CHAPTER 7.THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
DISCLAIMER:
I own nothing, and once again I'm stealing from another fanfic, the story of starscream and Total Sensory Depreiviation is taken from the excellent story 'Captive Minds' on the website www.insecticons.com.
Enjoy.
Chapter 7.
Zechs mumbled something as an image swam into focus in his vision. He reached up to stroke the sweet, angelic face before him.
"So, we're all dead." He cocked an eyebrow, "I'm surprised they let me into the same place as you. I expected to be stoking the boilers of hell."
"Some other day Zechs," Noin smirked. "We're not dead yet."
Memories came flooding back into Zech's memory and he sat up with a start.
"What!" But, Starscream and...the wing zero...I shot you." He paused, and felt the bandage wrapped around his head, "why do I have the mother and father of all headaches."
"Heero ripped you out of Starscream. The headache's probably a side-effect of severing the mental link."
"God, I'm beginning to remember. I destroyed two of the Gundams. Not even in the Epyon could I do so much damage," he looked up, "How many people did I kill?"
Noin sat on the edge of his bed.
"None thankfully. All the pilot's survived and your attack on the sub only caused some flooding. Heero's still been hospitalised though. I don't think he's resentful towards you."
Zechs followed her gaze. Heero was sleeping in the next bunk, heavily wrapped up.
"Sally's been treating him for hypothermia. He swam from the sub to Wing Zero."
"He did that, in Arctic conditions!"
"Yeah, but it drained him a lot. Sally wants him in bed until at least tomorrow morning and even then she doesn't want him straining himself for at least a week."
"I'm sorry, not just to Heero, but for trying to kill all of you."
"It doesn't matter. You were pretty screwed up."
Sally walked up.
"Sorry Luc. but this big boy needs rest and plenty of painkillers so I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"It's okay Sally. I'll go now."
She leaned down and laid a gentle kiss on Zech's lips. The sheer sensation of her warm velvet lips caressing his was probably enough to cure him, but Zechs guessed Sally would contend that.
"Get well soon."
*
As Noin left the ward Sally turned to Zechs.
"You're one lucky guy. Not many girls would stay with a man after he tries to blow her up."
Zechs raised an eyebrow. "I've heard you still have a relationship with Wufei, even though he calls you a 'weak onna' on a day to day basis."
Sally rounded on him, arms akimbo.
"I would like to remind you, Preventer Wind, that you are currently under my care, and I if were you I would be doing my best to not get under the doctor's bad side. Unfortunately for you," she brandished a large, nasty pointed object, "you've already crossed the line."
Zechs gulped as she neared him. "Now look Sally, I'm sure I don't need an injection." He slid off his bed and began trying to evade her random stabs with the nasty implement.
"Injection, who said anything about an injection. It's just a thermometer."
"To take the temperature of what?"
*
Noin made her way forward to the missile bay. The rent in the hull caused by Starscream's second volley had reduced the Genesis to running on the surface. Thankfully, the sub was well equipped for ramming it's way through the surface ice and the hole, being above the waterline, was currently not a risk to the sub.
Starscream was lying on his back in the main bay, his flex-metal face frozen in a look of confusion. If he had not tried to kill her Noin would have found the robot's position pitiful and slightly laughable. Currently, she just felt a lot of resent towards the mech.
The four walking Gundam Pilots were all sitting on Starscream as Howard gave them the guided tour of his innards. All of them had to maintain their suits on a regular basis and knew enough about engineering to be amazed, judging by the expressions on their faces. Noin decided to join them.
"Hey, hey. The Ice Maiden of Russia returns!" Noin grimaced.
"I'd like to remind you Duo that the business with the bottle of vodka was Howard's idea."
Howard coughed a brief "Ahem!" and turned to her.
"Hi Luc. How's Zechs?"
"He's fine, well he was when I left him alone with Sally..."
"ARGGH! GOD THAT'S COLD!"
A brief scream echoed through the sub, seeming to originate from the hospital wing. Noin sniggered.
"Though I can't speak for him now."
*
"It's incredible."
Chris Latta was hunched on the left shoulder of the Tallgeese, absently checking the machine for damage from the attack. A technician handing components to him cocked an eyebrow.
"Pardon."
Latta gestured at the young pilots, laughing.
"After all is said and done, we humans are incredibly narrow minded. Look at them for example. They've fought wars, gone beyond what we think is possible, and still they can't accept it."
"Accept what?"
"That we're not alone in the universe. That there is intelligent life out there. We've all read the files on that machine and it's origins, yet we're not acknowledging it. Look at us mechanics. We're still referring to that robot as 'the Grumman, or that red suit'. And when it comes down to it, can you believe."
The techs mouth flapped open for a second. Latta nodded.
"See. You know it's true yet your mind wouldn't accept it even if ET appeared before your eyes and asked to borrow your mobile."
Latta turned towards the small group and shook his head.
"What we do realise, God protect us."
"From what?"
"Ourselves."
*
As the laughter died away, Howard turned to Noin, pinching his nose.
"Is Zechs showing any side effects from his, erm. experience."
"No. Sally couldn't find anything wrong with him."
Howard rubbed his chin. "Odd. Because our other wards definitely gone through some changes." He gestured at Starscream. "I was giving the boy's a guided tour through him and found something odd."
"Odd?"
"Come see." He gave her a hand up onto the torso. Quatre, like the gentleman he was, shifted aside to make room for her on the cockpit rim. As she peered into the open cockpit, she frowned.
Starscream's laser neurone, the last time she saw it, alternated in colour from red to purple on an infrequent basis. Having read the Rook physiological report on him, she and the engineers and pilots come to assume this reflected on his split personality. Now however, it glowed a steady purple, showing no signs of instability or fluctuation.
"What in the...What does this mean Howard?"
"No idea."
"I would like to put forward a scholarly opinion."
All looked in surprise at Wufei, who was lying in a recess built into Starscream's knee assembly, arms folded, eyes closed in deep concentration.
"Before I became the pilot of my Nataku I spent several years studying the human mind. It was my wish to better understand how the brain works and help those who suffered from mental problems. Having read the report and examined the interface that linked the robot's personality core, Zech's brain and the Zero System in a three-way loop, I have come to a conclusion." All of this was delivered in an aloof tone, as if implying to question his opinions was to commit a heinous crime. Yet he spoke with an air of confidence and knowledge.
"Very well, explain."
"A proportion of Zech's thought processes have been transferred to the robot."
"Pardon?" Duo looked confused.
"Very well Maxwell. I will keep it as simple as possible so you can understand." Wufei leaned back on the torso and stared at the ceiling.
"When you buy a new piece of hardware for a computer, like a scanner, you can't just plug it in and expect it to work. You must first install the software package. This tells the computer what the new equipment is, how it works, how the computer is meant to use it. Understand?"
"Yes. But how does that tie in to this."
"Wait Maxwell, be patient, for once. When you first use a suit installed with the zero system you get a surge of disorientation. You never feel this when you use the same suit again. This is because the system probes a new pilot's mind. It's like installing the pilot to the machine, because the system records a complete profile of the pilot's brain on hard disk.
Now then, what happens if you remove your computer's new scanner, without first uninstalling it?"
"Nothing, unless you select the scanner option, in which case the computer becomes confused, because it knows the scanners meant to be there, but can't sense it."
"Precisely, and this is what happens when you remove a person from the zero system without turning it off beforehand. The onboard computer gets confused. And in this case, in the computer's confusion, it has grafted Zech's brain patterns to this machine's laser neurone control programming."
Noin nodded her head slowly.
"So what you're saying is that this Starscream will now think like Zechs."
"Not quite. Most likely only some of Zechs' most prominent characteristics would have been grafted onto the neurone. Also, the machine will still possess all it's memories and none of Zechs'. What is obvious is that it has overwritten some of the original neurone patterns and cured the split personality. I would be very curious to see how Starscream's new brain patterns affect his personality."
"As would I."
Noin turned to Howard.
"Howard, can you put Starscream's brain back on line but only give him command of his head. You know, eyes, ears, vocaliser."
"Sure. His brain's online now, just bypassed from the rest of his body. I'd be very interested to know what he's thinking right now."
"You interested Wufei?"
Wufei gave her a stern glare.
"If I am interested woman, it's no concern of yours."
Noin counted slowly to ten, before turning to Howard.
"Howard, since Wufei is such an expert on physcology, why don't we leave him to interview Starscream, on. his. own."
Howard sniggered, Trowa smirked, Wufei looked dumbfounded, and Duo and Quatre high-fived each other.
"One for one Wufei."
With that, the four pilots left the bay to check on the other Gundams, leaving a stunned Wufei and a laughing Howard, who quickly jury-rigged some wires in the cockpit before high-tailing it after the others. Beneath Wufei, the massive robot shuddered slightly.
"UGH!" Starscream's head rolled around slightly, optics wide, mouth gasping like a person who had just woken from a nightmare.
'Amazing how human this machine is,' Wufei thought, 'but it is still a machine.' He squatted on the chest of the robot, and waited.
Starscream looked around a few times, eyes filled with fear, his mouth opened slightly and he whispered.
"I know you're there, where are you?"
Wufei briefly considered that the robot knew he was there, but dismissed it when the quiet machine suddenly erupted.
"WHERE ARE YOU! You've tormented me every day of my life for years and now you leave me. TALK TO ME!"
Wufei watched with awe at the sudden display of emotion from what he had considered till now merely a highly advanced mobile suit, unknowingly proving Latta right. He slowly stood up from his crouched position and moved towards the face, hands raised to signify he meant no harm. It was faintly ridiculous.
"I don't know you you're calling to, but the only one here is me."
Starscream's eyes searched the room for a second before he saw the small figure standing by his chin.
"You're human."
Wufei's nose wrinkled. "How did you know that?"
The robot's voice, instead of the harsh screech he had heard before was now a pained whisper.
"I don't know......What has happened to me? Why am I paralysed?"
"You're not as such, your body has merely been bypassed from your brain. We didn't exactly want to set you free after you attacked us before."
Like Wufei, Starscream wrinkled his nose, and responded in a slightly condescending tone.
"Nonsense, I would never attack one as yourself, it would be wrong to attack someone so weak compared to myself."
Wufei bristled slightly at being called weak, regardless of the context, "check your memory."
Confused, Starscream complied, and a troubled look passed over his face.
"I did. But, why...Why did I enjoy doing something so, so...dishonourable."
Wufei chuckled slightly. At least he'd identified one trait of Zechs' that had been transferred to the Decepticon. His strong sense of warrior's honour, much like his own.
"Well, it seems we have something in common."
"Pardon."
"Can I ask you something."
"What? How can I trust you when I don't even know your designation?"
"Designation? Oh, my name. Wufei Chang."
"Decepticon Air Commander Seeker Unit 0384762 Designation Starscream, Wufei Chang."
"Please, just Chang, or Wufei, not both."
"Very well, Wufei. And your question?"
Wufei leaned over, staring right into one of the ruby red eyes.
"Why? Why did a promising intellectual choose to join an army of bloodthirsty killers? Why did a scholar kill so many helpless neutrals, come to relish in pure destruction, yet at the same time plot behind the back of the one who had given those things to him?"
A pained expression crossed the jet's face. Wufei swore that within the glass and metal optic sensors, he saw sorrow.
"Because I was alone. I lost the only one close to me, and joined the decepticons because they offered what I desired the most, comradeship, and a chance to fight against those who had betrayed me and the one I'd cared for. I wanted revenge, unlike those who fought for a cause they actually believed in. I was driven only to destroy those beurucrats and cowards who'd cost me my friend and mentor."
Wufei was listening with only half his mind. In the other, he saw the same story he was being told, except in his mind's eye, he saw familiar faces and places. Himself, the L5 colonies, and Merian.
"But you still haven't told me. How did the person who wanted revenge against those who'd betrayed him become a bloodthirsty killer and despised backstabber?"
"Because I wanted revenge, but could not stand killing. So I began to lie to myself, to motivate myself to fight. And eventually, I came to believe those lies. That I wanted to destroy, that I pleasured in it. I became that which I despised, and even when those whom I sought revenge against were destroyed, I continued to fight. Because the fight had become a part of me. The rush. The fear. The joy and inner glory of a victory, and even when I began to question myself, I found I needed to fight to live. It had become the only way I knew how to life, and without it, I was nothing. As a warrior, I was respected, and had comrades, friends who I could call my new family, even if I had no cause. And then, it all went away..."
"How?"
"I was captured in a battle, and placed into suspended animation for many thousands of years till my 'comrades' rescued me. But it went awry. By some billion-to-one chance, my mind remained conscious when my body was deactivated. For those thousands of years, I was exposed to TSD..."
"Total Sensory Deprivation."
"Yes. No sight, no sound, only my thoughts. I didn't even have a perception of blindness or deafness as I had no eyes and ears. All I could do, was think, and think. And it was like that for twenty thousand years, a blink in the eye to my race, but to me, it was beyond eternity..."
As Starscream's voice trailed off, Wufei shuddered, not even caring at the display of weakness. Starscream's voice curled into a slight smile.
"You understand. You have no idea what that means to me. When I was revived, I went through the best counselling the army had to offer, but no- one could actually understand or contemplate what I had suffered. I became paranoid, and sunk into a personal low. During those years alone, I had contemplated my lot, and found my life had no real meaning. I needed something, a cause to believe in to give my life purpose, and I eventually found it. I found a person I could blame for my incarceration, unfortunately, this was the one person who had stood by me even when all others had rejected me."
Wufei nodded slowly,
"Megatron."
"Yes. In my quest to find a purpose for myself in life, I split myself from my one true friend. I became devoted to trying to overthrow him, to best him somehow. And it provided me with drive, but it didn't end my pain. At this time, I became schizophrenic. On one side was Starscream, the young, successful, talented cadet, happy with his life, and with many friends, and who had caught the eye of the supreme commander of all decepticons, and on the other side was Screamer, the detested, paranoid backstabber. It was the clash of these two personalities that let to my somewhat unbalanced self;"
He paused.
"If there was one thing I could change in my life, something I could see had cost me dearly in retrospect, it would be that decision."
"To turn on Megatron."
"Yes. Even without cause in my life I could have survived with him as friend. He had supported me in my time of need, and I spat in his face. I wanted to apologise so many times, but each time I tried, my other self, Screamer, would appear and ruin those attempts."
"So who are you now? Starscream, or Screamer."
Starscream paused, thought, and slowly smiled.
"I'm neither. The three parts of my personality have balanced."
"Three?"
"I'm sure you've figured it out. Starscream the cadet and Screamer the coward needed some other influence to bring them into balance." He breathed out slowly, "thank you Zechs."
"You remember what happened?"
"Very well. When Zechs left me I felt a rush of information and a strange sensation. Since then I've been trying to work it out. I have none of his memories, but I have his knowledge. I know that the year is AC198, I know that this is the Genesis. I even know that you, Chang Wufei, are the pilot of the Gundam Altron. Had I actually fought you, I'm sure it would have been a battle of the titans."
Wufei chuckled slowly.
"Not from my point of view. I saw you defeat four Gundam's in less than ten minutes."
Starscream chuckled, then frowned slightly.
"I know you're probably not in a position to trust me, but if possible could you restore me control of my body. Feeling completely numb is reminding me of something that now, I'd rather forget."
Wufei scowled, more to himself than Starscream, but nodded. He quickly slipped into the cockpit and twisted the wires Howard had disconnected back together. He yelped slightly as Starscream stirred beneath him.
"Sorry! You might want to get out before I sit up."
With the athletic grace that all the Gundam pilots possessed, Wufei somersaulted from the cockpit and landed neatly on the deck.
Slowly, but with a strange grace, Starscream sat up on the maintenance table. Wufei was impressed. Unlike the Gundams or any other mobile suits, he moved with a silence and ease that seemed to more suit a person than a machine. This impression was strengthened when Starscream rolled his head on his neck several times, as if working out a crick in it.
Eventually, the seeker ended checking himself out and rotated slightly so that he looked as if he was sitting on a park bench, knees apart, head down, hands clasped together. The focus of his attention was the awed Chinese man, who was actually bracing himself to run. The next comment threw Wufei right off balance.
"Why did you ask me my life story?"
*
Noin stuck her head through the bulkhead and almost hit the ship-wide alarm in her shock. She held herself back. Wufei was sitting on the edge of a maintenance table quietly talking to the robot facing him on the other...sitting up. She was tempted to carry on watching to keep an eye on the pair, but somehow registered that this was a deep personal moment for both of the pair. Silently, she slipped back through the door, shutting it behind her.
*
"I suppose it's because...when I read your profile,"
"Profile?"
"Long story. Anyway, when I read your profile, I saw myself in you. I too have killed many, but started life as an intellectual, a scholar, a reader of books. There was only one think I cared for in life other than knowledge, Merian, my best friend, and eventually, my wife. I learned a lot from her, including her strong views on justice, strength and weakness. She was filled with such determination and power that I took to calling her Nataku. It means..."
"Female Warrior in Chinese, I know."
"Yes. When we were married for only a few months, a corrupt government attacked my home colony. She fought to save us all, being the only one with the needed abilities, but failed. From that massacre, I was the only survivor, and I hated myself for it. I was not strong enough to protect her. Like you at the loss of your mentor..."
"Skyfire..."
"...I wanted nothing but revenge. So when I was approached by a man who'd built a weapon with which to attack that government with an offer for me to pilot it, I snapped it up. I became the Lone Dragon, pushing myself further and further with my training, and eventually, I piloted that weapon in battle. But what I found was that, by devoting myself solely to revenge, and preparing for that revenge, I had nothing else to do with my life after. I tried to return to books, but they could not satisfy me anymore. I nearly helped destroy the whole world and then, I found something that I felt could satisfy my needs. I joined a group that helped maintain peace, but with the use of weapons. On top of that, I now have the love of a good woman, even if I don't always seem to reciprocate the feeling. With these things, I thought I'd finally be able to make peace with myself, but I'm still haunted by the deeds I've committed, and I question myself. I killed hundreds of men and women in Merian's name, but, does she approve. Have I disgraced her memory by what I've done..."
He trailed off, tears staining his face. Starscream reached out, and gently, with the tip of his index finger, lifted Wufei's face to meet his.
"Even if you did commit hideous deeds in her name, you did them out of commitment to her. The religions of my race dictate that the dead have a clearer perception of life than the living, and I'm sure she has forgiven you for anything you have done. Live for the here and now Wufei, rather than living in the past. Now that I have the chance, I too, must do the same thing..."
Starscream lay back on his 'bunk' and stared at the roof.
"We all need time to contemplate what we've done, but regardless of what we think, we can't change what has happened, and we can only work towards a better future for both ourselves and those around us."
Wufei thought hard and did find that yes, Starscream's words did touch some nerve in him. He felt, lighter, as if the burden of many deaths had been lifted from his shoulders.
"Thank you Starscream."
As the two rested there in silence, quietly contemplating, a strange thought struck Wufei;
'I entered into this conversation thinking I would be talking to a simple machine, but there's more to these Transformers than meets the eye. They are perhaps a blessing to mankind, because in their struggle...
we see ourselves, and can therefore see ourselves for what we are.'
To be continued...
AUTHOR NOTE:
Well, with that hefty dose of philosophy and character heaped on you, click onto the next chapter, Hearts of Darkness. I promise that though it's short, it's well worth it, as the big, big surprise I've been promising for ages, is finally here.
DISCLAIMER:
I own nothing, and once again I'm stealing from another fanfic, the story of starscream and Total Sensory Depreiviation is taken from the excellent story 'Captive Minds' on the website www.insecticons.com.
Enjoy.
Chapter 7.
Zechs mumbled something as an image swam into focus in his vision. He reached up to stroke the sweet, angelic face before him.
"So, we're all dead." He cocked an eyebrow, "I'm surprised they let me into the same place as you. I expected to be stoking the boilers of hell."
"Some other day Zechs," Noin smirked. "We're not dead yet."
Memories came flooding back into Zech's memory and he sat up with a start.
"What!" But, Starscream and...the wing zero...I shot you." He paused, and felt the bandage wrapped around his head, "why do I have the mother and father of all headaches."
"Heero ripped you out of Starscream. The headache's probably a side-effect of severing the mental link."
"God, I'm beginning to remember. I destroyed two of the Gundams. Not even in the Epyon could I do so much damage," he looked up, "How many people did I kill?"
Noin sat on the edge of his bed.
"None thankfully. All the pilot's survived and your attack on the sub only caused some flooding. Heero's still been hospitalised though. I don't think he's resentful towards you."
Zechs followed her gaze. Heero was sleeping in the next bunk, heavily wrapped up.
"Sally's been treating him for hypothermia. He swam from the sub to Wing Zero."
"He did that, in Arctic conditions!"
"Yeah, but it drained him a lot. Sally wants him in bed until at least tomorrow morning and even then she doesn't want him straining himself for at least a week."
"I'm sorry, not just to Heero, but for trying to kill all of you."
"It doesn't matter. You were pretty screwed up."
Sally walked up.
"Sorry Luc. but this big boy needs rest and plenty of painkillers so I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"It's okay Sally. I'll go now."
She leaned down and laid a gentle kiss on Zech's lips. The sheer sensation of her warm velvet lips caressing his was probably enough to cure him, but Zechs guessed Sally would contend that.
"Get well soon."
*
As Noin left the ward Sally turned to Zechs.
"You're one lucky guy. Not many girls would stay with a man after he tries to blow her up."
Zechs raised an eyebrow. "I've heard you still have a relationship with Wufei, even though he calls you a 'weak onna' on a day to day basis."
Sally rounded on him, arms akimbo.
"I would like to remind you, Preventer Wind, that you are currently under my care, and I if were you I would be doing my best to not get under the doctor's bad side. Unfortunately for you," she brandished a large, nasty pointed object, "you've already crossed the line."
Zechs gulped as she neared him. "Now look Sally, I'm sure I don't need an injection." He slid off his bed and began trying to evade her random stabs with the nasty implement.
"Injection, who said anything about an injection. It's just a thermometer."
"To take the temperature of what?"
*
Noin made her way forward to the missile bay. The rent in the hull caused by Starscream's second volley had reduced the Genesis to running on the surface. Thankfully, the sub was well equipped for ramming it's way through the surface ice and the hole, being above the waterline, was currently not a risk to the sub.
Starscream was lying on his back in the main bay, his flex-metal face frozen in a look of confusion. If he had not tried to kill her Noin would have found the robot's position pitiful and slightly laughable. Currently, she just felt a lot of resent towards the mech.
The four walking Gundam Pilots were all sitting on Starscream as Howard gave them the guided tour of his innards. All of them had to maintain their suits on a regular basis and knew enough about engineering to be amazed, judging by the expressions on their faces. Noin decided to join them.
"Hey, hey. The Ice Maiden of Russia returns!" Noin grimaced.
"I'd like to remind you Duo that the business with the bottle of vodka was Howard's idea."
Howard coughed a brief "Ahem!" and turned to her.
"Hi Luc. How's Zechs?"
"He's fine, well he was when I left him alone with Sally..."
"ARGGH! GOD THAT'S COLD!"
A brief scream echoed through the sub, seeming to originate from the hospital wing. Noin sniggered.
"Though I can't speak for him now."
*
"It's incredible."
Chris Latta was hunched on the left shoulder of the Tallgeese, absently checking the machine for damage from the attack. A technician handing components to him cocked an eyebrow.
"Pardon."
Latta gestured at the young pilots, laughing.
"After all is said and done, we humans are incredibly narrow minded. Look at them for example. They've fought wars, gone beyond what we think is possible, and still they can't accept it."
"Accept what?"
"That we're not alone in the universe. That there is intelligent life out there. We've all read the files on that machine and it's origins, yet we're not acknowledging it. Look at us mechanics. We're still referring to that robot as 'the Grumman, or that red suit'. And when it comes down to it, can you believe."
The techs mouth flapped open for a second. Latta nodded.
"See. You know it's true yet your mind wouldn't accept it even if ET appeared before your eyes and asked to borrow your mobile."
Latta turned towards the small group and shook his head.
"What we do realise, God protect us."
"From what?"
"Ourselves."
*
As the laughter died away, Howard turned to Noin, pinching his nose.
"Is Zechs showing any side effects from his, erm. experience."
"No. Sally couldn't find anything wrong with him."
Howard rubbed his chin. "Odd. Because our other wards definitely gone through some changes." He gestured at Starscream. "I was giving the boy's a guided tour through him and found something odd."
"Odd?"
"Come see." He gave her a hand up onto the torso. Quatre, like the gentleman he was, shifted aside to make room for her on the cockpit rim. As she peered into the open cockpit, she frowned.
Starscream's laser neurone, the last time she saw it, alternated in colour from red to purple on an infrequent basis. Having read the Rook physiological report on him, she and the engineers and pilots come to assume this reflected on his split personality. Now however, it glowed a steady purple, showing no signs of instability or fluctuation.
"What in the...What does this mean Howard?"
"No idea."
"I would like to put forward a scholarly opinion."
All looked in surprise at Wufei, who was lying in a recess built into Starscream's knee assembly, arms folded, eyes closed in deep concentration.
"Before I became the pilot of my Nataku I spent several years studying the human mind. It was my wish to better understand how the brain works and help those who suffered from mental problems. Having read the report and examined the interface that linked the robot's personality core, Zech's brain and the Zero System in a three-way loop, I have come to a conclusion." All of this was delivered in an aloof tone, as if implying to question his opinions was to commit a heinous crime. Yet he spoke with an air of confidence and knowledge.
"Very well, explain."
"A proportion of Zech's thought processes have been transferred to the robot."
"Pardon?" Duo looked confused.
"Very well Maxwell. I will keep it as simple as possible so you can understand." Wufei leaned back on the torso and stared at the ceiling.
"When you buy a new piece of hardware for a computer, like a scanner, you can't just plug it in and expect it to work. You must first install the software package. This tells the computer what the new equipment is, how it works, how the computer is meant to use it. Understand?"
"Yes. But how does that tie in to this."
"Wait Maxwell, be patient, for once. When you first use a suit installed with the zero system you get a surge of disorientation. You never feel this when you use the same suit again. This is because the system probes a new pilot's mind. It's like installing the pilot to the machine, because the system records a complete profile of the pilot's brain on hard disk.
Now then, what happens if you remove your computer's new scanner, without first uninstalling it?"
"Nothing, unless you select the scanner option, in which case the computer becomes confused, because it knows the scanners meant to be there, but can't sense it."
"Precisely, and this is what happens when you remove a person from the zero system without turning it off beforehand. The onboard computer gets confused. And in this case, in the computer's confusion, it has grafted Zech's brain patterns to this machine's laser neurone control programming."
Noin nodded her head slowly.
"So what you're saying is that this Starscream will now think like Zechs."
"Not quite. Most likely only some of Zechs' most prominent characteristics would have been grafted onto the neurone. Also, the machine will still possess all it's memories and none of Zechs'. What is obvious is that it has overwritten some of the original neurone patterns and cured the split personality. I would be very curious to see how Starscream's new brain patterns affect his personality."
"As would I."
Noin turned to Howard.
"Howard, can you put Starscream's brain back on line but only give him command of his head. You know, eyes, ears, vocaliser."
"Sure. His brain's online now, just bypassed from the rest of his body. I'd be very interested to know what he's thinking right now."
"You interested Wufei?"
Wufei gave her a stern glare.
"If I am interested woman, it's no concern of yours."
Noin counted slowly to ten, before turning to Howard.
"Howard, since Wufei is such an expert on physcology, why don't we leave him to interview Starscream, on. his. own."
Howard sniggered, Trowa smirked, Wufei looked dumbfounded, and Duo and Quatre high-fived each other.
"One for one Wufei."
With that, the four pilots left the bay to check on the other Gundams, leaving a stunned Wufei and a laughing Howard, who quickly jury-rigged some wires in the cockpit before high-tailing it after the others. Beneath Wufei, the massive robot shuddered slightly.
"UGH!" Starscream's head rolled around slightly, optics wide, mouth gasping like a person who had just woken from a nightmare.
'Amazing how human this machine is,' Wufei thought, 'but it is still a machine.' He squatted on the chest of the robot, and waited.
Starscream looked around a few times, eyes filled with fear, his mouth opened slightly and he whispered.
"I know you're there, where are you?"
Wufei briefly considered that the robot knew he was there, but dismissed it when the quiet machine suddenly erupted.
"WHERE ARE YOU! You've tormented me every day of my life for years and now you leave me. TALK TO ME!"
Wufei watched with awe at the sudden display of emotion from what he had considered till now merely a highly advanced mobile suit, unknowingly proving Latta right. He slowly stood up from his crouched position and moved towards the face, hands raised to signify he meant no harm. It was faintly ridiculous.
"I don't know you you're calling to, but the only one here is me."
Starscream's eyes searched the room for a second before he saw the small figure standing by his chin.
"You're human."
Wufei's nose wrinkled. "How did you know that?"
The robot's voice, instead of the harsh screech he had heard before was now a pained whisper.
"I don't know......What has happened to me? Why am I paralysed?"
"You're not as such, your body has merely been bypassed from your brain. We didn't exactly want to set you free after you attacked us before."
Like Wufei, Starscream wrinkled his nose, and responded in a slightly condescending tone.
"Nonsense, I would never attack one as yourself, it would be wrong to attack someone so weak compared to myself."
Wufei bristled slightly at being called weak, regardless of the context, "check your memory."
Confused, Starscream complied, and a troubled look passed over his face.
"I did. But, why...Why did I enjoy doing something so, so...dishonourable."
Wufei chuckled slightly. At least he'd identified one trait of Zechs' that had been transferred to the Decepticon. His strong sense of warrior's honour, much like his own.
"Well, it seems we have something in common."
"Pardon."
"Can I ask you something."
"What? How can I trust you when I don't even know your designation?"
"Designation? Oh, my name. Wufei Chang."
"Decepticon Air Commander Seeker Unit 0384762 Designation Starscream, Wufei Chang."
"Please, just Chang, or Wufei, not both."
"Very well, Wufei. And your question?"
Wufei leaned over, staring right into one of the ruby red eyes.
"Why? Why did a promising intellectual choose to join an army of bloodthirsty killers? Why did a scholar kill so many helpless neutrals, come to relish in pure destruction, yet at the same time plot behind the back of the one who had given those things to him?"
A pained expression crossed the jet's face. Wufei swore that within the glass and metal optic sensors, he saw sorrow.
"Because I was alone. I lost the only one close to me, and joined the decepticons because they offered what I desired the most, comradeship, and a chance to fight against those who had betrayed me and the one I'd cared for. I wanted revenge, unlike those who fought for a cause they actually believed in. I was driven only to destroy those beurucrats and cowards who'd cost me my friend and mentor."
Wufei was listening with only half his mind. In the other, he saw the same story he was being told, except in his mind's eye, he saw familiar faces and places. Himself, the L5 colonies, and Merian.
"But you still haven't told me. How did the person who wanted revenge against those who'd betrayed him become a bloodthirsty killer and despised backstabber?"
"Because I wanted revenge, but could not stand killing. So I began to lie to myself, to motivate myself to fight. And eventually, I came to believe those lies. That I wanted to destroy, that I pleasured in it. I became that which I despised, and even when those whom I sought revenge against were destroyed, I continued to fight. Because the fight had become a part of me. The rush. The fear. The joy and inner glory of a victory, and even when I began to question myself, I found I needed to fight to live. It had become the only way I knew how to life, and without it, I was nothing. As a warrior, I was respected, and had comrades, friends who I could call my new family, even if I had no cause. And then, it all went away..."
"How?"
"I was captured in a battle, and placed into suspended animation for many thousands of years till my 'comrades' rescued me. But it went awry. By some billion-to-one chance, my mind remained conscious when my body was deactivated. For those thousands of years, I was exposed to TSD..."
"Total Sensory Deprivation."
"Yes. No sight, no sound, only my thoughts. I didn't even have a perception of blindness or deafness as I had no eyes and ears. All I could do, was think, and think. And it was like that for twenty thousand years, a blink in the eye to my race, but to me, it was beyond eternity..."
As Starscream's voice trailed off, Wufei shuddered, not even caring at the display of weakness. Starscream's voice curled into a slight smile.
"You understand. You have no idea what that means to me. When I was revived, I went through the best counselling the army had to offer, but no- one could actually understand or contemplate what I had suffered. I became paranoid, and sunk into a personal low. During those years alone, I had contemplated my lot, and found my life had no real meaning. I needed something, a cause to believe in to give my life purpose, and I eventually found it. I found a person I could blame for my incarceration, unfortunately, this was the one person who had stood by me even when all others had rejected me."
Wufei nodded slowly,
"Megatron."
"Yes. In my quest to find a purpose for myself in life, I split myself from my one true friend. I became devoted to trying to overthrow him, to best him somehow. And it provided me with drive, but it didn't end my pain. At this time, I became schizophrenic. On one side was Starscream, the young, successful, talented cadet, happy with his life, and with many friends, and who had caught the eye of the supreme commander of all decepticons, and on the other side was Screamer, the detested, paranoid backstabber. It was the clash of these two personalities that let to my somewhat unbalanced self;"
He paused.
"If there was one thing I could change in my life, something I could see had cost me dearly in retrospect, it would be that decision."
"To turn on Megatron."
"Yes. Even without cause in my life I could have survived with him as friend. He had supported me in my time of need, and I spat in his face. I wanted to apologise so many times, but each time I tried, my other self, Screamer, would appear and ruin those attempts."
"So who are you now? Starscream, or Screamer."
Starscream paused, thought, and slowly smiled.
"I'm neither. The three parts of my personality have balanced."
"Three?"
"I'm sure you've figured it out. Starscream the cadet and Screamer the coward needed some other influence to bring them into balance." He breathed out slowly, "thank you Zechs."
"You remember what happened?"
"Very well. When Zechs left me I felt a rush of information and a strange sensation. Since then I've been trying to work it out. I have none of his memories, but I have his knowledge. I know that the year is AC198, I know that this is the Genesis. I even know that you, Chang Wufei, are the pilot of the Gundam Altron. Had I actually fought you, I'm sure it would have been a battle of the titans."
Wufei chuckled slowly.
"Not from my point of view. I saw you defeat four Gundam's in less than ten minutes."
Starscream chuckled, then frowned slightly.
"I know you're probably not in a position to trust me, but if possible could you restore me control of my body. Feeling completely numb is reminding me of something that now, I'd rather forget."
Wufei scowled, more to himself than Starscream, but nodded. He quickly slipped into the cockpit and twisted the wires Howard had disconnected back together. He yelped slightly as Starscream stirred beneath him.
"Sorry! You might want to get out before I sit up."
With the athletic grace that all the Gundam pilots possessed, Wufei somersaulted from the cockpit and landed neatly on the deck.
Slowly, but with a strange grace, Starscream sat up on the maintenance table. Wufei was impressed. Unlike the Gundams or any other mobile suits, he moved with a silence and ease that seemed to more suit a person than a machine. This impression was strengthened when Starscream rolled his head on his neck several times, as if working out a crick in it.
Eventually, the seeker ended checking himself out and rotated slightly so that he looked as if he was sitting on a park bench, knees apart, head down, hands clasped together. The focus of his attention was the awed Chinese man, who was actually bracing himself to run. The next comment threw Wufei right off balance.
"Why did you ask me my life story?"
*
Noin stuck her head through the bulkhead and almost hit the ship-wide alarm in her shock. She held herself back. Wufei was sitting on the edge of a maintenance table quietly talking to the robot facing him on the other...sitting up. She was tempted to carry on watching to keep an eye on the pair, but somehow registered that this was a deep personal moment for both of the pair. Silently, she slipped back through the door, shutting it behind her.
*
"I suppose it's because...when I read your profile,"
"Profile?"
"Long story. Anyway, when I read your profile, I saw myself in you. I too have killed many, but started life as an intellectual, a scholar, a reader of books. There was only one think I cared for in life other than knowledge, Merian, my best friend, and eventually, my wife. I learned a lot from her, including her strong views on justice, strength and weakness. She was filled with such determination and power that I took to calling her Nataku. It means..."
"Female Warrior in Chinese, I know."
"Yes. When we were married for only a few months, a corrupt government attacked my home colony. She fought to save us all, being the only one with the needed abilities, but failed. From that massacre, I was the only survivor, and I hated myself for it. I was not strong enough to protect her. Like you at the loss of your mentor..."
"Skyfire..."
"...I wanted nothing but revenge. So when I was approached by a man who'd built a weapon with which to attack that government with an offer for me to pilot it, I snapped it up. I became the Lone Dragon, pushing myself further and further with my training, and eventually, I piloted that weapon in battle. But what I found was that, by devoting myself solely to revenge, and preparing for that revenge, I had nothing else to do with my life after. I tried to return to books, but they could not satisfy me anymore. I nearly helped destroy the whole world and then, I found something that I felt could satisfy my needs. I joined a group that helped maintain peace, but with the use of weapons. On top of that, I now have the love of a good woman, even if I don't always seem to reciprocate the feeling. With these things, I thought I'd finally be able to make peace with myself, but I'm still haunted by the deeds I've committed, and I question myself. I killed hundreds of men and women in Merian's name, but, does she approve. Have I disgraced her memory by what I've done..."
He trailed off, tears staining his face. Starscream reached out, and gently, with the tip of his index finger, lifted Wufei's face to meet his.
"Even if you did commit hideous deeds in her name, you did them out of commitment to her. The religions of my race dictate that the dead have a clearer perception of life than the living, and I'm sure she has forgiven you for anything you have done. Live for the here and now Wufei, rather than living in the past. Now that I have the chance, I too, must do the same thing..."
Starscream lay back on his 'bunk' and stared at the roof.
"We all need time to contemplate what we've done, but regardless of what we think, we can't change what has happened, and we can only work towards a better future for both ourselves and those around us."
Wufei thought hard and did find that yes, Starscream's words did touch some nerve in him. He felt, lighter, as if the burden of many deaths had been lifted from his shoulders.
"Thank you Starscream."
As the two rested there in silence, quietly contemplating, a strange thought struck Wufei;
'I entered into this conversation thinking I would be talking to a simple machine, but there's more to these Transformers than meets the eye. They are perhaps a blessing to mankind, because in their struggle...
we see ourselves, and can therefore see ourselves for what we are.'
To be continued...
AUTHOR NOTE:
Well, with that hefty dose of philosophy and character heaped on you, click onto the next chapter, Hearts of Darkness. I promise that though it's short, it's well worth it, as the big, big surprise I've been promising for ages, is finally here.