Bye Bye, Baby!
Chapter Seventeen

'He's really gone…he's gone…gone…gone…' were the ever reliable thoughts that plagued Kagome's mind when she awoke in her bed in the early morning. She feebly ran a hand through her hair and stared at her digital clock. The red numbers looked blurry and unreadable, and she sadly rolled out of bed, deciding it was early enough for her to get a head start on breakfast for Moriko; it was a school day after all. She shouldn't let recent events invade her motherly biological clock, right? She checked the calendar hanging on the wall as she shuffled into the kitchen. School was nearing an end, and Moriko had only three more days of school left and then it would be summer vacation. School had started late this year, thus summer was coming out late as well. It was an odd sensation, the feel of summer in the air when it had only been spring just a short while ago. Kagome forced a smile and rolled up her long sleeved pajama shirt.

'Hard to believe that Moriko will be seven soon,' She thought as she started making her daughter a peanut butter and banana sandwich on seven grain bread. She chopped carrots and added in a container of grape juice and a small cookie into Moriko's bright and happy lunch pail.

'It seems like things might finally get back to normal…' Then she froze.

Normal. What was normal? Her thoughts suddenly filled with the image of a painfully gorgeous man who had walked out of her life not two days ago. His breathtakingly beautiful eyes still haunted her vision and she always saw the burning amethyst orbs whenever her eyes drifted shut or she wasn't preoccupied with the world around her. It hurt. She loved his eyes; it was one of his many qualities that had drawn her to him. And now he was gone, and she had allowed that to happen because she was afraid.

He flashed through her mind again: his lilac eyes, his long black hair, longer than any hair she'd ever seen, his flat chiseled chest, his lean body frame, his strong legs, his gorgeous (not to mention sexy) smile and just the way he carried himself. He was truly an amazing being, one with an unspoken confidence that even he wasn't completely aware of. His attitude could be a little sour, and at times she could have cheerfully strangled the man, but deep down she knew that his heart was stronger than most people. Strong and caring. And Kagome had let him walk away! She could have banged her head against the wall every time that thought crossed her mind. She was so stupid!

As Kagome completed her daughter's lunch, she set about to make the little girl some breakfast. She poked her head out of the doorway of the kitchen to cast her daughter's room a quick glance, to see if her daughter had stirred yet. She pulled out a frying pan and began to prepare some eggs and bacon for her small child.

"Here's your check, sir," said the small waitress, no older than eighteen. She brushed some hair behind her ear as she set down the black folder that held his bill and a slot to insert his money or credit card. "Are you finished yet?" she eyed the half eaten pile of pancakes, nearly drowned in maple syrup.

"Huh?" Inu yasha turned his gaze away from the window before he realized what the girl had said. "Oh, yeah, I'm done, thanks…" he'd have to remember to give the girl a tip as an apology for his lack of mannerisms.

He sighed, flipping out his credit card and turning his attention back to the window, where he watched the gentle Californian sun beat down on some palm trees. His eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. Nine thirty…

His heart throbbed painfully as his mind drifted back to a particular woman who lived in New York City…so far away from him. He took a sip of his orange juice and didn't even notice the waitress take his credit card away. His hand supported the weight of his head as his lavender orbs watched the flight of seagulls. He sighed and felt like he'd thrown something too important away, that he had left something behind. 'Which is really fucking obvious,' he thought dryly and couldn't fight the scowl that appeared on his face. 'I left behind a wonderful woman and her adorable daughter. I'm such a moron…' He sighed again, wishing he had the power to go back. But he was signing the contract tonight, after he had his brief meeting with Naraku.

"Bastard…" he mumbled as he pictured his latest foster brother; the brother he'd been forced to spend the majority of his older teenaged years with. The man could make Stalin look like a saint. He'd always enjoyed pulling on his hair (which had been long at the time, as well) or putting ice cubes down his pants. Naraku thrived on the displeasure of others, and Inu yasha had often been the epicenter of Naraku's taunting.

And now here he was, about to start working for his 'brother'. It Often made him wonder about his half brother, Sesshoumaru. The man without identity. In the years his mother had been alive, he'd always been vaguely aware of the fact that his unknown father had an unknown son. Hisaki and Sesshoumaru. Two people who had a right to have a significant part in his life, yet weren't even a shadow on the darkest confides of his mind.

Actually, that wasn't exactly true, he'd seen Sesshoumaru once in his lifetime. He'd been on the television a few years back, bragging about his best selling novel. It kind of irritated him that his brother was some famous writer, yet had never made an effort to try and contact him. Heaven knows that the man could and had every possible way to contact his little half brother. But, he had yet to actually introduce himself to the great and all powerful Sesshoumaru…

Inu yasha finished the rest of his orange juice and was distantly aware that the waitress had returned with his receipt and credit card. He hastily signed his name and got out of there, feeling constricted in the small restaurant. It was only when he was about a block away that he realized he'd forgotten to give the woman a tip…

Moriko happily ate the eggs and bacon, the food being cheerfully arranged into a smiley face: two eggs for eyes, and a slice of shriveled bacon in the shape of a large smile. Moriko loved it. Kagome sat across from the table, watching her daughter eat, yet lacking the same amount of enthusiasm she used to. She knew that Inu yasha's disappearance had had its toll on the small child and that the man's presence was truly missed in the small confides of the apartment.

Now that he was gone, the apartment felt completely different. Kagome found it hard to imagine a time when the man hadn't lived here, it seemed so quiet and still, almost boring, without his cheerfully annoying personality nearly suffocating her, and his ego almost too large to fit through the door. She missed him, and that really pissed her off.

Kagome's eyes slanted towards the clock and she made a small noise in the back of her throat, "Time to go, Moriko, the bus will be here soon."

Moriko looked up from her food, swallowed the rest of her eggs and nodded.

As they made their way towards the bus stop, Hikari was already waiting, her arms crossed over her chest and her blue eyes staring at the ground. She glanced up as the two approached and regarded them silently before turning her attention back to the crack in the sidewalk, where moss was beginning to grow.

"Hi Hikari," Moriko said cheerfully and pulled herself up onto the bench her friend was sitting on. Hikari glanced at her and then at Kagome before nodding,

"Hi…"

The rest of the wait was accompanied by silence; Moriko not having anything to say, Hikari her normal reserved self, and Kagome finding no reason to speak to the small children who didn't understand the blow to her pride she had had to endure when Inu yasha went to California.

"Bye, bye mommy," Moriko said suddenly, snapping Kagome out of her thoughts. The bus was in front of the bench and Kagome nodded.

"Bye, sweetie; have a good day," she said, the classical motherly response.

"Yup!" Moriko peeped joyfully and scurried onto the bus after Hikari.

The rest of the day was for Kagome, only.

She felt so alone…

As Kagome made her way up the apartment she barely registered the loud squeaky sound of the staircase, or the fact that her neighbors had returned from their vacations, or how she had to pay her bills soon, or that Moriko would be coming home in six hours, or that she reeked and needed a shower. Her thoughts kept drifting back to a man with amethyst eyes, and it annoyed her immensely.

She set about her motherly chores of cleaning up after her daughter. She wiped the counters and the table in the kitchen and did the dishes as she normally did; and idly remembered how not too long ago, a certain heated discussion had taken place in the proximity of this very kitchen. She felt a pang run through her heart.

After she was done cleaning up, she retreated the bathroom and proceeded to clean the mess her daughter had made this morning, as well as the night before, such as toothpaste sticking to the bowl of the sink or the splattered water marks on the mirror. Kagome sighed loudly, finding all of this fruitless and pointless as she cleaned around the apartment, but she couldn't find it in her heart to go into Inu ya- Moriko's room…she just couldn't force herself to walk into…Moriko's room…

"Inu yasha…" her voice was soft and her eyes glowed tenderly as she reached out her hands to him. Feebly he reached also and they met half way, their hands intertwined. It was an instance where he knew he was dreaming, yet wished with all his heart that this was true and that he was actually in a reality where he was reunited with her. But he knew he'd awaken sooner of later. "I've missed you…have you missed me?"

"Of course," he said without hesitation, how could she ask such a ridiculous thing? It was absurd for her to even imagine that he'd never thought of her, missed her. There wasn't a moment that went by when she wasn't on his mind; no matter how faint or how strong the connection with her was, he could still see her perfectly in his mind's eye.

"You're so kind…" she whispered and her eyes glowed happily, reflecting the love and loyalty she had for him, and the pain and the unresolved regret that flowed freely through her green eyes. "How I wish I could have…" she couldn't finish, she trailed off.

"Mum…" It came out in a strangled whisper as he tried to keep the emotion from his voice, his violet eyes stared at his mother.

"My baby…" Her hand flowed through his hair, like they often did. He'd had many instances when he had dreams of his mother, recollections of his childhood magnified to what she would have been like if she were alive. What he would have been like if she were alive…

"I'm not a baby," he pouted and crossed his arms. Mary laughed. Her laugh was rich and beautiful and it calmed him to the point where he couldn't help but smile.

"No, you aren't. You're a man, now, I suppose," she reached out a hand, but quickly drew it back, as if ashamed of the fact he was standing before her. "Older than I am…"

He smiled wryly, finding a sort of humorous irony in that statement. "You're still older than me, mom…"

"Yes, but you have lived longer; you're so much wiser than me," Mary shook her head gently. "I find it funny, really, the amount of wisdom I see in your eyes. When really, I had always expected you to be in prison by the time you left college."

"Gee, thanks mom," Inu yasha said, but smiled none the less. Mary threw her head back and laughed loudly, her laughter echoing across his dreamscape.

"Goodbye, Inu yasha…"

Inu yasha cracked open his eyes and groaned once he realized that his dream was over. Her sat up and rubbed his eyes, idly glancing at his clock on the bedside table. Three p.m. Great, terrific, he'd slept for about five hours, dreaming about his mother. Inu yasha ran his hands through his black hair and ruffled the bangs. He threw back the covers of his hotel bed and banged his head against the wall, trying to wake himself up.

Finally, he resorted to ordering room service. "Yeah, some coffee and…um…a chicken sandwich. Yeah, room 596, thanks." Inu yasha hung up and flopped onto his bed staring at the ceiling. There weren't any cracks or weird designs that danced across the white wall, just a ceiling fan that swirled in a clockwise motion lazily.

He was bored.

Inu yasha thanked the waitress when she delivered his late lunch and ate in silence. His eyes glanced out the window and watched the wind sway the palm trees outside his windowed door.

After his sandwich was half eaten and his coffee still full, Inuyasha found himself wandering idly around the streets of the Hollywood.

It was hard. Inu yasha knew he had to do it, but he felt like it would rip his heart out as he approached the walled area. He hadn't even realized how terrified he was until he actually thought of what he was doing, and where his body was headed. It was like an odd sense of longing mixed in with the pain and regret that would never wash away, no matter how long time drifted past him. It was just something he'd been putting off and only now had the courage to find.

Finally, Inu yasha came to what he had been looking for. And even though the gravestone was hidden under dead leaves from last fall, he could read the writing perfectly:

Mary Jane Thompson
Born: November 16, 1957
Died: April 15, 1982
She was wild and free

"Mom…" Inu yasha murmured as he knelt, shoving the dead leaves and the long, unkempt grass aside so he could stare at the gravestone completely. His hands grazed over the cool stone as he recollected the memories of his mother, and silently questioned himself for coming here.

He heard footsteps behind him and he stood, blinking as the bright sun hit his eyes. As his eyes grew used to the bright light, they focused on a plump woman with a bouquet of flowers in her hands, white lilies. "Uh…" he vocalized.

"I see you're here to visit Mary Jane," the woman said softly and knelt in front of the grave, placing the bundle of white flowers there, "How nice of you."

"Thanks," Inu yasha shrugged. It was his mother; he didn't know what the woman was making such a big deal out of his presence. "Did you know her?"

"Oh yes, very well, actually. She was so young," she dabbed her eyes with a white handkerchief and Inu yasha suddenly realized who the woman was.

"Mrs. Smith?" he asked in disbelief.

Carolyn Smith stilled her efforts to wipe away the small bundle of tears in her eyes and slanted her gaze away from the grave towards the young man before her. Her eyes narrowed as she racked her brain for a memory of meeting him. "That's me," she finally said slowly.

"Wow, you look-" Great wasn't the right word. Mrs. Smith had really let herself go. She looked much older, fatter and her haggard expression made her look like she'd just died herself. Her stringy white hair was collected into a bun and her dark eyes looked tired. "Wow…" he said again, for lack of a kind thing to say to the defeated looking lady.

"I…do I know you?" Mrs. Smith asked suspiciously.

Inu yasha smiled and scratched the back of his head, "It's me, Inu yasha…Inu yasha Takahashi…?"

Mrs. Smith's eyes widened in realization and she launched forward, enveloping the taller boy in her plump arms. "Inu yasha? Oh my, look how you've grown! How long has it been?"

"Too long," Inu yasha said and his nostrils flared as he was once again reunited with the disgusting scent of her perfume. "A little over twenty years." Saying that made him feel old…

Mrs. Smith pulled away and observed him, staring from his head and making her way down to the tip of his toes. "You've grown so much. Why it felt like only yesterday that you were ten years old and in my care before you were taken away."

"Yeah," Inu yasha said, feeling like he was in some kind of lame soap opera. "The O'Conners, then the Browns, the Potters, the Teys and the Narakus…" he cringed as he named off the last name of his last foster family. They had been by far the creepiest people.

"So many?" Mrs. Smith seemed surprised, "I was never informed of your living arrangements, I assumed that you lived with the O'Conner's your whole life…"

Inu yasha shook his head, "Nah, I wasn't good enough for them. My grades weren't good enough. The Browns were nice, but then Mrs. Brown got pregnant…the Potters couldn't afford to feed me; the Teys were abusive to my younger foster siblings, so we all had to leave and…I stayed with the Narakus the rest of my teenaged years." He shrugged as if it was no big deal, and idly wondered why he was telling all this to his old babysitter.

Mrs. Smith's eyes darted to the gravestone of his mother, "She would have been sad to hear that."

"Yeah, I know." He lightly touched the top of the grave, his purple eyes shined slightly.

Mrs. Smith looked around uneasily. "So, what brings you to California? Or have you been here all your life thus far?" She seemed genuinely curious and Inu yasha couldn't help but confide in her, after all, she was the only person from his childhood that he really remembered.

"The O'Conners and Browns lived in California, but the Potters were in Pennsylvania, the Teys in moved around between North and South Carolina and the Narakus lived in Colorado." he ticked off the names on his fingers, staring at the sky as he tried to concentrate. "How about you, how's Mr. Smith?"

"He's fine. So are my kids; I'm a grandmother now." she smiled warmly. Inu yasha smiled as well, despite himself.

He felt strangely calm talking to the old woman, calmer than he had in the last few days, and it felt that he really could confide in the old hag. He glanced briefly at his watch and reluctantly had to call their little reunion to and end.

Fifteen minutes later Inuyasha had returned to his hotel room and was staring out the window, watching clouds roll by. 'I wonder what Kagome's doing now…?' his thumb thoughtfully rubbed against his lips, remembering the feel of Kagome's velvety soft mouth pressed against his own. He sighed sadly and closed his eyes, replaying the kiss in his head for the umpteenth time since he'd left.

He missed her.

Kagome pressed the heels of her palms against her closed eyelids, trying to will her headache away and perhaps delay the tears that were collecting behind her eyes. She blinked a few times before pressing her hands against her eyes and rubbing, wiping away the tiniest bit of moisture.

"This is ridiculous," she whispered to herself.

"Yes, talking to yourself does seem rather ridiculous." Kagome jumped, having forgotten that Hikari and Moriko were in the room, eating some fruits and vegetables. Hikari stared at a carrot in disgust, and dropped it on Moriko's plate. Moriko stared up at her mother.

"Mommy?" she asked.

"Hm?"

"When's Inu yasha coming back?" Unbeknownst to her heartbroken daughter, Kagome's heart gave a painful lurch and she closed her eyes, willing the tears to stay put.

"I…I don't know, sweetie." she tried to sound reassuring.

"Knowing actors," Hikari said matter-of-factly as she took a small bite from an apple slice, "He'll never come back."

'Kouga. Inu yasha…'

'Never come back…' Kagome stood up suddenly and ran from the room, leaving the two children to their own devices. She turned on the faucet in the bathroom and cried.

She felt stupid, kneeling over the sink, using the toilet as a support. It made her feel dependent upon a man, which she didn't like to think. She liked to think of herself as a independent, capable single mother.

But she still couldn't fight the one thought that wouldn't leave her in peace.

'He's gone…he's gone…he's never coming back…'

She closed her eyes and willed the painful feelings away, but she couldn't stop it.

'I'm alone…'