She opened her eyes and lay motionless, as she did so many mornings before, drinking in the sight of him. Though blind as a bat without contacts or glasses, he was lying close enough to her that she could see his peaceful sleeping face. The color was back in those cheeks that were pale even a month ago. His breathing was quiet and regular, no machine to do it for him, no painful gasps when the tube was out. He was Simon; he was back with her, and he was almost completely recovered. The only reminders of the injuries he suffered protecting Governor Ritchie was the slight tenderness that still remained on his left side, and of course the scar that ran down his chest. The scar was a constant reminder of the bullet that nicked his heart and collapsed his lung. Two months after returning from Miami, following a four-week hospital stay (the wound got infected, than his lung collapsed again), Simon was pretty much back to what most people would call normal. Of course, as a Secret Service agent, he still had some ways to go before he could return to active duty…
Being Simon, he was determined to make a complete recovery in half the time he was given by the Service.
"WHY???" spat CJ, when he first started pushing himself.
"I want my life back," he answered evenly.
"You nearly died. You think maybe you could…I don't know…savor the time we have now before going back to trying to make me a widow?"
Simon raised an eyebrow while CJ stopped and gasped. Where had that come from? She was terrified of the idea of marriage, even to Simon. Knowing CJ as well as he did, Simon never broached this subject, though he knew without a doubt she was the one for him. He knew just as surely that CJ would bolt if he spoke the M-word. He was biding his time and waiting for her to come to trust him enough to discuss marriage. Now she stood in front of him looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He started to say something, but she was quicker, and angrier than before.
"Go to hell!" she fled the room, afraid he might pursue the subject, even more afraid that he might not. She slammed the bedroom door behind her, and he could hear her cry. In the bedroom, CJ wanted to scream out her frustration. She nearly lost him to a bullet. Was she going to lose him to her fear of commitment? She couldn't handle the added stress.
In those first few weeks at home, they fought and cried, and whispered broken "I'm sorrys." As the weeks went by, and Simon's health and strength returned, CJ's terror of losing him subsided enough to allow reason to return. His own anger, guilt, and frustration eased as well, thanks in no small part to the psych guy the Service assigned to him as a condition of his return to active duty. Simon had to admit the guy knew what he was talking about, and even gave him some good coping techniques to pass on to CJ. Ron Butterfield's wife, Laura, called CJ upon their return from Miami and offered herself as a one-woman support group for "Significant Others of Secret Service agents." Simon couldn't even begin to thank Ron for this. The senior agent just waved him off. "Just take care of each other, will you?" he said gruffly. Simon swore they would.
Today, CJ thought with a grin, we'll…then she remembered what today was. Her loud groan woke up her sleeping companion, and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."
"Well, now that you did, care to tell me what this is all about?" he asked good-naturedly.
"It's Election Day."
His expression neutral, he kept looking at her.
"I could be out of a job tonight."
"That's OK, I can support us," he grinned, easily blocking the playful punch he knew was coming.
CJ sighed, fighting down actual nausea. She's been having a lot of those lately. These were just nerves before an election day that would be too close for comfort, according to the polls. Even Joey Lucas was nervous. She turned her head back to Simon.
"I'm actually scared," she whispered softly.
His grin disappeared and he pulled her close. She settled near him, resting her hand lightly over his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart.
"You guys ran a great campaign, CJ. I know this doesn't help if you lose. I know this fear isn't about survival. You guys are probably the closest group of people I've ever known who didn't start out as family. I don't think you'll lose your friends, but I know we'll all lose something incredibly special if Jed Bartlet doesn't win today."
He paused, and continued: "And I know having to leave the campaign for a while after I got shot makes this so much worse for you…"
"I love my job," she whispered. "I bitch about it and tell everyone I quit a thousand times a month. But I really feel so right in it. And I want the chance to do more in this job. I want four more years, Simon."
"And you like being big sister to The Boys," he smiled.
She chuckled. "Yes, it feeds my ego quite nicely, bossing them around, don't you think?"
Simon laughed. Then he pulled her closer, kissing her hair lightly. "You're good at what you do, CJ," he whispered. "You are all good at what you do. And regardless of what happens today, you've all made a difference already, in many people's lives. But I know how you feel – there is so much more you can do, and I don't want this administration to lose." He shuddered. "I've seen Ritchie and his people up close…"
They showered together. It wasn't always about sex. Sometimes, especially after the shooting, CJ just needed to be close to Simon. After the shooting, she wanted to watch his body heal and grow stronger. Somehow, a shower together was reassuring at those times, and Simon was happy to oblige. He enjoyed the closeness. They chatted mindlessly as they got dressed, Simon doing his best to distract CJ from her mounting anxiety. Then they set off to vote, taking Simon's car. Not that CJ gave in without a fight – she wanted to take her convertible. Simon, however, said that feeling the wind in his hair and anywhere else he wanted was fine for May, but he wasn't crazy about it in November. CJ laughed, calling him a liar, knowing he couldn't care less about the wind, but just wanted his life back, including the privilege of driving his girlfriend around in his own car.
CJ settled back with a happy smile. Simon glanced at her and his grin softened into the smile she loved so much, the one that was reserved only for her, and told her how loved she was. It was a very long campaign, filled with pain and anxiety, and they were both happy it was over.
After voting they went to her office, where she briefed the press, and got on the phone with Leo in New Hampshire ("he's in an awful mood, CJ. Thank your lucky stars you're not here today.") By one o'clock she set off to a last minute campaign appearance at the Hilton. They were met at the entrance by the usual "press mass," as CJ sometimes called them. As she worked the press, CJ glanced over at Simon, exchanging a few words with one of the on-duty agents securing the hotel entrance. She was amused to see him fall into his agent mode, eyes scanning the crowd and the surrounding buildings, his gaze alert, face impassive. As she finally turned away to join him, she chuckled as they entered the hotel.
"Is it catching or did you get some alarming information from the agent at the door?"
"Is what catching?"
"Being an agent. You do have the day off today, you know."
"Oh that. It might give you a big head, but you were out there in an official capacity and it brings out the agent in me. I want to make sure you're safe."
CJ stopped and looked at him, suddenly touched.
"Thank you."
"Don't."
"Can I say I love you?"
"Always. Just make sure I know it's not only when I'm your bodyguard."
"I always love you, you idiot. Not only when you're my bodyguard. I didn't even know you were being my bodyguard sometimes and…."
"CJ?" Simon interrupted.
"We should get up there?"
"Probably."
"I love you."
"I love you too, CJ. Always."
They met back at Josh's place – CJ, Simon, Toby, and Donna. Sam and Ainsley were already there when they arrived. As they entered Sam looked at Simon and cried in mock horror: "Hey, who let the Ritchie people in here?"
CJ looked pointedly at Ainslie, snuggled in Sam's embrace on the couch, and asked, "Who let a Republican by choice in here?"
"I work for the President!" Ainsley protested.
"Did you vote for him today?"
"The question is unconstitutional…but as a matter of fact, I did."
The room fell quite as every eye turned to her.
"You voted for President Bartlet?" asked Josh. "Should I call a doctor? Do you think it's terminal?"
Sam tried to say something, but CJ kicked him. "Quiet, I want to hear this one!"
"It was a simple matter of looking at the candidates and what they had to offer. I think for myself, you know. I certainly don't like the Republican candidate, or where he's taking the party. I would, however, greatly appreciate it if this statement never left the room."
Josh looked out his window and turned to CJ with an evil grin. "There's, like, a whole bunch of reporters down there, mi amore. Think you should brief them?"
CJ, eyes gleaming, started for the door and Ainsley shrieked. Simon cracked up, Donna hit Josh, and CJ burst out laughing, opening the door when a knock came from outside. Carol and Ginger stepped in, with Carol asking, "What did we miss?"
It was a long day that stretched into a long evening. Tired as they all were, they were grateful to be with each other, especially as Leo's updates from New Hampshire grew grumpier by the hour. When the first polling results started showing up, the tension in the apartment grew thick. Sam and Toby decided the best coping mechanism was unbridled optimism. They retired to Josh's guest room and started drafting CJ's victory statement to the press. Simon found himself massaging CJ's tense neck and shoulders so often his arms actually started to hurt.
By half past midnight the trend was becoming apparent with the West Coast results trickling in and more of the East and Central states going with Bartlet than anyone expected. CJ's cell phone rang at 1am and everyone fell quiet, holding his or her breath. This should be it.
"CJ Cregg."
"CJ, Jed Bartlet here. How are you?"
"I'm…nervous, Mr. President. How are you?" From the corner of her eye, she say Josh bring out Champagne, poised to open the bottle.
"I'm done being nervous CJ. I just got off the phone with the Governor of Florida."
"And he said?"
"He said, and I quote the nice part only: 'Congratulation, Mr. President Elect.'"
CJ remembered to hold the phone away from her as she let out a scream of ecstasy, recovered quickly and nodded to Josh with a huge grin. The room erupted as Champagne started flowing, and CJ had to go in the other room to finish the call. Toby handed her the statement he and Sam drafted. She ran it by the President and added some details. When she hung up, Simon was there, his grin huge, arms outstretched. As Toby slipped quietly away, CJ found herself crying in Simon's arms. They were wonderful tears.
After the party, the statement to the press, and phone calls all around, CJ and Simon finally drove home. She sat on the steps looking up at the dawn breaking. He sat next to her, arm around her shoulder, as she tiredly rested her head against him.
"This is where I always want to be," she whispered.
"This is where I always want us to be," he answered.
"Simon, what happened to the girl who confused independence and freedom with no commitment, no strings attached?"
His heart leaped. "Maybe we left her in Miami?"
She remembered the terror of the weeks in the hospital, realizing with a shudder how close she came to losing everything that was right about her life. He was the first man who wasn't threatened by her strength and independence, and so he was also the first one she trusted enough to see how vulnerable she sometimes felt. He didn't want her to change; he simply wanted to be able to be there for her, with her, no matter what.
He looked down at her thoughtful expression. "CJ?"
"Mmmm…I think we did leave her there."
"So…does that mean that the girl who came back from Miami will accept this?"
Heart beating wildly in his chest, he reached into his coat pocket and took out the ring he's been carrying for the past three weeks. The timing never seemed right, until this moment.
CJ sat up straight, gasping as the diamond reflected tiny rays of light in all directions. It was set in a heart of small sapphires, an exquisite ring more beautiful than her sweetest fantasies. She started to cry.
"You know you really scare me sometimes, don't you?" he said tentatively. "I can't tell if this is a 'yes' or 'no' reaction."
"Yes. It's a 'yes.' Even if I scare myself to death sometimes, it's a definite YES!" she was laughing and crying at the same time, and he kissed her tears and the rest of her face, ending with her lips and not coming up for air for a long time. Both of his lungs were just fine, he though smugly as they finally broke off.
There were tears in his eyes as hers still trickled silently down her cheeks. And looking over the tops of the building, he said softly, "Look, CJ, it's a brand new day."