Disclaimer: All characters are solely the property of JK Rowling. The authors of this story are not receiving
any compensation for their work.
-
A/N: Wow. 20 reviews? That's crazy! Why are people bothering to review this? Well, we feel special,
anyways. Our sincerest thanks to Pullmanlover (you are so great!), PopcornLeader ("to bits?" Wow!),
KitKat001 (Thanks!), SiriusLivesOn (Brilliant? That's so nice!), Crystal (yeah, Ron will probably stay in
denial for a while), Sra-Grint (Brazil? Cool!!), Sailor-Helios (We're flattered!), Squidward (Your story is so
great!), Akasha Weasley (Gee...we're that good?), NC Psychick (your review made us smile), "A
Reader" (You recognized that we're girls! Thanks!), Miss Piratess (As ever, we're indebted to you), Charles
Weatherby (We love him too), Mimi, HiddenFlame42 (You died laughing? We're sorry!), HarryPotter2202
(Thanks!), Prettiest in Pink (Hope you like!), and to Original Mercedes Benz (Glad we could keep you
amused!). You guys rock! Or you girls, really. We frankly doubt that any guys are reading this. On a more
specific note: In response to a review by "MIMI", we wish to tell you that we are considering your idea, and
we're trying to see if we can work it into the story a little. Thanks! All right, here's the fic! Enjoy!
-
Diary of Hermione Granger, Resident "Miss Match" of Hogwarts
December 9th, Morning.
Dear Diary,
It's me again, Hermione. Yesterday has been utter hell. Ron was convinced for the longest time that
I was completely at fault for his transformation into a mouse. Ron simply made the potion, added the wrong
ingredient, and drank it anyways, that's all. Honestly. I really don't know why I put up with him sometimes.
Oh, that's right Hermione, you "find him attractive and loveable, but in an entirely platonic way...of course!"
I'm pathetic.
Well, he's finally "forgiven" me, at least. Although, he keeps blushing every time I come near him. I can't
think why. Is it because I kissed him while he was a mouse? No, that couldn't have affected him that
strongly...could it?
Sigh. It couldn't have, he thinks of me only as a sister. He spent all of last night telling me about his
little escapade in the girls' dormitory. I now know more about Lavender and Parvati's lingerie than I know
about my own! He kept drooling too, the perverted little voyeur. He has no right to look at other women!
None at all! Well...he doesn't, so there!
Right, that's enough about Ron now, Hermione! Let's see here...ah, Harry! I don't think that he's feeling
very well, poor dear. He's been distracted for weeks, gazing off into space for hours at a time, and getting
really snappish if anyone interrupts him from his stupor. If I didn't know him better, I'd say that he was in
love! No, Harry can't be in love, that's silly. He must be thinking about You Know Wh- wait, Voldemort
again. Oh, poor Harry, I must really think of a way to cheer him up. He seems very nervous around Ron, too.
I wonder why? The only reason I can think of is if he's dating Ginny...no, he wouldn't do that without Ron's
permission, Ron would kill him! Come to think of it, Ron would kill him if he does ask for permission, too.
He's really getting too protective of that girl. Hmm. You know, I think it would be good for Harry if he had a
girlfriend...wait, that's it! I'll write more later, I need to talk to Ron now!
-
Later
Well, everything's set. Operation Cupid, or as Ron likes to call it, Operation Get Harry a Girl Because
the Poor Sod Needs Someone Pretty Who Will Adore Him and Depend on Him for Everything and Enhance
His Masculinity, is underway. Needless to say, Ron got a slap for his operation title. He will walk around
with a mark on his cheek for a fortnight. Ha!
Right, back to the plan. It is now our most noble mission to get Harry...a girlfriend. Of course, Ron
protested. "But Hermione," he said, "what if Harry doesn't want a girl? And can't he find one on his own, if
he wants one? Besides, I am not risking my manly image to run around playing matchmaker!" Ha! That's
ridiculous! Of course Harry wants a girlfriend! And believe me, if necessary, I will make Ron sing love songs
while twanging a harp! And in front of the whole school, too! And Harry will be happy, because I will make
him so! So there!!!
Whoops, got carried away a bit. But now, to the first order of business: who shall court Harry's
affections? Lavender? No, too bubble-brained. Parvati? No, he didn't like her when they went to the Yule Ball
together. Ginny...wait, Ron would never agree of course. Hmm, this requires serious thought. Let's see, we
need someone whom Harry likes, is most definitely available, and isn't older than him (don't want to repeat
that incident with Cho)...Luna! Of course! She definitely seemed to have a rapport with Harry last year. But
how to bring them together? Must consult Ron for ideas!
-
Very Late At Night
Well, we spent all day trying to make Harry and Luna realize the mutual attraction that I'm sure they
feel for each other. I don't think that the results were all that promising, frankly. However, I'm sure that the
Gryffindors will remember today's events for quite some time...
Stage One of Operation Cupid was quite simple, really. I found Luna in the halls, staring dreamily at
the air. I knew that I had to converse with her, and subtly bring the conversation around to Luna's love life
without arousing her suspicion:
"So Luna, are you seeing someone?"
All right, so I wasn't that subtle. Hey, I was nervous! Anyway, I don't think Luna quite understood
what I meant. She just looked at me blankly with those enormous grey eyes of hers and replied, "Yes, I see
an Invisible Spinning White-tailed Grizblat right above your head. Let me catch it!" I then spent the next five
minutes watching her while she ran around snatching at air. Honestly. I finally managed to stop her, only to
have her inform me that she had just broken up with Michael Corner, of all people. That boy is all over the
place! Encouraged by this, I ordered, I mean, requested her to come to the Gryffindor Common Room that
evening so that I could enact (drumroll, please) Stage Two.
After my successful data-gathering mission, I forced Ron to question Harry, despite his strong
protests ("But that will make me look like a girl, Hermione!"). I hid behind a pillar while they talked, and this
is their god-forsaken conversation in its entirety:
"So, er, Harry (cough)."
"Yes, Ron?"
"Are you, er, with anyone?"
"What?"
"You know, with anyone?"
"What do you mean Ron? And why are you waggling your eyebrows like that?"
"Never mind."
God. Boys are such idiots! Well, at least it seemed that Harry was manoeuvrable as well. The plan
seemed to be progressing fairly smoothly...at the time.
Well, I found Luna outside the portrait-hole that evening, looking lost, and brought her up to the girl's
dorm. Waiting there were Lavender and Parvati, with what looked like the entire make-up department of
Harrods's. Only, I don't think that the lipstick and eye shadow over there dance around on the tables and in
the air, and then try to attack you. I got quite covered with sparkly powder and gloss. Ugh. And the little
bints enjoyed seeing me upset! "Remember, Hermione," they said in these sickeningly saccharine voices,
"In return for giving Luna a makeover, you have to do our homework for a week, and let us give you a
makeover too!" Those girls drove a hard bargain. And why did they want to cover me with the stuff, too? I
am perfectly happy with my appearance, thank you very much.
Anyways, Parvati immediately began covering Luna's face with some sort of magical powder, while
Lavender began applying some hideous mauve- coloured cream on my face. After what seemed like hours
and hours, they stopped "making us pretty", and forced us to wear some of their god-awful skimpy clothing.
I remember that Luna wore a rose-colored skirt and blouse set, which actually looked rather pretty on her.
However, the little sadists made me wear an extremely low cut blouse, and a leather miniskirt. That's right!
Leather! It was horribly confining, too. No matter how much I argued and begged and pleaded with them to
leave me alone, they kept squealing, "but you'll look so pretty!!!!" and refused. When they were finally
finished, Luna looked lovely. Her hair was much less straggly, and the make-up enhanced her grey eyes
quite nicely. The out-of-it look on her face kind of ruined the effect, though. Still, her transformation was
nothing compared to mine. They had streaked my hair with blonde, and it tumbled in smooth waves over my
shoulders. My features seemed flawless, and the clothes fitted to my form exactly and showed off my
curves. I looked like a complete slut.
Unfortunately, Parvati and Lavender seemed to think otherwise, judging by the way they kept
cooing over me. They refused to let me change, and I had to enter the common along with Luna, looking as
though I had just escaped from The Eager Kneazle in Hogsmeade. As we walked down the stairs, all
conversation in the room stopped. Soon, agitating whispering, punctuated with wolf-whistles, filled the
room. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Gathering up what was left of my dignity, I stalked to
an armchair, and hid myself behind the largest book I could find. Mark my words; I am going to kill Lavender
and Parvati. Kill them!
Finally, I came out of my shell enough to see if Harry had noticed Luna. Unfortunately, his eyes,
along with the eyes of almost every male in the common room, were fixated on me. Ugh, I still shudder to
think of it. Luna was happily and obliviously chatting with Neville a few feet away from him. In a desperate
ploy to get the two together, I got up casually walked towards Luna, and in an extremely discreet manner,
shoved her into Harry. Hey, I was desperate! Did the ploy work? Nope. Harry and Luna just exchanged
confused glances, glared at me, and went their separate ways. Why are all my friends so oblivious? Finally, I
gave up and sprinted up the stairs to hide myself in the dorms, followed by the sounds of cheering and yells
of, "Nice arse!" I managed to sneak a glance at Ron before I left; he was staring goggle-eyed at me, but
reddened and quickly turned away when I met his glance. Hey, does that mean that he likes me? Wait...no,
he can't, he's blinded by every piece of arse that comes his way. Gah.
Well, it took me quite a few hours, but I managed to scrape all the war paint and dye off my hair
and face. Perhaps my regular attire isn't nearly as appealing as the slut ensemble, but it matches who I am.
Besides, anyone who cares about looks over personality will not be a friend of mine.
After doing so, I decided to put Plan B into effect. When Harry sat down to eat at the Great Hall,
Icast a nifty little spell I knew, which was supposed to make Harry get up in the middle of the Hall, loudly
declare his love for Luna, and start singing "Fly Me to the Moon"? Sigh. Isn't the very idea romantic? What
was that spell called again? Musicalis Sinatra Lieces? Wait, no, that's for "The Lady is a Tramp". Ah, yes,
Musicalis Sinatra Lunares, the spell of love. Sure, it would have been hideously embarrassing for Harry, but
I'm sure Luna would have loved it...if it had worked.
Anyways, while Harry was obliviously eating his steak, I began performing the intricate wand
work required for the spell. Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Trust Seamus and Dean to then get
into a food fight, splattering dinner all over the place. Damn you, Murphy's Law! I got hit in the face with
peas, so my final incantation sounded something like "Musicalis Sinatra Lunareeeee!" To my surprise,
Harry stopped dead while cramming potatoes into his mouth and mechanically stood up. He then began
walking across the Hall, and stopped in front of...Ginny. Whoops. I must have aimed the spell wrong while
scraping smashed peas off my nose. Ignoring the sudden silence, Harry cleared his throat and opened his
mouth to sing. I closed my eyes, preparing for a swoon-inducing (squee!) rendition of Sinatra. Instead, Harry
began singing, "I feel pretty! I feel witty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!" in a very high falsetto. To make
things worse, he seemed to have made up a little dance to go with the song, consisting mainly of twirling
and batting his eyelashes. Ron looked like he was about to have a fit of apoplexy. Everyone else seemed to
be enjoying the show though, especially the Slytherins, judging by their snickering. Harry is awfully good at
turning pirouettes.
After a few minutes, I finally remembered the counter-spell. If I weren't so horrified at the
time, I would have found the expression on Harry's face quite funny. I believe he is going to be blackmailed
about this for the rest of his life. Well, I am doing this for his own good, so I have the right to embarrass him.
Right? Don't answer that. Needless to say, he is not very happy with me at the moment. Which is probably
why I'm hiding in a broom-closet while writing this. Wait, I can hear footsteps coming towards the closet...is
that Harry's voice I hear? Shit! Must escape!
-
-"Harry! How are you? Heh, heh. Now Harry, don't get upset, I have a reasonable explanation for all of this...Harry James Potter put that down right now! Yes, you're right this would be a good time to ruuuun...!"-
-
Later
Am now cowering in the common room beneath Harry's invisibility cloak, which I "borrowed". I am
cramped, tired, and scared. Lovely. Wait, Harry's just come in, do I have to run again? And Ginny's with him,
what's Ginny doing in the common room at this hour? Oh, God. They're kissing! They're KISSING! This is so
embarrassing! He's been dating someone all along? And Ginny, at that? I am going to kill Ginny! No, I am
going to kill Harry! Wait, Ron is going to kill Harry! No, wait; Harry is going to kill us for trying to set him up
and....am getting a little confused. God, how am I supposed to keep Ron from killing Harry??? Need do
some serious thinking here. Will write more later.
Love,
Hermione
-
A/N: Sigh. Yeah, we know. We told you that there probably wouldn't be any pairings other than
Ron/Hermione. We just couldn't resist, sorry. We thought that we'd work in a pairing that we actually liked,
before we snapped and did something really squicky, like make Harry pair up with Hagrid. Ugh, we are now
disgusted for thinking of that. We'd like to also mention that the "Eager Kneazle" was our silly little reference
to "Striptease", which we, um, haven't seen at all! Yeah! That's all for now. Review please!
With love,
Sarah and Sophia