TITLE:Intertwined (1/1)
AUTHOR: sakurabaka sagara
E-MAIL: sanonoonnayahoo.com
CATEGORY:a little angsty, monologue
PAIRINGS:Sano x Megumi
RATING:PG (all because of Sano's language. Hehe…)
WARNINGS: some angst, different perspectives
SPOILERS: first Sano eps (eps 4-5) and a bit of the first Megumi eps, and Sano-Anji eps. (towards the Shishio Makoto fight. If you don't know what I'm talking about, leave, you might get spoiled.)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own RK, and never will. Neither do I own Savage Garden or Weiss Kreuz, in case you're asking...
ARCHIVE: contact me first
NOTES: this is my first RK fic. Please…no flames. I accept constructive criticism, but don't flame me.
FEEDBACK: Please do! Need a beta-reader as well...
And we stare each other down
Like victims in the grind
Probing all the weakness
And hurt still left behind
-----------------
"Itai!" Megumi scowled at me. "If you don't go around fighting just for the heck of it, your hand wouldn't hurt at all, baka!"
I scowled back at her. "I didn't fight for the heck of it! Those fckin' bastards were pissing me off!"
"Oh and here comes Mr. Big, Strong, and Mighty." She rolled her eyes. "Did it ever occur to you to talk first before showing your fists?" She angrily wrapped the remaining bandage around my thumb.
"Hmph." I scoffed, and decided not to answer her on that. Though I don't want to admit it, she was right.
She continued wrapping my hand up in silence. We stayed that way for a few minutes. I wrinkled my nose in thought. She's never really that quiet towards me...maybe she's in a bad mood or something. She's angry at me?
I don't have to wonder too long about that. "Sanosuke." She said in that stern voice.
This is bad... "Nani?"
"This is serious." She stopped bandaging and looked at me in the eye. "If you use that Futae again, I won't be able to heal your hand again."
"Uso!"
"Baka tori! If you keep using your hand like that, you'll never be able to use it! You and your Futae-no-somethings!" She looked like she was about to strangle me. She took a deep breath. "The bones in your hand--in your arm--when you use the Futae, they crumble because of the strong force you use. The more you use the technique, the more brittle your bones become. And it's not just your hand, it's your whole arm. Since you only use your right hand, it's the arm you wouldn't be able to use if you punch another person. I don't know how long it can endure."
"But why is it that--?"
"I have a lot of other patients to tend." She released my hand after putting finishing touches to the bandages and abruptly stood up. "If you need anything more, don't ask me."
Why is it that Anji can use it and not get his bones crushed? There's something she ain't telling me. My eyes narrowed, and I walked out of the door of the clinic. I know there's no use in asking her now.
-----------------
I took the last of the dishes to the sink, Ayame and Suzume at my heels. The kids have been following me since the time I started because I promised them that when I'm done I would play with them. I don't usually have the free time to spend with them, so they were very excited. Besides, I just came from the clinic and I need to calm my nerves after what happened to Sano.
Darn you, why do you have to worry me like that?!
"Megumi-nee, why do you have to wash that?" Ayame broke my thoughts, pointing to the plate I was holding.
"Oh, so that it'll be clean." I replied, quite matter-of-factly. I'm not really good at answering questions that are relatively easy to answer. I just wash the dishes because I need to wash the dishes. I wouldn't want to eat in a plate with leftovers from the previous meal.
"But why?" She prodded on.
"Why! Why!" echoed Suzume.
"Well, because you'll be sick if you eat in a dirty plate."
"Why?"
"There are germs in the dishes, so when you eat in it without washing it first, the germs would get to you and you'll be sick." I tried to keep the impatience out of my tone. The two girls are in a curious mood today, and I'm not in the mood for it.
"Oh." They both nodded simultaneously. I thank the gods for finally making their questions stop.
We spent a moment of silence while I wash the bowls. I was in the last one, when I heard Ayame say something.
"What was that?" I asked, too busy that I failed to hear her---question, I suppose.
"Do you hate Sano-nii?" came her timid question. Suzume was silent.
I blinked at the sudden question. So they heard us fighting again. I always try to forget what happened, especially when our bickering becomes serious fighting. And what we did a while ago was not the occasional teasing. "No…" I managed to say. Now it's my turn to ask. "Why?"
"You always fight with him," came the innocent answer from Ayame.
"Fight! Fight!" Suzume echoed, as if to emphasize the Ayame's comment. They both turned their wide brown eyes at me.
"Oh, we don't fight," I tried to chuckle, as if to dismiss the question. I never found them so observant before. The question, though innocent, was something I haven't thought about for a long time. "We bicker. That's our way of having fun."
The looks on the children's faces turned from confusion to bewilderment.
"Look, it's just like Ken-san and Kaoru-san. Kaoru-san hits Ken-san, but that's just her way of showing concern for him sometimes."
"Megumi-nee…when you…fight Sano-nii, you're concerned about him?"
I sighed, happy to have asked an easier question. I decided not to answer her by yes or no. "You see, if I don't scold him about fighting too much, he might get a lot more injuries."
"You don't want him to fight?"
I nodded.
"What do you want him to do?"
I pondered for a bit. He does nothing but gamble and fight anyway, so, what else can he do instead? I couldn't change him even if I try. But I took a deep breath and answered them the best way I can. "Maybe, find a decent job and pay for his own food, I guess."
"You don't hate him?"
"No."
"You love him?"
"What?! N-no! I mean, I like him as a friend!" I found myself being totally embarrassed to be asked this question, even if I knew that they wouldn't understand.
They turned their confused looks at me.
"Oh, never mind."
"Why do you like him?" came the next dreaded question.
I replaced the last bowl in the corner where the other bowls are stacked, then looked at them both, smiling widely. "Now how about a game of ball?"
"Yay!" They jumped with glee, their question totally forgotten. I almost wanted to join them, happy not to answer any more questions.
-----------------
Busy. I'm damn busy.
I don't complain about my job, it's very rewarding, and it's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Cure people. Help the sick. It's like I'm destined to do this. Forever.
And I don't mind. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I learned early enough that one needs to work hard to even eat 3 square meals a day.
But sometimes, I just wanted to…quit.
Quit because I don't have time to think.
I don't have time to think about myself.
I don't have time to think about my past.
I don't have time to think about my future.
But I couldn't quit.
Because I know I vowed to myself, to Ken-san and the others that I would live and become a doctor…continue saving people.
But you...you didn't make any promises. You had all the time in the world.
Carefree.
Always loosening up.
Fighting for the heck of it.
I'm jealous of you.
Because you're always happy.
Not bothered by the past.
Not like me, who's always haunted by the past.
By the truth.
The fact that I had killed people, because of the poison I made.
Killed people like…your friend, Sano.
Baka! I don't even know your friend at all!
But that's exactly it. I don't know him. Yet I killed him. Like I killed a lot of other people before.
I forgive you…
I still hear your voice.
-----------------
"Itetetete---" I clutched my right hand. Ouch. Darn it, have to go to the kitsune-onna again. And I most definitely don't want to. I can almost imagine her shaking her head and scolding me about my fist. What does she care anyway? It's my body, and I have the right to do anything I want with it! Of course, she didn't agree. Heck, cows would be falling from the sky if we would. Why does she have to be back from Aizu?.
KNOCK, KNOCK
The door opened.
"Genzai-sensei! My hand--"
"Megumi is not here right now," He interrupted, his eyes twinkling. "She's in the Akabeko."
Megumi in the Akabeko? I didn't know she actually spends her time there…
"I don't care." I said, a little harsher than I intended. "Demo…you CAN also heal my hand, can't you?"
He chuckled. "Come in, Sanosuke-san."
He led me inside. Heck, I know this place as well enough as Jou-chan's dojo. But of course, I had to shut up and follow him. I don't think he'll still be in the mood to fix my hand if I protest. I'm just not in a good mood. Like, there would be someone who would be in a good mood if he was writhing in pain like I did. He led me to a chair by the futons filled with cringing, screaming, and sleeping patients.
"Put your hand on the desk."
I did. No time to argue, besides, I need this hand for my dice-throwing later. This happens to be my lucky hand. But of course, luck or no luck, I had to use it against those stinking bastards who were ganging up on the poor girl. Feh, you'd think they were planning to rape her in the middle of the day! I smirked when I recalled their shocked faces as I punched their ringleader's face. They're even worse than the yakuza! Che, if it weren't for the fact that my hand is still recovering from the injuries before, I would've Futae-d them. Never knew bastards still exist in Meiji.
I was too lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice Genzai-sensei's frown, nor the words he said.
"Nani?"
He sighed. "I see you haven't been following Megumi-san's advice. If I remember correctly, she told you not to use your hand for a while."
"Genzai-sensei----"
"Sanosuke," His quiet voice stopped me in my tracks. "I want to be honest with you. Your hand is almost beyond repair. If you injure it again, we cannot do anything about it anymore. Your hand will be rendered useless."
I couldn't say anything in shock. "But…but you're doctors…" I managed to say.
"I know, but we're not miracle workers, nor gods. We cannot keep healing your hand again and again. Everything has its own limits. And your hand is approaching its limit."
I sighed, then nodded. "All right. I wouldn't use my hand for a while." It's no use. It's like I put all my money to bet on a six-five, and instead, got snake-eyes. I'm losing my battle.
Doesn't matter anyway.
Baka tori! If you keep using your hand like that, you'll never be able to use it! You and your Futae-no-somethings!
Why didn't I listen to her at that time?
-----------------
"BakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakaBAKA!" The tears couldn't help but escape from my eyes.
Why…What were you THINKING? Baka!
"Oi, fox-"
"Don't you dare call me by that name again." I hissed, my voice rich with venom. Not taking it anymore, I covered my face with my hands and sobbed, my dignity forgotten.
-----------------
I never regretted anything I did.
Whether I did it for the past, for the future, I don't care.
But I did regret the promise I made to you.
Why do you have to make me do that?
Actually, you didn't.
But subconsciously, when you left me all alone, you made me promise something.
Stupid promise.
And I can't live like this.
Knowing I can never trust someone.
Knowing I can never live without protecting those special to me.
Knowing I cannot bear it if someone else dies for me again.
Just like you did.
They say I always dwell on the past.
Not really.
But you were always on my mind, Taichou.
You and the promise I made.
Kuso…
-----------------
I refrained from using my right hand after I visited Genzai-sensei. I need my hand. Just knowing that fact fueled my drive to stop myself from exhausting it. It is still painful--and useless--that I had decided to try the Futae with my left hand, or at least write and use it more often. I'm starting to become dependent on it, and that is good, since I don't know when I might need my combat skills.
I walked in the familiar streets, through the marketplace. The place is filled with different vendors and goods. This is good—I promised Jou-chan I would send her a gift of some kind. I couldn't say 'no', it's useless to argue with a pregnant woman. Besides, Kenshin would kill me.
I stopped by a store and examined some paper balloons. I immediately remembered the two sisters. Better bring some back for Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan… I fingered the money I left in my pocket. Dammit, why didn't I win last night? Maybe Jou-chan would like this as----
"Get away from me!"
My eyes narrowed at the sound of the voice.
Megumi!
I weaved through the crowd of shoppers and went to find her. What kind of trouble did she get herself into again?
"Get your slimy hands off me!"
There!
I found her in a deserted hallway, surrounded by sneering men. Two of the men were holding her hands up in the air and firmly plastered in the wall, while the other two were moving to get her legs up in the air. I kicked one of the men in the face. "Did you hear what the kitsune said, or are you four just a bunch of deaf idiots?"
They resumed like they didn't hear me.
I pushed away the man who was bending down to grab her left leg. He flew to a trash bin. The one at the right---I punched him away---while kicking the man holding her left arm in the air. I moved to the one by her right hand---
"Playing hero, aren't we?"
My eyes narrowed and focused on his sick, repulsive face. Then it dawned with recognition. "You…"
He smirked. "How's your right hand? I heard it's…BADLY injured." He said with fake sympathy.
"It's not." I tried punching him on the head. He dodged easily, and smirked—his fist mere centimeters away from my face when I dodged. His smirk grew into a sadistic smile—he knew I barely avoided the attack—and moved to two straight punches and kick at my side. This guy's good…better than last time…
"Sano!"
I almost forgot the fox-lady. I smiled and tried to get up. I turned to him. "You know, I'm really pissed." I sent my left hand flying to his head. He caught it and twisted it behind my back. Kuso! I tried wriggling and kicking and I can't get myself out of his grip. I stomped on his foot.
"YEOW!"
He yelped and stepped back. I grinned. Perfect opportunity for a punch… Before I knew it, he was pulling out a gun—
BANG!
I narrowly avoided it—moved my fist to his face. "Aaaugh!"
BANG! BANGBANGBANGBANG!
My fist hit contact with his jaw. He let out a gutteral moan, his hands flew and suddenly—
BANG!
Shit…forgot about the gun.
Pain shot through my arm…all the way to my shoulder. I glanced at my left arm—all filled with blood. I gritted my teeth, did my best to forget the pain--
His minions took this as an opportunity to pick themselves up and move to Megumi.
No! I clenched my right hand. No way am I backing out on a promise, Taicho. No matter what. I turned, my right fist to his face. I can feel the power surge. I had to control myself from using the Futae. He dropped on the floor, and knowing the bastard would be sleeping for quite some time, I turned to the minions and glared. They ran like scared chickens.
As soon as they were gone, I collapsed in the ground, the pain from my hand almost blinding me.
Gods…what IS this?
Megumi's face was grim. "Let's take you to the clinic."
-----------------
"My hand. I won't be able to use it." It was a certainty. I know from the time she entered and gave me that look on her face. I looked at my hand, and though I'm willing myself to move it, I couldn't.
Damn…got carried away on that one. What am I gonna do now?
"It's worse than I thought," she replied brokenly. "Your arm…your whole arm…"
"I can't move it." I said simply. I can't feel anything, no anger, no sorrow. Just plain emptiness.
But I didn't regret what I did.
Her face twisted. "BakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakaBAKA!" She lunged, anger contorting her face.
"Oi, fox—"
"Don't you dare call me by that name again!"
I opened my mouth, ready to protest, and bit my tongue when I saw tears in her eyes. She covered her face in her hands and sobbed, her whole body shaking. "Baka…" I can hear her whisper. "Why?…Why do you have to do that? Baka! …"
-----------------
Taichou…
I sat by the place where they buried the greatest leader of the Sekihoutai: Sagara Souzou. Taichou. I'm at the cliff where Taichou threw me to safety. I looked around. The scenery remained unchanged, as if someone had taken a photograph before and preserved it. The river still flowed below the place where I swam for so many hours, the tears drying within the waters. And it had made this place more difficult to visit than ever. My memories remain fresh as they were before. I fail to visit this place often, because it always reminds me of my promise to his grave and how bad I failed him. I told him I'll be strong…but when I go here I always realize… I'm not.
That is why…
I have to be evil
And protect those I love
With my life.
Taichou, I'm afraid to lose them.
Just like how I lost you.
-----------------
Before I could even think, I stepped closer to her and wrapped my left arm around her waist. She didn't even push me away, and continued to cry on my shoulder. I felt a dull ache in my chest as I whispered, "Sumanu…Megumi."
Her arms tightened around my shoulders. "Ba…ka…"
-----------------
We twist and turn where angels burn
Like fallen soldiers we will learn
That once forgotten, twice removed
Love will be the death
The death of you
--OWARI—
Author's Notes:
Hope it's not that bad and hard to understand. And my apologies to some OC stuff. And by the way, for the purposes of the fic, let's just say that Sano's bones are not as well-developed as Anji's.
The poem above is from the song "Tears of Pearls" by Savage Garden.
Japanese terms and phrases:
baka - idiot
demo - but
uso - lie, liar
itai - ouch
nani - what?
Jou-chan – literally translates to "little missy", this is what Sano always calls Kaoru.
kitsune - fox
kitsune-onna - fox-lady
Taichou - captain, what Sano usually calls Sagara Souzou
sumanu - I'm sorry
kuso - shit
-nii, -nee - shortened form of oniisan and oneesan, which is used to call older brothers/sisters
Futae no Kiwami - the technique taught by Anji to Sano. It uses force to crush walls, rocks, and many other things into dust.