Author's Note: i think i'm the saddest one about this ending. i quite
literally want to cry. but alas, the character's have to do what they have
to do. tears. many thanks to everyone who reviewed. btw, check chapter
three for first mention of the pendant & its significance. also, i finally
incorporated the title into the story. hope this ending is good enough for
all of you!
I still don't own the O.C. but really, if you want my storyline for the show, you have to call me first. Or at least leave a number where I can reach you. ;o)
XXX
"Can we talk?" Ryan asks expectantly. Theresa holds back the urge to laugh. From the time they could barely speak in complete sentences due to their age, to the times when they couldn't form complete sentences due to their ongoing sexual activity, Ryan was never much for talk. It was perfect for her and her unique love of silence. It was probably the fact that in her own home, her ears were constantly being attack. Her mom's cooking was loud, her brother was loud, the people on the street, basically everyone except the boy next door.
"Yes, Ryan. We can talk," Theresa agrees with a hint of annoyance. "While you walk me to your gate." She raises an eyebrow, this was some kind of dare. She feels his presence, so near to her, on every inch of her skin. What she wants, the first primal desire in her mind, away from all the Ryan imbedded wants and needs, is to run. But she can't do that. Not now and definitely not to Ryan. So, she starts walking anyway.
Following closely behind her, Ryan's eyes fixate on her backpack, the worn purple Jansport she has used since high school started. He can't help himself, more and more memories of him with Theresa flood his brain. Stop it, Atwood, he scolds himself silently while shutting his eyes tightly. When he reveals his pupils again, they are directed in front of him. But Theresa and the purple backpack are gone.
Panic seeps into him. He can't have possibly lost her again. His breath begins to quicken, his eyes scan the room, every woman, every dark haired person, every one with a-
"Chill, Ryan. I'm here." Theresa's voice comes from beneath him. She's seated on a small table fiddling with the backpack that sat on her lap. Finally, she snaked her fingers into a small pocket and pulled out the lily pendant. With the glistening silver piece in her palm, she pressed her hand into Ryan's, returning the pendant.
XXX
Back in Chino, when Ryan knew nothing of Chrismukkah, the Atwoods never had a Christmas tree. Ryan's mom was always either completely wasted or passed out on the days surrounding December 25th so he had learned to stay away. And Trey? He was a good enough brother to find a decent present for Ryan, but the two were never connected enough- despite blood- to force them into spending such an important holiday as a family.
So, when school paused its dismal activity for the holidays that year that Ryan first realized he could possibly love Theresa, he decided to spend Christmas with her.
Theresa's mother always seemed to know that Theresa would fall for the boy next door, the way they played and later on, just hung out so much, it would have been impossible to ignore the smile with which Theresa watched Ryan. Theresa loved her mom and Ryan shared her- she might as well have been his mother as well. It was she who made Ryan birthday cakes after all. And she was actually quite relieved to find that Theresa would be bringing Ryan home for Christmas that year.
When all Theresa's relatives left the home, it was merely Theresa, Arturo, their mom, Ryan and Trey, who had surprisingly shown up to hang out with Arturo. The older boys were in the garage, fixing the car that Arturo had given his mother for Christmas. The Lord only knew where he got it, but it was much appreciated nonetheless. The matriarch of the house had fallen asleep in her bedroom not long after her many relatives and acquaintances had left the living room. The only ones left on the first floor of the house were Theresa and Ryan.
Though there was more than enough space for the two of them at the kitchen table, Theresa had found a comfortable position sitting on Ryan's lap. They were just sitting for a while. It wasn't that they were scared that Arturo would make Ryan bleed if he saw them kissing, or that Ryan would die of shame if her mother walked in on them being intimate, they were just comfortable like that. Two people, together, practically one.
"Ryan," she had murmured with her face nuzzled to his neck. "Merry Christmas."
He ran a gentle hand down her spine. His touch on her would last forever. They had had sex. They did it in hushed voices on the floor of her bedroom right above them. But that touch, it wasn't about sex, or passion, or desire. It was caring. It was Ryan. Ryan on Theresa.
"I, uh, got you this." He said awkwardly pressing a small box into her hands. She opened it and her face broke into pure joy. "It's, uh, for the chai-"He couldn't finish, she just placed her lips delicately on his. It was the sweetest kiss, one that Ryan would never forget, even after dozens of other women. Because like his touch, it wasn't about desire, it was caring. It was Theresa on Ryan.
"You know, this wasn't what I expected" she whispered, the silver lily pendant in her hand. His face began to fall. "It's better."
XXX
Ryan didn't know what to do anymore. In the past four had found her in Newport, they slept together in her little motel room, he had fought Eddie, he let her sleep in the pool house, he took responsibility when he found out she was keeping the baby, he moved back to Chino, he slaved at his job to pay the pre-natal care bills, he held her hand and cried with her when the baby was lost. Now, after all that and their friendship and their countless trysts, she was going to go live a life completely without him.
"You can't-"he began. But words failed him. He had been quiet for so long and he had let all the many words he wanted to say fade away into a dark abyss of nothingness, but now when he most needed to speak and let the river of words flow through his throat, he couldn't. Not at all. Her eyes told him all the answers. They all seemed to be the same. No.
"I can't go anywhere, Atlanta, Africa, Austria, to get away from you." her voice was soft and sincere. "You're a part of me, Ryan. And that's just how- who I am now. You've got to keep this. I don't need you on a necklace. You're here." Heavily, she lifted her other hand the one that wasn't clutching the pendant and his hand, and tapped her chest.
"Ther-"
"I'm going now. You know," her eyes began to glisten with tears. "I know that I'm always going to- we're always going to love eachother. But now, there's no Prince Charming move you can pull. Because I still need my time with the dwarves. Okay?" She rose to her feet, one hand still on Ryan's, the other on her heart. It was as though some beam of light from heaven had fallen upon her. After all the mumbling and crying and yelling and fighting, the right words- the right way to explain why she was leaving had just come out of her mouth. And in all irony, it was Snow White, the only Disney movie that they decidedly both detested.
"But I love you." he regretted the words the moment they left his lips. It would look like some last resort to make her stay, but it clearly wasn't. He loved her. He loved her. He loved her.
"I know," she said, leaning closer to him. "but this, now. We can't."
"I hear you. I do, but I don't..."
"Get it?" she supplied. Her arms were wrapping themselves around his body, and he reciprocated without thinking. The hug was awkward though, it wasn't like before. "It's just like this Ryan. We'll make it work someday." Grasping her in his arms, he held tighter and tighter, as if this would be their last hug ever. He pressed all of himself into that hug- love, anger, confusion, grief. Everything felt he passed to her.
Eyes dry, lips shut tight, Theresa untangled herself from the hug. Looking Ryan in the eye, she gave a half-smile, the very facial expression she dubbed "the Ryan". And without a sound, she turned and walked away. Step after step, Ryan waited for her to stop and come rushing back into his arms, but she didn't. He fingered the engravings on the pendant in his hand "TR". It wasn't quite what he had expected from her.
"So what happens?!" He calls out to her, hoping that she'll at least turn around and return to him before answering. Theresa, from her sandaled feet to her still swollen belly to her dark penetrating eyes, stood facing him so many, too many feet away. The purple backpack in her hand, the boarding pass in the other, she just stood staring at Ryan. Her eyes absorbed every last detail of him, memorizing him, painting a portrait in her heart. She parts her lips to speak and to the two of them, everyone else in the terminal has disappeared. Their sadness and disappointment have overflowed from their bodies and washed the rest of the happy society out of their space. It was just the two of them now and Theresa's words rising in her soul. Oh, words. They could break Ryan, smash his heart like a glass goblet on pavement. She wouldn't, though. Oh to find words to be the perfect answer. To save their sanity, even if they couldn't save the relationship. Words. Words. Pressure build in her throat, until she finally spoke.
"We'll wait, Ryan. Wait for our happy ending."
And she was gone.
And he was there.
And that was that.
And that was everything.
Life.
Not expected.
I still don't own the O.C. but really, if you want my storyline for the show, you have to call me first. Or at least leave a number where I can reach you. ;o)
XXX
"Can we talk?" Ryan asks expectantly. Theresa holds back the urge to laugh. From the time they could barely speak in complete sentences due to their age, to the times when they couldn't form complete sentences due to their ongoing sexual activity, Ryan was never much for talk. It was perfect for her and her unique love of silence. It was probably the fact that in her own home, her ears were constantly being attack. Her mom's cooking was loud, her brother was loud, the people on the street, basically everyone except the boy next door.
"Yes, Ryan. We can talk," Theresa agrees with a hint of annoyance. "While you walk me to your gate." She raises an eyebrow, this was some kind of dare. She feels his presence, so near to her, on every inch of her skin. What she wants, the first primal desire in her mind, away from all the Ryan imbedded wants and needs, is to run. But she can't do that. Not now and definitely not to Ryan. So, she starts walking anyway.
Following closely behind her, Ryan's eyes fixate on her backpack, the worn purple Jansport she has used since high school started. He can't help himself, more and more memories of him with Theresa flood his brain. Stop it, Atwood, he scolds himself silently while shutting his eyes tightly. When he reveals his pupils again, they are directed in front of him. But Theresa and the purple backpack are gone.
Panic seeps into him. He can't have possibly lost her again. His breath begins to quicken, his eyes scan the room, every woman, every dark haired person, every one with a-
"Chill, Ryan. I'm here." Theresa's voice comes from beneath him. She's seated on a small table fiddling with the backpack that sat on her lap. Finally, she snaked her fingers into a small pocket and pulled out the lily pendant. With the glistening silver piece in her palm, she pressed her hand into Ryan's, returning the pendant.
XXX
Back in Chino, when Ryan knew nothing of Chrismukkah, the Atwoods never had a Christmas tree. Ryan's mom was always either completely wasted or passed out on the days surrounding December 25th so he had learned to stay away. And Trey? He was a good enough brother to find a decent present for Ryan, but the two were never connected enough- despite blood- to force them into spending such an important holiday as a family.
So, when school paused its dismal activity for the holidays that year that Ryan first realized he could possibly love Theresa, he decided to spend Christmas with her.
Theresa's mother always seemed to know that Theresa would fall for the boy next door, the way they played and later on, just hung out so much, it would have been impossible to ignore the smile with which Theresa watched Ryan. Theresa loved her mom and Ryan shared her- she might as well have been his mother as well. It was she who made Ryan birthday cakes after all. And she was actually quite relieved to find that Theresa would be bringing Ryan home for Christmas that year.
When all Theresa's relatives left the home, it was merely Theresa, Arturo, their mom, Ryan and Trey, who had surprisingly shown up to hang out with Arturo. The older boys were in the garage, fixing the car that Arturo had given his mother for Christmas. The Lord only knew where he got it, but it was much appreciated nonetheless. The matriarch of the house had fallen asleep in her bedroom not long after her many relatives and acquaintances had left the living room. The only ones left on the first floor of the house were Theresa and Ryan.
Though there was more than enough space for the two of them at the kitchen table, Theresa had found a comfortable position sitting on Ryan's lap. They were just sitting for a while. It wasn't that they were scared that Arturo would make Ryan bleed if he saw them kissing, or that Ryan would die of shame if her mother walked in on them being intimate, they were just comfortable like that. Two people, together, practically one.
"Ryan," she had murmured with her face nuzzled to his neck. "Merry Christmas."
He ran a gentle hand down her spine. His touch on her would last forever. They had had sex. They did it in hushed voices on the floor of her bedroom right above them. But that touch, it wasn't about sex, or passion, or desire. It was caring. It was Ryan. Ryan on Theresa.
"I, uh, got you this." He said awkwardly pressing a small box into her hands. She opened it and her face broke into pure joy. "It's, uh, for the chai-"He couldn't finish, she just placed her lips delicately on his. It was the sweetest kiss, one that Ryan would never forget, even after dozens of other women. Because like his touch, it wasn't about desire, it was caring. It was Theresa on Ryan.
"You know, this wasn't what I expected" she whispered, the silver lily pendant in her hand. His face began to fall. "It's better."
XXX
Ryan didn't know what to do anymore. In the past four had found her in Newport, they slept together in her little motel room, he had fought Eddie, he let her sleep in the pool house, he took responsibility when he found out she was keeping the baby, he moved back to Chino, he slaved at his job to pay the pre-natal care bills, he held her hand and cried with her when the baby was lost. Now, after all that and their friendship and their countless trysts, she was going to go live a life completely without him.
"You can't-"he began. But words failed him. He had been quiet for so long and he had let all the many words he wanted to say fade away into a dark abyss of nothingness, but now when he most needed to speak and let the river of words flow through his throat, he couldn't. Not at all. Her eyes told him all the answers. They all seemed to be the same. No.
"I can't go anywhere, Atlanta, Africa, Austria, to get away from you." her voice was soft and sincere. "You're a part of me, Ryan. And that's just how- who I am now. You've got to keep this. I don't need you on a necklace. You're here." Heavily, she lifted her other hand the one that wasn't clutching the pendant and his hand, and tapped her chest.
"Ther-"
"I'm going now. You know," her eyes began to glisten with tears. "I know that I'm always going to- we're always going to love eachother. But now, there's no Prince Charming move you can pull. Because I still need my time with the dwarves. Okay?" She rose to her feet, one hand still on Ryan's, the other on her heart. It was as though some beam of light from heaven had fallen upon her. After all the mumbling and crying and yelling and fighting, the right words- the right way to explain why she was leaving had just come out of her mouth. And in all irony, it was Snow White, the only Disney movie that they decidedly both detested.
"But I love you." he regretted the words the moment they left his lips. It would look like some last resort to make her stay, but it clearly wasn't. He loved her. He loved her. He loved her.
"I know," she said, leaning closer to him. "but this, now. We can't."
"I hear you. I do, but I don't..."
"Get it?" she supplied. Her arms were wrapping themselves around his body, and he reciprocated without thinking. The hug was awkward though, it wasn't like before. "It's just like this Ryan. We'll make it work someday." Grasping her in his arms, he held tighter and tighter, as if this would be their last hug ever. He pressed all of himself into that hug- love, anger, confusion, grief. Everything felt he passed to her.
Eyes dry, lips shut tight, Theresa untangled herself from the hug. Looking Ryan in the eye, she gave a half-smile, the very facial expression she dubbed "the Ryan". And without a sound, she turned and walked away. Step after step, Ryan waited for her to stop and come rushing back into his arms, but she didn't. He fingered the engravings on the pendant in his hand "TR". It wasn't quite what he had expected from her.
"So what happens?!" He calls out to her, hoping that she'll at least turn around and return to him before answering. Theresa, from her sandaled feet to her still swollen belly to her dark penetrating eyes, stood facing him so many, too many feet away. The purple backpack in her hand, the boarding pass in the other, she just stood staring at Ryan. Her eyes absorbed every last detail of him, memorizing him, painting a portrait in her heart. She parts her lips to speak and to the two of them, everyone else in the terminal has disappeared. Their sadness and disappointment have overflowed from their bodies and washed the rest of the happy society out of their space. It was just the two of them now and Theresa's words rising in her soul. Oh, words. They could break Ryan, smash his heart like a glass goblet on pavement. She wouldn't, though. Oh to find words to be the perfect answer. To save their sanity, even if they couldn't save the relationship. Words. Words. Pressure build in her throat, until she finally spoke.
"We'll wait, Ryan. Wait for our happy ending."
And she was gone.
And he was there.
And that was that.
And that was everything.
Life.
Not expected.