Part 4

Rachel felt a tear run down her cheek as she recalled that day. It was indeed the worst day of her life.

Ross never stopped trying to get Rachel back. He prioritized her and the kids, though he had his work to keep him busy. He focused on big films, and his recent one was about an archeologist which was set in Mexico. While she concentrated on comedy and action films, including some box office hit films. These kept their schedules busy, more so with Ross when he found out that Rachel was dating someone else.

Tom Sanders wasn't an actor, but he was a known wealthy bachelor in advertising. He and Rachel met during one of his social balls; apparently Chandler was invited and brought Monica and Rachel with him. Of course everyone knew who Rachel was, she was recognized and greeted by every person in the gathering... and she caught Tom's attention. Her sleek, white gown sparkled in Tom's eyes, and he knew he had to do something about it. He also knew Rachel's divorce was publicly announced a few months before. So all through the night, he and Rachel talked.

It took a while for Rachel to realize that Tom liked her... maybe because she temporarily closed the door of the possibility to love again. It took Ross by surprise to find out that almost a year after their divorce was finalized, Rachel was dating already. He, on the other hand, refused to take anyone seriously… still very much in love with the mother of his children. It was very obvious, but to Rachel, it seemed like a load of crap.

The separation wasn't easy for any of them. The tabloids feasted on every detail there was, inventing the rest. The media watched them night and day, making them the most watched soap opera. The word privacy no longer existed in their vocabulary, and their exposure to the world affected the children.

More than a year ago…

"Come on man, let it go." Chandler said, seeing his friend angrily punching the wall.

"I can't just 'let it go!' This is Rachel we're talking about... Dammit! How STUPID can I get?"

"Ross, you know this was gonna happen one way or another. You just have to accept that you guys aren't together anymore... and Rachel has the right to do that. Honestly, you haven't been living in the same house for a long time now."

"It's just- It's just not fair! " Ross could not handle his emotions any longer. Tears slowly started streaming down his cheeks. "It can't just end this way- God, I love her so much. We can't end like this. I had so many plans for us... and- and our kids. Fuck! Why did I have to ruin everything!" he cried out.

Chandler knew there was nothing he could do but just to listen to his friend's pain.

Ever since Ross found out about Rachel dating Tom, his weekly visits gradually decreased. It came to a point wherein he'd rather have his kids over his pad rather than him spending the day with them at Rachel's home. He was too afraid to see Rachel or Tom, or Rachel WITH Tom. He made tons of reasons- reasons that conceal the truth. To Chandler, Monica, Joey and Phoebe, his reasons were mere bluffs. They knew he wasn't okay with everything… they knew the truth.

On the other hand, Rachel believed him. Oddly enough, she thought Ross gave up in trying to get her back. She didn't see through him... maybe because she no longer could.

The media feasted on them with pictures and intrigues. In the beginning, such nonsense badly affected Ross. It was hard for him not to believe everything he has seen and read- 'Rachel and Tom: Getting married?', 'Rachel Green is soon to be the mother of advertising tycoon Tom Sander's child!', 'Tom Sander - a father to Ross Geller's kids!'. Ross wanted to burn all the tabloids he'd seen.

With all the catastrophic media madness, Ross buried himself with his job even more. He had films, left and right… and after months and months of work and stress, he realized that he had to live with the situation. He finally had guts to face her- with 'him.'

'Rachel's happy...' he thought. The rumors died down as well, they all happened to be false anyway.

in recalling his unpleasant behavior, Ross concluded with the reality that people would do anything just to earn money- even if they have to ruin other people's lives.

Justin hated the media. He referred to them as the 'monsters' in his life. He once believed that they were good people; but after his parents' separation, he learned that all they wanted was to ruin their life just for the sake of money.

Ross and Rachel tried their best to shield their children from the cruelty of publicity, although their stature does not allow it at all. They all learned to just ignore such issues and live their lives the way it should be.

Although the kids liked Tom, they just didn't know where to place him in their lives. Emma least understood his purpose in her life- specifically her mother's life; but hey, he was extremely generous! Mattie just went with the flow... Tom gave him toys, and seeing his mom happy, he gave him a chance...

Justin half-heartedly accepted his presence. 'Mom's happy,' he thought, 'but she was happier when dad was around.' He also knew that stories about Tom made his father insanely jealous- Ross' efforts of hiding it didn't seem to work out. But his loyalty remained with Ross. The only problem was, Ross was hardly around- and Tom was. It took a while for Justin to befriend Rachel's boyfriend. He just loved his mom too much... similar to Ross... He just loved Rachel too much- might as well set her free.

'Setting Rachel free' wasn't as easy at all. Joey and Chandler often encouraged Ross to start dating again.

One night a year ago…

"It's been two years Ross!" Joey remarked.

Taking a gulp from his beer, Ross replied, "Joe, it's not that easy. Rachel's not some girl I just met and slept with. We happen to have three kids together."

Joey agreed and said, "So are you trying to tell me you haven't had sex since you guys separated?"

Ross and Chandler shot him a look and rolled their eyes at their friend's classic shallow comment. "Joe, I'm not talking about the sex here."

"Yeah Joe," Chandler added, "Ross isn't a saint." patting Ross at the back.

"Thanks man," Ross sarcastically shot Chandler a look.

Joe sheepishly smiled and nodded.

It was another Saturday night for them boys. Usually, Joey and Ross (the bachelors) would invite some friends over and drink. Chandler, on the other hand, found it hard to attend their 'male-bonding' every week. Apparently his wife was very strict with the 'no-women-other-than-me' policy.

Ross' night was cut short when Chandler handed him his mobile, "Ross, it's Monica. She said it's something important!"

Ross arched his brow and grabbed the phone, "What's up Mon? WHAT? When? Where is she? Okay, thanks!"

Without further explanation, he handed Chandler the phone, searched for his coat and left… within minutes, he was already at Rachel's house.

"I mean, is there something wrong with me?" Rachel managed to say in between sobs while he comforted her.

Ross' heart wanted to burst at the sight of her tear-strained cheeks and her red, blotched eyes. It brought him back to his dungeon of guilt. "Rach," he began, "none of these were your fault." He tried his best not to bring up the past, but he failed to succeed.

"Just when I thought I can just move on and be happy in another relationship, he breaks my heart." Ignorant of Ross' feelings, she continued to pour her heart out. "I just thought he'd be different… and I thought I won't make a mistake this time..."

Ross couldn't help but shed tears- he felt like he was being stabbed as Rachel finished her sentence... although he had to be strong not only for himself but for Rachel as well. He deserved whatever pain he felt anyway.

Keeping his cool, he managed to hug Rachel and allowed her to literally cry on his shoulder. This whole situation wasn't easy for him, but after having a Best Friends deal, he had no choice. He didn't want to completely lose Rachel anyway... so if this is what it takes, then be it.

For weeks, Rachel and Tom's name headed the tabloids. Most of them were rumors about their failed relationship, labeled 'The TRUTH about Rachel and Tom's Break-Up!' Though Rachel refused to accept any interview, one point was clear; Tom was cheating behind her back all along.

Eventually, Rachel moved on from another break-up.. much faster than she thought she would.

"I'm so stupid! How could I have not known that he was cheating on me? I mean, he's one of the most eligible bachelors in the world. But why is he still a bachelor? BAM! He cheats on all his girls!" she told Monica on one of their lunches together.

Having her best friend and once-sister-in-law over definitely brightened up her mood... her kids had their cousins to play with as well and that meant less time for them to bug her.

Monica smiled seeing her friend has already escalated from STAGE 1 (The 'sweats and couch' stage).

"Why do guys have to cheat anyway? I definitely can't see myself sleeping with another person while I'm still in a relationship... It's just sick!"

"Honey, that's cause we're girls. They're very different from us. First things first, they're much hornier than we are," Monica replied.

Rachel let out a chuckle and sipped her tea. "But Mon, why me? I mean, okay there's Barry, Chip, Paolo-"

"Rach, seriously, high school?"

"Okay fine, what about Ross?"

Monica looked defeated.

"See Mon, is it just me? Do I have a 'cheat on me please' signage on my forehead?"

Monica laughed and continued their conversation, "Ross didn't cheat on you the whole time..."

"And that makes everything better!" she sarcastically replied, "The fact is, he still did. He slept with her behind my back."

Monica always feared to get into matters about Ross, but she was amazed Rachel brought it up- she obviously wanted to talk about it.

"Mon, was it wrong that I refused to give him another chance?"

Monica replied, "I'm not biased cause he's my brother or anything, but I wish you did."

"What for? The damage was done, he broke my trust and I don't want another 14 years to rebuild it. I love him but I don't want to- What?" bothered by Monica's facial reaction.

Monica smiled and said, "You still love him?"

"What?" Racal said in defense, raising her voice.

Monica resumed, "You still love him!"

Rachel exasperatedly ran her hands through her hair, "I said I LOVED him but I don't want to start all over again..."

Monica shook her head, "I'm not deaf Rach, you said LOVE. And besides, your grammar's wrong!" Rachel looked helpless, 'no use,' she thought. Monica cheered in excitement; her friend finally admitted that she still loved Ross.

Rachel rolled her eyes... she knew she couldn't get out of the hole she dug for herself, mindlessly confessing to Monica.

"Okay Rach, if it wasn't for 'love,' then it should've been for your kids." Monica smiled and left Rachel in thought.

That night, she couldn't sleep. She didn't just admit it to Monica... she finally admitted it to her self. Yes, she STILL loved Ross, and it bothered her because she just came from a different relationship. Ross was always a special person to her. And in spite of their failed marriage, they managed to stay friends. He was considered one of her best friends... but she never really thought of him the way she was thinking of him now. If she still loved him, what did it mean?

Months have passed since Tom and Rachel broke up, and she and Ross became closer and closer. They talked about the past often... he opened up to her, she did too. They talked about their separation- a topic they feared the most, and Ross would always apologize.

"Ross, what lead you to sleep with her?" she curiously asked on one of their earnest conversations.

His heart skipped a beat; that was THE question he was afraid of.

Getting no answer, Rachel repeated her inquiry, "Seriously Ross, I won't get mad or anything... I just wanna know- and this time I want the truth!"

After a moment that seemed like forever, Ross began, "I don't know... It's not like I purposely wanted to hurt you- because that's something I never wanted to do. We were- We were..."

"We were drifting apart... I know," Rachel finished.

"We were drifting apart and I needed someone to talk to. You hardly called me; every time I would, you weren't home. You often refused to accept my calls at work cause you were too busy- and Jenn was there." He paused to look at Rachel's reaction. Surprisingly, she remained calm so he continued, "Then we fought cause I couldn't reach you. Since our fight, you neither called me nor visited me. I felt so alone and I couldn't wait for three more months so I decided to go home... but the production group didn't want me to cause we still had a lot of scenes to shoot and couldn't afford to delay the release. It was also stated in my contract that I had no say in the whole situation." He cleared his throat, realizing that Rachel allowed him to actually speak for himself and of how he felt. "With no communication between the two of us, we completely drifted apart and I missed you and the kids. Then I dunno, something just came over me and found myself thinking you were Jenn. Things just got out of hand... then you came and- and I couldn't do anything but admit everything."

Rachel shed a tear. That was what she wanted to hear- the truth.

"I'm not blaming you in any way because I should've done something else. It was my commitment, my project, and it was something I didn't think of beforehand. I know now that our differences were not a sufficient reason for me to cheat on you and ruin the family we had. I'm sorry!" Both of them were in tears by the time he finished.

Seeing Rachel completely moved by his confession, he hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head. Slowly, he whispered to her ear, "I'm sorry..."

Rachel looked up at him and smiled, "This may be the weirdest thing you'll be hearing from me but I just wanna say thank you for telling me."

Ross wiped the tears on her cheeks and kissed her on the forehead.


Their closeness as a separated couple wasn't left unnoticed by the paparazzi. Pictures proved that every move they had was being watched, and that included their kids.

Although Rachel changed; Ross' words of confession must've taken effect. She found herself beginning to trust him all over again. Yet one thing Ross waited for was her forgiveness. Despite their mutual understanding, she hasn't said the words 'I forgive you' yet- and he was willing to wait forever just for those to come out.

(A/N: All this reminiscing brings us to the present once again...)

Ross didn't know what to do after what just happened. 'Should I call her and apologize?' 'Was she angry?' His thoughts kept him busy. Kissing Rachel wasn't really what he intended to do... it was just that certain moment. She didn't do anything to stop him anyway. But still, he felt awful. He didn't want to rush her in any way... after years of trying to get her back; this was the only time he was able to kiss her again- although it felt good. Happiness and sadness surely cannot mix... Every time he would replay that kiss, it felt like cloud 9. But his guilt and her unexplainable reaction sent him back to the ground. It's only been a few months since Rachel seemed to have finally given him the chance to prove himself all over again... could he have ruined it?

He tossed and turned in bed.

He couldn't sleep.

He wanted to return to Rachel's house and ask her how she felt.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Hoping it was Rachel, Ross slowly picked up the receiver and said, "Hello?" His hopeful face frowned. After setting down the phone, he immediately got up from bed, wore proper clothes, and rushed out of his pad.