Title: All I Wanted

Author: Michelle

Rating: PG-13

Fandom: X-Men

Spoilers: None.

Archive: Go for it! (Just let me know). Currently at MVids.

Feedback: It would make my day.

Disclaimer: Characters and past storylines are property of Marvel and Fox. I lay claim to nothing but the compilation of the words. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: So, I will admit, this is a pairing that I enjoy more than most of the others, (minus Logan/Rogue, which is my absolute favorite).

Summary: He pushed his way into my heart. He broke down my walls. I loved him more than anything. He was all I ever wanted. Bobby/John AU.

He was all I ever wanted.
My shining star.
My honest light.
My reason for living.

He pushed his way into my heart.
He broke down my walls.
I loved him more than anything.
He was all I ever wanted.

Bobby looked at the piece of paper in his hand; nothing could make the meanings of the words come back to life. When John walked out of the door, Bobby had felt his heart sink to the ground. The realization had really hurt him, more than anything that he had ever known; none of what they had shared meant anything anymore.

The fight had torn Bobby in three different pieces. Part of him had wanted to chase John, while another wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. The remaining piece was lost, floating somewhere in between the rest of his emotions. In the end, Bobby was too blinded by tears to care what the third part wanted to do; all he wanted was John. He wanted comfort, and release, and one million and one other things that he knew were not going to come to him. John was always at the top of the list, where Bobby had always kept him, and wanted him to stay forever. However, when things came crashing down, John just couldn't see that.

...

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Bobby yelled, completely confused by what John had just said to him.

"You heard me!" John screamed, his eyes as flaming red as the fire that he could manipulate. "You don't care about me! I know it!" He shook his head. "I always should have known it, too." Closing his eyes, John sat down on the bed, and put his head in his hands.

Bobby was hurt; he had always cared about John, ever since the day that they had met. Now, as he looked at John, and the position that he was in, Bobby was afraid. The only time that John put his head in his hands was when he was frustrated beyond all other compare. There was nothing that Bobby could say to ease the situation if John felt that way right now. "Too much damn pride in him to let things cool off."

On a moment of instinct, Bobby moved over to John, and sat down next to him. He placed a hand on John's forarm, only to have it pushed away. It was then that Bobby caught what his friend was trying to hide; there were long streams of tears falling down his face.

"I did that," Bobby thought to himself. "I don't even know what I did."

John got off of the bed, and wiped away the tears that had been discovered. The last thing that he had wanted was to be caught crying in front of Bobby. Even though he had all the right in the world to be upset, John still wanted to hide his feelings.

"Just..." he started, avoiding Bobby's eyes, which he knew were still watching him. "Just forget it, Bobby. Forget it all."

"Forget what? John, I still don't even know what I did to set you off!" Bobby felt his own eyes begin to fill with tears, but managed to keep them from spilling over. He stood up, and tried to get close to John. Every time he moved closer, John would back away. Bobby tried several times, before finally giving up on catching John, and decided that it was time for him to get forceful. Taking another step toward John, Bobby knew exactly where he wanted his friend to end up. Just as he had planned, Bobby's move had forced John to slide to his left. He smirked, finally satisfied with John's position, standing on the opposite side of the bed as him. With one quick, cat like movement, Bobby jumped up onto his bed, and tackled John, sending them both onto John's bed behind him.

"What in the hell are you doing?" John asked, pinned under Bobby, trying to get his breath back. "Get off of me!"

"I don't think so," Bobby said, seriously, as he looked into John's eyes. "Not until you tell me what is bothering you. Why would you say that I don't care about you?" He saw the tears that were reforming in John's eyes, and his heart fell; he hated to see anyone cry, John most of all. John looked at Bobby, and swallowed, hard.

"I..." he began, not sure how he wanted to phrase his feelings. It was so hard to do, since they had never had a real conversation about feelings before. It really wasn't an area that John liked to explore, and he was usually happy to let it lay. Today, however, things had to be said, and things were going to be said, and he didn't care who liked it.

"What, John?" Bobby asked, almost pleading for an answer. He wanted to know what was bothering his friend, and didn't want to have to wait any longer to find out.

"I..." John tried, again. "I saw you kiss Rogue yesterday," he finally responded. His own words sent tears back down the sides of his face, and he struggled to move out from under Bobby's body. "Will you get off of me now?"

Bobby didn't hear John's plea, and he didn't move. He couldn't; when had John seen that? There was no way in hell that he would be caught kissing Rogue, especially since she couldn't do it in the first place.

"When did you see me kiss Rogue?" he asked, blankly, trying to piece together just what might have made John think that he saw it happen.

John closed his eyes, and sighed. "Last night. You, her, and a few other people were sitting in a circle. I watched from the stairs, and saw you lean in, and she did, too. Then..." he trailed, his voice cracking. "Then, you kissed." John sniffled a little, and opened his eyes. He looked up at Bobby, and steadied his voice. "Ring a bell?"

"Oh, no," Bobby thought to himself. "Spin the Bottle. He did see it happen. He's right." Bobby looked down at John, who had let his head fall to the left side, as he began to stain the sheet with tears. "I remember," Bobby said, at last. "We were playing a game."

John shot his head back up, and raised it as far off of the bed as he could. "A game?" he yelled. "What kind of game has people sitting around, laughing, and kissing one another? Huh?" He waited for Bobby to respond, but nothing came. "What kind of game, Bobby? What kind of mindless teenage activity was it? What did I witness that had me watch as my boyfriend kissed someone else?" Bobby shot him a surprised look, and John dropped his head back against the bed again. "What kind of game?" he cried, his words barely reaching Bobby's ears.

Bobby was awe struck yet again; John had never called him his boyfriend before, so it had struck him deep inside. Suddenly, the feeling that he had hurt John had resurfaced, and Bobby felt terrible. He never should have played Spin the Bottle in the first place; it was for single people, not for him. He should have walked away. He told Rogue that he didn't want to play, but didn't say that it was while he was with John. That little detail was always left out of their conversations. She just kept pushing him to play, and he finally caved.

"I'm sorry," Bobby whispered. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to betray you, John. I didn't." He felt warm tears running down his face, and down his neck. He let his head drop, and he sobbed. "I'm sorry!" he cried out, trying to hide his face from John. Remembering his promise, Bobby removed himself from on top of John, and stood up.

John saw the tears on Bobby's face, as he sat up on the bed, and steadied himself. Bobby just stood in front of him, completely blinded with tears. As he stood up, John walked over to the small desk in the corner of the room. Opening the top drawer, he pulled out the piece of paper that lay on the top of a neatly stacked pile. He placed the paper on the desk, grabbed his jacket from the back of the desk chair, and put it on. Taking one final look at Bobby, he turned the door handle, and walked out of the room.

Bobby heard the door close, and fell forward, back onto John's bed. Holding a pillow in his arms, he hugged it, and wished with all of his heart that the pillow was John. As the tears continued to fall, Bobby cried himself to sleep.

...

Bobby just didn't understand why he had done something as stupid as play a game where he knew that he would end up making contact with someone's lips. If he could take yesterday back, he would, in a heartbeat. If he could undo the pain that he had caused John the day before, if he could take back the tears that he had seen falling from John's eyes just a few hours earlier, he would do anything. He would do anything to have his boyfriend forgive him.

However, he had no way to do so, and all he could do was look down at the paper in his hands. It was a poem that John had written for him a few weeks earlier. Well, the first part was, anyway. There had been a new part added, and it was recent. Bobby could tell, because the handwriting was in scribbles, and there was also the fact that he had read the poem the day that John had finished it, and it had only had the first part.

Placing the piece of paper back down on the desk, Bobby tried to slap himself awake, and make it appear as though he hadn't spent the last three hours crying in his sleep. He fixed his clothes, smoothing out any wrinkles that may have formed while he was laying down, and made his way to the door. As he stepped out, into the hallway, the last part of the poem echoed inside of Bobby's head.

I've lost everything that I ever wanted.
My shining star has dimmed.
My honest light was a lie in the dark.
My reason for living is completely gone.

She took him from me in one moment.
He slipped away from me as I watched.
She holds his heart, and I hold the pain.
I've lost everything that I ever wanted.

Bobby, you were always everything that I ever wanted.

THE END