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Ev'rything belongs to Rowling,
Every last little bit.
Which is prob'ly why she is worth millions,
And we, frankly, do not own sh-t.
A/N: We are extremely proud of ourselves for getting this chapter up on time, because Sarah had to go to mechanic camp all week. Yes, mechanic camp. She won't say anymore, except that she has blisters and bruises in some extremely strange places. Okay now, our heartfelt thanks to KitKat001 (ooh, we hope you didn't get in trouble), Charles Weatherby (could you get back to us on our beta offer?), Poppincorn (Oh, believe, we'll write plenty), Pullmanlover (well, we do like H/L pairings, but we like H/G better), Krissi (we're flattered), Artemisgirl (glad you like), Sailor- Helios (We love those little faces! And don't worry, Harry will survive, with luck), Squidward (thanks!), NC Psychick (Shanktastic? Cool word!), Prettiest in Pink (you're welcome!), PopcornLeader (Um, we're guessing you were amused? Lol), RH4ever (thanks!), Miss Piratess (we completely agree), SiriuslyDelirious (hope your knee feels better), PepperStepper16 (welcome aboard!), Luthien Anwaman (Glad you're back!), HiddenFlame42 (Wow...we're honoured!), and to Akasha Weasley (Glad you think so). We love you guys! Okay, on to the story. Enjoy!
Diary of Ronald Weasley: "Private Eye" Extraordinaire
December 15
Dear Journal,
Something strange is happening here, I know it. I have always prided myself on being an
extremely conscious and observant person. Impressive sentence, no? Hermione uses these
words all the time to describe me! Only, she seems to include the word "not" before the words,
for some reason. Why?
Anyways, Hermione and Harry certainly have been acting odd lately. I asked Hermione
about "Operation Cupid" yesterday, and instead of launching into a tirade, she just said, "Er,
Ron, why don't we let Harry choose whom he wants to date?" and hid herself behind one of her
books. Only Hermione would use "whom" in her "everyday language". That's why I lo...like
her! That's what I meant to say! Wait, where was I?
Right...she simply gave up on the operation! The day that Hermione gives up on
something is the day that Ginny dates Harry! Which is never, in case you're wondering, as long
as I have a say in the matter, and I'm Ginny's brother! And now all of a sudden Hermione is
willing to Harry make his own decisions...something is definitely wrong here. It's a pity; really,
I had spent all of last Wednesday practicing my "I am very interested in what you are saying.
Really!" look in preparation for her latest lecture on how to screw with Harry's life.
And then, I noticed that Harry hasn't been using his bed for the past few weeks! Ah,
he's obviously getting laid, the lucky bastard! I wonder who the lucky girl is...probably some
bint that's attached herself to him because of his fame. She's probably a real whore, too, to sleep
with him like that. Good thing that no one in the Weasley family is like that!
Although, I still don't get why that would have had such a big effect on Harry's
behaviour. Every time I come near him now, he gets this "I'm so terrified that I will wet myself"
look on his face. Is You-Know-Who constantly behind me or something? And why does he
keep muttering, "Don't hurt me, don't hurt me"? Why would I hurt Harry? He's my best friend!
Unless of course, he was doing something with Ginny or Hermione, then I would kill him! I
know that he can't be interested in Ginny, because he hasn't asked me for permission to date
her, but Hermione...oh no, oh no...
Shit! Harry's dating Hermione! NOOO! I will kill Harry! I will murder him in cold
blood! I will do unspeakable things to him! I must cause him pain! How dare he even come
near Hermione! He does not have a right to date her! She's mine!!!!!
Wait...she's not mine. Hell, she never was. I never got the chance to tell her that I
lo...liked her. Ron, you are such an idiot!
Well, now Harry's got her. Damn Harry. And they were dating all this time, behind my
back! "Operation Cupid" must have been a cover-up for their...activities! What should I do
now???
Wait, Ron, calm down, take deep breaths... Hermione said to not jump to conclusions, so
must, er, analyse the situation. Maybe they're not dating...no, they have to be! I practically have
proof...that's it! I need solid proof to show that my best friends have been dating without telling
me. I need to...catch them in the act! Well, maybe not that act, I don't wish to be traumatized
forever, thank you. Maybe I'll discover them when they're kissing (ugh, bad image!), instead.
Yes, I shall become...Inspector Ron, and Harry shall be sorry!! Ha!! And Hermione shall be
sorry, because she should have dated m- someone better!
Right, down to business.
-
Midday
My stomach hurts. I have discovered more snogging couples than I care to think about.
Who knew that the people in Hogwarts were so...horny? I have worked exh-exhau- wait, I
know the word- exhaustively (ha!) all morning.
Let's see, what are the results of my search? Right, I found Parvati with Seamus in a
corner of the Great Hall, Padma Patil with Dean under a table, Lavender with Neville behind the
greenhouses (what, even Neville gets more action than me?), Lavender with Seamus in the
Quidditch Pitch (do Lavender and Parvati trade snog partners?), Pansy Parkinson and Blaise
Zabini in the dungeons (on Snape's desk, no less), and...and...damn, must work up the courage
to write this...Crabbe and Goyle, right after lunch! Good thing that there was a convenient
bathroom nearby, in which I could vomit my brains out. That wasn't even the most traumatizing
thing that I saw! I was on my way to the Infirmary to get myself Memory Charmed after...the
incident, and then I heard sounds coming from the prefect's bathroom. Naturally, I went inside
the bathroom to see if Harry and Hermione were in there. It's good to be a prefect! Instead, I
saw Malfoy with Terry Boot and Cho Chang and that Mary-Sue girl and they were all in the
pool and...don't want to think about it any more, don't want to think about it any more!
So, I am sitting in the Common Room, trying to foist my trauma onto my diary, no,
journal. You know, maybe I should just give up the search. I certainly don't seem to be having
any luck...wait. What's that sound? It seems to be coming from behind one of the curtains...is Sir
Nicholas fixing his cuff again? Wait, I definitely hear Harry's voice, he must be with someone!
Yes, I can see the outline of two people there. Harry is going down...
-
Very Late At Night
I am in shock. I am still in shock. I have been in shock for the last eight hours. In order to
get out of shock, I have decided to tell my journal the reason why I am in shock, and perhaps
then...it can be in shock, too!
Yes, that is a very good idea. All right, so I used my ultra-super stealth skills to sneak up
next to the happy couple, and then I yanked off the curtain with a big flourish...and got myself
tangled in it. When I managed to get out, I shouted, "A-HA!" in what I felt was an extremely
suave manner. Yes, I am truly gifted.
Then, I sort of lost my temper. Well, anyone would! I then began shouting, "Harry! How
dare you ruin Hermione's virtue! How dare you sneak around with her! And Hermione! How
could you do this to me!!!! How could you sleep with him!! How could you..."
At this point, I actually looked at the people I was shouting at, and...it wasn't Harry and
Hermione. Instead, I saw a petrified looking Harry, with his arms around...my sister. And I was
happy that it was my sister! I must truly be going insane. In fact, I did go insane.
I seriously screamed, no, yelled in happiness, and hugged them both, all while shouting,
"Thank God, Harry! You're dating Ginny! I am going to kill you once this sinks in, but you're
not dating Hermione!" I think that Harry fainted at that point.
Then, Hermione came rushing in, along with what looked like all of Gryffindor House. She
had probably heard the earlier conversation. I think everyone within 50 miles of us heard too.
I was never so happy to see someone in my life. Unfortunately, she didn't look very happy
to see me. This was confirmed when she started yelling, "RON WEASLEY!! How dare you
think that you could regulate my dates! I can date anyone I damn want to! No one tells me
what to do! NO ONE! What makes you think that you can??"
Yep, she was kind of mad. Then, I think my brain shut down, since I shouted back,
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!!!!", to the astonishment of everyone, myself included. Like I said
before, I had gone into shock, so I did the only thing I could think of doing. I kissed her.
Looking back, I think that everyone started yelling encouragement to me, and the resident
gossips of Gryffindor were having a field day. I wasn't paying attention of course, because I was
kissing Hermione!!! I pulled back from the kiss, only to see the shocked and petrified look on
Hermione's face. That did not bode well for me.
-
TBC
-
A/N: Hmm, we think that we'll just stop here for now. Muahaha! Don't worry you all; we'll have the final (yes, final) chapter up next week. Shameless plug: if you sort of like our style of writing, look out for our next project, entitled "It's True Love, Right?" Can you see a pattern in our naming of stories? Don't worry, R/Hr shippers, although the story may seem like it's D/Hr at first, it is definitely R/Hr. Okay, now review please, feedback is greatly appreciated.
Love,
Sarah and Sophia