I don't own Harry Potter. Otherwise, I would be drinking a margarita instead for typing in the cold. That's pathetic you know.
RPL Stands for Repeated Plot Line
A sample of "Feisty Little Girl Pop Up" Mary Sue RPL (watch out, there's a bit of "adult language" in this one.)
Draco fals in luv w/ a punk!!! By Kasperlianna
Draco was walking down the hall, all mad & angery because Crabbe and Goyle had been real jerks. He would get back at them some day. "They're so stupid, they should just jump off a cliff and see if I care." He muttered 2 himself. Then he spotted Kasperlianna, a whitch that came from America in there first year. She was now a prefect with him. She had close cropped bleached and colored bright pick hair, and a real cool spike bracelet, and sparkley nose ring, and a t-shirt that said "Bite me, and I'll bite back." She had prefect curves, that made Draco want her reall bad. She had spiked her hairand it smelled real nice "Watch it asshole!" She shouted at him, while she hurridly whipped some tears of of her face. She looked up at who she ran in2. Draco. "I hate u! u and ur fuking family! Get away from me! i hate u i hate u i hate u! u and volidimors!!" Then she realized that he was just standing there with a placid smile on his face. He was so hot dressed like this. He had on a tight fitting black T-shirt and black shiney leather pants ((A/N IM FAINTING RITE NOW!!! HE WOULD BE SO HOT THAT WAY! I WANNA KISS HIM AND SHA..... OPPSEY. I GOT CARRIED AWAY.))) Draco glared down at Kasperlianna, and she said, "sorry i ran in2 u." "i dont mind." Draco whispered, grabbing hold of her hand. AND HE KISSED ME!!! Oh, I mean HER. HE KISSED HER. He didn't care that she was a Gryfindore and he was a Slythindore, he just wanted her reall bad. "Why where u crying?" He asked kissing her up and down her neck. "i just got some bad news. My family..... my family..... their dead, and I am a Sasterraybos." "A Sasterraybos? I thought they died out years ago." "nope. My family has always been one of them, but we kept it hidden, so I didn't know tell just now." "Sorry about ur familiy babe." "Yeah me 2."They slipped off 2 a convieniant closet. They went 4 a walk in the Forrbidden Forest, and suddenly out of nowhere monsters jumped out and killed her. Lord Voldemort's laughter rang out of the trees surrounding them. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!111111111" shouted Dracocrying 4 the lost love of his life. "i loved u forever." And he lay there sobbing next 2 her tell the teachers found him dragged him of of her dead bodie.
Poor Draco!!! i luv him so much, he is such a hotie!! Anyway, review! Review if u want more, i no u do!!
This is an example of "Feisty Little Girl Pop Up" RPL. She also likes to take on Ginny's name. She is the tragic "punk". I know real punks, and they never would behave like this. They are quiet, friendly, and helpful. The in- your-face attitude only exists in Hollywood I'm afraid.
THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER
Like the others, she is UNBELIEVABLY beautiful, except she's normally a punk. She is not wearing the school uniform in the school, and funnily enough, neither is Draco. She always has "the prefect curves" which are found in many other types of Mary Sue. I couldn't count how many times I've seen that phrase in Draco Malfoy Romance. This type also has an overdoes of spirit, and in personality often starts as the opposite of "Not Another Teen Movie" Mary Sue, but then melts away into one. Sometimes she's a prefect or the Head Girl, but with an attitude like that, I wouldn't expect her to get any type of authority. If you must make her a punk, then please understand that at Hogwarts, they will most likely be wearing their uniforms most of the time. Draco would NEVER be seen in muggle clothes, EVER.
NAME
This type of Mary Sue's name is often something insanely complicated, the writers name or pen name, or something really simple but almost unheard of. What parents, in their right mind, would name their child "Kasperlianna"? Think of the torturous teasing the child would be forced to go through with that name! Try names like Samantha, Jodie, or Hannah. They're pretty but common, and wouldn't be an embarrassment to have.
THE PLOT
The plot normally is very simple in this type of RLP. The Original Character meets or runs into Draco while alone, often on the train or at the school. She resists his wondrous charms, and he can't resist hers. She mouths off at him, but always breaks down in the end, and confesses everything to a supportive and caring Draco Malfoy. Then she gets murdered; often by Voldemort, Draco's father, Draco himself, or un-know forces at work. Then Draco forever mourns for her, making him no longer want to be a Deatheater. I'm not sure there is a way to save this plot while leaving anything left of it.
OUT OF CHARACTER-NESS
Again we see that Draco is being a Gryffindor (Hufflepuff in this case), comforts the crying girl, and doesn't notice that she was insulting him. Please don't do that. It makes you wonder if the Sorting Hat is faulty or something. When Malfoy is insulted, he seeks for revenge, and does as much harm as possible. He also would never touch a Gryffindor, EVER. The only exception would be to punch one. I don't think that Draco would like to be around someone as pushy and nasty as he is.
THE TRAGEDY
Once again a tragedy happens to force the character into Draco's arms. Normally with this type, she had happy past, except for the child abuse at age three, and little details like that. These are pretty happy girls for the most part, except they are heavy-metal punks and hate the world for no apparent reason. There doesn't have to be a tragedy to drive those two together, because no one would ever be stupid enough to go crying on Draco's shoulder. He would spread the word of the tragedy all over the school, or get it printed in The Daily Prophet if he really hated the girl.
THE FORMAT AND SPELLING
Again, please use double spaces in our typing between paragraphs, and whenever a new person starts to talk, there's a new paragraph. Use complete words, and find a spell check somewhere; it proves to be very, VERY useful. Trust me on this.
AUTHOR NOTES
Leave them out till the end, and please keep them modest if you must have them in the middle of your story, most of the time they tell you things you really were better off not knowing. If the only thing worthwhile about your story is the author notes, then you need to seriously re-think writing.
RECEIVING CRITICISM
Alright, now that there is more people going out and reviewing with some sense, lets say that you have just received a review about two pages long pointing out errors in characterization, plot, and grammar. The response of most people seams to say that it is an insult. I guess people are thinking, "How dare they try to change MY work of art for their liking!" Some people put long author notes saying over and over that the story is theirs, and they can trash JKR's canon as much as they want. (Remember that you are writing FAN fiction. As a fan, it is your responsibility to follow the canon rules of the original author. If you are unwilling to follow these rules then this website isn't meant for you. Go to www.fictionpress.com.) Or they might send back flames that are almost unreadable. I have also been sent e-mails with language that sailors would blush at.
The childishness of people amazes me. These two page reviews filled with advice aren't exactly easy to write. Often I have to dig out the books for references, it's almost like writing an essay. Please, have some respect for we who write these. Normally, there is a lot more work put into them then a chapter of a story. I've made an easy 4-step process to receiving criticism, which I use often.
#1. Read it, and take a break. Go to the bathroom, get a glass of water so you can calm down and think over the criticism with a cool head. When you're angry, you loose about 80% of your logic. This step is really only for the people who've never taken criticism before. It becomes natural after a while. Remember, just because you got criticism doesn't mean that you aren't a good writer, it just means that you need to improve. This is something that all writers are always doing; even J. K. Rowling is doing this all the time.
#2. Fix the easy parts first. Find all of the mentioned forgotten disclaimers, grammar, and spelling mistakes, and if you spot any more, fix those too.
#3. Read through your story, and try to see the points on the plot that the reviewer has made. Don't be afraid to tear apart your own story. If one reviewer has found a problem in this part of your story, then there probably are other readers that feel that way too. Remember, a piece of writing is like a stage performance. Maybe there was only one person in the audience who threw a rotten tomato at you, but maybe the rest of the audience had run out of tomato.
#4. Revise! You don't have to follow the criticism word for word in the changes that you make; just make the changes that you think will make your story better. Your story isn't set in stone; it will only be when you get it published, which is highly unlikely.
#5. (Optional) You know, we who give constructive criticism love to get e-mails telling us how much you appreciate our help and being asked to check out your new and revised story. It makes us feel as though this fight for a mass of more creative and intelligent writers isn't useless and hopeless. Just think: we could be coaching you, the future J. K. Rowling!
RPL Stands for Repeated Plot Line
A sample of "Feisty Little Girl Pop Up" Mary Sue RPL (watch out, there's a bit of "adult language" in this one.)
Draco fals in luv w/ a punk!!! By Kasperlianna
Draco was walking down the hall, all mad & angery because Crabbe and Goyle had been real jerks. He would get back at them some day. "They're so stupid, they should just jump off a cliff and see if I care." He muttered 2 himself. Then he spotted Kasperlianna, a whitch that came from America in there first year. She was now a prefect with him. She had close cropped bleached and colored bright pick hair, and a real cool spike bracelet, and sparkley nose ring, and a t-shirt that said "Bite me, and I'll bite back." She had prefect curves, that made Draco want her reall bad. She had spiked her hairand it smelled real nice "Watch it asshole!" She shouted at him, while she hurridly whipped some tears of of her face. She looked up at who she ran in2. Draco. "I hate u! u and ur fuking family! Get away from me! i hate u i hate u i hate u! u and volidimors!!" Then she realized that he was just standing there with a placid smile on his face. He was so hot dressed like this. He had on a tight fitting black T-shirt and black shiney leather pants ((A/N IM FAINTING RITE NOW!!! HE WOULD BE SO HOT THAT WAY! I WANNA KISS HIM AND SHA..... OPPSEY. I GOT CARRIED AWAY.))) Draco glared down at Kasperlianna, and she said, "sorry i ran in2 u." "i dont mind." Draco whispered, grabbing hold of her hand. AND HE KISSED ME!!! Oh, I mean HER. HE KISSED HER. He didn't care that she was a Gryfindore and he was a Slythindore, he just wanted her reall bad. "Why where u crying?" He asked kissing her up and down her neck. "i just got some bad news. My family..... my family..... their dead, and I am a Sasterraybos." "A Sasterraybos? I thought they died out years ago." "nope. My family has always been one of them, but we kept it hidden, so I didn't know tell just now." "Sorry about ur familiy babe." "Yeah me 2."They slipped off 2 a convieniant closet. They went 4 a walk in the Forrbidden Forest, and suddenly out of nowhere monsters jumped out and killed her. Lord Voldemort's laughter rang out of the trees surrounding them. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!111111111" shouted Dracocrying 4 the lost love of his life. "i loved u forever." And he lay there sobbing next 2 her tell the teachers found him dragged him of of her dead bodie.
Poor Draco!!! i luv him so much, he is such a hotie!! Anyway, review! Review if u want more, i no u do!!
This is an example of "Feisty Little Girl Pop Up" RPL. She also likes to take on Ginny's name. She is the tragic "punk". I know real punks, and they never would behave like this. They are quiet, friendly, and helpful. The in- your-face attitude only exists in Hollywood I'm afraid.
THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER
Like the others, she is UNBELIEVABLY beautiful, except she's normally a punk. She is not wearing the school uniform in the school, and funnily enough, neither is Draco. She always has "the prefect curves" which are found in many other types of Mary Sue. I couldn't count how many times I've seen that phrase in Draco Malfoy Romance. This type also has an overdoes of spirit, and in personality often starts as the opposite of "Not Another Teen Movie" Mary Sue, but then melts away into one. Sometimes she's a prefect or the Head Girl, but with an attitude like that, I wouldn't expect her to get any type of authority. If you must make her a punk, then please understand that at Hogwarts, they will most likely be wearing their uniforms most of the time. Draco would NEVER be seen in muggle clothes, EVER.
NAME
This type of Mary Sue's name is often something insanely complicated, the writers name or pen name, or something really simple but almost unheard of. What parents, in their right mind, would name their child "Kasperlianna"? Think of the torturous teasing the child would be forced to go through with that name! Try names like Samantha, Jodie, or Hannah. They're pretty but common, and wouldn't be an embarrassment to have.
THE PLOT
The plot normally is very simple in this type of RLP. The Original Character meets or runs into Draco while alone, often on the train or at the school. She resists his wondrous charms, and he can't resist hers. She mouths off at him, but always breaks down in the end, and confesses everything to a supportive and caring Draco Malfoy. Then she gets murdered; often by Voldemort, Draco's father, Draco himself, or un-know forces at work. Then Draco forever mourns for her, making him no longer want to be a Deatheater. I'm not sure there is a way to save this plot while leaving anything left of it.
OUT OF CHARACTER-NESS
Again we see that Draco is being a Gryffindor (Hufflepuff in this case), comforts the crying girl, and doesn't notice that she was insulting him. Please don't do that. It makes you wonder if the Sorting Hat is faulty or something. When Malfoy is insulted, he seeks for revenge, and does as much harm as possible. He also would never touch a Gryffindor, EVER. The only exception would be to punch one. I don't think that Draco would like to be around someone as pushy and nasty as he is.
THE TRAGEDY
Once again a tragedy happens to force the character into Draco's arms. Normally with this type, she had happy past, except for the child abuse at age three, and little details like that. These are pretty happy girls for the most part, except they are heavy-metal punks and hate the world for no apparent reason. There doesn't have to be a tragedy to drive those two together, because no one would ever be stupid enough to go crying on Draco's shoulder. He would spread the word of the tragedy all over the school, or get it printed in The Daily Prophet if he really hated the girl.
THE FORMAT AND SPELLING
Again, please use double spaces in our typing between paragraphs, and whenever a new person starts to talk, there's a new paragraph. Use complete words, and find a spell check somewhere; it proves to be very, VERY useful. Trust me on this.
AUTHOR NOTES
Leave them out till the end, and please keep them modest if you must have them in the middle of your story, most of the time they tell you things you really were better off not knowing. If the only thing worthwhile about your story is the author notes, then you need to seriously re-think writing.
RECEIVING CRITICISM
Alright, now that there is more people going out and reviewing with some sense, lets say that you have just received a review about two pages long pointing out errors in characterization, plot, and grammar. The response of most people seams to say that it is an insult. I guess people are thinking, "How dare they try to change MY work of art for their liking!" Some people put long author notes saying over and over that the story is theirs, and they can trash JKR's canon as much as they want. (Remember that you are writing FAN fiction. As a fan, it is your responsibility to follow the canon rules of the original author. If you are unwilling to follow these rules then this website isn't meant for you. Go to www.fictionpress.com.) Or they might send back flames that are almost unreadable. I have also been sent e-mails with language that sailors would blush at.
The childishness of people amazes me. These two page reviews filled with advice aren't exactly easy to write. Often I have to dig out the books for references, it's almost like writing an essay. Please, have some respect for we who write these. Normally, there is a lot more work put into them then a chapter of a story. I've made an easy 4-step process to receiving criticism, which I use often.
#1. Read it, and take a break. Go to the bathroom, get a glass of water so you can calm down and think over the criticism with a cool head. When you're angry, you loose about 80% of your logic. This step is really only for the people who've never taken criticism before. It becomes natural after a while. Remember, just because you got criticism doesn't mean that you aren't a good writer, it just means that you need to improve. This is something that all writers are always doing; even J. K. Rowling is doing this all the time.
#2. Fix the easy parts first. Find all of the mentioned forgotten disclaimers, grammar, and spelling mistakes, and if you spot any more, fix those too.
#3. Read through your story, and try to see the points on the plot that the reviewer has made. Don't be afraid to tear apart your own story. If one reviewer has found a problem in this part of your story, then there probably are other readers that feel that way too. Remember, a piece of writing is like a stage performance. Maybe there was only one person in the audience who threw a rotten tomato at you, but maybe the rest of the audience had run out of tomato.
#4. Revise! You don't have to follow the criticism word for word in the changes that you make; just make the changes that you think will make your story better. Your story isn't set in stone; it will only be when you get it published, which is highly unlikely.
#5. (Optional) You know, we who give constructive criticism love to get e-mails telling us how much you appreciate our help and being asked to check out your new and revised story. It makes us feel as though this fight for a mass of more creative and intelligent writers isn't useless and hopeless. Just think: we could be coaching you, the future J. K. Rowling!