Disclaimer: I am borrowing Lord of the rings for awhile. When I've
finished I'll give it back.
Foreword: Right, last chapter left with the old "who's at the door?" ploy. Is it a black rider? Maybe it's Sam? Gandalf? Or just a double glazing salesman....
Part 2
Frodo peered at eye level over the edge of the table.
"Who is it?", Rosie hissed
"Stay down!"
He had a good view. The room had quietened somewhat as Pippin hushed the musicians and most hobbits turned to watch the rather awkward events unfolding by the door. Merry stood holding the great oak doors open only slightly, enough room for a single hobbit to stand in and Merry was filling that space, trying to shield the visitor any view inside.
"So he's not here?" said the visitor
"Nope", said Merry moving his head in a way that suggested the visitor was trying to peer inside.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure, I would know if I saw him"
"It's just that I've got a message for him"
"A message, at this time of night?" "Well it is kind of urgent."
"Tell you what, why don't you give it to me and I'll pass it on to him if I see him."
There was a pause as the visitor presumably considered this.
"Are you sure he's not in there?"
"Yes!"
"Its just I knocked on his door for several minutes and there was no answer."
"Look, I'm sure Frodo's asleep, that's all"
Frodo shrunk back under the table aware that every eye in the room ha turned to him.
"Are you having a party?"
"No...what gave you that idea"
"Just it sounded like it when I came up the steps"
There was more than a note of suspicion in the visitor's voice. There was the sound of scuffling. Frodo peered back over the table only to duck down just in time as Sam's head briefly poked around the door before he was repelled by Merry.
"If it's not a party what are all those people doing inside?"
Merry could think fast. However the speed one thinks does not guarantee a clever answer. Especially after 5 Half pints.
"They are..er. relatives from ...er Gondor. You know how big my family is."
"But I saw Able from the carpenters and Marian from Harbottle!"
"Well er they're both from Gondor too..I mean they're grandparents were befor they emigrated to the Shire..so I thought I'd get them around you know.. because they could help them settle in. I mean these Gondorean's, they don't mix easy and I thought two people whose family used to live there could help them re- adjust."
Even by Merry's standards the story was awful.
"You have relatives in Gondor?" Sam said doubtfully
Frodo sighed; this was going to continue for a while.
"Why don't you invite Sam?", Rosie kneeled next to him under the table, her hair was dishelved and there was a white smear across her dress thanks to an ambiguous substance under one of the chairs. Her dark frown told Frodo to answer quickly. But what could he say? Frodo floundered for an answer. Why? It was obvious wasn't it? Not inviting Sam just seemed natural, like breathing, plus he was never going to score with Rosie if Sam was there wiping his crotch every ten minutes, but he couldn't tell her that.
Fredegar had been to whatever hobbits used for a toilet and felt good for his empty bladder. As a matter of fact he felt better than good, he felt fantastic. He started to skip down the hallway, he couldn't wait to get back to the party. As he skipped he ignored his flabby belly that wobbled with every hop, he couldn't remember where he'd lost his top, he didn't care. Party! If Fredegar wasn't drunk he may have noticed there was no music coming from the main hall, but he was, and in a subconscious, back of the mind sort of way he decided on a loud entrance.
"Come on I've never met anyone from Gondor.."
"No, I've told you I don't want to overcrowd them on their first night"
Bang! Every head turned too see a fat hobbit cannon ball through double doors with a bellowed,
"PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"What did he-"
Merry slammed the door shut and slumped back against it, breathing as if he'd been running for the last ten minutes. The hall remained silent with the exception of Fredegar, who, in his haste had crashed into a stool and was emitting low moaning noises, "my legs, I think I broke them.."
Pippin told him to be quiet, however their caution was unfounded, there was no further door hammering as expected.
"I think he went", said Frodo
"I think I'll do the same!", Rosie snapped, standing now and dusting off her dress.
"But why we where having a good time."
The music had started up once more and the party was back in full swing.
"You should invite Sam next time! It's mean not too!"
Frodo didn't reply however as once again there was a booming knock at the doors. Everyone groaned as Merry gestured for silence and wobbled to the door. Frodo sank back under the table but Rosie crossed her arms defiantly. "I'm going to tell him you're here!"
Round about now this tale is about to take an abrupt change in direction. It surprised everyone. Especially Merry and Pippin. Fredegar was the only one unsurprised, however he had just passed out a minute ago (two sentences in literary terms) and so he didn't really have the capacity. He will be informed by fellow party goers when he wakes up however, thus surprising him at a later date.
Surprise (as noted above) is a good word to use as it describes quite simply how the partiers felt as two hobbits, both wide old men and farmers by their mud stained clothes bumped their way past Merry and proclaimed in the centre of the room that Merriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took where hereby under Shirelings arrest.
"What for?" said Pippin aggrievedly
"GBH", said one of the farmers grimly, "On our good friend farmer Maggot!"
There was a shocked silence. So shocked in fact that even the silence itself was surprised at its inherent shock factor. "We've not been anywhere near farmer Maggot..", Pippin slurred.
"Oh really?", said the grim farmer appealing to everyone in the room, his voice full of purpose, "what's that you got there in you're pants then?"
Only silence itself could describe the lack of sound when Pippin slowly removed a carrot out from his britches. At that same moment the carrot Merry had been carefully extracting from his pants, unnoticed by the door dropped to the ground like a conclusive orange cone of justice. The farmers grabbed Merry and Pippin who put up little resistance in their alcohol addled state and were carted out of the room. "Its not how it looks!", Merry wailed as the grand double doors of his home slammed behind them.
To be continued..
Foreword: Right, last chapter left with the old "who's at the door?" ploy. Is it a black rider? Maybe it's Sam? Gandalf? Or just a double glazing salesman....
Part 2
Frodo peered at eye level over the edge of the table.
"Who is it?", Rosie hissed
"Stay down!"
He had a good view. The room had quietened somewhat as Pippin hushed the musicians and most hobbits turned to watch the rather awkward events unfolding by the door. Merry stood holding the great oak doors open only slightly, enough room for a single hobbit to stand in and Merry was filling that space, trying to shield the visitor any view inside.
"So he's not here?" said the visitor
"Nope", said Merry moving his head in a way that suggested the visitor was trying to peer inside.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure, I would know if I saw him"
"It's just that I've got a message for him"
"A message, at this time of night?" "Well it is kind of urgent."
"Tell you what, why don't you give it to me and I'll pass it on to him if I see him."
There was a pause as the visitor presumably considered this.
"Are you sure he's not in there?"
"Yes!"
"Its just I knocked on his door for several minutes and there was no answer."
"Look, I'm sure Frodo's asleep, that's all"
Frodo shrunk back under the table aware that every eye in the room ha turned to him.
"Are you having a party?"
"No...what gave you that idea"
"Just it sounded like it when I came up the steps"
There was more than a note of suspicion in the visitor's voice. There was the sound of scuffling. Frodo peered back over the table only to duck down just in time as Sam's head briefly poked around the door before he was repelled by Merry.
"If it's not a party what are all those people doing inside?"
Merry could think fast. However the speed one thinks does not guarantee a clever answer. Especially after 5 Half pints.
"They are..er. relatives from ...er Gondor. You know how big my family is."
"But I saw Able from the carpenters and Marian from Harbottle!"
"Well er they're both from Gondor too..I mean they're grandparents were befor they emigrated to the Shire..so I thought I'd get them around you know.. because they could help them settle in. I mean these Gondorean's, they don't mix easy and I thought two people whose family used to live there could help them re- adjust."
Even by Merry's standards the story was awful.
"You have relatives in Gondor?" Sam said doubtfully
Frodo sighed; this was going to continue for a while.
"Why don't you invite Sam?", Rosie kneeled next to him under the table, her hair was dishelved and there was a white smear across her dress thanks to an ambiguous substance under one of the chairs. Her dark frown told Frodo to answer quickly. But what could he say? Frodo floundered for an answer. Why? It was obvious wasn't it? Not inviting Sam just seemed natural, like breathing, plus he was never going to score with Rosie if Sam was there wiping his crotch every ten minutes, but he couldn't tell her that.
Fredegar had been to whatever hobbits used for a toilet and felt good for his empty bladder. As a matter of fact he felt better than good, he felt fantastic. He started to skip down the hallway, he couldn't wait to get back to the party. As he skipped he ignored his flabby belly that wobbled with every hop, he couldn't remember where he'd lost his top, he didn't care. Party! If Fredegar wasn't drunk he may have noticed there was no music coming from the main hall, but he was, and in a subconscious, back of the mind sort of way he decided on a loud entrance.
"Come on I've never met anyone from Gondor.."
"No, I've told you I don't want to overcrowd them on their first night"
Bang! Every head turned too see a fat hobbit cannon ball through double doors with a bellowed,
"PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"What did he-"
Merry slammed the door shut and slumped back against it, breathing as if he'd been running for the last ten minutes. The hall remained silent with the exception of Fredegar, who, in his haste had crashed into a stool and was emitting low moaning noises, "my legs, I think I broke them.."
Pippin told him to be quiet, however their caution was unfounded, there was no further door hammering as expected.
"I think he went", said Frodo
"I think I'll do the same!", Rosie snapped, standing now and dusting off her dress.
"But why we where having a good time."
The music had started up once more and the party was back in full swing.
"You should invite Sam next time! It's mean not too!"
Frodo didn't reply however as once again there was a booming knock at the doors. Everyone groaned as Merry gestured for silence and wobbled to the door. Frodo sank back under the table but Rosie crossed her arms defiantly. "I'm going to tell him you're here!"
Round about now this tale is about to take an abrupt change in direction. It surprised everyone. Especially Merry and Pippin. Fredegar was the only one unsurprised, however he had just passed out a minute ago (two sentences in literary terms) and so he didn't really have the capacity. He will be informed by fellow party goers when he wakes up however, thus surprising him at a later date.
Surprise (as noted above) is a good word to use as it describes quite simply how the partiers felt as two hobbits, both wide old men and farmers by their mud stained clothes bumped their way past Merry and proclaimed in the centre of the room that Merriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took where hereby under Shirelings arrest.
"What for?" said Pippin aggrievedly
"GBH", said one of the farmers grimly, "On our good friend farmer Maggot!"
There was a shocked silence. So shocked in fact that even the silence itself was surprised at its inherent shock factor. "We've not been anywhere near farmer Maggot..", Pippin slurred.
"Oh really?", said the grim farmer appealing to everyone in the room, his voice full of purpose, "what's that you got there in you're pants then?"
Only silence itself could describe the lack of sound when Pippin slowly removed a carrot out from his britches. At that same moment the carrot Merry had been carefully extracting from his pants, unnoticed by the door dropped to the ground like a conclusive orange cone of justice. The farmers grabbed Merry and Pippin who put up little resistance in their alcohol addled state and were carted out of the room. "Its not how it looks!", Merry wailed as the grand double doors of his home slammed behind them.
To be continued..