The Illustration Trilogy
Part 1 - Can't Wait to Love You (Chris Jericho/Trish Stratus)
Rating: PG13 for language, and later mildly sexual scenes.
Time Frame: None, really, though there are references and mentions of 2002. No current storylines that the characters are in play a part in this fiction.
Disclaimer: The characters are all property of the WWE. The actors are property of themselves.
This is the first fan fiction I'm writing in first person. I just think it will work better for the story if I write in a single character's point of view. If it works, congratulate me!
--- --- --- ---
The day I let myself fall in love with that man was the day I died. I haven't been able to look at him since, without feeling so deprived, and honestly, robbed. I haven't been myself, the person I used to know so well in and out, for years, and it's all because of him.
If I could turn back the clock, and never even accept his offer, Lord knows I would. Life doesn't work that easily, though, and I've had to pay for that one mistake every day of my life. I haven't felt so childishly lovesick since I was in High School. I sometimes make myself sick to my stomach out of fury and pity. I fell for him so hard that one single night, it shattered any chance of ever falling out.
Honestly, midway between then and now, I was able to hold back my feelings of longing to the point I almost felt normal again. I could get through a decent six or seven months without digging myself into a hole I couldn't climb back out of. The feelings had almost worn out, and I was internally rehabilitating myself, just keeping focus on my life, and not the pain I was causing my heart.
If given more time, I swear I would have made it, I swear I could. God, I just wish I had the strength to keep going, but after having come so far, having almost reached the point I could pull myself back up, I was pushed into the hole again.
I don't know how many people have suddenly had their lives collapse in a few short minutes, how many people have fallen in love in so short a time, but the pain is unbearable. It was just… so unpredictable. I guess love is unpredictable, but Jesus, the way it had to happen to me. I thought I was going for a walk, and I ended up facing the biggest turn-around of my life.
I feel so vulnerable. I feel almost naked, stripped of everything. There are no words to even describe what he, what this, is putting me through. I feel like I'm not in control of my life anymore, like I'm a toy, and some invisible person is using me, making all of this happen to me for some reason of their own; like there's an almighty God with power over everything that happens in my life, causing me so much pain for their amusement. Like I'm being written into a horror story. Nothing in my life has gone right since him, and I'm starting to lose hope anything ever will.
It's funny how life has this ironic way of letting you believe that things are turning up, only to make you fall again, only for everything to become hopeless and worthless again. I've felt like there is no point to living, because every hope I have of moving on is destroyed after I've built up so much courage. Something out there does not want to see Trish Stratus ultimately happy.
It was three days before Armageddon, two years ago. God, it's pathetic how I remember so well when it happened. I feel that it's been burned into me, like that day, that second I fell, is embedded into my mind forever. I remember it so clear. Clearer than I remember last week, even clearer than I remember this morning.
We were in Pennsylvania, working a house show in a small city called Erie, and it was so cold inside the arena there that even outdoors in mid-winter felt warm. I might be pushing it a little, saying 'warm', because it was still nippier than most places that time of year, but anyplace felt warmer than inside the arena.
My match was up first, and I think it was the worst in my life I have ever performed. The cold made it hard to think, let alone have the tolerance to put on a decent match. Thank God, I only had to put up with it for a few minutes. As soon as I was able, I got the hell out of that building.
I walked behind the curtains and down the first backstage hall I came to, trying to remember where the parking lot of the arena was. It took a good couple of turns and circles to finally find it, and when I reached for the door handle to step outside, it turned by itself.
Christian rushed inside the arena, but stopped a bit startled to find me standing right at the door. He shrugged it off practically immediately and pushed past me. I thought nothing of it, because he's always been a jackass toward me, and by then I had learned how to deal with his arrogance and just ignore him.
I continued out the door. The handle itself was freezing. This sort of electric chill swept through my whole body the moment I touched the door. The only thing memorable about that show was how ridiculously cold it was there, and how badly everyone performed due to lack of focus on anything but the temperature.
I'm sure I seemed completely panicked with the pace I flew out that door and down the few steps into the lot. Actually, I'm positive, because standing not two feet away from me, leaning against the side of the building was Christian's buddy, Chris Jericho, who eyed me as I dashed out of the arena. I caught him laughing and shaking his head at me, arms folded, that demeaning glare of his following me, so I stopped running.
"What's the rush, Trish?" he asked me, that sly two-faced grin slicked over his lips. His breath was hot on the air as he spoke, the steam drifting upward like smoke. I felt so irritated having that preposterous weather to worry about, and now, a man that just loved making me angry interrupting my escape.
"What the hell do you care?" I looked at him. He was completely dumbfounded, but trying to act like hot shit as always. "It's fucking freezing and you think I have time for dumb questions? I've got one for you, then. Are you trying to intimidate me by standing there in next to nothing while fucking hell is freezing over?"
He only started laughing more, and unfolded his arms, releasing the tenseness of his body. He was standing there in a goddamned muscle shirt. At first I was only concerned with what he was trying to accomplish showing this stupidity, but then it seemed more so that he was trying to seem tough, but failed miserably in my eyes.
He took a few steps toward me, and I just rolled my eyes at him and turned back around, trying to remember where I'd parked my car. The quickness of my breathing caused a thin fog in front of me. I brought my hands to my mouth and breathed into them, briskly rubbing my palms together while I walked away from him.
"You look cold." The way Chris said that, without looking I could tell he'd kept a straight face as he spoke. That lasted a few seconds before he burst into laughter. I was so angry I could have turned around and slapped him in the face, as much as it would sting my palm if I did so.
"No shit, Sherlock. Why don't you try putting on some clothes. You're not proving any point just standing there like a dumbass, do you think I have time for this crap?"
He raised an eyebrow at me, but kept his ground and just smiled.
"Oh yeah, I can tell you're loving this, Chris, but I have better things to do than listen to you run your mouth." I growled at him and threw my hand up all pissed off at his behavior. He just made me want to slap him. There was never anything you could say or do to make that man stop believing he was as godly as he thought he was. There was no point in even trying.
"Want to go for a walk?" When he said that I had no clue what to think. I just turned around and gave him a 'what-are-you-kidding?' type look, and continued walking.
"Trish, come on. Let's take a little walk, hm?" I turned around and marched straight up to him. I looked him dead in the eye, gritted my teeth behind my straight lips, and instead of screaming into his face, I just spoke softly in the most pissed off whisper-voice I could manage.
"Chris Jericho, I do not have time for your games. It is colder than fuck out here, and you…. You are such a jackass, I don't know what to say to you. If you're going to attempt to humiliate me or whatever, do it when it's not fucking forty below zero, alright?"
I couldn't ignore the cold anymore. I swear my bones were starting to crack in the frigid weather. Thank God it was a roofed parking lot, that kept a lot of the wind from getting to me.
I turned around once more, and before I could speed desperately to find my car, Chris grabbed my arm and pulled me back to face him. His hands was so hot on my skin it felt like a hole was going to be seared right through my flesh.
"Good God, you really are freezing!" His eyes were wide with surprise as he let go of my wrist, and I was so cold I couldn't stand it. My eyes were starting to water, the weather was making me so irritable, but more desperate to find warmth. I couldn't think of anything to do but cry, I felt so hopeless. He wasn't going to let me go anywhere; he'd probably love seeing me so hurt.
On the contrary, he seemed to really care that I was in pain from this blistering cold. He just looked at me in shock for a few moments as a hot, steaming tear drizzled down my cheek.
"God, go back inside, woman!" His voice was almost begging. I think he just realized from the feel of my skin how absolutely worn down I was from this temperature. I could barely move, it was so fucking cold.
"It's colder in there."
He raised both his eyebrows, and his jaw dropped a little at my saying that. He turned and rushed back toward the outside wall of the building that he was standing at. He bent down and grabbed his oversized jacket and hurried back toward me, standing motionless on the concrete.
I conjured up just enough energy to raise a hand in protest. "I don't want it." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I don't want it. Just… let me leave, please."
Chris didn't respond for a bit, and while I didn't want to wait for him to come up with another smartassed remark, I stayed still, trying to avoid having him talk down to me again.
"Yeah, yes, just go. God, please just get out of here. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were so serious." He sounded somewhat sarcastic, like he always does, but I took his words seriously, and turned to leave. It was even harder to move now.
"But I wanted you to take a walk with me."
I stopped again, and threw my hands in the air, sighing heavily. "God damn it!! I give up! Fine, lets go on your stupid walk. Jesus Christ!"
"No, but I said you could-"
"Shut up and let's just fucking GO!" I snatched his jacket right from his fist and stretched my arms through the sleeves, sighing deeply and blinking to keep more tears from falling. I didn't bother to zip the jacket up. I felt just the slightest bit relieved at the momentary warmth that washed over me, before it subsided to the threatening cold.
We walked down the city sidewalk without speaking a word to each other for at least five minutes. I kept my head down, only looking at whatever was in front of my feet as I struggled to walk without falling to pieces. He seemed rather interested in the things around us that I was missing. As we went to turn a corner, he stopped, but I kept moving only a few steps before realizing he wasn't going anywhere.
I lifted my head up and looked at him a few seconds before catching out the corners of both my eyes the dazzling atmosphere around us.
The street was filled with Christmas lights and decorations. The dark of the night was overruled by the sensational colors of the marvelous lights around us. I couldn't believe I'd missed all of this as I was walking. It was beautiful. There wasn't a single house or building along the street that wasn't completely dressed in lights and plastic decorations and… it was gorgeous. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. The whole city was in lights; such a small city, but so lively with spirit and color. The sight was absolutely breathtaking.
My eyes were so wide at all of the amazing decorations. I'd never seen so much beauty in Christmas lights in all my life. The place was just soaked in light, a spectrum of sizzling, glorious light.
I looked back toward Chris, and found his eyes were fixated on the sight as well. He smiled as he looked toward me and found me so transfixed. He looked at me like he'd just seen an angel. He licked his lips and walked the few steps it took to meet up with me.
"I wanted to take someone out here to see this, and you're the lucky one that came through that door first."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The sincerity and wonder in his voice right then sort of captivated me. I looked him dead in the eyes, and his were so warm and happy, they just filled me with the same emotion. The cold didn't even matter for a few seconds.
He turned his head back toward the houses on the street across from us. "Glad I didn't let you leave?" That smile never left his lips. He just seemed so pleased with himself, but not in an egotistic way, like he normally did.
I would have turned to look at the lights again, like he had, but I couldn't get my eyes off of him. I took a little while replying to him, just sort of relished in that look of his I had never seen until now.
"I- I don't know about that, but… wow. It is… it's really something. It's… they're beautiful." I finally managed to look away from him and admire the beauty around me. I never thought I'd be moved so much by lights. Just ordinary Christmas lights. But there were so many of them, they pierced both the dark and the cold of the night, so gentle and heartwarming.
Chris didn't seem like such an insensitive, heartless bastard for once in his life. It felt like absolute hell to confess that to myself, but he didn't. He seemed like he actually had a soul, and he actually felt something besides self-adoration that night.
He turned to look at me, as I did to him, his smile growing wider. His eyes, which were always like locks, seemed open. They usually always just masked everything and locked away every emotion I never thought he felt, until then. I could purely see into him, and see the warmth somewhere inside him in those big blue eyes. The lights shining toward us from all directions were reflected in his eyes, and his smile was so bright and childlike, he was just… open.
"Want to head back?" He asked, his wide smile slowly fading to just a slight curve of the lips. I couldn't really say anything in reply, I was so deeply worked into him, into his gaze. He cocked his head to the side and softly hummed, trying to grab my attention and pull me from my daze.
I nodded at his inquiry, not really wanting to leave that moment just yet, leave the beauty of the city around me just yet, but I knew that much longer in the cold and my life could have been taken by that awful chill as the wind picked up.
We didn't speak a word to each other the whole walk back. We didn't speak when we left the arena that night. We didn't talk at all for the next few following weeks, and when we did then it was only when I returned his jacket, which I'd forgotten to give back that night. He just saw me back to the parking lot, to my car, and allowed me to leave without saying a word.
I fell for Chris Jericho that night. The one man I would never have dreamed of even coming close to loving, even remotely liking. I fell for him, and fell hard, and since then, I have not been able to rid my memory, my dreams, my nightmares, of that beautiful night in December, two years ago.
I'm shattered now; shattered, broken, stripped piece by piece every day. Those feelings have never left me. I can't imagine how they ever could. I'm such a fool to keep one night in mind over all the times he's stepped on me, hurt me, called me names, humiliated me, and made me feel disgusting and trashy. He's always so arrogant and self-occupied. He's still Chris, and I keep seeing through that. I know it's the one thing that is going to destroy me later on.
--- --- --- ---
Well, chapter one complete. Tell me what you guys think, please. I'm not even close to being done. I have a feeling it's going to take a long time before part one is done, let alone the whole trilogy. The first story is obviously Trish/Chris. The second will be Lita/Jeff (Lita's viewpoint), and the third Lita/Christian (Christian's viewpoint). Am I off to a good start? Let me know. =) I promise I will be forever in your debt if you review.