Disclaimer: All characters present in this work are the property of and are copyrighted by J.K. Rowling. The
undersigned are not receiving compensation for the production of the literature in question. Does that
sound legal enough?
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A/N: Yay, we got seventeen reviews! Squee!!! A million thanks to HiddenFlame42 (You're great!),
Pullmanlover (for being such a loyal reviewer!), Eva (you're very succinct!), FrighteninglyObssessed (glad
you agree!), Patti Weasley (thanks!), Charles Weatherby (wow, so many "!!"s), KitKat001 (we reviewed
yours), Miss Piratess (best review we've ever received!), Crystal (thank you for appreciating the poem),
Artemisgirl (glad you like!), Original Mercedes Benz, Prettiest in Pink (Thanks!), and Gabe (Love ya!!).
On a more specific note: In response to Original Mercedes Benz, we are happy to reassure you that this fic is
not being written by a weirdo who refers to herself as "we", it is being written by TWO weirdoes! Seriously
though: as we've stated before, this fic is a collaboration between Sarah and Sophia, two separate people.
Thanks for your review! Okay, we're done rambling. Enjoy, and review please!
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Journal of Ronald Bilius Weasley, Person with Embarrassing Middle Name
December 9th
Dear Diary...wait, make that Journal,
No, I must not call this record a diary! I am a manly man, godammit! Not some girl! Or mouse, for that
matter. Yes, I am not a mouse. Anymore, at least. Although I still keep twitching my nose involuntarily in a
really annoying manner. And I still have a hankering for cheese. And I do keep squeaking when I try to
speak. And I keep looking to see where my tail went...
I think I'm going mad. I am going to kill Hermione. She's the one responsible for all this! All right, so I
was the one who put the wrong ingredient in, when she had specifically told me what to add. But she could
have flung herself in front of the cauldron and prevented me from adding the mice! Yes, she could have!
And that idiotic piece of parchment was smudged! How was I supposed to know that I was supposed to add
lice? Why would anyone want to add lice to a potion anyway? How does Snape collect the lice anyway?
Does he pick them out of his head, or maybe out of the heads of various Slytherins? Ugh, I will not continue
this line of thought.
All right, so maybe it was completely my own fault. But why did I have to become a mouse? Why
couldn't I have changed into something more masculine, like...a griffin or a tiger? Why a stupid, tiny, cute,
mouse? Why?
Well, I'll admit that there was one advantage to becoming a tiny animal that could go anywhere: I could
enter the girls' dorm. Yes!!! The Ron-man got an eyeful!!
How, you ask? Well, let me tell you the story of my epic adventure. Might as well make it in proper
story format while I'm at it. -Ahem-, here goes:
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The Most Marvellous Adventure of Ron the Amazing Mouse, Who Was Really
Quite Handsome and Dashing for a Rodent (How's that for a title, eh?)
All right, where to begin? I suppose that I should start with the part when I had just drunk the potion.
That sounds about right.
When I added the final ingredient, which I thought was powdered mice ears, the potion turned the exact
same hue as the guts of an insect that has been squished and left out in the sun for some time. That should
have alerted me from the beginning, I suppose, but Dad's "Cornish Gravy" is exactly the same colour, and I
have to eat that almost every week! So, I simply poured the potion into a flask and gulped the whole
contents. Unlike Dad's cooking, it did not taste as bad as it looked. It tasted even worse.
So, I was waiting to get rippling muscles and amazing athletic powers (Eat your heart out, Harry!),
when I suddenly felt this strange tingling in the tips of my toes. I dismissed this as being the product of
standing still for too long, and closed my eyes in anticipation of becoming the most muscular bloke in school
(yes!).
When I opened my eyes, everything looked...larger. I seemed to be standing in some sort of forest made
of the legs of gigantic desks. All right, so I did not realize that I was a mouse quite yet. Hey, I was still dizzy
from the transformation, and it's hard to notice that you've suddenly become small, furry, four-legged, and
whiskered, right? Right? Well anyway, the most delicious scent I had ever smelled came wafting through the
enormous door. Ah, I still get chills down my spine every time I think about it. So I naturally took off after
the smell. Also, there seemed to be someone shrieking in the classroom I'd just left...it was probably just the
wind.
I raced off after the glorious scent, marvelling at my speed. I had probably made the potion extra well!
Anyway, the scent seemed to lead, thankfully, into Gryffindor Tower. I yelled at the strangely enormous
(well, more than usual) Fat Lady to let me in, but she didn't seem to hear me. For some reason, my voice also
sounded like a squeak. I must have been finally reaching puberty! So, I jumped in while Neville was
struggling through the portrait hole, coming ever closer to the source of my desire. Hey, that sounded like a
sentence from one of those romance novels that Hermione pretends to not like! I am a manly, swoon-
inducing, stud! Right, um, back to the story.
Anyways, I followed the scent up to the girls' dorm. Now that I think about it, why didn't the staircase
turn into a slide? Maybe male mice don't count as being boys... I ran through the open door, and what I saw
is probably a red-blooded male's wildest fantasy. Go me!!
Parvati, Lavender, and some of the other girls were having one of those "sleepover" parties, in which
they squeal and giggle enough to keep us boys awake all night. I hated those parties. However, I found out
Gryffindor girls also like to try on each other's dresses at "sleepovers", meaning that they were naked! Oh,
yessss!!! Well, semi-naked actually, but hey, I wasn't compaining! God, Parvati and Lavender have great
breasts! (The authors would like to say here that they will not go into more detail about this encounter,
because they are getting nauseous)
It was only then that I noticed the source of the scent: apparently the girls had ordered party hors
d'oeuvres from Madame Leona's House of Cheese. Heaven! I would have had a go at the food right then and
there, but I unfortunately realized two things: 1) The girls were looking awfully tall, and 2) They had just
noticed me. There is only one sound in this world that is more piercing than a girl's scream: the sound of
twenty girls screaming all at once.
My ears, my poor ears! I darted down the stairs, only to realize that I wasn't a very coordinated mouse.
I ended up tumbling head-over- heels down into the common room, and landing at the foot of a large, ornate
mirror.
When the room stopped spinning, I glanced into the mirror, only to see a gigantic red mouse! I
screamed (in a manly way, of course), because I happen to greatly dislike mice. No, I am not afraid of them.
Really, I'm not. Stop looking at me like that! Then, I finally noticed that the mouse seemed to be exactly the
same size as me, and mimicked my movements. I am proud to say that I finally understood that I was a furry
rodent at the time. See, I really am observant! Once I got over my shock, I realized that hey! This could be a
great prank opportunity...
I snuck into the Slytherin common room, using my most excellent. I only knocked over two vases,
three statues of scary-looking Slytherins, and a pot containing some kind of flesh-eating plant! At least,
that's what it seemed like. It started crawly all over various people and leaving suspicious red marks on their
necks. Or perhaps those were hickeys. Ugh. Anyway, I lurked in the shadows, looking for an opportunity to
strike my deadly blows. I make a very good James Bond, you know. Once, I believe I felt a breeze rush by me,
as though Harry was using his Invisibility Cloak...no, it couldn't have been anyone. By using my ultra-super
spy skills, I managed to listen to the following conversation between Pansy and Blaise:
"Hey look! Malfoy's got a girl! And he's taking her up to his (giggle) room!"
"Lucky bastard. That's the third girl this week! And it's Mellissandra Regina Anorexia too! I've been
trying to get her for months!"
"Hey!"
"Heh heh, just kidding Pansy!"
"All right, let's continue snogging then!"
By that point, I felt that I had better stop listening before I vomited all over the green-and-silver carpet.
However, Malfoy was on the staircase, talking to an extremely pretty girl with silky raven-black hair. Why
does he always get the pretty girls? Grrr. Then, I had, in my humble opinion, one of the best ideas I had ever
had in my life...
As Malfoy flirted with Melissa What's-her-name, I hid under Malfoy's enormous bed. Soon, the "happy
couple" walked into the room. And then, Malfoy just...started removing his clothing! I will be traumatized for
life! I felt that action needed to be taken soon. As the ferret began removing his shirt in a "sexy" (eugh!)
manner, I crawled onto his leg.
Ah, his reaction will be treasured in my memory for years to come... Malfoy actually started screaming,
in this really high girly voice too! He then tried to jump onto the bed. Unfortunately, he got tangled up in his
stupid silk shirt, tripped, and knocked himself out on the bedpost. Priceless, just priceless! What's really
strange is that his date didn't even blink. She just stole all of his "Orlando Blossom" posters, made a sound
like, "squeee!" and left. She's rather strange, really.
I was feeling very pleased with myself as I left the Slytherins. Unfortunately, as I was leaving, a few of
those disgusting Slytherin first- years noticed me and started chasing me around and trying to step on me.
Not pleasant, to say the least. I promise myself, from this point onwards, that I will never harass small
animals again, and will put all my energy into harassing Slytherins. Amen. Anyways, started running as fast
as I possible could, and ducked into the first room I could find. Which turned out to be Snape's dungeon.
Great. Just great.
At that point, my mouse-y instincts kicked in, and the only thing I could think of doing was to hide
under Snape's desk. Yes, pathetic, I know. But hey, I'm sure that I would have figured out some brilliant
plan to turn me back into a human, right? Well, I then saw a pair of feet coming towards my hiding spot. I am
pleased to say that I used my lightning-mouse reflexes to prevent the owner of the feet from catching me.
Then, of course, he got me with a spell. Dammit. Then, I looked up, and saw that the feet belonged to my
dear, sweet, darling Hermione, whom I love...wait, as a friend of course! Heh.
Right. Hermione then drenched me in this perfectly awful-smelling stuff, which she now tells me is
actually quite expensive. I will never understand girls. And then...she kissed me. Hermione. Granger. Kissed.
Me. I still don't know how to react to that. She told me that it was part of the cure, but I still feel all tingly
about it for some reason. I must be coming down with something. Yes, that must be it.
At that point, I got my own body back! I was ecstatic, until I realized that I wasn't wearing
anything...not even my favourite Quidditch boxers. And I was in front of Hermione, too! I could just tell that
she was laughing at me! Or she was horrified. No, she wouldn't react that way. Would she? I hope she didn't
see anything...
Of course, Snape chose that exact moment to walk into the dungeon. Stupid Snape.
Well, at least I'm back to my old self once again. Although I keep twitching uncontrollably every time I
smell that Channel stuff. Gah. And, Hermione kissed me! Not that it, um, matters, of course. Yeah, should
stop right now.
Signed,
Ron
PS: But she kissed me! No! Must...stop...thinking...about...that...!
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A/N: This fic is now officially dedicated to our dear, sweet, darling Gabe, who is leaving us to go to some
god-awful private school. He shall be greatly missed by us and the female population of our high school.
However, the guys will probably be happy to get some attention from the girls at last! Gabe, we love you.
-Sarah and Sophia