1


Used. Heartbroken. Foolish.

Theresa held her breath in an attempt to keep the sobs from escaping her mouth. Despite her many attempts, Theresa had to let it out. She could not hold it in any longer. Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she sank to the floor. Pilar rushed into the room and wrapped her arms around her grief-stricken daughter.

"I've lost everything," Theresa cried. "Everything!"

"Oh Theresita." Pilar mumbled softly as she tried her best to soothe her daughter's pain.

"Please Mama," Theresa said as she pried herself from her mother's embrace. "Please just let me be. I want to be alone right now."

"Theresa, mi hija, the last thing you need is to be alone at a time like this."

"Mama, please!" Theresa pleaded. "I want to be alone."

Pilar nodded her silent acknowledgement. "If it's what you want." She said quietly with her head bowed. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Pilar said softly as she walked out of the room.

Theresa sat on her bed and reached for the picture of her son. "My precious little boy." Theresa whispered. The picture became blurry as new tears filled Theresa's eyes. Overcome with emotion, Theresa placed the picture face down on the bed and walked over to the light switch. In a few moments the room became bathed with darkness.

Numb. Hurt. Alone.

Theresa replayed the scene in her mind.

"Sole custody of Ethan Martin Lopez-Fitzgerald Crane is granted to Mr. Julian Crane. No visitation rights shall be granted to Ms. Lopez-Fitzgerald." The loud smack of the gavel against the hard word finalized Judge Reilly's ruling.

Theresa remembered feeling as those her heart dissolved in her stomach. She remembered gripping Woody Stumper's arm to prevent falling to the ground. Theresa recalled the feeling of her lungs constricting and her eyes burning with tears of resentment.

"No!" She cried as she reached out to her little boy.

Little Ethan ran into his mother's arms. "Why are you crying Mommy?" He asked with childlike innocence. The poor child had no idea that he was being forced to live in a cold heartless home. Theresa could not talk, for only sobs would escape her lips. She held her son tightly until she felt people trying to loosen her grip on her son.

"He belongs with us now. For good." Rebecca Hotchkiss Crane smirked. "Come along Little Ethan. It's time to go home. Pookie, have the driver come around front."

Julian Crane looked sadly at Theresa. He tried to apologize to her with his gaze, but Theresa focused her anger-filled eyes on Rebecca.

"Bitch!" Theresa screamed as she had lunged towards Rebecca.

"Careful, Theresa." Rebecca laughed bitterly. "I could have you arrested right now."

"Theresa," She heard as someone pulled her back. "Now's not the time." She felt strong hands settle on her shoulders. It was Fox, her rock, her source of comfort.

"Let's go." Rebecca said. "Gwennie, will you grab Little Ethan's coat?"

Gwen complied with her mother's request. She gave Theresa one last look of triumph and followed behind her mother. Ethan looked at Theresa sadly. "I'm so sorry, Theresa." He said softly as he reached out to her.

Theresa knocked his hand away. "You are sorry, Ethan. You're a sorry excuse of a man! Why didn't you help me fight them? Why?" Theresa screamed.

Ethan was rendered speechless. His mouth was open as if he wanted to say something, but no words left his lips.

"Just leave Ethan." Fox said firmly.

Oblivious. Unknowing. Unaware.

Nicholas Foxworth Crane had always been by Theresa's side when she needed him the most. He was there throughout the custody battle, and he was there that day when Theresa had lost her son forever. Fox allowed Theresa to cry on his shoulders those days following the trial. He soothed her pain in ways that no one else could. Fox understood Theresa in a way that no one else did.

Although Theresa felt like dying, Fox gave her reasons to live. He promised that they would not stop fighting until Little Ethan was given back to Theresa. Theresa believed him and found strength to move on. She began to see Fox in a new light. They spent more time with each other. He made her laugh again. He made the tears go away. Then again, he made the tears and the hurt come back when Theresa found out the truth about Fox.

He loved her best friend Whitney Russell- or so he thought he did. Theresa overheard Fox declaring his love for Whitney one night.

"Whitney, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it Fox?" Whitney asked with a curious gaze clouding her eyes.

"I- I have to tell you the truth." Fox mustered. "I need to tell you how I truly feel about you."

Whitney looked at Fox expectantly. After she had broken things off with Chad, Whitney found herself spending more time with Fox. She was tempted to follow Theresa's advice and move on with Fox. Whitney tried to remember that she had initially tried to play matchmaker and that she wanted Theresa and Fox together. However, the more Whitney spent time with Fox, the more she thought less about pairing Fox and Theresa.
Playing Fox's girlfriend, even though it was pretend, only made Whitney desire for it to be real.

"I'm in love with you." Fox said softly.

Theresa's heart sank as she watched Fox declare his so-called love to Whitney. "He loves [i]her?" Theresa thought in disbelief.

After that night Theresa avoided both Fox and Whitney at all costs. She could not bear to look at Fox for many emotions surged through her when she did.

Used. Heartbroken. Foolish. Numb. Hurt. Alone. Oblivious. Unknowing. Unaware.


To top it all off, Theresa was still hurting deeply from losing the custody battle. Theresa felt she lost everything. Her windows looking out into the world were foggy with bleakness.

Fox wondered why Theresa avoided him and cornered her one day in her room.

"Why won't you talk to me?" He asked softly as he rubbed his hands up and down her arms. Theresa walked away from Fox and winced when she felt him come up behind her.

"Theresa," Fox said his voice filled with urgency.

"You're just like the rest of them. You're just like everyone else who's hurt me in ways I never thought they could."

"What?" Fox said in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

"You love Whitney!" Theresa laughed bitterly. "I was so stupid!" She said. "You only pretended to be my friend so that you could get close to her. Didn't you?" Theresa accused. "Didn't you?!" She said her voice getting louder.

Fox was too shocked to say anything. Theresa interpreted his silence as an affirmation of her suspicions. "Get out of my house, Fox." She said icily. "I never want to see you or that slut Whitney ever again!"

"But Theresa~" Fox protested. "It's not what you think!"

"Get out!" Theresa screamed. "Get out!".

Theresa then recalled her confrontation with Whitney that occurred shortly after her conversation with Fox.

"Fox told me what happened." Whitney said quietly.

"Oh he did?" Theresa said icily. "Of course he would tell you. You're the love of his life." She said sarcastically. "What'd you do to snag him Whit? Did you sleep with him?"

"I did not do that!" Whitney said in disbelief. "Theresa! What has gotten into you?"

"A major reality check. I've learned that the people I thought I could trust were people I couldn't. I lost my son, and I lost the people I thought I could call my best friends."

"You haven't lost Fox or me." Whitney said as she stepped closer to Theresa.

"I don't want to ever talk to you both again." Theresa said coldly. "You two can leave me the hell alone."

"Theresa~" Whitney said.

"Don't bother lying anymore to me. You make me sick."

Tears dampened the paper Theresa was writing upon. The ink smeared and made it difficult to read. Frustrated, Theresa crumpled the paper and started over.

Dear Mama,

I don't know how to deal with my life anymore. I've managed to lose everything. I can't stand to stay here any longer. Harmony is full of people that I've come to despise, and I'm sorry, but I have to leave Mama.

I don't know if I will ever return. I've lost myself Mama. I need to go somewhere and find myself. I don't even know who I am anymore. My own identity is an anomaly to me.

Please understand my decision to leave. I love you. Please give Luis, Antonio, Miguel, and Little Ethan a goodbye kiss for me. I love you.

Love,

Theresa


Theresa spent most of the night packing and thinking. Once Pilar fell asleep, Theresa carefully snuck into her room and placed the letter on her nightstand. After glancing at her mother one last time, Theresa closed the door. She went into her room, picked up her bags, and left the house. After closing the door, Theresa walked and never looked back. Theresa had no idea of where she was going, but she was on a journey- a search for all things lost.

~*~