PRE-FIC AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This chapter is dedicated to Julie, to make her feel better about Seth being a prat. And of course, she gets her one promised Seth-snog.
"Gin?"
"Yeah?"
"I think I'm going to go explore for a bit. You think Harry'll mind if I borrow the Map and his cloak?"
"Nope. And I won't even bother asking how you knew about those."
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit."
Alena was wrapped up in the Cloak, Marauder's Map in hand. She studied the dots, trying to decide who to pester. Oooh, was that Draco Malfoy? This would be fun.
Alena grinned and started off towards the Slytherin Dungeons. When she reached it, she glanced at the map. It seemed to understand, as it showed the tiny dot that represented her saying 'basilisk'. She did, and the blank stone wall opened to reveal a doorway. She bit her lip and walked inside.
She glanced around. There he was. Putting on his tie and brushing his hair. She smirked and snuck up behind him. Then she grabbed the end of the tie he wasn't holding and slowly began to pull. He watched in amazement in the mirror as his silver and green tie slithered off his neck. When it was in her hands, Alena pulled it back, under the cloak, and put her hair up with it. Draco watched in detached shock as his best tie vanished into thin air.
"Hmmm. I really need to cut down on the firewhisky."
Alena was hard put to keep from giggling. She watched as Draco drew out his next best tie and tied it. Then she followed him as he left the common room.
He began heading towards the Great Hall, undoubtedly for lunch. Alena grinned, this would be good. Draco sat down and began to eat. Alena sat on the empty bench in front of him, and got to work. She picked his fork up when he set it down to gulp some of his pumpkin juice. Then, as he began to eat some of his vegetables with his spoon, wondering where his fork had gone, she prodded him hard on the arm with it.
"YEEOW!!!!"
She couldn't suppress a snicker, but it was drowned out by Draco's screaming. He had begun swatting the air, shrieking that he was under attack and that someone wanted him dead.
"BLAISE!!! Help! OWWWWWW!!! It's got me, Blaise, it's got me!!"
The Italian boy looked on in amusement.
"Draco, you are such a ninny," he commented, and went to go sit at the Gryffindor table with his girlfriend, Ginny.
Alena poked him again, and Draco shrieked loudly. The Gryffindors were laughing, the Hufflepuffs were giggling, and the Ravenclaaws were too busy simultaneously turning pages in their books to notice anything.
She poked again, this time at his food. She began to aim the mashed potatoes at his mouth when he screamed. She took the opportunity to smash them into his mouth unceremoniously. Draco coughed and spluttered, potatoes flying from his lips and covering Pansy in their sticky glop.
"Ewww, Draco, that is soo nasty! I am never, ever going to forgive you! You like, ruined my best robes!!!"
Alena snorted, drowned out by the laughs of the surrounding tables. Poke, she went, right into the potatoes. And this time she smushed them into Draco's hair. He screamed horribly loudly, and she rolled her eyes. He was so girly... and freakishly adorable. But that was not the point!
"Not my hair! Anything but my hair!"
Alena grinned, and dumped the dessert—strawberry ice cream—down the back of his robes. Draco yelped and stood up. Then he fled from the room, followed by Alena.
"That. Was. Brilliant."
Alena took a bow.
"Thank you, dahling, thank you. It's my pleasure to shmooze with the fans."
Ron grinned, and she poked him in the arm playfully. Hermione watched with annoyance, as if certain that the other girl was about to steal away her newly dubbed boyfriend. Alena smiled reassuringly at the girl.
"You know, Ron, as much as I love talking to you, I think I'll leace you two to snog for a bit."
Ron blushed. Hermione squeaked. Alena smirked.
"Well then, I think I'll go die hopelessly at chess against Ginny. See you guys."
"Well, so my personal poltergeist has finally returned. How are you today, Miss Sullivan?"
Alena squeaked as the Cloak was pulled off the top of her head.
"What? Thought I didn't know? You were horribly obvious. After you stuck the potatoes in my hair, it was so plain. I just didn't want to humiliate you."
"Riiiiight..."
"Pff."
"Hmph."
Draco smirked. Alena smirked right back. Draco's smirk faltered. Alena's widened.
"Uh-huh. So, now, do I have to say anything else to you, or can I go away and wallow in self pity regarding my complete lack of sneaking abilities?"
Draco sneered. God, he was really cute when he did that.
"Well, I want my tie—nice idea with the hair tie—back..."
She smirked.
"Not happening any time soon, buster."
"Wha...?"
But she had already left.
"Damn."
"Greasy hair—check. No earrings—check. Weird, black dresses that Malfoy claims are robes—check. Stupid, evil, dark and utterly slimy voice—check. I am perfect! There is no way she won't fall for me now!"
Alena poked her head in the door.
"Hey Seth, I was wondering if you wanted some breakfa—Gaaaah!"
She put one hand to her mouth while biting her lip, desperately trying not to make noises of disgust and laughter.
"So, how do I look?" he asked proudly, sneering—in a way he must have thought quite impressive, but actually made him look like a gopher with a complex—and puffing out his chest.
Alena made a strange, sort of quacking noise, and clapped her hands, one on top of the other, over her mouth (rather like when her father embarrassed her beyond repair by doing the hip-wiggle at Meehan's) as strange sounds began to emerge from it. Her face changed rapidly from red to green to purple to blue then to a rather interesting shade of magenta very quickly. She turned and fled the room, hands still clapped over her mouth.
Seth watched her disappear in confusion. Then, he shook his head and turned back to the mirror, inspecting himself once more.
"Awed by my magnificence, I suppose."
Alena ran, breakneck speed, down to the dungeons. Without knocking, she burst into Snape's dungeon. She grabbed Julie from Snape and yanked her into the hallway. Julie looked less than pleased.
"What is it with you and your bloody family? Have you got no sense of privacy? I was snoggi—"Alena cut her off.
"Julie! You have to hide! It's the world's most horrible, awful, terrible thing ever!"
Julie looked interested.
"I flying pink moose determined to rid the world of chocolate?"
"It's—wait, what!? No! It's Seth! He's dressed as—"
Speak of the devil. The aforementioned had just walked around the corner, gopher-sneer and puffed-out chest in place. He had stuck his fingers in the sides of his pockets and was trying to look impressive—only managing to further develop his gopher-with-a-complex look.
"Hello Juliana," he drawled. Julie made a chocking, horrified noise and clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle her laughter. This not working, she promptly stuck her fist in her mouth. She began to turn a similar shade of magenta to the on Alena had turned earlier.
"And, that is Julie-speak for 'you look like an idiot, what the hell are you doing?'. I mean, come on, you look like a gopher with a complex." Malfoy. What a joy. Not to mention it spared Alena from having to say the exact same thing.
"WHAT!? You're the one who said to wear it in the first place!"
"No, I said, if you want her to like you, you have to look like what she likes. I didn't say you needed to turn into a psychotic gopher."
Seth tackled Malfoy and began his rather sorry attempt at trying to break his pretty face in. Alena stepped in however.
"You mess up his face, and I'll make you wish you had enough teeth to look like a psychotic gopher!"
She yanked the Snape-wannabe off of her beauteous Draco and slapped him hard across the face.
"SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU BLOODY IDIOT! SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!!!"
Seth sneered, and not in a gopher-with-a-complex sort of way. Julie about died. He looked so sexy when he sneered!! She raced over and pulled him out of Alena's grasp, fastening her lips over his like a deranged maniac. Needless to say, Snape was displeased.
Draco ran to catch up with Alena, who seemed to be trying her best to not turn around and look at him. He finally reached her, and, grabbing her by the wrist, whirled her around to face him.
"What is your problem, Sullivan? One minute, you're insulting the daylights out of me and poking me with a fork, the next your pulling a deranged gopher-boy off of me, and then, you go back to glaring and... and completely ignoring me!!! Do you have a complex too? The 'let's be a complete arse to Draco Malfoy' complex? Or would you explain?"
Alena glared at him defiantly.
"As a Malfoy, I order you to tell me."
"Oh, well then, your imperial majesty, I shall tell you what my problem is, just because your royal snivellyness commanded it!" Sarcasm. She lived for sarcasm. "YOU ARE AN ANNOYING FERRET WHO TRICKS MY BROTHER INTO DRESSING LIKE AN IDIOT—well, worse than normal, anyways—YOU HAVE NO REMORSE WHATSOEVER ABOUT ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE JACKASS, YOU ARE COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH YOURSELF, YOU THINK YOU CAN COMMAND EVERYBODY, AND YOU ARE WAY TOO ADORABLE FOR YOUR OWN GORRAM GOOD!!!"
Draco smirked.
"So I'm adorable?"
"No."
"Than, a) why did you say it, and b) why are you turning a rather interesting shade of magenta?"
"Bugger off, Malfoy."
"I don't swing that way, thanks."
"SOD OFF, MALFOY!!!"
"Only if you'll go to Hogsmeade with me."
"I SAID SOD O—what the hell did you just say?"
"There's a Hogsmeade trip tomorrow, Sullivan. Will you go with me?"
"Yes—no! What am I saying!? No, Nononononono!!"
Draco smirked.
"Meet you in the Entrance Hall at eleven?"
"Right."
AUTHOR NOTES: Gorram is a reference from the show Firefly, created by Joss Whedon.
After this chapter, Julie will officially go back to snogging Snape. Call it a moment of temporary identity confusion—when he sneered, she mistook him for Snape subconsciously, and snogged the life out of him.
This chapter is dedicated to Julie, to make her feel better about Seth being a prat. And of course, she gets her one promised Seth-snog.
"Gin?"
"Yeah?"
"I think I'm going to go explore for a bit. You think Harry'll mind if I borrow the Map and his cloak?"
"Nope. And I won't even bother asking how you knew about those."
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit."
Alena was wrapped up in the Cloak, Marauder's Map in hand. She studied the dots, trying to decide who to pester. Oooh, was that Draco Malfoy? This would be fun.
Alena grinned and started off towards the Slytherin Dungeons. When she reached it, she glanced at the map. It seemed to understand, as it showed the tiny dot that represented her saying 'basilisk'. She did, and the blank stone wall opened to reveal a doorway. She bit her lip and walked inside.
She glanced around. There he was. Putting on his tie and brushing his hair. She smirked and snuck up behind him. Then she grabbed the end of the tie he wasn't holding and slowly began to pull. He watched in amazement in the mirror as his silver and green tie slithered off his neck. When it was in her hands, Alena pulled it back, under the cloak, and put her hair up with it. Draco watched in detached shock as his best tie vanished into thin air.
"Hmmm. I really need to cut down on the firewhisky."
Alena was hard put to keep from giggling. She watched as Draco drew out his next best tie and tied it. Then she followed him as he left the common room.
He began heading towards the Great Hall, undoubtedly for lunch. Alena grinned, this would be good. Draco sat down and began to eat. Alena sat on the empty bench in front of him, and got to work. She picked his fork up when he set it down to gulp some of his pumpkin juice. Then, as he began to eat some of his vegetables with his spoon, wondering where his fork had gone, she prodded him hard on the arm with it.
"YEEOW!!!!"
She couldn't suppress a snicker, but it was drowned out by Draco's screaming. He had begun swatting the air, shrieking that he was under attack and that someone wanted him dead.
"BLAISE!!! Help! OWWWWWW!!! It's got me, Blaise, it's got me!!"
The Italian boy looked on in amusement.
"Draco, you are such a ninny," he commented, and went to go sit at the Gryffindor table with his girlfriend, Ginny.
Alena poked him again, and Draco shrieked loudly. The Gryffindors were laughing, the Hufflepuffs were giggling, and the Ravenclaaws were too busy simultaneously turning pages in their books to notice anything.
She poked again, this time at his food. She began to aim the mashed potatoes at his mouth when he screamed. She took the opportunity to smash them into his mouth unceremoniously. Draco coughed and spluttered, potatoes flying from his lips and covering Pansy in their sticky glop.
"Ewww, Draco, that is soo nasty! I am never, ever going to forgive you! You like, ruined my best robes!!!"
Alena snorted, drowned out by the laughs of the surrounding tables. Poke, she went, right into the potatoes. And this time she smushed them into Draco's hair. He screamed horribly loudly, and she rolled her eyes. He was so girly... and freakishly adorable. But that was not the point!
"Not my hair! Anything but my hair!"
Alena grinned, and dumped the dessert—strawberry ice cream—down the back of his robes. Draco yelped and stood up. Then he fled from the room, followed by Alena.
"That. Was. Brilliant."
Alena took a bow.
"Thank you, dahling, thank you. It's my pleasure to shmooze with the fans."
Ron grinned, and she poked him in the arm playfully. Hermione watched with annoyance, as if certain that the other girl was about to steal away her newly dubbed boyfriend. Alena smiled reassuringly at the girl.
"You know, Ron, as much as I love talking to you, I think I'll leace you two to snog for a bit."
Ron blushed. Hermione squeaked. Alena smirked.
"Well then, I think I'll go die hopelessly at chess against Ginny. See you guys."
"Well, so my personal poltergeist has finally returned. How are you today, Miss Sullivan?"
Alena squeaked as the Cloak was pulled off the top of her head.
"What? Thought I didn't know? You were horribly obvious. After you stuck the potatoes in my hair, it was so plain. I just didn't want to humiliate you."
"Riiiiight..."
"Pff."
"Hmph."
Draco smirked. Alena smirked right back. Draco's smirk faltered. Alena's widened.
"Uh-huh. So, now, do I have to say anything else to you, or can I go away and wallow in self pity regarding my complete lack of sneaking abilities?"
Draco sneered. God, he was really cute when he did that.
"Well, I want my tie—nice idea with the hair tie—back..."
She smirked.
"Not happening any time soon, buster."
"Wha...?"
But she had already left.
"Damn."
"Greasy hair—check. No earrings—check. Weird, black dresses that Malfoy claims are robes—check. Stupid, evil, dark and utterly slimy voice—check. I am perfect! There is no way she won't fall for me now!"
Alena poked her head in the door.
"Hey Seth, I was wondering if you wanted some breakfa—Gaaaah!"
She put one hand to her mouth while biting her lip, desperately trying not to make noises of disgust and laughter.
"So, how do I look?" he asked proudly, sneering—in a way he must have thought quite impressive, but actually made him look like a gopher with a complex—and puffing out his chest.
Alena made a strange, sort of quacking noise, and clapped her hands, one on top of the other, over her mouth (rather like when her father embarrassed her beyond repair by doing the hip-wiggle at Meehan's) as strange sounds began to emerge from it. Her face changed rapidly from red to green to purple to blue then to a rather interesting shade of magenta very quickly. She turned and fled the room, hands still clapped over her mouth.
Seth watched her disappear in confusion. Then, he shook his head and turned back to the mirror, inspecting himself once more.
"Awed by my magnificence, I suppose."
Alena ran, breakneck speed, down to the dungeons. Without knocking, she burst into Snape's dungeon. She grabbed Julie from Snape and yanked her into the hallway. Julie looked less than pleased.
"What is it with you and your bloody family? Have you got no sense of privacy? I was snoggi—"Alena cut her off.
"Julie! You have to hide! It's the world's most horrible, awful, terrible thing ever!"
Julie looked interested.
"I flying pink moose determined to rid the world of chocolate?"
"It's—wait, what!? No! It's Seth! He's dressed as—"
Speak of the devil. The aforementioned had just walked around the corner, gopher-sneer and puffed-out chest in place. He had stuck his fingers in the sides of his pockets and was trying to look impressive—only managing to further develop his gopher-with-a-complex look.
"Hello Juliana," he drawled. Julie made a chocking, horrified noise and clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle her laughter. This not working, she promptly stuck her fist in her mouth. She began to turn a similar shade of magenta to the on Alena had turned earlier.
"And, that is Julie-speak for 'you look like an idiot, what the hell are you doing?'. I mean, come on, you look like a gopher with a complex." Malfoy. What a joy. Not to mention it spared Alena from having to say the exact same thing.
"WHAT!? You're the one who said to wear it in the first place!"
"No, I said, if you want her to like you, you have to look like what she likes. I didn't say you needed to turn into a psychotic gopher."
Seth tackled Malfoy and began his rather sorry attempt at trying to break his pretty face in. Alena stepped in however.
"You mess up his face, and I'll make you wish you had enough teeth to look like a psychotic gopher!"
She yanked the Snape-wannabe off of her beauteous Draco and slapped him hard across the face.
"SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU BLOODY IDIOT! SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!!!"
Seth sneered, and not in a gopher-with-a-complex sort of way. Julie about died. He looked so sexy when he sneered!! She raced over and pulled him out of Alena's grasp, fastening her lips over his like a deranged maniac. Needless to say, Snape was displeased.
Draco ran to catch up with Alena, who seemed to be trying her best to not turn around and look at him. He finally reached her, and, grabbing her by the wrist, whirled her around to face him.
"What is your problem, Sullivan? One minute, you're insulting the daylights out of me and poking me with a fork, the next your pulling a deranged gopher-boy off of me, and then, you go back to glaring and... and completely ignoring me!!! Do you have a complex too? The 'let's be a complete arse to Draco Malfoy' complex? Or would you explain?"
Alena glared at him defiantly.
"As a Malfoy, I order you to tell me."
"Oh, well then, your imperial majesty, I shall tell you what my problem is, just because your royal snivellyness commanded it!" Sarcasm. She lived for sarcasm. "YOU ARE AN ANNOYING FERRET WHO TRICKS MY BROTHER INTO DRESSING LIKE AN IDIOT—well, worse than normal, anyways—YOU HAVE NO REMORSE WHATSOEVER ABOUT ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE JACKASS, YOU ARE COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH YOURSELF, YOU THINK YOU CAN COMMAND EVERYBODY, AND YOU ARE WAY TOO ADORABLE FOR YOUR OWN GORRAM GOOD!!!"
Draco smirked.
"So I'm adorable?"
"No."
"Than, a) why did you say it, and b) why are you turning a rather interesting shade of magenta?"
"Bugger off, Malfoy."
"I don't swing that way, thanks."
"SOD OFF, MALFOY!!!"
"Only if you'll go to Hogsmeade with me."
"I SAID SOD O—what the hell did you just say?"
"There's a Hogsmeade trip tomorrow, Sullivan. Will you go with me?"
"Yes—no! What am I saying!? No, Nononononono!!"
Draco smirked.
"Meet you in the Entrance Hall at eleven?"
"Right."
AUTHOR NOTES: Gorram is a reference from the show Firefly, created by Joss Whedon.
After this chapter, Julie will officially go back to snogging Snape. Call it a moment of temporary identity confusion—when he sneered, she mistook him for Snape subconsciously, and snogged the life out of him.