Lost and Afraid
By: Angedelamorte
Disclaimer: I don't own any of it (Duh). But I do own the plot, if there happens to be one.
Author's Note: So sorry about how short the last chapter was. I had some typed and it seemed like a really good spot to end so... End it I did. I am SO SORRY about how long this took to get out. ________________________________________________________________________
Harry woke the next morning feeling strange, He felt well rested for the first time in weeks. He actually had a whole night of rest. Harry's cheerful mood was quickly diminished when he saw the half empty vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion. "I can't even sleep with out depending on anyone." Harry muttered to no one in particular.
Harry was surprised when he got the first look at his room. The walls were a dark blue color, almost the color of the night sky. The bed was a canopy bed and all the bedding was in black. There was a cherry wood dresser that, upon further inspection held all new clothes for Harry.
The opening of a door brought Harry out of his stupor. "Do you like the room?" Severus asked.
Harry did not have any words. Severus sighed, "Well, if you don't like it you can always change it."
"No! It's not that. It's just that someone seems to ca-" Harry stopped. "I like the room. It is really nice" Harry said in a monotone voice.
"Very well, get dressed; we are going to eat in the Great Hall this morning."
"Yes, sir." Harry replied quietly. Slowly, Harry got up and walked to the bathroom.
Severus stared at the retreating form. He really needed to talk to Albus. That boy needed help
Harry took a quick shower and was getting dressed in the bathroom when he looked at the mirror. The first thing he noticed about his self was all his scars. They decorated his body like little crisscrossed signs of pain. But, there was something else strange about Harry. His face was different. His cheekbones were higher, his face was longer and his hair was manageable. It was straighter and longer.
Quickly, Harry got dressed and rushed back into his room. There was a little personal mirror on his dresser. Harry picked up the mirror and brought it closer to his face. He did look different; he looked just like he did in the bathroom. CRACK! Harry dropped the mirror.
Upon hearing a crashed, Severus rushed to Harry's room. Harry was in his room huddled into a corner. "Harry?" Severus said softly. No answer, "Harry. What is wrong?"
Quietly Harry answered, "Why didn't you tell me I changed? Now what am I going to tell my friends? Oh yeah, Professor Snape is my dad, I found that out over the summer, but oh, don't mind him; he doesn't want me anyway." He said the last part bitterly.
Severus reached down to touch Harry, "We should talk about things. I heard you crying last night. We need to discuss Sirius."
"WHY DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU LIKED HIM ANYWAY! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT DROVE HIM SO MAD THAT HE RISKED HIS LIFE TO SAVE ME. AND HE DIED. YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE!" Harry yelled.
Severus was outraged at what Harry said. He put on one of his infamous scowls, "Well, at least I'm not a stupid little boy who got his godfather killed by risking his neck." He replied.
"Yeah, it is all my fault. Isn't it? I killed Sirius! Are you happy now?" Harry asked in between his sobs. Severus stormed out of the dungeons.
Harry was distraught. He DID kill Sirius. It was all his fault. The close space was too much for Harry; he grabbed his cloak and headed for the lake.
Harry spent much of that day and many more days sitting beside the lake. Severus kept trying to talk to Harry, but every time he tired his throat would close up and b the time he got control of his emotions Harry was gone.
It seemed to Severus that Harry stopped eating. He never went to the Great Hall. Harry hardly slept. He didn't get back to his room until late and got up early the next morning. ________________________________________________________________________
It was two weeks until the start of term that Harry actually went down to the Great Hall to eat. Harry ate at the far end of the table, not talking to anyone. He was trying for a quick escape when Remus Lupin caught Harry in the hall. "Hello, Harry," Remus said, "And how was your summer?"
Harry put on his best fake smile and replied, "Oh, it was great, Professor Lupin. Dumbledore brought me here early for protection though."
"Oh really." He replied, but Harry was gone. ________________________________________________________________________
Just a week before start of term. Harry finally got his OWLs back. They were lying on top of his bed side table along with a pile of book. Excited, Harry opened his results. It read:
Dear Mr. Potter,
Enclosed are your OWL results.
Harry skimmed through the letter quickly. He ended up getting seven OWLS. Average. He did get an O in Potions, though. He had gotten good enough grades to continue in his goal of becoming an Auror.
Curious as to what the books were for, Harry sifted through the books and found a letter from Severus. It said that Severus had gotten all of his books for him and there was no need for him to go to Diagon Alley.
Letting his emotions take control, Harry searched out Severus. Severus was in his office hunched over what looked like lesson plans. Harry threw the piece of parchment in front of Severus, "What's up with this?" Harry asked.
"I do believe that is a letter." Severus replied.
"I know that. But, why can't I go to Diagon Alley? Its not like I have been bad have I?" Harry said the last part a bit sadly.
"What!?! No, I believed that you going down to Diagon Alley was a risk, so I chose to get your belongings." Severus said simply.
"But what about my friends? I have those things you know. People you talk to. You probably don't know what friends are anyway." Harry said the last part bitterly.
The fact that the last comment stung was the only excuse for what Severus said next. "Well, I could have taken you; you probably would have preformed some dramatic stunt or something. Voldemort would find you and you would have caused the death of many more people. Now, I just figured you were tired of causing people harm, guess I was wrong."
Harry stopped. He really does cause harm. He is a burden. He isn't worth anything. Harry turned around and walked silently out of the office.
________________________________________________________________________
Harry silently walked aimlessly until he ran straight into someone. "Sorry," he muttered not bothering to look to see who he actually ran into.
Remus Lupin was shocked, here Harry ran straight into him and didn't even look at him. "Harry," he called, "Harry, wait!"
Remus didn't catch Harry until Harry was sitting out by the lake. "Harry," Remus said, "I was calling you."
Harry looked at him with unseeing eyes and said nothing. "Harry," Remus repeated, "I called you." Remus grabbed Harry's shoulder and shook it.
Harry backed away and started muttering, "No please, no. Stop. No-no-no." He just kept repeating no over and over.
Remus was alarmed, what was wrong with Harry? "Harry," he said quietly.
Harry slowly became aware of his surroundings. He looked toward Remus quizzically, "Remus?" he asked.
Remus hugged him. "I was really worried for a minute there." Remus said. Harry visibly stiffened under the hug. Sensing Harry's distress, Remus let go, "Well," he said, "I'll see you around later." ________________________________________________________________________
The days rolled by quickly and before Harry knew it, it was the start of term feast. Harry was anxiously waiting outside of the building for the train to arrive. He remembered that morning.
Harry woke early that morning with a pain in the pit of his stomach. It was the first day of the school term. Everyone would be arriving tonight. Harry looked in the mirror. The changes were slight. His hair was longer and a lot less wild, it no longer stuck up in odd places. His face was a lot longer. His eyes looked sunken in as if he had experienced too many terrors in his life. He looked like a complete stranger.
Harry was pacing his room when he heard a quick knock on his door. "Yes?" he said.
"May I come in?" Severus asked rather calmly.
"Umm...OK." Harry replied, not used to people asking if they could enter the room.
"Albus said you would most likely like to cover up the changes in your face. So I get the privilege of casting a glamour charm on you. Don't worry this shouldn't hurt, too much." Severus just couldn't resist making at least a few snide comments.
Harry's eyes got wide at the pain part, but he went through with it anyway. "OK," Severus said, "I'll cast the charm it should last for twenty- four hours. Are you ready?" he asked with out bothering to look for an answer. "________"
Hurting a little was putting the spell lightly. It hurt, bad, every single change in Harry's body, felt like thousands of pins and needles were pulling the skin, reforming the entire body. Finally, the spell was over. Harry stood up, wavered slightly from the pain, and left the room without a second glance to Severus.
Harry spent much of the day finishing up the last bits of his homework in the library and hiding out from Lupin. Although Harry figured Lupin wasn't going to waste his time on him, Harry didn't want to see him.
So after a few hours in the library, Harry went to wait for his friends. They should be arriving anytime now. Only a few minutes later, Harry saw the thestrals putting the carriages up to the castle.
Draco Malfoy was the first person out of the first carriage; he was, surprisingly, alone. His goons were no where to be seen. And, another surprise, Draco walked past him without saying a word.
A few minutes later, Ron and Hermione pulled up. "Harry!" Hermione yelled as she ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Harry stiffened.
"Hi, Hermione." Harry said.
Ron was a little more subtle in his greeting. "Hey mate," he said, "I didn't hear from you all summer, we-err-I ... was worried." Ron said, desperately trying to hide the fact that he spent the summer with Hermione.
"Oh, well, I really didn't feel like writing," Harry lied quickly. "Come on, we should get inside, the Sorting is about to start."
They all quickly walked inside. When they reached the Great Hall, Harry gasped, there were so many people in there. He couldn't go inside. "Guys, I have to use the bathroom, I'll meet you in there," he said in hopes of throwing them off.
"Ok," Hermione replied, "We'll meet you in there. Won't we Ron?"
"Oh, yeah, sure." Rom replied not really wanting to leave Harry alone.
Harry quickly went towards the bathroom but then turned as soon as Ron and Hermione went into the Great Hall. He went towards the lake. He sat out by the lake holding what looked like a muggle pocket knife and looked at the tiny scars crisscrossing his arm. ________________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile... Sever us was starting to get worried. Harry still hadn't shown up at the feast. The Sorting was over and the feast had begun. He went to Albus.
"Albus," he said quietly, "Harry isn't here. I don't know where he is."
"So go and find him," Albus replied rather angrily, for he did not see how Severus could lose a child.
Severus left the Great Hall through a side door and headed out toward the lake for he knew that that was Harry's favorite hideout.
Harry heard Severus's approach and quickly hid the knife. "Harry," Severus said, "Why aren't you at the feast?"
"Why do you care?" Harry snapped. Then, sensing his attitude he quickly shied away from Severus and muttered a quiet. "Sorry, sir."
Severus let the attitude go, "You should go to the feast."
Harry didn't reply. Sensing defeat Severus left. Then, Harry quietly said, "I can't go in there, there are too many people."
Severus heard him but chose to remain silent. ________________________________________________________________________
Severus was not the only person to notice Harry's absence. Draco did as well. After the feast had concluded and Harry still did not return, Draco decided to go on a search. First he searched the main hallways and many of the nooks and hidden rooms. Still no Harry. He then went to go look around the grounds.
Draco found Harry sitting by the lake holding a miniature knife to his arm. "Are you planning on killing yourself?" Draco asked causing Harry to jump.
"Why do you care?" Harry asked; he then looked at his arm. "SHIT!" the cut was deep and it was bleeding freely.
"Looks like you're well on your way," Draco said noting the numerous other scars.
"Again. Why the hell do you care?"
"Maybe I want to kill you then. You'd take away all of my glory."
"FINE! GO AHEAD! ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LIST!" Harry yelled, "SEE IF I CARE!"
Draco backed slowly away from the fuming boy. This was going to be one odd year.
________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note: Super sorry it took so long to get out. I was having some problems writing this one. Hmm... I know Draco seems a little OOC. But he'll b different, (I hope). Ermm... note to Leggylover03- Sorry I didn't send this to you I'm super impatient. I'll send you the ENTIRE next chapter as soon as I finish it.
By: Angedelamorte
Disclaimer: I don't own any of it (Duh). But I do own the plot, if there happens to be one.
Author's Note: So sorry about how short the last chapter was. I had some typed and it seemed like a really good spot to end so... End it I did. I am SO SORRY about how long this took to get out. ________________________________________________________________________
Harry woke the next morning feeling strange, He felt well rested for the first time in weeks. He actually had a whole night of rest. Harry's cheerful mood was quickly diminished when he saw the half empty vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion. "I can't even sleep with out depending on anyone." Harry muttered to no one in particular.
Harry was surprised when he got the first look at his room. The walls were a dark blue color, almost the color of the night sky. The bed was a canopy bed and all the bedding was in black. There was a cherry wood dresser that, upon further inspection held all new clothes for Harry.
The opening of a door brought Harry out of his stupor. "Do you like the room?" Severus asked.
Harry did not have any words. Severus sighed, "Well, if you don't like it you can always change it."
"No! It's not that. It's just that someone seems to ca-" Harry stopped. "I like the room. It is really nice" Harry said in a monotone voice.
"Very well, get dressed; we are going to eat in the Great Hall this morning."
"Yes, sir." Harry replied quietly. Slowly, Harry got up and walked to the bathroom.
Severus stared at the retreating form. He really needed to talk to Albus. That boy needed help
Harry took a quick shower and was getting dressed in the bathroom when he looked at the mirror. The first thing he noticed about his self was all his scars. They decorated his body like little crisscrossed signs of pain. But, there was something else strange about Harry. His face was different. His cheekbones were higher, his face was longer and his hair was manageable. It was straighter and longer.
Quickly, Harry got dressed and rushed back into his room. There was a little personal mirror on his dresser. Harry picked up the mirror and brought it closer to his face. He did look different; he looked just like he did in the bathroom. CRACK! Harry dropped the mirror.
Upon hearing a crashed, Severus rushed to Harry's room. Harry was in his room huddled into a corner. "Harry?" Severus said softly. No answer, "Harry. What is wrong?"
Quietly Harry answered, "Why didn't you tell me I changed? Now what am I going to tell my friends? Oh yeah, Professor Snape is my dad, I found that out over the summer, but oh, don't mind him; he doesn't want me anyway." He said the last part bitterly.
Severus reached down to touch Harry, "We should talk about things. I heard you crying last night. We need to discuss Sirius."
"WHY DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU LIKED HIM ANYWAY! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT DROVE HIM SO MAD THAT HE RISKED HIS LIFE TO SAVE ME. AND HE DIED. YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE!" Harry yelled.
Severus was outraged at what Harry said. He put on one of his infamous scowls, "Well, at least I'm not a stupid little boy who got his godfather killed by risking his neck." He replied.
"Yeah, it is all my fault. Isn't it? I killed Sirius! Are you happy now?" Harry asked in between his sobs. Severus stormed out of the dungeons.
Harry was distraught. He DID kill Sirius. It was all his fault. The close space was too much for Harry; he grabbed his cloak and headed for the lake.
Harry spent much of that day and many more days sitting beside the lake. Severus kept trying to talk to Harry, but every time he tired his throat would close up and b the time he got control of his emotions Harry was gone.
It seemed to Severus that Harry stopped eating. He never went to the Great Hall. Harry hardly slept. He didn't get back to his room until late and got up early the next morning. ________________________________________________________________________
It was two weeks until the start of term that Harry actually went down to the Great Hall to eat. Harry ate at the far end of the table, not talking to anyone. He was trying for a quick escape when Remus Lupin caught Harry in the hall. "Hello, Harry," Remus said, "And how was your summer?"
Harry put on his best fake smile and replied, "Oh, it was great, Professor Lupin. Dumbledore brought me here early for protection though."
"Oh really." He replied, but Harry was gone. ________________________________________________________________________
Just a week before start of term. Harry finally got his OWLs back. They were lying on top of his bed side table along with a pile of book. Excited, Harry opened his results. It read:
Dear Mr. Potter,
Enclosed are your OWL results.
Harry skimmed through the letter quickly. He ended up getting seven OWLS. Average. He did get an O in Potions, though. He had gotten good enough grades to continue in his goal of becoming an Auror.
Curious as to what the books were for, Harry sifted through the books and found a letter from Severus. It said that Severus had gotten all of his books for him and there was no need for him to go to Diagon Alley.
Letting his emotions take control, Harry searched out Severus. Severus was in his office hunched over what looked like lesson plans. Harry threw the piece of parchment in front of Severus, "What's up with this?" Harry asked.
"I do believe that is a letter." Severus replied.
"I know that. But, why can't I go to Diagon Alley? Its not like I have been bad have I?" Harry said the last part a bit sadly.
"What!?! No, I believed that you going down to Diagon Alley was a risk, so I chose to get your belongings." Severus said simply.
"But what about my friends? I have those things you know. People you talk to. You probably don't know what friends are anyway." Harry said the last part bitterly.
The fact that the last comment stung was the only excuse for what Severus said next. "Well, I could have taken you; you probably would have preformed some dramatic stunt or something. Voldemort would find you and you would have caused the death of many more people. Now, I just figured you were tired of causing people harm, guess I was wrong."
Harry stopped. He really does cause harm. He is a burden. He isn't worth anything. Harry turned around and walked silently out of the office.
________________________________________________________________________
Harry silently walked aimlessly until he ran straight into someone. "Sorry," he muttered not bothering to look to see who he actually ran into.
Remus Lupin was shocked, here Harry ran straight into him and didn't even look at him. "Harry," he called, "Harry, wait!"
Remus didn't catch Harry until Harry was sitting out by the lake. "Harry," Remus said, "I was calling you."
Harry looked at him with unseeing eyes and said nothing. "Harry," Remus repeated, "I called you." Remus grabbed Harry's shoulder and shook it.
Harry backed away and started muttering, "No please, no. Stop. No-no-no." He just kept repeating no over and over.
Remus was alarmed, what was wrong with Harry? "Harry," he said quietly.
Harry slowly became aware of his surroundings. He looked toward Remus quizzically, "Remus?" he asked.
Remus hugged him. "I was really worried for a minute there." Remus said. Harry visibly stiffened under the hug. Sensing Harry's distress, Remus let go, "Well," he said, "I'll see you around later." ________________________________________________________________________
The days rolled by quickly and before Harry knew it, it was the start of term feast. Harry was anxiously waiting outside of the building for the train to arrive. He remembered that morning.
Harry woke early that morning with a pain in the pit of his stomach. It was the first day of the school term. Everyone would be arriving tonight. Harry looked in the mirror. The changes were slight. His hair was longer and a lot less wild, it no longer stuck up in odd places. His face was a lot longer. His eyes looked sunken in as if he had experienced too many terrors in his life. He looked like a complete stranger.
Harry was pacing his room when he heard a quick knock on his door. "Yes?" he said.
"May I come in?" Severus asked rather calmly.
"Umm...OK." Harry replied, not used to people asking if they could enter the room.
"Albus said you would most likely like to cover up the changes in your face. So I get the privilege of casting a glamour charm on you. Don't worry this shouldn't hurt, too much." Severus just couldn't resist making at least a few snide comments.
Harry's eyes got wide at the pain part, but he went through with it anyway. "OK," Severus said, "I'll cast the charm it should last for twenty- four hours. Are you ready?" he asked with out bothering to look for an answer. "________"
Hurting a little was putting the spell lightly. It hurt, bad, every single change in Harry's body, felt like thousands of pins and needles were pulling the skin, reforming the entire body. Finally, the spell was over. Harry stood up, wavered slightly from the pain, and left the room without a second glance to Severus.
Harry spent much of the day finishing up the last bits of his homework in the library and hiding out from Lupin. Although Harry figured Lupin wasn't going to waste his time on him, Harry didn't want to see him.
So after a few hours in the library, Harry went to wait for his friends. They should be arriving anytime now. Only a few minutes later, Harry saw the thestrals putting the carriages up to the castle.
Draco Malfoy was the first person out of the first carriage; he was, surprisingly, alone. His goons were no where to be seen. And, another surprise, Draco walked past him without saying a word.
A few minutes later, Ron and Hermione pulled up. "Harry!" Hermione yelled as she ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Harry stiffened.
"Hi, Hermione." Harry said.
Ron was a little more subtle in his greeting. "Hey mate," he said, "I didn't hear from you all summer, we-err-I ... was worried." Ron said, desperately trying to hide the fact that he spent the summer with Hermione.
"Oh, well, I really didn't feel like writing," Harry lied quickly. "Come on, we should get inside, the Sorting is about to start."
They all quickly walked inside. When they reached the Great Hall, Harry gasped, there were so many people in there. He couldn't go inside. "Guys, I have to use the bathroom, I'll meet you in there," he said in hopes of throwing them off.
"Ok," Hermione replied, "We'll meet you in there. Won't we Ron?"
"Oh, yeah, sure." Rom replied not really wanting to leave Harry alone.
Harry quickly went towards the bathroom but then turned as soon as Ron and Hermione went into the Great Hall. He went towards the lake. He sat out by the lake holding what looked like a muggle pocket knife and looked at the tiny scars crisscrossing his arm. ________________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile... Sever us was starting to get worried. Harry still hadn't shown up at the feast. The Sorting was over and the feast had begun. He went to Albus.
"Albus," he said quietly, "Harry isn't here. I don't know where he is."
"So go and find him," Albus replied rather angrily, for he did not see how Severus could lose a child.
Severus left the Great Hall through a side door and headed out toward the lake for he knew that that was Harry's favorite hideout.
Harry heard Severus's approach and quickly hid the knife. "Harry," Severus said, "Why aren't you at the feast?"
"Why do you care?" Harry snapped. Then, sensing his attitude he quickly shied away from Severus and muttered a quiet. "Sorry, sir."
Severus let the attitude go, "You should go to the feast."
Harry didn't reply. Sensing defeat Severus left. Then, Harry quietly said, "I can't go in there, there are too many people."
Severus heard him but chose to remain silent. ________________________________________________________________________
Severus was not the only person to notice Harry's absence. Draco did as well. After the feast had concluded and Harry still did not return, Draco decided to go on a search. First he searched the main hallways and many of the nooks and hidden rooms. Still no Harry. He then went to go look around the grounds.
Draco found Harry sitting by the lake holding a miniature knife to his arm. "Are you planning on killing yourself?" Draco asked causing Harry to jump.
"Why do you care?" Harry asked; he then looked at his arm. "SHIT!" the cut was deep and it was bleeding freely.
"Looks like you're well on your way," Draco said noting the numerous other scars.
"Again. Why the hell do you care?"
"Maybe I want to kill you then. You'd take away all of my glory."
"FINE! GO AHEAD! ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LIST!" Harry yelled, "SEE IF I CARE!"
Draco backed slowly away from the fuming boy. This was going to be one odd year.
________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note: Super sorry it took so long to get out. I was having some problems writing this one. Hmm... I know Draco seems a little OOC. But he'll b different, (I hope). Ermm... note to Leggylover03- Sorry I didn't send this to you I'm super impatient. I'll send you the ENTIRE next chapter as soon as I finish it.