
"The thing is Botan, you could never assume what life will give in the end, this troubles--- you're faced with means that life has given you something to delve upon. And for that life trusts you to carry on the problem and look for a solution. You have the choice. Either you give up. Or you fight for what you believe." I replied, looking at the now startled Blue beauty beside me.
"It's such a great feeling to be in love....... Have you ever had that feeling?" She asked back. Wait a minute she didn't even get to sink what I've said in her mind......... and now she's asking me?
How will I answer the question?
"Yes, I did... in fact I'm in love right now." I ended, She doesn't have to know anything. When time comes, I'll make her understand but for now... -now that she's still a fiancée for another, I'll just have to keep my mouth shut as to not to cause any damage...... regarding her. And me.
I know from the look in her eyes that she wants me to open up. But I can't I just have no strength to open it up. Not a slight idea. No. I can't.
So what do I call myself right now? A very unselfish person? A selfish person or a......
*'A coward' And again the kitsune dishevels my thoughts.
After a couple of I think hours, of utter silence, I ended the night with bidding her farewell, and watch her flew to the sky with her oar.
Tomorrow's events will sure be a BIG step for me to have the move. But will I?
a/n... so how was it? A little rusty eh? So, I need suggestions and stuff... encouragements so I could try to think over if I'll continue or not.... Okay? Thanks!!