Authors Note: Sorry its been so long since I last updated but my computers
been broken for the last three weeks. Suffice to say: Stay away from
Windows ME like the plague. Also two reviewers pointed out a mistake:
"Second Bagginess" in the first tale should indeed be "Sackville
Bagginses".
In the House of Tom Bombadil..
Frodo awoke in a soft feathered bed to the peaceful sounds of birds singing. The room he was in contained three other beds, all of which looked to have been slept in recently but were now empty. Stretching, he yawned and got up, his clothes had been neatly stacked at the foot of his bed, with the ring of power resting contemptibly on top.
"Yeuch. Put some clothes on"
Frodo ignored the ring and began to dress.
"So..", said the ring, presumably to make conversation, "being rescued by a brightly coloured singing fat man was not what either of us expected eh?"
Frodo buttoned up his shirt without answer. If it hadn't been for the ring there would have been no need for rescue. It had encouraged a willow tree to eat Merry and Pippin. Luckily neither of the hobbits had been harmed, just locked inside until Tom Bombadil had arrived on the scene. After hearing Frodo and Sam shouting for help from afar he had bounded up to the panicky hobbits and delivered some harsh words to the offending tree which then released his two friends in a fountain of sap. He then proclaimed they should spend the night at his house. An offer none of them could refuse after three straight nights in a forest. Frodo had finished dressing now and picked up the ring and slipped it into his pocket. "Get this place cleaned" , the ring complained.
Frodo left his room through a wide oak door and instantly heard several sounds from downstairs. Sam, Merry and Pippin were all in fine moods and their laughter drifted up to Frodo, however Tom was the loudest of all, singing at the top of his jolly voice:
"Do you believe in a thing called love? Just listen to the rhythm of my heart."
Then to Frodo's surprise a door on the landing opened next to him and out stepped the most beautiful woman Frodo had ever seen. She was slender and graceful, dressed in silver- green with glistening silver-gold hair which flowed to her waist. "Hello", said Frodo.
She smiled at him in a half distracted way and then drifted down the stairs, Frodo followed.
"Ah!", shouted Tom, for he could not talk at a normal level, "This is Goldberry!"
"Your wife?" asked Merry
Tom burst out laughing as if it was some tremendous joke. "My lady", he said.
Merry gave him a strange look, "so she's your wife then?"
"She is who she is, the river daughter, I found amongst the reeds, singing"
"Alright", said Merry, giving up.
Frodo joined his friends at the table, although none of them noticed, they were all staring at Goldberry. Tom's table was bursting with food and Frodo picked several warm bread rolls and started munching his way through them. His friends had already eaten so he let them do the talking. Goldberry sat next to Pippin who started to look very smug about it.
"Well", said Tom, who glanced out of the window where dark clouds were gathering, "Today is a good day for telling tales I think!"
With that Tom launched into some of the most boring stories the hobbits had ever endured. By the time Frodo had finished breakfast, Sam, Merry and Pippin were slumped into their chairs with heavy eyes. Tom's tale was of the first acorn and the way of trees and the forests. His talk then dragged itself through the woods, falling into streams and ponds, over pebbles and rocks and then onto more rocks before wilting into flowers and grass. Now Frodo was almost asleep as well, however something that Tom said suddenly piqued his interest. For he was talking of the Barrow Downs which was where Frodo must head next.
"Tom? They say evil Wight's haunt the downs.. Is that true?"
"Aye. And worse things than them.", warned Tom who looked over his shoulder out of the window.
"You see where the valley dips", he pointed, "the one with the intimidating fog. That's the Barrow Downs! I'd stay away from there if I were you"
"But what's worse than Wight's?", asked Frodo impatient.
Tom sighed and looked at Frodo with eyes that had suddenly lost their sparkle.
"Store managers"
"What?"
"Store managers, my young Frodo. From another age. Whether they are from our future or past I cannot say. But in this different world Frodo, major retailing outlets realised their store managers were not only unnecessary but in many cases incompetent as well. As a result they were ousted from society and banished to another time period. Now, bereft of sale assistants to rule, they turned to the only thing they were fit to manage... The undead wights of the Barrow Downs There they continue to mess up rotas, pester underlings and state the obvious. They are the Team Leaders, Frodo, supervisors, and you must not go near them or their false laughter!"
And as Frodo stared at the Downs, a faint voice drifted up to them from the mists, "from now on we'll be doing group huddles.."
He shivered. Then Tom clapped his hands, waking the other hobbits with a start.
"But let us not talk of such things, for some things are ill to talk of even in daylight! Let us instead talk of how you came to be deep in my woods last night."
And so Frodo recounted their tale so far. Of Bilbo's magic ring and Gandalf's scary letters, to the nine and their dramatic rescue of Merry and Pippin from the farmers right up to when the ring incited a tree to eat the very same expendable hobbits. He thought he could trust Tom Bombadil. The man was clearly insane but he seemed far too friendly to be an agent of the enemy.
Once Frodo finished Tom nodded and said, "Can I see this ring?"
So Frodo brought it out of his pocket and handed it trustingly to Tom. The jolly man examined it for a second and then flicked it up in the air where it landed on his nose, snorting he dislodged it to fall into his right hand before moving his left hand across, he did something fancy and then moved his hands apart, palm upwards. The ring was in neither. The hobbits moved closer.
"How did you?", said Merry, open mouthed
"Was that magic?", asked Sam
However, Frodo knew it was just a clever illusion on Tom's part. He could hear the rings muffled outrage from somewhere nearby. Then Tom simply angled his arm vertically and the ring slid out of his coat sleeve onto his lap. The hobbits clapped.
"Do another!", Merry and Pippin shouted
"Alright", and with that Tom calmly popped the ring into his mouth and swallowed.
At this the hobbits were openly shocked.
"Tell me you didn't just eat my ring!"
"I can't believe it!", added Sam, "Gandalf'l kill im!"
Tom merely smiled and held up a finger for silence. Then his pink face grew red with strain and he farted loudly. Reaching around his back he rifled a hand through his pants and after a bit of fiddling pulled out the one ring. He placed it on the table.
"oooh.I've not done that in ages, I'm going to be sore tonight!"
"That was great!", clapped Pippin. Then he stopped when no one else joined in. Suddenly it had got all too real.
The ring was livid. "Aaaaargh! Oh my God! Get me out of here, away from that maniac! You don't wanna know were I've just been!"
Understandably Frodo didn't exactly want to pick up the ring at the moment so he excused himself to help Goldberry in the kitchen. She was pouring tea from a leaf-green teapot into six mugs whilst humming one of Tom's annoying songs. "Can I help you with anything?"
"you could add the milk"
"I dunno I'm not good with milk. Perhaps I could carry the tray?"
"No. I like carrying the tray"
"Oh. How about I.. what are you adding them for?"
Goldberry smiled at him and dropped a leaf into the last mug.
"Erm ..anyway, Goldberry?"
"Yes"
"I've been wanting to ask you.. Who exactly is Tom Bombadil?"
"Why, he is the Master of course"
"Er.. Right. So what does that mean?"
She gave him another glazed smile. "Tom's songs are louder, his tales are better and he can run faster"
"I see", said Frodo, more confused now, than before.
Then Goldberry leant down to Frodo in a motherly way, "Here", she said, pressing a withered leaf into his hand. Then she picked up her tray and breezed into the main room. Frodo tucked the leaf away in his pocket and followed. Tom could be heard singing.
"Stop right there, thank you very much I need somebody with the human touch Hey you always on the run Gotta slow it down baby gotta have some fun!"
"Ah! Here's the tea!", He bellowed, as Goldberry handed him a steaming mug. He paused to fish out a dripping leaf and whispered to Frodo, "She makes good tea. but sometimes she puts strange things in"
Frodo nodded and extracted the pinecone bobbing on the top his drink. Behind him, Merry spat out a small twig while Pippin was absorbed in concentration as whatever was in his mug kept biting his fingers when he went near it. Sam's face had turned an unusual green colour.
And so past a happy day in the House of Tom Bombadil. Tom told his guests yet more tales and taught his guests many new songs. The Hobbits stay there was marred only by Pippin, who later confided that he had swallowed the ring of power in an attempt to ape Tom's trick. After a lengthy discussion with Tom who claimed you had to be "Master" before one could pull off such a trick it was agreed upon that the ring must be somewhere in Pippin's digestive system.
Next Time: The Hobbits face the Barrow Downs and Tom warns them that while the ring is still inside Pippin, he may experience evil side affects.
In the House of Tom Bombadil..
Frodo awoke in a soft feathered bed to the peaceful sounds of birds singing. The room he was in contained three other beds, all of which looked to have been slept in recently but were now empty. Stretching, he yawned and got up, his clothes had been neatly stacked at the foot of his bed, with the ring of power resting contemptibly on top.
"Yeuch. Put some clothes on"
Frodo ignored the ring and began to dress.
"So..", said the ring, presumably to make conversation, "being rescued by a brightly coloured singing fat man was not what either of us expected eh?"
Frodo buttoned up his shirt without answer. If it hadn't been for the ring there would have been no need for rescue. It had encouraged a willow tree to eat Merry and Pippin. Luckily neither of the hobbits had been harmed, just locked inside until Tom Bombadil had arrived on the scene. After hearing Frodo and Sam shouting for help from afar he had bounded up to the panicky hobbits and delivered some harsh words to the offending tree which then released his two friends in a fountain of sap. He then proclaimed they should spend the night at his house. An offer none of them could refuse after three straight nights in a forest. Frodo had finished dressing now and picked up the ring and slipped it into his pocket. "Get this place cleaned" , the ring complained.
Frodo left his room through a wide oak door and instantly heard several sounds from downstairs. Sam, Merry and Pippin were all in fine moods and their laughter drifted up to Frodo, however Tom was the loudest of all, singing at the top of his jolly voice:
"Do you believe in a thing called love? Just listen to the rhythm of my heart."
Then to Frodo's surprise a door on the landing opened next to him and out stepped the most beautiful woman Frodo had ever seen. She was slender and graceful, dressed in silver- green with glistening silver-gold hair which flowed to her waist. "Hello", said Frodo.
She smiled at him in a half distracted way and then drifted down the stairs, Frodo followed.
"Ah!", shouted Tom, for he could not talk at a normal level, "This is Goldberry!"
"Your wife?" asked Merry
Tom burst out laughing as if it was some tremendous joke. "My lady", he said.
Merry gave him a strange look, "so she's your wife then?"
"She is who she is, the river daughter, I found amongst the reeds, singing"
"Alright", said Merry, giving up.
Frodo joined his friends at the table, although none of them noticed, they were all staring at Goldberry. Tom's table was bursting with food and Frodo picked several warm bread rolls and started munching his way through them. His friends had already eaten so he let them do the talking. Goldberry sat next to Pippin who started to look very smug about it.
"Well", said Tom, who glanced out of the window where dark clouds were gathering, "Today is a good day for telling tales I think!"
With that Tom launched into some of the most boring stories the hobbits had ever endured. By the time Frodo had finished breakfast, Sam, Merry and Pippin were slumped into their chairs with heavy eyes. Tom's tale was of the first acorn and the way of trees and the forests. His talk then dragged itself through the woods, falling into streams and ponds, over pebbles and rocks and then onto more rocks before wilting into flowers and grass. Now Frodo was almost asleep as well, however something that Tom said suddenly piqued his interest. For he was talking of the Barrow Downs which was where Frodo must head next.
"Tom? They say evil Wight's haunt the downs.. Is that true?"
"Aye. And worse things than them.", warned Tom who looked over his shoulder out of the window.
"You see where the valley dips", he pointed, "the one with the intimidating fog. That's the Barrow Downs! I'd stay away from there if I were you"
"But what's worse than Wight's?", asked Frodo impatient.
Tom sighed and looked at Frodo with eyes that had suddenly lost their sparkle.
"Store managers"
"What?"
"Store managers, my young Frodo. From another age. Whether they are from our future or past I cannot say. But in this different world Frodo, major retailing outlets realised their store managers were not only unnecessary but in many cases incompetent as well. As a result they were ousted from society and banished to another time period. Now, bereft of sale assistants to rule, they turned to the only thing they were fit to manage... The undead wights of the Barrow Downs There they continue to mess up rotas, pester underlings and state the obvious. They are the Team Leaders, Frodo, supervisors, and you must not go near them or their false laughter!"
And as Frodo stared at the Downs, a faint voice drifted up to them from the mists, "from now on we'll be doing group huddles.."
He shivered. Then Tom clapped his hands, waking the other hobbits with a start.
"But let us not talk of such things, for some things are ill to talk of even in daylight! Let us instead talk of how you came to be deep in my woods last night."
And so Frodo recounted their tale so far. Of Bilbo's magic ring and Gandalf's scary letters, to the nine and their dramatic rescue of Merry and Pippin from the farmers right up to when the ring incited a tree to eat the very same expendable hobbits. He thought he could trust Tom Bombadil. The man was clearly insane but he seemed far too friendly to be an agent of the enemy.
Once Frodo finished Tom nodded and said, "Can I see this ring?"
So Frodo brought it out of his pocket and handed it trustingly to Tom. The jolly man examined it for a second and then flicked it up in the air where it landed on his nose, snorting he dislodged it to fall into his right hand before moving his left hand across, he did something fancy and then moved his hands apart, palm upwards. The ring was in neither. The hobbits moved closer.
"How did you?", said Merry, open mouthed
"Was that magic?", asked Sam
However, Frodo knew it was just a clever illusion on Tom's part. He could hear the rings muffled outrage from somewhere nearby. Then Tom simply angled his arm vertically and the ring slid out of his coat sleeve onto his lap. The hobbits clapped.
"Do another!", Merry and Pippin shouted
"Alright", and with that Tom calmly popped the ring into his mouth and swallowed.
At this the hobbits were openly shocked.
"Tell me you didn't just eat my ring!"
"I can't believe it!", added Sam, "Gandalf'l kill im!"
Tom merely smiled and held up a finger for silence. Then his pink face grew red with strain and he farted loudly. Reaching around his back he rifled a hand through his pants and after a bit of fiddling pulled out the one ring. He placed it on the table.
"oooh.I've not done that in ages, I'm going to be sore tonight!"
"That was great!", clapped Pippin. Then he stopped when no one else joined in. Suddenly it had got all too real.
The ring was livid. "Aaaaargh! Oh my God! Get me out of here, away from that maniac! You don't wanna know were I've just been!"
Understandably Frodo didn't exactly want to pick up the ring at the moment so he excused himself to help Goldberry in the kitchen. She was pouring tea from a leaf-green teapot into six mugs whilst humming one of Tom's annoying songs. "Can I help you with anything?"
"you could add the milk"
"I dunno I'm not good with milk. Perhaps I could carry the tray?"
"No. I like carrying the tray"
"Oh. How about I.. what are you adding them for?"
Goldberry smiled at him and dropped a leaf into the last mug.
"Erm ..anyway, Goldberry?"
"Yes"
"I've been wanting to ask you.. Who exactly is Tom Bombadil?"
"Why, he is the Master of course"
"Er.. Right. So what does that mean?"
She gave him another glazed smile. "Tom's songs are louder, his tales are better and he can run faster"
"I see", said Frodo, more confused now, than before.
Then Goldberry leant down to Frodo in a motherly way, "Here", she said, pressing a withered leaf into his hand. Then she picked up her tray and breezed into the main room. Frodo tucked the leaf away in his pocket and followed. Tom could be heard singing.
"Stop right there, thank you very much I need somebody with the human touch Hey you always on the run Gotta slow it down baby gotta have some fun!"
"Ah! Here's the tea!", He bellowed, as Goldberry handed him a steaming mug. He paused to fish out a dripping leaf and whispered to Frodo, "She makes good tea. but sometimes she puts strange things in"
Frodo nodded and extracted the pinecone bobbing on the top his drink. Behind him, Merry spat out a small twig while Pippin was absorbed in concentration as whatever was in his mug kept biting his fingers when he went near it. Sam's face had turned an unusual green colour.
And so past a happy day in the House of Tom Bombadil. Tom told his guests yet more tales and taught his guests many new songs. The Hobbits stay there was marred only by Pippin, who later confided that he had swallowed the ring of power in an attempt to ape Tom's trick. After a lengthy discussion with Tom who claimed you had to be "Master" before one could pull off such a trick it was agreed upon that the ring must be somewhere in Pippin's digestive system.
Next Time: The Hobbits face the Barrow Downs and Tom warns them that while the ring is still inside Pippin, he may experience evil side affects.