The Illustration Trilogy
Part 1 - Can't Wait to Love You (Chris Jericho/Trish Stratus)
Rating: PG13 for language, and later mildly sexual scenes.
Time Frame: None, really, though there are references and mentions of 2002. No current storylines that the characters are in play a part in this fiction.
Disclaimer: The characters are all property of the WWE. The actors are property of themselves.
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We sat for what must have been a full five minutes in absolute silence next to each other on the floor. I could feel my emotions drowning me, choking me and squeezing all of the air from my lungs. The air around us felt toxic; so hot and misty. My breath fell heavy in that air, and the only thing I could taste was him.
My shaking and trembling slowed to sudden short quivers, like spasms in my arms and legs. I wrapped my arms around each other and felt the moisture in my skin; the thickness itself was nauseating.
The feeling I had for a few moments was that if I just tried with the only strength left in my body to ignore that he was there, the distress and horror I felt would disappear. Nothing seemed real to me at that point. I could clearly and distinctly feel him near me, though I'd struggled to break contact, and refused to look at him. I couldn't even settle enough to sort what was physical pain from what was emotional pain.
I forgot even where I was, or what I'd been doing. Nothing true occurred to me, only the pit of lies I'd dug myself into. I couldn't hide from his gaze, but I would stop at nothing to resist allowing him mine. It was safer to pretend that I wasn't there than to turn around and have to face him again. I couldn't do it. I had lost absolute control of my body, mind, everything in me. I didn't even feel like Trish anymore. I felt like only an empty casing, with emotions painted in dark colors on my skin; nothing on my face internalized, nothing even close to being real.
The door was still open, and the cold air outside his room mixed with the sickening, devouring heat rising from my flesh, and his. That air outside carried Lita's voice into the room, gradually getting louder, and it was right then that I snapped instantly back to actuality.
"Trish? Where'd you go?!"
My eyes shot wide open, and I jolted up from my crouched position, shoving my open palm into the door and standing up to lock it shut.
"Oh shit… oh shit, oh shit… no, no, no… oh God." I started thinking out loud, panicking, still unable to control anything that I did. I sat back down against the door, facing the inside of the room. My eyes wandered across the ceiling, skipping from corner to corner of the room, and then settling on the window.
I shook my head violently from side to side, shutting my eyes closed tight and biting my lips between my teeth. I dug my fingers into my hair, fisting, gripping and pulling at sections on either side so fiercely that if Chris hadn't stopped me, I swear I would have pulled my hair straight out of my head.
He locked his hands around my wrists, and my grasp lessened quickly. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, some cold expression leaving my eyes and searing into his. I pulled my arms away from his fists but he followed my action and pinned my arms above me against the door.
I shut my eyes tight again, in rage, trying to resist him. My breathing was so heavy it hurt my chest, and as the hot, moist air left my lips, it sank in the even hotter air around us.
"Look at me." He demanded so softly that it almost felt like a whisper. He knelt right in front of me, pulling my arms back down to my sides. My back was pressed tightly against the door, and my legs were balled up right to my chest. "Trish… look at me."
I forced my eyes shut so tightly they felt cemented together, and I shook my head at his request, denying any contact, even just a glance. I couldn't look at him… if I had, I would not have been able to take it. I was sure by then Lita must have searched up and down the halls for me, but I no longer heard her voice.
"Open your eyes." He was so close I could feel his breath on my neck. Not only did it feel impossible to open my eyes then, I was afraid of what I'd see in him if I did comply. His voice was so intense, but soft. I shook my head at him again.
He let my arms go, and stood up in front of me. When I felt his back turn to me, a slight breeze of cool air filling the space he left I opened my eyes. Chris walked toward his bedside and grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand.
Without hesitating even an instant, I darted upward and rushed toward him, grabbing the hand that held the cell phone in one of my fists. I looked up at him pleadingly, my eyes slowly scanning from his chin, up until I met with his eyes.
"What the hell were you thinking?" I asked directly, holding the phone in my hand behind my back, holding my eyes narrow, and attempting a proud stance as I looked up at Chris.
He looked back down at me with a straight face, one eyebrow slightly raised. "I was thinking that if I walked over here and grabbed my phone suspiciously, you'd open your eyes."
"Augh, you bastard." I reacted quickly, with what I'd say to him under normal circumstances, forgetting for a brief moment what kind of trouble I had just gotten myself into with him. I brought my hand out in front of me, still clutching the small phone in my palm, extending it out to him.
"Hey, Blondie, after what you just did I don't think you should be dealing out the names just yet." He took the phone and took a step back, sitting on the end of his bed. My eyes fell to the floor, and I reached a hand up to my forehead, slowly and concernedly rubbing my temple.
He sat still for a few moments, a plain look on his face. I noticed that he was still breathing quickly, his chest rising and falling steadily, fast paced. I was able to look back up at him, but couldn't find any words to reply with.
He looked me straight in the eyes, his blue pearls very slightly glassed, freezing me with his stare. I was caught in his eyes again, which he must have noticed, because he shut them and turned away as he spoke.
"Now what the hell was that all about?"
I swallowed hard, unable to think of a reply. When he turned slightly so that his eyes were on me again, I was the one to turn away.
"I d… on't… don't know…" I said before releasing a heavy breath. "I really don't."
It was an honest answer… I had no clue what I was doing. I felt like a zombie. Jealousy and temptation got the worst of me, and when it was all said and done, I didn't know why. The pain in my body shook me to the core. I had horrified myself so much by my actions, and I wasn't the only one paying for it. Chris had a steady girlfriend, who he had honest to God loved, and I just… went against every sense I had in order to feel some of what I was missing to Stacy.
"You can do better than that, Trish." He spoke somewhat calmly before obvious rage tore right through him. "You don't show up unannounced at someone's hotel door and kiss them without a God damned reason! I want a fucking answer, and you are going to give me one if we have to sit here the whole fucking night."
I started trembling again, after settling somewhat from a few minutes ago. It killed me to hear him so angered, and more to know that I caused it. I wanted to tell him… Lord knows I did. I wanted to confess everything, no matter what it would do to he and Stacy, and myself. I wanted him to know how I felt about him, if it wasn't totally obvious from that kiss.
My better half told me he couldn't possibly have known through the kiss, because it wasn't a kiss given for love. It was one given in misconception, out of want, and need… not love. It was almost a good thing that jealousy hid my true feelings, because I couldn't tell him. No matter how much I wanted to.
"I guess we're going to be here the whole fucking night then," I said sternly through my teeth, managing to bite back my tears for how long it took to get out those words.
"Well that's fine, because I've got all the time in the world to just sit here and wait." He stood up and walked to the far end of the room, grabbing the back of a lounge chair with both hands and pulling it to the door. I just watched as he sat the chair against the door and leaned back in it, pulling on the side handle of the recliner and crossing his legs over the rest.
"Guess Li-Li won't be seeing you for a while."
It was beginning to sound like one of our usual arguments, but this time so much more serious. So much was at stake, and my whole life was becoming hopeless as I continued to deny my love for the man in front of me… and began ruining his life the second I showed up at his door.
The only thing I knew how to do was feed him insults and threats. I had already begun the quick decline of that night's morale, why stop now?
"And what would happen if Stacy were to show up right now, finding the two of us locked in your room. I somehow find it hard to believe she'd buy any of what you'd say to her."
The second he heard Stacy's name escape my lips, he sat up completely straight, breathless, looking to kill. He stood up and walked slowly toward me, his breath reassembling, and falling out in short, deep, angered gasps through his gritted teeth.
As he walked toward me, with an anger and hatred so intense in his baby blue eyes, I followed my instinct to step back until I was cornered, and he was right up against me, looking down at my face with a demeaning leer.
I had never heard his voice so deep and utterly scary before. He whispered only loud enough so I could hear him, while he clenched his fists around my arms and held them in place at my sides, his grip growing tighter with every single breath he took.
"Cut the shit, Stratus… why the fuck did you kiss me?"
I tried to sink beneath him, pull away from him as far as I could, but he refused to let me get anywhere, even an inch away. I was trapped, and if I didn't give Chris an answer… I feared death for what he would do to me.