It was pointless. An almost hopeless evening that she spent alone, running the brush through her hair for the thousandth time, staring out the dorm room window at the trees. The trees that with every gust of wind shed yet another leaf. Soon it would be bare. The whole tree, a naked shell, with just the simple reminder of what once was. Sure the leaves would return, but they wouldn't be the same. They would never be the same leaves, never again. What about change, she thought. Who said change was so good? That change opened up a new chapter in your life. This isn't change, she thought. This isn't a new beginning, this is an end. Death, was the final chapter. It closed with the end' and there was no happily ever after. Not for her at least.

Marcie closed the window, as the breeze died down. Dying down. Why did everything need to be about death? She felt the emptiness well up inside her once again as she made her way over to her bed, curling up on top, pulling her knees tightly upto her chest. He wasn't really gone. He couldn't be. He was going to walk through that door any second and tell her that everything was just a bad dream, that Madison never bothered her, that she never ended up with that disgusting disease and that she didn't give it to Al. She didn't kill him, he was still alive.

So she let her gaze fall on the doorway, waiting for what seemed like a lifetime for nothing. No movement, no turning of the doorknob, or knock on the frame. Everything was still. Everything except for the banging of the breeze on the window. Tears rolled uncontrollably down Marcie's cheeks as she held her knees, back resting against the bed frame.

"Why..." she cried. "Oh Al, why did you have to go? How can I... how can I live without you, you were my whole world."

The wind whipped the window open. Marcie shoulders fell as she managed to pull herself up and over to the desk by the window, chasing aimlessly the papers which now blanketed the floor of her room. She sighed, walking back over to latch the window and replace the papers. She looked down and lying on the desk in front of her was a cassette, the cassette Al had left for her. She picked it up, holding it in her hands for a moment, pulling it close to her chest. "Al..." she said, pausing as she gazed down at the cassette. "OK..." Marcie dug through a few of her things, plugging in the tape deck and popping the cassette in.

"Marcie, I can only pray that you know how much I love you. I know you love me. I can feel it. You make me feel it in my heart, you're so kind, always so gentle, so beautiful. So, listen, don't sit around moping over me. Promise you'll find somebody who loves you like I love you. Do that for me, Marcie. Marcie, I'm not going to leave you. I'll be there. Listen for me. I'll be in the wind that moves the clouds across the moon when you look out your window, the wind that rustles the gold leaves across the sidewalk as you walk to class. I'll be your voice of the night always, always telling you how much I love you."

Marcie stopped the tape, slowly walking back over to the window. The wind was loud, but blew only gently now. She looked up in the sky watching the bright face of the moon as the clouds drifted by. They weren't rain clouds, however, they were something different. I'll be in the wind that moves the clouds across the moon when you look out your window.' Marcie sniffled, hearing the words again.

But what about those trees. Their leaves lying upon the ground, their branches bare. It was a wonder how life could yet again spring out of something so dormant. Marcie unlatched the window once again, swinging it open . She was hit immediately by the uncharacteristically warm breeze. It felt almost as if it were embracing her. She wrapped her arms around herself thinking.

"Have you ever been walking home, you know, late at night, and you hear a noise and you get scared?" Al asked. "You know it's nothing, but your adrenaline kicks in. You start to run and you run faster and faster, and the faster you run, the faster you have to run."

"You know what?" Marcie told him. "You don't have to run. I'm going to carry you. And tomorrow you're going to get a brand new liver."

"Slightly used."

"Just a little. But then you're going to live a long, wonderful life."

"A long wonderful life with you."

"Yes with me."

Marcie dropped her hands to her side. "I lied to you" she said. "God Al I lied to you. I told you you'd be here forever." She wiped her eyes as her mind still wandered.

"I don't really know if I'm any good to you. I was so scared when you were in surgery. I'm still a little shaky."

"Marcie..." Al said.

"Yes?"

"You got me through this."

"I'm going to take really good care of you so that you can get better really fast, and then you're going to come home with me, remember?"

"I changed my mind."

"You don't want to stay with me?"

"No, I don't want to stay with you. I want to live with you."

"You were OK." Marcie cried out. "Why did you have to die?" She closed the window, falling back onto the bed once again in tears. "We were supposed to be together forever. Forever, Al."

"What exactly is forever, Marcie?" She didn't even have to look up. She knew the voice. "I'm right here. I've always been right here."

"Al?" Marcie choked. It couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be, but there he was, standing before her. "Is it really you? You came back."

"I'm always here, Marcie. I'm always with you. You carry me everywhere you go."

"It's not the same." Marcie cried. "I can't hold you. I need you to hold me."

"I am," Al said. "Can't you feel it? Close your eyes." Marcie was reluctant. "I'm not going anywhere, just close your eyes." She did so. "There... the warm breeze, the one that makes you feel protected, do you feel that?"

"Yeah," Marcie smiled.

"That's me holding you. And the drizzle of the rain, those tiny little raindrops that roll down your cheeks... that's me kissing you. I'm all around you Marcie, always. I'm not going to make it easy for you to forget me."

"I never will. Not ever, Al."

"But you can't stop living either. You've got way too much energy for that. You'll find somebody who loves you... just as much as I do. I know you will."

"I don't want to," Marcie said. "I'll never love anyone else. I can't."

"You can't fight it either," Al said. "You trust me, Marcie. I know you do, right?" Marcie nodded. "Then trust me now."

"I miss you, Al," Marcie cried.

"I know," he said. "But I know you. You're strong. You are so strong. You are going to be fine."

"I wish... I wish you could stay here."

"I'm always here. Just believe that, in your heart. And if you close your eyes... you can feel me. I'll hold you as long as you need me to."

Marcie shut her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself. "Never let me go," she said softly, remaining for a moment before easing her eyes open once again. "Al?" she said looking around. "Al?" Marcie pushed herself up. "Al?"

There was nothing as Marcie walked over to the window, opening it. She gazed up at the sky, watching the clouds dance freely. Trust me' she could almost hear him whispering. I'm with you, smiling down at you Marcie.'

"I can feel you," she smiled. "I can feel you Al." Marcie looked up once again as the clouds cleared out and revealed the bright shining stars. And with the soft warm breeze, she could swear that she heard Al again, the words coming through clear.

"I won't let you forget me. Everywhere you look I'll be there, whispering my love through the trees, beaming my pride from the sun, softening your night with moonbeams, laughing in the twinkling of the stars."

Marcie smiled softly. "I love you Al," she whispered up towards the night sky. It would take time, but she would be OK. She finally believed that.

The End....A New Beginning

Italic sections are borrowed from OLTL in this order:

1 & 2- 9/22/03
3- 9/16/03
4- 9/19/03
5- Non- OLTL quote. Used on AMC, book passage, unknown origin.