Disclaimer: Nope, don't own nothin.
A Conspiracy Asked Part1
"I love you Mr Frodo"
"I know Sam"
"No but I mean I really lo-", Sam knocked over his ale mug and let out a sharp squeal as the liquid soaked Frodo's Britches
"SAM YOU MORON!" Frodo roared as he stood up to survey the damage. Several nearby hobbits started to laugh and Merry snorted into his drink spraying pippin with froth. For some reason whenever a drink spills it magnetically collects onto the most embarrassing area it can find. Liquid has a sense of humour too. Johnsberg extra smooth ale was no exception; Frodo had a large wet circle around his crotch. "I'm s-so sorry Mr Frodo", said Sam quickly, entering a near state of panic. In a flash he produced a white handkerchief, "let me get that for you", Sam leant over the table and started to rub Frodo's crotch. Just as quickly Frodo yelped and jumped backwards. The tavern erupted in laughter. Merry and Pippin were hysterical and Fredegar laughed so hard he fell off his chair, to which several Hobbits applauded. It does not take much to amuse Hobbits, who are naturally jolly folk anyway. Especially after a few half-pints.
Feeling rather embarrassed Frodo sat down with a frown. Sam did likewise although he had no idea what everyone had found so amusing. Frodo kept a sullen silence as the pub chatter grew to its normal steady babble, occasionally throwing Sam an evil look. Whenever he and Sam went anywhere it always seemed to involve an instance of Sam-on-Frodo crotch rubbing, he was worried people would start to talk. Eventually Merry took a hearty swig of ale and put his mug down with a thump. This seemed to bring their table back to the present. Sam muttered another apology, and Frodo, after stern looks from his friends grudgingly accepted.
"Right with that out of the way", declared Merry, "myself, Pip, Sam and Fredegar have an announcement to make!"
Frodo inwardly sighed with relief. At last! He thought they've decided on accompanying me to Bree. It was about time.
Throughout the summer, Frodo had received a number of letters from Gandalf. Some had been pointless post cards which began like, "Well here I am in Gondor the weathers fine...". However recently most of Gandalf's missives had been full of doom laden ominousness regarding Bilbo's old ring. The upshot of it all was that he had to leave the Shire, for a time, and meet Gandalf in Bree. It had all left Frodo slightly confused and a little scared, especially when Gandalf began his letters with "Dark shapes stir in Mordor...smoke rises from mount doom.. A shadow is cast over the land and in times like these even the nine may walk again.". He had no idea who the "nine" actually were, but somehow he didn't want to find out. He was uncertain about many things.too many things. As a matter of fact he wasn't even sure "ominousness" was a word. One thing was certain though, he had to leave the Shire soon and there was no way Frodo would be bravely leaving alone. Oh no, not when the Dark Lord Sauron may be after him. He wanted companions, as many as possible. ideally he wanted great warriors to leave with him, the sort who turned out to be future kings. however this was the Shire, full of short plump hobbits who were about as dangerous as wild daisy's, but they were better than nothing (At the least his friends could serve as decoys). So for the duration of the summer he had been surreptitiously informing his friends of his departure. Frodo had perpetrated the following rather cowardly acts.
He had muttered things like "I wonder if I'll ever see this place again", while looking longingly at Bag End, while always making sure his friends overheard him
He had carefully placed many of Gandalf's letters in plain view, often where Sam would be cleaning/ gardening. In extreme cases he had posted letters through Merry's door
He had carefully marked out his route to Bree on a map and then left it in the flowerbed
When sleeping over at Brandy hall he had "talked in his sleep". The truth was Frodo had just talked.
Merry paused for effect, making sure he had everyone's attention. "Right", he said, "Frodo don't be angry with us..but we've discovered you're secret", Frodo's mind whirled for a second. No, they haven't found out about the cucumber incident had they? Just as quickly though he relaxed, this is a about his leaving. Not the cucumber.no one knew about that. Meanwhile he was trying to wear a look of surprised innocence as Merry continued. "We know about you're plans to leave the Shire!".
Frodo gasped, "How?"
"I'm afraid I'm the most guilty here Mr Frodo", said Sam uncomfortably as he explained how he'd read his masters mail, overheard him muttering to himself and found the map then passed on his suspicions to Merry, Pip and Fredegar.
"Please forgive me Mr Frodo", Sam finished on a pleading note Of course Frodo, at this moment could not have been happier but he remained outwardly shocked, and he promptly docked Sam's wages by ten percent.
"It wasn't just Sam's observations that alerted us though", said Merry
"S'right", agreed Pippin, "Some idiot delivered letters to Merry's house that were addressed to you" "And", said Merry, "They were already opened!"
Frodo shook his head, "You just can't get a reliable messenger nowadays"
"Anyway", said Merry putting his mug down with a determined thud, "What sort of friends would we be if we let you go alone?"
Yes! Frodo mentally congratulated himself on a successful campaign. "That's right!" exclaimed Pippin, "We're coming with you!"
Later that night, the last orders bell had tolled and five inebriated hobbits lurched out of the local. Sam cast back a longing look at the barmaid Rosy, who was standing by the doorway. She smiled and waved coyly to which Sam went bright crimson. None of the others noticed in the dark though. "One day.", Sam slurred in Frodo's ear, "I am going to marry her and I'll have a house full of wholesome children.a-and I'll come in an say interesting things like.Well, I'm back". Frodo nodded. Fredegar was the first to leave the group for his hobbit hole,.they called their goodbyes to him as he took a different path.
"Why was Freddeggar winking at you Mr Frodo?", said Sam
"He wasn't"
At the next corner Merry and Pippin left with an exchange of winks, sly nudges and finger pointing with Frodo. All of this Sam missed. The night darkened ominously as Frodo and Sam continued, it made Frodo uneasy after Gandalf's letters.everything he saw along the way seemed to frighten him, a bush that moved in the wind, a creaking weather vain, a cowled black stranger with no face on a black horse with red eyes. Frodo shook his head, this was getting ridiculous! He was becoming paranoid.
"Excuesssss me"
Frodo and Sam whirled as the stranger trotted his horse alongside them. "I amss lookingsss for Bag Innessssss"
The two hobbits rolled their eyes. Tourists. "Sorry no place like that around here", said Frodo, "but you might want to try "The Golden Buttercup", they do bed and breakfast for a reasonable price"
"And great black puddings!", Sam interjected with a hiccup.
The stranger seemed to consider this for a moment, then with an unearthly hiss reined the horse in a full circle and sped into the night. Frodo watched the stranger go, black cloak flapping as he became a ghostly shadow against a bank of curling fog which had decided to show up for effect. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but through a thick layer of alcohol induced indifference his senses told him there was something not quite right about that guy.
A few minutes later Frodo was waving his goodbyes to Sam, then he stepped inside and closed the rounded door of Bag End plunging him into darkness. He hated the way Bag End had slowly become creepier recently. It was Gandalf's letters that caused it of course, they were fuelling his imagination with all sorts of rubbish. But then he couldn't remember opening that window. it banged against the desk in a sudden breeze that sent papers rustling onto the floor. Frodo realised he was holding his breath. This is stupid! He told himself. With muttered curses Frodo bumped his way through the darkness leaned over, and drew in the windows which gave a creaking moan for good measure. Not bothering to pick up the fallen papers, he quickly lit a few oil lamps. They illuminated another letter from Gandalf lying by the door. Frodo picked it up (black things move in the night, a shadow of great malice stirs..etc) and tossed it in the bin. Then he sank into his favourite chair and briefly considered lighting the fireplace but found he was too comfortable now to bother. His momentary peace was shattered however with a booming knock at the door. "Shit!", he said jerking upright. How could he forget! The party, it was tonight and here he was moping about when he could have been getting ready. He ran to the bathroom mirror, and hurried a brush through his tangled hair, he then regarded Bilbo's shaving knife...for some reason he had never needed to shave. Ever. He then burst from the bathroom threw on his best waist coat and yanked open the door. Pippin was waiting on the other side with an annoyed expression. "Where have you been? The party started ages ago" Frodo didn't have a good answer so he plumped for an apology as the two hobbits set off towards Brandywine Hall. On the way Pippin briefed him on his latest party strategy.
Hobbits could be divided into four party categories
There were those who turned up for the free food, drink, pipe weed and whatever else they could lay there hands on.
Others, came for the dancing and exuberant clapping which was a hallmark of all decent hobbit parties.
Most of the older Hobbits never past up the opportunity to gather round a table and talk of Shire events. The only problem was nothing much ever really happened in the Shire. The weather was a good topic, as was the terrible radish shortage of 87 but lately most talk revolved around strange folk and their penchant for being "abroad".
The final reason was Rosie the barmaid, who was widely held to be the prettiest female in all the Shire (the only one without facial hair). Her mere presence at a party was enough to inspire most young males to attend. Pippin fell into this category. Would this be his lucky night? Read on to find out..
"Carrots"
"What?"
"I said carrots", Pippin grinned, "I put one down my pants"
"Ah.."
"Yeah, Rosie can't fail to miss my enormous manhood. Of course it makes walking a bit difficult."
Frodo noticed that Pippin was moving in a kind of stiff limp. "What if you're asked to dance?"
"I'd use my new seduction routine instead of the normal stuff"
"Oh"
"Yeah, its quite good..I came up with it myself. Requires a carrot though."
Frodo complimented Pippin on his new idea, but he didn't for a moment believe it would work. He couldn't remember any hobbit ever leaving a party with Rosie on his arm, and he was quite sure Pippins carrot scheme would not change that. Suddenly a large shadow detached itself from a clump of trees ahead. In an instant Gandalf's letters sent Frodo's imagination into overdrive. He stopped dead. His breath caught in his chest. Pippin looked around, puzzled that his friend had stopped.
"What's wrong with y-"
The clop of horse shoes cut him off as he whirled to stare at what Frodo was watching coming towards him. In seconds the shape had changed from an indistinct shadow to a horse and rider galloping headlong at him, black robes swirling in its wake.
"AAAAaaarggghhh!"
"Bag Innessssss!"
Frodo stopped screaming. It was the stranger he'd met before, he would recognise that black cape, gothic armour and lack of face anywhere.
"I've told you before", said Frodo in exasperation, "There's no such place, so just bugger off will you!"
The black rider paused and although it had no face Frodo thought it looked at bit embarrassed. He watched it slink off down the road. The stranger wasn't the only one feeling abashed however as Frodo felt Pippin's incredulous glare. Frodo scratched the back of his head, "well..that shadow could have been anything"
"Yeah", laughed Pippin, "a big scary monster"
"lets just forget it shall we?"
Pippin looped his arm around Frodo, "Alright. I'll protect you"
Frodo freed himself, "I mean it Pippin!"
"Fine. A little jumpy tonight aren't we?"
Frodo didn't answer, he was more annoyed at himself than Pippin. How could he be this nervous? He was jumping at shadows all the time. The sooner he left the Shire the better, a small trip to Bree would do him a world of good. He was doubly cross with himself for panicking in his friends company. Unfortunately Pippin didn't "forget it", he made infuriating ghost noises along the way.
A minute later and they were bounding up the steps of Merry's home. Unlike most hobbit residences Merry's home was not a hole, instead it was a building in the style of his family's Brandywine Hall in Buckland. Squares of light invitingly poured out of open windows from which jaunty string music, mixed with the cheers and shouts of a party in full swing hastened their step. It was the grandest building in Hobbiton, but neither Frodo nor Pippin spared time to admire it as they reached the great oak doors breathlessly. It had one of those elaborate knockers in the shape of a pigs head. (Pigs being the most vicious creature in the Shire). Pippin rapped it three times. They waited several seconds before a rather drunken Merry appeared.
"Ah, there you are come in, come in! I had to send Pip out for you. Where have you been?"
"Sorry", Frodo muttered as he closed the doors behind him, "I've been tired recently and-"
but Merry wasn't listening, instead he was sauntering over to where Rosie was standing alone by the food bar, a rare opportunity, so Frodo could forgive him. Pippin however was not so inclined, "thieving git!"
"what?"
"look", growled Pippin who pointed to a carrot shaped bulge in Merry's britches, "not only is he after the one girl I was tonight, but he stole my idea too!"
"Never mind", said Frodo, "its personality that really counts-" At that moment Rosie burst out laughing while Merry put his hands on his head and jumped up and down.
"Thieving git!", shouted Frodo a bit too loudly, some dancers turned to stare at him, "that was my sheep joke he just used! I was going to use that on Rosie"
"Idea thief", agreed Pippin, "but I think my carrots bigger." The night wore on, it was no longer young now, it was middle aged, balding and developing a paunch. Frodo staggered up to the wine bar. The Gaffer had taken it upon himself to watch over this most coveted area , he sat with his wrinkled friends on a table just behind it in a fog of pipe weed smoke.
"As I was saying.. There's been some strange folk crossing the Shire"
"Wars a'brue'in"
"Aye"
"Dwarfs and other less than savoury characters"
"Black riders for one!"
"Really?"
"Aye, I saw him last night skulking around Bagshot row. Told him to bugger off home!"
"Here, here!"
"Foreigners."
"Aye"
Frodo, conscious that they were paying him no attention reached over for the old brandy. He was quite drunk. This would Finnish him off nicely.
"Make mine a double"
In spite of himself he jumped. Rosie stood next to him, looking even more beautiful than usual. Frodo took the proffered glass and concentrated all his energies on not spilling the brandy. He slyly poured Rosie far more than she asked for. "There you go", he said trying hard not to sway as he handed her the glass.
"Thanks. Good party this"
"Yeah", said Frodo aware that this was the longest conversation he'd ever held with Rosie. She smiled at him. He grinned back, while he knew with a certainty that his mind had gone blank. He had nothing to say. Damn Merry! If it wasn't for him stealing his sheep joke...but then, she was standing with him now, not with Merry.
"You know you have very interesting eyes Frodo"
"I do? Oh. yes they are big aren't they"
They trailed into silence. Frodo started a scrupulous examination of his left sleave while Rosie idly swilled her glass. Was it his turn to speak again? He thought he should say something.
"So.."
Rosie looked up.
"Er..how about that radish shortage of 87 eh?"
However Rosie never got time to reply. A loud echoing knock at the great oak doors turned everyones heads as Merry opened them Frodo recognised who it was, "Shit!", he pulled Rosie down with him underneath a nearby table.
To be continued..
Authors note: thanks to my reviewers it made me more determined to write this. More to come next week!
A Conspiracy Asked Part1
"I love you Mr Frodo"
"I know Sam"
"No but I mean I really lo-", Sam knocked over his ale mug and let out a sharp squeal as the liquid soaked Frodo's Britches
"SAM YOU MORON!" Frodo roared as he stood up to survey the damage. Several nearby hobbits started to laugh and Merry snorted into his drink spraying pippin with froth. For some reason whenever a drink spills it magnetically collects onto the most embarrassing area it can find. Liquid has a sense of humour too. Johnsberg extra smooth ale was no exception; Frodo had a large wet circle around his crotch. "I'm s-so sorry Mr Frodo", said Sam quickly, entering a near state of panic. In a flash he produced a white handkerchief, "let me get that for you", Sam leant over the table and started to rub Frodo's crotch. Just as quickly Frodo yelped and jumped backwards. The tavern erupted in laughter. Merry and Pippin were hysterical and Fredegar laughed so hard he fell off his chair, to which several Hobbits applauded. It does not take much to amuse Hobbits, who are naturally jolly folk anyway. Especially after a few half-pints.
Feeling rather embarrassed Frodo sat down with a frown. Sam did likewise although he had no idea what everyone had found so amusing. Frodo kept a sullen silence as the pub chatter grew to its normal steady babble, occasionally throwing Sam an evil look. Whenever he and Sam went anywhere it always seemed to involve an instance of Sam-on-Frodo crotch rubbing, he was worried people would start to talk. Eventually Merry took a hearty swig of ale and put his mug down with a thump. This seemed to bring their table back to the present. Sam muttered another apology, and Frodo, after stern looks from his friends grudgingly accepted.
"Right with that out of the way", declared Merry, "myself, Pip, Sam and Fredegar have an announcement to make!"
Frodo inwardly sighed with relief. At last! He thought they've decided on accompanying me to Bree. It was about time.
Throughout the summer, Frodo had received a number of letters from Gandalf. Some had been pointless post cards which began like, "Well here I am in Gondor the weathers fine...". However recently most of Gandalf's missives had been full of doom laden ominousness regarding Bilbo's old ring. The upshot of it all was that he had to leave the Shire, for a time, and meet Gandalf in Bree. It had all left Frodo slightly confused and a little scared, especially when Gandalf began his letters with "Dark shapes stir in Mordor...smoke rises from mount doom.. A shadow is cast over the land and in times like these even the nine may walk again.". He had no idea who the "nine" actually were, but somehow he didn't want to find out. He was uncertain about many things.too many things. As a matter of fact he wasn't even sure "ominousness" was a word. One thing was certain though, he had to leave the Shire soon and there was no way Frodo would be bravely leaving alone. Oh no, not when the Dark Lord Sauron may be after him. He wanted companions, as many as possible. ideally he wanted great warriors to leave with him, the sort who turned out to be future kings. however this was the Shire, full of short plump hobbits who were about as dangerous as wild daisy's, but they were better than nothing (At the least his friends could serve as decoys). So for the duration of the summer he had been surreptitiously informing his friends of his departure. Frodo had perpetrated the following rather cowardly acts.
He had muttered things like "I wonder if I'll ever see this place again", while looking longingly at Bag End, while always making sure his friends overheard him
He had carefully placed many of Gandalf's letters in plain view, often where Sam would be cleaning/ gardening. In extreme cases he had posted letters through Merry's door
He had carefully marked out his route to Bree on a map and then left it in the flowerbed
When sleeping over at Brandy hall he had "talked in his sleep". The truth was Frodo had just talked.
Merry paused for effect, making sure he had everyone's attention. "Right", he said, "Frodo don't be angry with us..but we've discovered you're secret", Frodo's mind whirled for a second. No, they haven't found out about the cucumber incident had they? Just as quickly though he relaxed, this is a about his leaving. Not the cucumber.no one knew about that. Meanwhile he was trying to wear a look of surprised innocence as Merry continued. "We know about you're plans to leave the Shire!".
Frodo gasped, "How?"
"I'm afraid I'm the most guilty here Mr Frodo", said Sam uncomfortably as he explained how he'd read his masters mail, overheard him muttering to himself and found the map then passed on his suspicions to Merry, Pip and Fredegar.
"Please forgive me Mr Frodo", Sam finished on a pleading note Of course Frodo, at this moment could not have been happier but he remained outwardly shocked, and he promptly docked Sam's wages by ten percent.
"It wasn't just Sam's observations that alerted us though", said Merry
"S'right", agreed Pippin, "Some idiot delivered letters to Merry's house that were addressed to you" "And", said Merry, "They were already opened!"
Frodo shook his head, "You just can't get a reliable messenger nowadays"
"Anyway", said Merry putting his mug down with a determined thud, "What sort of friends would we be if we let you go alone?"
Yes! Frodo mentally congratulated himself on a successful campaign. "That's right!" exclaimed Pippin, "We're coming with you!"
Later that night, the last orders bell had tolled and five inebriated hobbits lurched out of the local. Sam cast back a longing look at the barmaid Rosy, who was standing by the doorway. She smiled and waved coyly to which Sam went bright crimson. None of the others noticed in the dark though. "One day.", Sam slurred in Frodo's ear, "I am going to marry her and I'll have a house full of wholesome children.a-and I'll come in an say interesting things like.Well, I'm back". Frodo nodded. Fredegar was the first to leave the group for his hobbit hole,.they called their goodbyes to him as he took a different path.
"Why was Freddeggar winking at you Mr Frodo?", said Sam
"He wasn't"
At the next corner Merry and Pippin left with an exchange of winks, sly nudges and finger pointing with Frodo. All of this Sam missed. The night darkened ominously as Frodo and Sam continued, it made Frodo uneasy after Gandalf's letters.everything he saw along the way seemed to frighten him, a bush that moved in the wind, a creaking weather vain, a cowled black stranger with no face on a black horse with red eyes. Frodo shook his head, this was getting ridiculous! He was becoming paranoid.
"Excuesssss me"
Frodo and Sam whirled as the stranger trotted his horse alongside them. "I amss lookingsss for Bag Innessssss"
The two hobbits rolled their eyes. Tourists. "Sorry no place like that around here", said Frodo, "but you might want to try "The Golden Buttercup", they do bed and breakfast for a reasonable price"
"And great black puddings!", Sam interjected with a hiccup.
The stranger seemed to consider this for a moment, then with an unearthly hiss reined the horse in a full circle and sped into the night. Frodo watched the stranger go, black cloak flapping as he became a ghostly shadow against a bank of curling fog which had decided to show up for effect. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but through a thick layer of alcohol induced indifference his senses told him there was something not quite right about that guy.
A few minutes later Frodo was waving his goodbyes to Sam, then he stepped inside and closed the rounded door of Bag End plunging him into darkness. He hated the way Bag End had slowly become creepier recently. It was Gandalf's letters that caused it of course, they were fuelling his imagination with all sorts of rubbish. But then he couldn't remember opening that window. it banged against the desk in a sudden breeze that sent papers rustling onto the floor. Frodo realised he was holding his breath. This is stupid! He told himself. With muttered curses Frodo bumped his way through the darkness leaned over, and drew in the windows which gave a creaking moan for good measure. Not bothering to pick up the fallen papers, he quickly lit a few oil lamps. They illuminated another letter from Gandalf lying by the door. Frodo picked it up (black things move in the night, a shadow of great malice stirs..etc) and tossed it in the bin. Then he sank into his favourite chair and briefly considered lighting the fireplace but found he was too comfortable now to bother. His momentary peace was shattered however with a booming knock at the door. "Shit!", he said jerking upright. How could he forget! The party, it was tonight and here he was moping about when he could have been getting ready. He ran to the bathroom mirror, and hurried a brush through his tangled hair, he then regarded Bilbo's shaving knife...for some reason he had never needed to shave. Ever. He then burst from the bathroom threw on his best waist coat and yanked open the door. Pippin was waiting on the other side with an annoyed expression. "Where have you been? The party started ages ago" Frodo didn't have a good answer so he plumped for an apology as the two hobbits set off towards Brandywine Hall. On the way Pippin briefed him on his latest party strategy.
Hobbits could be divided into four party categories
There were those who turned up for the free food, drink, pipe weed and whatever else they could lay there hands on.
Others, came for the dancing and exuberant clapping which was a hallmark of all decent hobbit parties.
Most of the older Hobbits never past up the opportunity to gather round a table and talk of Shire events. The only problem was nothing much ever really happened in the Shire. The weather was a good topic, as was the terrible radish shortage of 87 but lately most talk revolved around strange folk and their penchant for being "abroad".
The final reason was Rosie the barmaid, who was widely held to be the prettiest female in all the Shire (the only one without facial hair). Her mere presence at a party was enough to inspire most young males to attend. Pippin fell into this category. Would this be his lucky night? Read on to find out..
"Carrots"
"What?"
"I said carrots", Pippin grinned, "I put one down my pants"
"Ah.."
"Yeah, Rosie can't fail to miss my enormous manhood. Of course it makes walking a bit difficult."
Frodo noticed that Pippin was moving in a kind of stiff limp. "What if you're asked to dance?"
"I'd use my new seduction routine instead of the normal stuff"
"Oh"
"Yeah, its quite good..I came up with it myself. Requires a carrot though."
Frodo complimented Pippin on his new idea, but he didn't for a moment believe it would work. He couldn't remember any hobbit ever leaving a party with Rosie on his arm, and he was quite sure Pippins carrot scheme would not change that. Suddenly a large shadow detached itself from a clump of trees ahead. In an instant Gandalf's letters sent Frodo's imagination into overdrive. He stopped dead. His breath caught in his chest. Pippin looked around, puzzled that his friend had stopped.
"What's wrong with y-"
The clop of horse shoes cut him off as he whirled to stare at what Frodo was watching coming towards him. In seconds the shape had changed from an indistinct shadow to a horse and rider galloping headlong at him, black robes swirling in its wake.
"AAAAaaarggghhh!"
"Bag Innessssss!"
Frodo stopped screaming. It was the stranger he'd met before, he would recognise that black cape, gothic armour and lack of face anywhere.
"I've told you before", said Frodo in exasperation, "There's no such place, so just bugger off will you!"
The black rider paused and although it had no face Frodo thought it looked at bit embarrassed. He watched it slink off down the road. The stranger wasn't the only one feeling abashed however as Frodo felt Pippin's incredulous glare. Frodo scratched the back of his head, "well..that shadow could have been anything"
"Yeah", laughed Pippin, "a big scary monster"
"lets just forget it shall we?"
Pippin looped his arm around Frodo, "Alright. I'll protect you"
Frodo freed himself, "I mean it Pippin!"
"Fine. A little jumpy tonight aren't we?"
Frodo didn't answer, he was more annoyed at himself than Pippin. How could he be this nervous? He was jumping at shadows all the time. The sooner he left the Shire the better, a small trip to Bree would do him a world of good. He was doubly cross with himself for panicking in his friends company. Unfortunately Pippin didn't "forget it", he made infuriating ghost noises along the way.
A minute later and they were bounding up the steps of Merry's home. Unlike most hobbit residences Merry's home was not a hole, instead it was a building in the style of his family's Brandywine Hall in Buckland. Squares of light invitingly poured out of open windows from which jaunty string music, mixed with the cheers and shouts of a party in full swing hastened their step. It was the grandest building in Hobbiton, but neither Frodo nor Pippin spared time to admire it as they reached the great oak doors breathlessly. It had one of those elaborate knockers in the shape of a pigs head. (Pigs being the most vicious creature in the Shire). Pippin rapped it three times. They waited several seconds before a rather drunken Merry appeared.
"Ah, there you are come in, come in! I had to send Pip out for you. Where have you been?"
"Sorry", Frodo muttered as he closed the doors behind him, "I've been tired recently and-"
but Merry wasn't listening, instead he was sauntering over to where Rosie was standing alone by the food bar, a rare opportunity, so Frodo could forgive him. Pippin however was not so inclined, "thieving git!"
"what?"
"look", growled Pippin who pointed to a carrot shaped bulge in Merry's britches, "not only is he after the one girl I was tonight, but he stole my idea too!"
"Never mind", said Frodo, "its personality that really counts-" At that moment Rosie burst out laughing while Merry put his hands on his head and jumped up and down.
"Thieving git!", shouted Frodo a bit too loudly, some dancers turned to stare at him, "that was my sheep joke he just used! I was going to use that on Rosie"
"Idea thief", agreed Pippin, "but I think my carrots bigger." The night wore on, it was no longer young now, it was middle aged, balding and developing a paunch. Frodo staggered up to the wine bar. The Gaffer had taken it upon himself to watch over this most coveted area , he sat with his wrinkled friends on a table just behind it in a fog of pipe weed smoke.
"As I was saying.. There's been some strange folk crossing the Shire"
"Wars a'brue'in"
"Aye"
"Dwarfs and other less than savoury characters"
"Black riders for one!"
"Really?"
"Aye, I saw him last night skulking around Bagshot row. Told him to bugger off home!"
"Here, here!"
"Foreigners."
"Aye"
Frodo, conscious that they were paying him no attention reached over for the old brandy. He was quite drunk. This would Finnish him off nicely.
"Make mine a double"
In spite of himself he jumped. Rosie stood next to him, looking even more beautiful than usual. Frodo took the proffered glass and concentrated all his energies on not spilling the brandy. He slyly poured Rosie far more than she asked for. "There you go", he said trying hard not to sway as he handed her the glass.
"Thanks. Good party this"
"Yeah", said Frodo aware that this was the longest conversation he'd ever held with Rosie. She smiled at him. He grinned back, while he knew with a certainty that his mind had gone blank. He had nothing to say. Damn Merry! If it wasn't for him stealing his sheep joke...but then, she was standing with him now, not with Merry.
"You know you have very interesting eyes Frodo"
"I do? Oh. yes they are big aren't they"
They trailed into silence. Frodo started a scrupulous examination of his left sleave while Rosie idly swilled her glass. Was it his turn to speak again? He thought he should say something.
"So.."
Rosie looked up.
"Er..how about that radish shortage of 87 eh?"
However Rosie never got time to reply. A loud echoing knock at the great oak doors turned everyones heads as Merry opened them Frodo recognised who it was, "Shit!", he pulled Rosie down with him underneath a nearby table.
To be continued..
Authors note: thanks to my reviewers it made me more determined to write this. More to come next week!