Disclaimer: Let's do the math…the total amount of characters in this fic minus the characters I do not own equals…one! I own one character in this fic, and guess who it is! There you go Disney, mathematical proof that this is written without permission.
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*~*~*~*
Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become
EVANESCENCE
*~*~*~*
Several pedestrians carrying groceries ambled down the sidewalk, ready for a nice, normal evening at home, eating a nice, normal dinner. Suddenly the sound of squealing tires caused them to snap out of their monotonous reveries. The civilians watched Darkwing Duck swing around a corner on his Ratcatcher, then continue to speed down the street.
"There's something wrong with him," a random pedestrian grumbled.
As Darkwing hurtled down the road, adrenaline-fueled thoughts pulsed through his brain. There was no doubt that it was Taurus Bulba who was terrorizing S.H.U.S.H. This was it, he was going to bring that bull to his knees once and for all. Nothing could stand in his way. He would stop Bulba or go down trying.
Go down? But what about Gosalyn? This time he did not even have the prospect of Launchpad taking care of her to fall back on. Now more determined than ever, Darkwing heeded his daughter's suggestion. He quickly punched in the watch code on the Ratcatcher's keypad.
*~*~*~*
Aviana sat on her ratty bed, her knees pulled tightly to her chest. She stared blankly off into to space, seeing but not seeing, as she slowly ate cold ravioli out of a can. The duckette contemplated last night's dream, or rather nightmare, analyzing every detail. Why did it have to consume her, make her so dark and cold?
BEEP! BEEP!
Aviana swore loudly, nearly jumping out of her skin. The can flew out her hand, dousing her apartment in noodles. She looked around wildly in an effort to locate the source of the noise. As the beeping continued, she began to realize that the sound was coming from her arm.
"What the…"
Her eyes fell on the black watch attached to her wrist. Comprehension dawned on her, and she pressed the blinking button on its face.
"Um…hello?" she said into the watch awkwardly.
"Aviana!" came a stressed voice, "This is Darkwing Duck!"
"Yeah."
"SHUSH is being attacked, and I've got every reason to believe that Bulba's behind it! Can you come help?"
Aviana leapt to her feet.
"Of course I can! Just give me directions."
"Okay, I'll send you some via my onboard computer. They should appear on the watch's screen. Um, where are you?"
"Black Fur Avenue."
"Black Fur Avenue? Why would you – "
"Cheap rent."
"Well I hope you know most of its clientele sign out in body bags."
"Save it Darkwing. Just give me the directions."
"Already sent 'em. Meet me at the entrance as soon as conceivably possible."
"Gotcha."
The watch beeped once more, and rows of tiny print appeared on the screen. Aviana squinted as she read it.
"Travel up Webbed Foot and Long…make a right at the stoplight…jeez, this is halfway across town! I don't have a car! I don't even have a bike! How am I supposed to get there? Unless…"
Pulling on a black hoodie, Aviana darted out the door.
*~*~*~*
"Worthless duck, thinks he's so tough, says he'll be here at six. I bust my butt and it's almost 6:30. Surprise surprise, no Negaduck in sight."
Lou Spindle aggressively tried to rub some of the grease off of his face, but only succeeded in smearing it further. He had worked tirelessly for hours, pounding out dents, mending broken tubes, and replacing shattered glass.
"Well, if that blowhard thinks he can ever get anything off a' me again, he can just kiss my furry – "
"Hey you!"
"Huh?"
Lou looked up and saw Aviana come bursting into the garage. Pushing her disheveled hair out of her eyes, she asked casually, "Can I borrow that motorcycle?"
The rat narrowed his eyes, then recognition appeared on his face.
"You're that chick who was here with Negaduck this morning."
"Good job. Now can I have the bike?"
"No."
Aviana had been expecting this, and poured out her prepared speech slowly.
"You don't seem to comprehend what I'm saying. Negaduck, the one running around in the mask and cape last night, sent me, the person here with him last night, to pick up the bike, brought by him last night, and return it to him."
"So you're like a go between," Lou thought out loud.
"Precisely, so if you could just hand me the keys – "
"No."
"What?" Aviana gasped.
This she had not been prepared for. Trying to gain lost ground, she questioned stupidly, "Why not?"
"Let's think. Some chick comes barging in here claiming that Negaduck sent her to pick up his motorcycle. No note, no call from Negaduck, nothing. Said chick rides off with the bike, minutes later, Negaduck come in looking for the bike. Seconds later, Lou is taking a nap on the floor with a bullet in his head while Negaduck goes searching for his precious motorcycle. I don't think so," Lou said flatly, then continued to clean.
Aviana thought quickly. She needed a ride, much like Negaduck needed his ride fixed earlier. How did he get it? By bluffing.
Putting on a false air of bravado and marching up to the rat, Aviana spun him around to face her. Shoving her beak up into his face she declared, "All right pal, listen up! I want that bike, and I want it now! And I always get what I want! Any objections?"
For a split-second the duckette thought he ploy had worked, but then Lou barked in what appeared to be his version of laughter.
"Ooooh, look at me, I'm shaking in my boots! Ha, everyone watch out, bad temper on the loose! Boy, that's rich!"
Lou shoved Aviana away from him and ambled to the motorcycle, still guffawing to himself.
Aviana wiped the rat's spit off her face, completely disgusted with him and herself. It would have made her a hypocrite anyway, intimidating him like that.
Mumbling just loud enough for her to hear, Lou then said, "Women these days. Think they can do whatever they want."
Aviana abruptly saw red. Screw being a hypocrite, the rat was asking for it. Now, how did that stupid duck do it? He made it look so easy. Then again, he did have a weapon. Aviana narrowed her eyes. She had a weapon too. Though she despised the weapon and did not have any intention of resorting to it, time was of the essence.
Lou could hear the clunk of boots coming his way. He looked up at Aviana with an amused expression on his face.
"Uh oh, here comes Ms. Scary!" he giggled.
The duckette's eyes turned cold as steel as she stared at his own, focusing all of her anger and aggression on his mind.
"You don't know the meaning of scary," she hissed.
Lou suddenly felt himself fill to the brim with a horrible, earth-shattering fear, rattling like a small child.
"No…no, g-get away from me!" he cried, tears streaming down his face.
He staggered backwards and tripped over a toolbox in the process. Lou got to his feet clumsily, then ran out the door.
"MOMMY!" he screamed as he tore full speed down the street.
Aviana watched him go with a dark look on her face. She pulled herself up onto the now pristine Troublemaker and searched for the keys. After finding them on a nearby tray, she jammed them into the ignition. She paused and gazed at the open garage door. What was so super about a power that drove people away?
Shaking her head, she gunned the engine and rode out into the evening.
*~*~*~*
Negaduck trudged down the decrepit street, still shaken from his dream. He could picture his father again, standing there right next to his –
"MOMMY!"
Negaduck's head snapped up. Lou the mechanic was now sprinting down the middle of the road screaming his lungs out.
"What the Hell…" the mallard murmured, then picked up his pace. His motorcycle better be fixed, or that rat was going to be Doberman chow.
Negaduck gasped as Aviana suddenly swerved out of the garage on his motorcycle, then proceeded to drive in the opposite direction.
"What the Hell?!" he cried as he watched her speed away.
With a snarl of rage, he pursued the stolen vehicle.
"Hey! You better hightail it back here or I'll – HEY! Where do you think you're goin'?! STOP!"
Negaduck's infuriated shouts fell on deaf ears. While generally a fast runner, he was no match for his own motorcycle.
The black-masked mallard came to a halt, gasping for air. That whack job, who did she think she was? Nobody but nobody stole squat from Negaduck. Or at least he liked to think so.
To add insult to injury, his various other assault vehicles, helicopters, tanks, etc, were all placed in strategic points throughout St. Canard, but he had been careless enough to leave none within the vicinity of his own hideout.
Negaduck let out a howl of frustration. No way was he going to let her go joyriding on his Troublemaker while he stood in the middle of the street twiddling his thumbs. He looked about, taking in his surroundings. Nothing but tattered buildings, a couple of stray cats, and a group of hooligans trying to jump their truck's battery with…a minivan?
Negaduck squinted. The group of dangerous, gruff-looking thugs all surrounded the obviously stolen shiny family. The mallard looked around madly. A station wagon, a moped, a scooter, anything but a minivan to act as his salvation. He was out of luck. The family fun mobile was his only hope.
"So…which clamp goes where?" a hoodlum questioned thickly while holding the jumper cables.
"I dunno…put da negative one on da negative side, an um, da positive on da positive side."
"Which one's negative and which one's positive?"
"I dunno."
"Yeah well. Here goes nothin',"
The hoodlum reached toward the minivan's battery, and the hood came crashing down on his hands with a disgusting 'crunch!'
"YOOOOOWWWW!"
The hoodlum yanked his hands out and began hopping around, waving his arms frantically.
"Ha ha ha," the other thug guffawed, "serves ya – OWWWEEE!"
He was cut short by a violent pain in his shin followed by a sharp elbow in the gut. As he doubled over, he caught sight of a black cape drifting noiselessly past him.
"What da…" he murmured.
The next thing the gang knew the minivan roared to life and they narrowly missed becoming street pizza as it sped away.
"Knobs," Negaduck seethed as he smothered the gas pedal.
He made a sharp turn onto the main road. In the distance he could see the Troublemaker stopped at a red light.
"Yes!" Negaduck yelled triumphantly.
As if to spite him, the light changed to green.
"Crud," he muttered dejectedly.
However, Aviana made a right turn. Negaduck knew the city much better then she, and he also knew that the road she had taken could only lead her to Highwing Boulevard. And she was taking the long way.
"Ha, no one messes with my wheels and gets away with it!"
*~*~*~*
For the second time in two days, S.H.U.S.H. agents found themselves in a state of turmoil. Their mortal enemies, the eggmen, swarmed through their halls like bees. Under normal circumstances this would have been an even match of epic proportions. However, given that the eggmen were super-powerful zombies, the fight was a bit one-sided.
Darkwing Duck stood outside the once majestic building in a state of shock. The windows were shattered, and holes like gaping mouths speckled the walls. S.H.U.S.H. agents scurried about outside, trying to make contact with anyone who could provide the help they so desperately needed. The sounds of explosions and primitive combat rattled through the air.
Screeching tires soon joined the mass of frightening sounds. Darkwing turned around. He was surprised to see Aviana atop an infamous motorcycle.
"Wow," she commented to herself, "for a first time on a motorcycle, maiming only two hydrants and one street sign wasn't that bad."
Darkwing tapped his foot and crossed his arms. His sour face completed his peeved ensemble.
"Gee, I sure am glad you could make it! I tried to tell the eggmen to wait until you got here, but you know them, they just can't be reasoned with," he said sarcastically.
Aviana snapped back defensively, "Hey, lay off! For someone coming across town without a ride, I'd say I did pretty good, wouldn't you?"
"Speaking of rides, why were you on Negaduck's bike?"
"Good question Dingwing!"
The crime fighter looked over his shoulder to see his double hop out of a minivan. Darkwing smirked.
"Your turn to carpool?" he asked with a grin.
Negaduck strolled up to him and promptly tugged the gray fedora down over his eyes. As Darkwing struggled with the hat, the black-masked mallard faced off with Aviana.
"So, think you're funny huh?"
"Oh yeah, I'm just a laugh a minute," Aviana replied cynically.
"Just what in Satan's name do you think you're doing with my bike?"
"I needed a ride, so I stole it you idiot. I didn't think that would be such a foreign concept to you."
"People don't steal from Negaduck. Negaduck steals from people!"
"So you're saying that you can dish it out but you can't take it, is that it?!"
Darkwing finally managed to pull the hat off his head. He readjusted it to the proper angle, then marched over to the intense argument. Before any mauling could begin, he forced them apart and stepped boldly in between them.
"Sorry Neggsie, but the adults have to talk now. So just run along and play nicely!" he announced.
Negaduck snarled menacingly, but Darkwing simply turned his back to him and faced Aviana.
"All right Miss Gadwall, let's get down to business. Judging by the lack of lighting and triggering of SHUSH's security mechanisms, I've concluded that Bulba and his eggmen must have destroyed the power grid. This means we're gonna have to get past the creep crew before we can get to Bulba. My keen deductive abilities also inform me that when we do reach him, he'll use the Devil's Eye on us. Got anything for the ol' modus operandi?" Darkwing spouted.
"Well, the key thing is that the Devil's Eye can only do serious damage if you look at it. So if you hear the cyborg start chanting that incantation, make sure to close your eyes. Other than that, the Eye itself won't be a problem. It's the soulless eggmen we really have to worry about."
"That's easy," Negaduck cut in, "We bomb him. I can use high explosives, Darkwing's buddy's gone, your rock's gone, the zombies are gone. Everyone wins."
"Wow Fuzzy, that would be a stupendous plan if we lived in a world where stupid ideas actually worked," Aviana snapped much to the displeasure of the mallard, "we need to keep the Devil's Eye intact if we want to stop this whole thing."
"Besides Negawedge, I thought I heard you say the word 'we.' The only 'we' that I see here is Miss Gadwall and me. As a rule I try not to let psychotic felons tag along with me, and you're on the top of that list," Darkwing said haughtily.
"Aw Ditzwing, that really hurt."
"Who ya callin' 'Ditzwing' Megadope?"
"Who do ya think, Darkwing Dufus!"
"Watch it Negadolt!"
"You watch it Dipwing!"
"SHUT UP!"
The two mallards froze in their poised-to-strike positions and turned to a red-faced Aviana.
"What is wrong with you two?!" she roared.
"It's not my fault he picked a name that's so easy to ridicule!" Darkwing and Negaduck cried in unison.
"Fine! Let's all stand here and call each other names while Taurus Bulba takes over the world!" the duckette screeched.
"You're right!" Darkwing declared while shoving Negaduck away from him, "Let's show that scheming scoundrel what happens when you mess with my favorite secret organization! C'mon, there's an underground entrance that only I, Launchpad, a select group of environmental rights activists know about. Follow me!"
Aviana nodded.
"Okay, let's go. You too Negaduck."
"What?" Darkwing and Negaduck yelped.
"Oh c'mon. The place is crawling with those eggmen. We're going to need all the help we can get," she replied.
"Sorry, but I don't 'help' the happy heroes. I'm already contaminated with enough of your noble nonsense as it is," Negaduck said.
"Fine, have it your way, I'm sick of dealing with you anyway," Aviana snarled, "Let's go Darkwing."
Negaduck watched the two head toward the S.H.U.S.H. building. There was a rage boiling inside of him, but he did not understand why. Then again, unfounded rage was not uncommon with him, so he shrugged it off. He turned to leave, but collided with someone immense.
"Watch it, you knob!" Negaduck barked, raising a fist above his head.
Suddenly Negaduck froze. His eyes traveled up a yellow jumpsuit to a sickly face. He had to lean backwards as he stared at the largest eggman he had seen to date. The drone shook his gigantic head and looked down as if to check if something had brushed against him. He caught sight of the mallard, and beak contorted into a grimace. Before Negaduck could react, the eggman quickly snatched him up, let out an inhuman growl, and heaved him into the air.
*~*~*~*
"Gee, for a building under siege, you would think it would be a bit more chaotic," Darkwing commented nervously.
"You would think," Aviana agreed.
The two crept silently down a black hall. Moonlight filtered in through the open windows, reflecting eerily on the pieces of shattered glass. For all the commotion before, it was oddly quiet with the exception of two pairs of feet tiptoeing cautiously down the hall. They had yet to have a run in with a single eggman, causing Darkwing Duck's suspicions to rise. Aviana kept alert, knowing she would feel a lot less uneasy had there been a third member to their party.
Darkwing's head perked up as he heard the sound of muffled voices coming from the door next to them.
"Sssshhhh!" he hissed.
Aviana rolled her eyes knowing that the place could not possibly be any more silent, but Darkwing flattened the side of his head against the door.
"Hmmm," he muttered as he listened, "sounds like there's something afoot in the other room…it must be Bulba! Okay, the first chance I get, I'll blast him with some Knockout Gas. Even if it doesn't put him down for the count, it'll at least stun him. Then we'll grab the Devil's Eye, got it?"
"Got it."
"Let's get dangerous!"
Just as Darkwing prepared to charge, Aviana noticed movement of the corner of her eye. She looked out the open window to her right.
"Incoming!" she cried frantically.
Aviana ducked as a yellow and black blur sailed over her and collided with Darkwing. She lifted her head warily and was surprised to see Darkwing and Negaduck now in a tangled mess on the floor.
"This is not helping!" Darkwing griped, trying to extricate himself from the disarray.
Negaduck blinked dazedly and shook his head. At long last he noticed Darkwing Duck sitting next to him, and scowled.
"Get offa me!" he bellowed, and gave his opposite a sharp kick that sent him flying.
The black-masked mallard pushed himself to his feet and dusted off his jacket.
"Nice entrance," Aviana muttered.
Darkwing quickly zipped back to the two ducks, shaking with anger.
"How did you get here?!"
"That's for me to know and you to find out," Negaduck said simply.
"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!" Darkwing yelled, "I don't care how you got here or what you're going to do Negaschmuck, I've got a fiend to foil. C'mon Aviana!"
With that, Darkwing flung open the door and disappeared in a plume of blue smoke.
"Where'd he go?" Aviana questioned, clearly irritated.
"Who cares," Negaduck replied.
They gazed through the open door. From their vantage point they could see the hulking form of Taurus Bulba amidst a crowd of eggmen, all of who seemed to surround two trapped figures.
"I must admit, you both display some intelligence in your ability to survive this long," Bulba uttered in a voice saturated with evil, "tis a pity you must die."
J. Gander Hooter glared up at the bull, his face full of defiance. Sarah Bellum stood behind him, unsure whether to be frightened or fascinated by the repulsive eggmen surrounding them.
Taurus Bulba charged his blaster arm.
"Say goodbye to your pointless lives…"
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"
Back in the doorway, Aviana's brow furrowed.
"He's go to be kidding," she stated in a shocked voice.
"One could only hope," Negaduck returned through clenched teeth, his blood pressure steadily rising.
"I am the dentist's drill for the cavities of crime! I, am Darkwiiiing Duck!"
"Didn't see that one comin'," Negaduck said blandly.
Darkwing's stepped forward through the trademark blue smoke, his figure appearing through the wisps dramatically.
"Let them go Bulba! It's me you've got the score to settle with!"
Taurus Bulba chuckled amiably and spoke to J. Gander and Dr. Bellum in his accented voice.
"Why, look what we have here! It's my dear friend Darkwing Duck. And he's come just in time for the party games!"
"Excellent! I'm the guest, so I pick the first game. How 'bout truth or dare? And I dare you to suck gas!" Darkwing yelled, whipping out his gas gun.
He squeezed the trigger and lobbed a well-aimed gas cartridge at his nemesis.
"Eggmen!" the bull ordered swiftly, "smother it!"
Two drones leapt forward and caught the pellet of gas, which issued a cloud of smoke. The eggmen stood in the gas casually, eagerly awaiting their next order.
Taurus looked to the mallard and snarled, "Nice attempt Darkwing, but now it's my turn. I choose truth. Here is my question: do you enjoy fried duck?"
With that, two lasers exploded from his helmet weapons. Darkwing quickly dove to the left. The lasers flew past him, but not without leaving a sizzling hole in his cape. As he fanned the smoking cloth, he could hear Negaduck's taunting cackling in the background. Darkwing glowered at his opposite momentarily, then shouted to the duckette, "Uh, Aviana, a little help here!"
Meanwhile, Negaduck was still sniggering at Darkwing's misfortune.
"Hey, cut it out!" Aviana snapped, and he threw her a stunned look.
"He's got guts to go and face that cyborg like that," she continued, "and I have to help him anyway if I want the Devil's Eye. Now c'mon – "
"Hold it! I'm not going anywhere. I can't see how this situation benefits me in any way, shape, or form," Negaduck said.
Aviana rolled her eyes.
"For Chrissake! Can't you vacate the land of Negaduck for just five friggin' minutes? I told you before – if you help me get the Devil's Eye I'll have Darkwing groveling at your feet!"
"I can do that any time I feel like it. He's not but child's play. Why do you want that thing so bad anyhow?" Negaduck asked skeptically.
A temporary flash of hesitation passed over Aviana's face and she stuttered uncharacteristically, "I, um, I – "
Her ramblings were cut off, however, by a magnificent growl. Negaduck and Aviana whipped around and came face to face with a soulless Launchpad. His eyes gleamed red, and he looked more sickly and pale than ever. With another frightening snarl, he grabbed Negaduck by the collar and lifted him into the air.
"I never liked you," Negaduck stated flatly, staring down at the hideous face.
"You fool!" Taurus Bulba suddenly roared to Launchpad, "I ordered you to get Darkwing Duck! He is not Darkwing Duck!"
The zombie-like Launchpad frowned and cocked his head at Negaduck, who gave him a menacing look. The mallard kicked and strained to free himself, but to no avail. The pilot's grip was like iron.
Aviana looked around the lab for anything useful. Finally she spotted what looked like a fork, with the exception of a trigger on the handle.
"What's this!" she shouted to no one in particular as she picked it up.
Though still surrounded by eggmen, Sarah Bellum called back, "It's the Electro-Spaz Conductor Gun. It sends shockwaves through the body that cause it to go into momentary spasms and lockjaw. It's quite useful when you want to move up in line at the grocery store."
"Thanks!" Aviana yelled.
She tossed the small gun to Negaduck.
"Here! This might help!"
Negaduck caught the conductor and pressed it to Launchpad's exposed neck and squeezed the trigger. Launchpad let out a strangled noise as his jaw clenched and his body shook uncontrollably. His vice-grip on Negaduck loosened slightly and the black-masked mallard swiftly squirmed from his grasp.
"Perfect," Aviana said as she seized the gun from Negaduck's hand.
She made a beeline to the two trapped scientists. Not wanting to stick around for Launchpad to finish his spasms, Negaduck followed.
"All right fellas!" Aviana shouted to the drones encircling Gander and Bellum, "I've got an Electro-Spaz Conductor Gun and I'm not afraid to use it!"
The drones began advancing slowly. Negaduck came to a halt beside the duckette.
"And seeing how it's about fifty soulless eggmen to one tiny fork, I'd say they aren't very afraid either," he hissed.
With the eggmen successfully distracted, Darkwing saw his chance. He loaded a Knockout cartridge into his gas gun and shouted, "All right you mechanical milk-maker, the party's over!"
Darkwing fired, sending the cartridge searing towards Bulba. The cyborg quickly turned, deflecting the pellet off of his armored shoulder. It bounced back and hit the floor between Darkwing, Negaduck, and Aviana, exploding on impact.
"Uh oh," Darkwing squeaked nervously.
The red mist spread rapidly, soon engulfing the web-footed crew. Through the haze, Darkwing could see Aviana drop the conductor and fall limply against Negaduck. The black-masked mallard looked up at his opposite wearily and managed to grumble, "You moron," before collapsing to the floor.
Darkwing desperately tried not to inhale, but the smoke inevitably worked its way into his nostrils. His vision began to cloud and his mind emptied. The crime fighter's knees gave way beneath him, and the sound of the cyborg's hateful cackling echoed in his head as his consciousness slipped away.
NOTE: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As you can see I really don't have anything to say.