Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Xmen. I wish I did but I just don't so get over it. Because I never will. Nor do I own any of the music.
Oh yeah, Rogue made up with Remy. For the moment. Thanks to all who reviewed!!
SassyGrl024: CATFIGHT!! Tee..Hee…I have said it.
Star-Of-Chaos: Yeah, I only know one song by Three Days Grace too. Anyhoo thanks for the compliments!! They have made me rather happy. So happy I might reveal who the mystery man is….maybe.
Aro: Mastermind? Hmm…that's a thought. He could be the mystery guy, or he might not. Who really knows, it could even be an OC. And no, that is not a hint. Or is it? Lol, you love Mastermind.
Now let us continue with the fantabulous story!!
Warning: There are some situations in here that could disturb people. If you are unable to handle it, please refrain from reading it.
Heaven is a Lie
Chapter 5: Trauma
She remembered the district of New Orleans from when she was a child, she'd visited there a few times; enough times to know the place was an intoxication of enigmas and sins, of the amazing and the dangerous. Not unlike her own home New Orleans sweltered in the summer heat making men appreciate the cool summer evenings. Heat haze rippled up from the ground distorting your vision, making all the peculiar European buildings take on the unreality of a mirage. Nothing in New Orleans was real, it was all a dream. She remembered thinking that, even now she felt sure that her judgement as a child had been correct.
There was something making her remember. Something digging inside her mind, picking at the cracks in her barriers, flicking out chunks of security and leaking out the contents.
They were her memories alright, she could see herself in the dusty store windows, hear her own voice as she asked her Mama where she was being taken.
Where was she being taken? That she had yet to remember. Now? Well now she had Logan, Gambit and Xavier giving her second looks. They wouldn't take much more of this, one of them was going to demand she trust them and when they did, she still wasn't sure she could. Well, how could she? She didn't even know what she knew, but what if it was bad, what if it as in fact about her? It was this that bothered her, this that kept he from spilling all. What if it all came back to her.
What had he said... 'You wouldn't want another death on your conscience.'
What had he meant by that? What did he know?
"Ah gotta find him."
She whispered to herself as she sat alone in the back of the black bird. They had all suited up an went out to fight Mystique and the brotherhood. Remy had been sent ahead of time to do some sleuthing. It was Xavier's way of justifying them beating up the Brotherhood.
Xavier had told her that he would be back in the fight with them.
When Rogue really thought about it, she didn't want to fight. It all became an unnecessary asset in her life. She was always fighting, it seemed that was all she was even capable. It wasn't that she didn't believe in Xavier's dream, she just found it…improbable.
Of course she wanted humans and mutants to live together in harmony. But she was realistic, she knew that just wasn't going to happen.
How she longed just to be held by her fiancee right now. She was feeling vulnerable, she didn't quite understand why. It felt like her life was falling apart before her eyes.
Looking up, her gaze met with Logan's. He was staring at her with a certain sense of worry. She knew he wasn't stupid, he was sensing that something was bothering her. It wouldn't be long before he would find some kind of way to pry it out of her. But until then, she would remain rock steady in her determination to keep her business to herself.
She watched as Logan stood and walked back to her. Leaning down, he whispered loudly enough only for her to hear.
" Are ya alright kid?"
Rogue smiled reassuringly.
" Fine, just thinking.."
Logan took a seat next to her.
" Thinking about what?"
Rogue sighed aloud.
" Do ya really believe that…."
Logan looked at her curiously.
" Believe what?"
" Believe that humans and mutants can live together in harmony?"
Logan shrugged at her and turned his gaze outside the window.
" Can't really say kid, never really thought about it."
Rogue frowned at him.
" Ya'll been working for Xavierfor this long, an' y' say ya never thought about it?"
Logan laughed lightly.
" Guess so kid."
Rogue shook her head and let the conversation off at that point considering that she was feeling the jet landing.
Staring out the window, Rogue could see spurts of people running away frantically from the huge man that was chasing them.
Immediately all the Xmen filed out of the jet. Scott stood in front of everyone, with his one hand raised to his visor.
" I'd suggest you leave peacefully Blob!"
The Blob stared at Scott for a moment before bursting into wild laughter.
" And what are you going to do, Blast me? I AM THE BLOB!"
With that, he let out a huge roar and charged them. Rogue called upon her powers of flight and grabbed Logan. Lifting them into the air, they managed to avoid getting struck by the Blob.
A huge trembling noise alerted them to Avalanche's presence. Turning, Rogue and Logan glanced at the tall brown haired boy. He was wearing his traditional outfit yet the only exception was a glass helmet. Only to Rogue, it looked like a fishbowl.
" What's the matter X-Geeks?"
The ground shook rapidly with each word he spoke.
" Maybe I should shake things up for you!!"
As he contacted even deeper into his powers, the soil loosened underneath the trees, causing for them to fall down.
Rogue set Logan down for fear that she would not be able to evade the falling trees. She watched as he charged Avalanche, his claws unsheathed.
A huge crashing noise behind her alerted Rogue to the Blob. He had just sent Scott flying into the ground. Rogue ran over to Scott and checked his pulse. It was faint but still pulsating. Sending a telepathic plea to Jean, she allowed for her to take care of Scott.
Rogue flew high into the air and power bombed the Blob across the park. Thoroughly distracted by her conquest over the Blob, Rogue didn't notice someone coming up behind her.
A slight tingling sensation filled her body and she began to feel weaker. Whipping around, Rogue saw the Scarlet Witch behind her.
" Wha.."
Before she could finish her sentence, she found herself hurling through the air. Wanda had shot a hex bolt at her, one so strong that it sent her hurtling through the forest. It wasn't until her body crashed through several tree trunks did she feel real pain.
Smacking against a huge oak tree, Rogue fell forward onto the ground. Her sides began to ache as she tried to stand.
" Damn.."
A swirl of memories struck Rogue hard. She began to revert back to the days when she was in New Orleans.
Looking around Rogue saw herself in the main street in the French Quarter. Something began to pull her down the street and up an alley. An eerie feeling began to flow through her body. She could smell the blood. It was all too familiar to her. The scratches on the bricks drew her attention, four scratches betraying the pale red underneath the surface. There had been a struggle, someone had died here. She knew. She just knew. The air, the chill. This place was set aside from time, from reality.
Jason
His name is Jason. Oh dear lawd, ah remember... New Orleans. She had been young. Naive. Her powers had just manifested themselves. Rogue sank to her knees. The realization of what she'd done ran through he veins making her tremble. She covered her face with her hands and fought for breath.
This couldn't be possible. He was dead. She'd watched him die. She'd killed him. A city. The same as all the others. Accept this one was New Orleans, the city itself was alive. The streets hummed while the bars trembled with blues music. There was music on every corner and danger down every dark ally.
She'd been young, too young to know any better. It had been fun. A little trip that nobody knew about. She'd been here before, of course, and she had fallen in love with the place. But things were changing at home, soon she would have to leave if her papa didn't kill her before then. So this was a little treat. A trip for herself. Something nobody knew about and nobody would ever know about. It had all gone fine. That was until night fell. She barely even realized it was dark. Wandering along the sidewalk, a hundred tunes from the day inside her mind. Time passes so quickly when you don't watch it. It sneaks away from you then shocks you for fun.
She didn't know what the time was but it had been late. He'd stalked her for some time, watching her well before night fall, spotting her in one of the many bars. She stuck out like the country girl she was. A long way from home, he could tell. She walked as if she didn't have a care in the world, her hair tied back with numerous strands fallen lose as though she simply didn't mind.
She was freedom. He'd seen her, watched her and now he followed her.
Rogue lifted her head and looked down the alley, looked at the yellow crime scene tape. She could feel it, her body trembled, her skin crawled. It was all coming back and she was helpless to stop it.
Rogue backed up further and hit the wall. Squeezing her eyes shut she willed the memories away. Begged them to leave her, just for a moment. No, no use. With a scream she launched herself into the air.
They had finally defeated the brotherhood. Mystique was under containment thanks to Jean and her telepathy. Yet Rogue was nowhere in sight.
The last time anyone had seen of her was when Wanda had launched her through the air. But she usually bounced back from a hit like that.
Remy paced the ground furiously. His Rogue had gone missing again. And this time in the middle of a battle. What was wrong with that girl?
Xavier had already sent a search and rescue team out for her while the others had returned back to the mansion. Remy had returned immediately to the mansion in prospect that Rogue would be there waiting for him.
Logan, Storm, and Jean were sent out to find her because they all had extra sensory powers that could possibly track her down.
Remy collapsed upon a chair in exasperation, his worry was beginning to take him over.
" Please let Remy's chere be alright." he began to pray.
***********************************************************************
Rogue channeled all of her energy into her speed, every thought, every breath went into her need to travel faster. The landscape rushed by below her, rising and falling away into the sea. She was winning. Her mind was clearing. She began to slow and calm herself. But it was a false hope as memories began to rush at her.
'Ah, can see you Rogue, ah can see you runnin' from me. You can't run from me, Rogue. I'm part of you now. You're part of me. You killed me Rogue, now it's time ah returned the same to you. You're mind Rogue.'
It seemed that her breath caught in her throat, she fought for air but none came. She was passing out and even then she knew what dream awaited her, lurking there in the darkness of her mind waiting for it's chance to rear it's ugly head and bare it's sharp teeth.
She was first aware he was behind her when the silence fell upon them. The city seemed hushed suddenly, the music stopped and the life faded away. She felt her heart sink and the hair on the back of her neck prickle. It was then he caught hold of her and dug the knife into her back. Shoving her sideways into an ally she stumbled and fell over. She felt the wall meet with her forehead, felt the sting and then nothing for a few moments. When finally her senses came back the knife was once again in her back. She was pinned down, a heavy weight preventing her from moving.
If she could just gather her thoughts back together.
The knife dug in forcing her to scream. A hand clasped over her mouth and yanked her head back. She felt the cold of the blade on her throat.
This wasn't happening. Not to her. It was a dream.
"Scream an' ah'll cut yer wide open, yah hear me?" He waited. "Ya hear me girl?!"
She felt a dribble of something run down her neck and whimpered a yes.
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"Rogue..."
Logan was the nearest to her location. When Xavier had radioed him and told him of Rogue's whereabouts he told the Professor he would be there in ten. In fact he made it in five after breaking several laws. She was unconscious and had fallen from some height by the looks of the small crater she'd created in the park grounds. He checked for a pulse and found it strong.
"Rogue... you in there kid?" He turned her head to face him and brushed her hair back from her face.
"Rogue..."
She gasped and swung for him. He ducked, caught her wrist and pinned it down.
"No!" She screamed in sheer terror.
"GET OFF ME!"
Logan slapped her and met her stare.
Her breathing slowed, she blinked.
"Ah'm okay, ah'm alright, you can let me up."
He though about that for a moment then moved off her and stood up. He held out a hand. She welcomed his help and on her feet brushed herself down.
"Ah'm okay." She kept repeating.
Logan reached for the communicator on his belt when she planted a hand on his.
"No. Don't"
"Rogue, I have to. They have to know, Gumbo has to know you're okay."
"No."
He hesitated. She certainly wasn't okay. Far from it. She was a wreck.
"Please." She whispered.
He let his hand drop to his side.
"So, what is it you want to do? Where you going to go co I can't let you go alone."
She waved his help away and turning her back on him walked away.
"You don't need to get involved."
"It's too late for that."
"Stay out of it." She called back.
He sighed and jogged after her.
"You can fly away from me if you like, if not you got me for the ride."
She raised an eyebrow at him.
"I'm fine. Really. Jus' need a lil' time a' mah own."
He chuckled ironically.
"Look, ah been around the block a few times an' ah know a few things. One, you're scared. Two, you're dangerous. Look at the mess you made of this park. Three, you need help weather you like it or not. So I might not be your first choice but ah can listen as good as anyone and I think that's what you need."
She managed a fake smile.
"I can manage. You go home, get some sleep."
He stepped in front of her.
"Right that's it, woman. I don't have time for word games. This is about some guy ain't it. Don't turn away from me Rogue-"
Rogue closed her eyes and saw him there. Pale. Dead.
"Ah killed him..."
He saw a tear roll down her cheek and resisted the urge to wipe it away with a thumb.
"That's it. That's all there is."
He narrowed his eyes.
"That aint it."
******************************************************************************
Logan slammed his hand down on the desk.
"Look, just give us the keys alright."
The looks he was getting from the guy at the reception wasn't what he wanted right now. Rogue turned away knowing she looked awful and was arousing suspicion.
They had driven in silence, both knowing where they were going. The elevator had delivered them to the third floor in silence and now they stood awkwardly in a little room. It's large window reflecting themselves back at them.
"If you ain't gonna go back to the mansion then you gotta stay somewhere."
She nodded.
He smiled wanly.
"I don't bite."
"I've heard different." She replied, sounding bitter rather than jolly.
He closed the blinds making the room seem instantly smaller, if that were physically possible.
"There's a minibar."
She smiled a little.
"No thanks, hun."
Her smile grew. He looked so out-of-place. His hair was unruly, a stubble of an early morning beard appearing. He was a mass of contradictions. A mess of everything else.
Rogue moved to the end of the bed and sat down.
"He's er.... He's called Jason."
Logan crossed his arms and listened. She smiled as if she was ashamed and looked down into her lap.
"He.... Ah, ah was young, ah dun' ever know haw old ah was..." She swallowed.
That lump appearing again.
"I...er... New Orleans... Ah saved up and took mahsel' to New Orleans for a day."
She looked up and laughed nervously.
"Everybody thinks I'm the little innocent one. Everyone thinks I'm stupid. Don' know anything, po-white-trash..."
It was Logan's turn to swallow.
"That aint true."
"Well, sometimes you do a great job of hiding it... but ah know," She shrugged and whispered, "Ah know."
Logan pulled a hand down his face and drew in a breath.
She looked up, expecting him to speak but he stayed silent and met her gaze.
"He er... He saw meh, saw poor country gal. Young, defenseless, easy prey."
She shifted uneasily again. The memories were coming fast now, her body was crawling with sensations, her stomach sick. She laughed again and wiped a tear away,
"He's insane. He'd done it before. Killed others, ah knew as soon as ah saw his face-he made me look him in the eyes. Forced me to look at him."
Rogue sniffed and sighed heavily,
"Nobody knows. Nobody. Ah didn't even know mahself. How's that for efficiency."
She should be talking with Xavier, not me. Logan thought. I can't do this.
"One sec."
He crouched down and opened the minibar then thought better of it and closed it again.
"Okay."
She laughed despite herself.
"You're mad, Logan, Xavier ever tell yah' that?"
"I think so."
"What the hell am ah doin' here, with you? I mean, no offence, but of all the people I could have picked to spill my history out to and it's you."
"I know. Tell me about it."
"Ah am..."
She was about to laugh and stopped. Closing her eyes she brushed yet another tear away. Standing up suddenly she paced the three foot of room she had to pace.
" I need to forget, dammit, not remember."
"Too late for that."
She met his stare again.
"You've seen a lottah things Wolverine, this aint of any interest to you, ah don't why ah'm bothering."
He frowned.
"What are you saying? That I don't care?"
"No.... Well, yeah, you seen people die, you seen people get hurt. What's my little life gotta do with anything?"
He gritted his jaw and ground his teeth.
"Kid, listen to what your saying for a second will yer. If I didn't care would I have sat for hours in a bar with an awful singer, would I have broken six speeding offences to get to you when Xavier told me about what had happened, would I have brought you here, would I be standing here now? You been around Gumbo too much, now there's someone who don't give a damn."
"What? You couldn't be more wrong about Remy."
"Yeah? So where is he?"
Rogue frowned. "You wish you weren't here don't you. You think this aint your job, it's Gambit's job to look after lil' ol' me and mah lil' ol' worries."
"No-"
"No?"
She marched up to him and met him in the eye. "All you care about is Jean and how to get her away from Cyc-"
He controlled his breathing, locked his jaw and clenched his fists.
"Watch it Rogue. Jus' cos your a lass don't mean ah wont know yer on yah backside."
"Yeah, go on..."
Inches from his face, the both of them breathing fast, thoughts racing. She backed off.
"Aw lawd ah'm so sorry, Logan."
He saw she was stumbling and caught hold of her. She fell into his grip and felt him tense. She didn't care. All she wanted now was someone to listen, someone to care. When he closed his arms around her she sunk into the embrace and closed her eyes.
"It's okay..."
She wished it was.
"He stalked me. For hours, must have been. He knew my name, knew how much money ah had left, knew what time ah had to be back at the station. He got hold a me, threw me against a wall. It er.... it knocked me out for a few seconds. Enough for him to pin me down. He...er He had a knife, one of those combat knives."
She lifted her chin and stroked her throat as if soothing the memory away.
"Held it to my throat, threatened to cut me open...
"Ah knew a's weren't normal then, but it was premature. I didn't understand what was happening to me so I didn't have a chance in hell of controlling mah powers back then. He pulled me onto mah back,"
She cleared her throat.
"Pressed the knife against mah throat. He told me he was going to kill me anyway. Told me if I struggled he'd make it a quick death... told me...Aw...sweet jesus...."
Logan watched almost helpless as Rogue buried her head in her hands and let the sobs take her. What was he supposed to do? Comfort her? Go over there and tell her everything was okay and that the pain would go away. The pain doesn't go away.
"Ah er... I begged him not to hurt me and he pulled th-the knife.... across mah throat, jus' a lil'... Damn, ah could feel it cut intah meh, y'know, feel it slice into mah skin.
"He stole everything, which weren't a lot." She gasped.
"He told me everything he was doing. Ah damn well would have rather not know! He.... er.... Ah feel sick."
She stood up and began to pace again. Breathing heavily she wished the nausea past. Opening her eyes she met Logan's stare and held it rigid.
"He ripped mah clothes. Mah papa beat me for the mess ah came home in, called me trash, mutant trash."
Logan wanted more than anything to look away, to bow his head. Anything. By holding his stare she was taking him there and making him feel the pain. She was forcing him through it, making him see and understand.
"He tried to rape me. And he wouldah done had ah not been a mutant, ah'd be dead now if ah were normal. He ....touched meh."
She closed her eyes and fought the sickness again.
You's mine, Roguie, ah got yer now.
"Ah couldn't do anything. Could barely breathe with that knife... He er... H- he tried to,er..."
Logan looked away, he had to.
"In that state ah guess it made mah powers worse, made 'em react. Ah didn't know what was happening. Ah mean, this was before Cody. Ah thought ah was dying when it happened. Thought it was mah life flashing before mah eyes, but it weren't, it was his. It made me insane, you have tah understand Logan that ah didn't know who ah was for a while, all ah knew was that ah was in danger and ah was gonna die if ah didn't do something quick.
"When his memories faded from mah mind he was bleeding, ah'd stabbed him. He died in mah arms. I felt him go. Watched him die. Nobody knew, til' now."
Logan sighed. He was exhausted.
"Dear God Rogue..."
She caught his stare, made him look at her.
"Ah'm still meh... Y'know..."
He smiled.
"I know."
Without thinking he stepped up to her and pulled her to him. The overwhelming need to protect her shocked the both of them but it soon subsided. Rogue leaned into him and closed her eyes. "Ah can't get rid of the memories now, it's all ah see when ah close mah eyes."
"It'll pass. Give it time."
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Surprisingly she slept, even if her sleep was sporadic and riddled with bad dreams. He watched her from the chair in the corner, occasionally going to her side when her whimpers were too much to bare.
He thought back over what she had told him. It had been a lot for a child to cope with, a child who already had enough problems without being attacked. No wonder then that she had buried the incident so deep that even Xavier couldn't find it.
He woke to the sound of running water and shifted with a weary groan. He'd slept in some places but none so uncomfortable as that damn chair. Climbing to his feet he stretched and cracked the muscles in his neck.
Moving to the door leading to the en-suite he saw her silhouette behind the shower door. He looked away.
"Rogue, you okay?"
He called, lifting his gaze and watching her raise her arms and pull her hands down over her hair.
"Yeah..."
Now any gentleman would of course go back and sit down. It almost happened, his conscience getting the better of him. But his eyes stayed and therefore so did the rest of him. He stood a little transfixed as he watched her blurred image move under the jet of the shower head.
"You got some sleep then?" She called.
He swallowed and cleared his throat.
"Yeah."
This was no good. He turned away and made himself stand at the windows. The city gaped before him in the early morning sun. A little smog shifted as a mist through the streets while many of the cars heading for week still had their headlights on.
"Thanks."
He turned and once again diverted his eyes elsewhere.
"Hey, no problem."
She glanced back at the shower as she pulled the towel tighter around her.
"Ah needed that."
"We should contact the Professor."
He replied as he looked out of the windows again. He could see her pale reflection. Quickly he walked into then steamy bathroom and filling the sink splashed cold water on his face and pulled his wet hands back through his hair.
"The comms have been on since ah woke up. They ain't tried to contact us yet."
He raised his head and looked at his reflection. She's telling you about her attack and you're thinking about hat it would be like to touch her. Get a grip. She ain't: one, available, two; willing... He bowed his head and looked into the water. Droplets falling from his face rippling the surface.
"You okay Logan?"
"Uh huh."
He was only human right. It was natural. But not Rogue. She was a friend, she was a companion...a daughter. Nothing more and never would be anything more.
Rogue was like a daughter to them all.
He snatched a towel, scowled at himself and returned to the main room.
She was dressed, her wet hair tied back and hung over one shoulder. She smiled,
"Ah feel really weird... Logan, can we keep this to ourselves. Ah ain't ready for he others to know."
He heard the footfalls suddenly and frowned as his attention went to the door. Seconds later an explosion shook the room making them both flinch back in reaction. The door burst open, cracking it's hinge and falling lose. As the dust settled Logan and Rogue were faced with Gambit, Storm and Beast. At first everything seemed fine, and then Logan witnessed the look of disgust on Gambit's face.
"Whad' deh 'ell is goin' on here?!"
Logan glanced at Rogue who looked equally shocked. Now, he couldn't say anything about what really had happened and gauging n the situation they'd been found in it was gonna be kinda difficult to lie his way out of this one.
They were waiting for a reply.
Beast sighed.
"I believe this might be what one calls a sticky situation."
Gambit stepped forward.
"This aint noh sticky situation, is it Rogue."
She licked her lips.
"Well, ah...."
She couldn't tell them, not here, not now It was all wrong. She looked at Logan for answers and he shrugged.
"Rogue...."
Gambit urged.
"Tell me this aint whad it looks like, cher."
"It ain't shugah."
"So what is it?"
She looked at Storm, at Beast and then back to Gambit. She closed her eyes and sighed. She heard Gambit push past the others and march down the hall. Damn, why did they have to find em' now. Why not just leave them alone.
Storm and Beast stood looking a little out-of-place.
"Maybe we should leave you two to it." Storm said, her voice cold.
Logan shook his head.
"It aint what it looks like, Storm."
"No? Then why did you not answer our efforts to try and contact you?"
They both looked at the comms sitting neatly on the dresser. Damn, what was he supposed to say?
"You could have at least let us know you both were alright. We've been searching all night to try and find you."
Logan scratched at the back of his neck and looked sheepish. He shrugged, there wasn't much else he could do. Storm left then, hurrying after Gambit. Logan sighed and looked at Rogue. She shrugged sadly.
"I think I'd better follow. You two are alright?"
They both nodded and Beast left.
"Ah'm so sorry Logan."
Rogue apologised the instant the others were out of hearing distance.
"Hell, forget it. Of they want to believe it let 'em. C'mon, lets get outtah here before we get charged for the damage."
Another fabulous chapter done!! Oh yeah, a bit of a long chapter now isn't it!!! And before you ask: This will remain a ROMY. A bit of a broken Romy but still a ROMY!!
I have revealed the mystery man. You are now pleased non?
If you liked this chapter please Review!!! Please!!
I received my inspiration from another story I read so that's where my general story line came from. I just changed it up a bit with the whole graphicness. Don't worry, it's not from the fanfic website though.
REVIEW!!
~RoguesHeart~