Disclaimer: LOTR is not mine in any shape or form. I also do not have anything against Store Managers and in no way condone the use of violence towards them.

The Barrow Downs

The next morning Frodo awoke in a bad mood. He had just got used to sleeping in proper beds again at Tom's house, only to find himself uncomfortable on hard ground once more. By the look of it, his friends had also found it a difficult night. Especially Pippin thought Frodo warily, his cousin was sat, haunched under the shadow of the hamster shaped stone, he looked pale with hooded eyes that darted left to right shiftily. Evil or just tired? It was a hard one to call, but one thing was for certain: he should keep a watchful eye on Pippin, who in middle earth knew how the ring was affecting him?

One hobbits mood was not dampened however.

"Mr Frodo you're awake! I'll make some breakfast right away!"

Frodo nodded, his attention still on Pippin. Sam followed his gaze. "Not looking good is he?", whispered Sam, "maybe we should bind his hands or something....y'know in case he turns evil when we're asleep....."

Frodo recoiled at the idea of doing that to one of his friends.... But then it did make sense, maybe, thought Frodo if we knew he was becoming dangerously evil. But how could one tell? Who knew whether Pippin was right at this moment plotting some fell dead or just spending some time in innocent contemplation. Pippin caught Frodo staring at him and returned his gaze, with a small, one sided smile. Right! There was no doubt about it.....That smile had all the hallmarks of evil.....If only the ring would hurry up and pass through his system thought Frodo.

"I think he's constipated...", whispered Sam, seemingly reading his masters mind.

While Sam cooked bacon and eggs Frodo sat back down in his blankets, listening to the hissing noises of the food but also surreptitiously studying Pippin. The following characteristics Frodo noted in his friends behaviour where....

Shifty eyes - Almost certainly an evil trait, often acting as a precursory warning to future acts of betrayal

Pale look - Gave the impression he spent too much time indoors, plotting.

Excessive twitching - Possibly indicated insanity or paranoia, maybe a caffeine overdose

Slight smile - Hinted at knowledge, hidden knowledge, scary knowledge. Also, maybe plotting related

Sat in the shadows – Probably a metaphor

However, Frodo's train of thoughts was broken abruptly by Merry screaming.

"Aaaaaghh!" (like that)

Frodo and Sam dashed over to Merry who had taken to wandering since the advent of Pippins possible link to evil. They found Merry staring down at a piece of seemingly empty ground.

"What is it!, shouted Frodo, as the two hobbits arrived . Merry wordlessly pointed.

In the dirt someone had scraped letters with a stone, letters spelling.....

B-O-T-T-O-M

Frodo and Sam gasped. "Who could have done such a thing?", but they already knew....

Footsteps padded behind them. "What's wrong?", asked Pippin, in a voice Frodo would describe as quasi-evil.

Merry rounded on his friend. "Look at the ground!"

Pippin examined the word. Nonchalant: "Who did that?"

Three hobbits looked at him.

"What me? Why would I do that?"

"Don't play innocent!", said Merry, "we all know you're starting to turn evil!"

"But what's evil with "bottom?"

"It's a start...", replied Merry, "what will we find tomorrow morning Pip? "Bum", perhaps?"

"Or Arse!", put in Frodo, "...........or penis!"

"Exactly!", said Merry, "where would it end?"

Pippins face darkened and he withdrew a step, "you can't prove it was me! I'm not as evil as you seem to think......who honestly saw me writing that? I'll tell you, no one!"

Tombombadil stepped out from behind a bush, "Actually, I did!"

The hobbits all gasped in a way that indicated surprise.

"Tom what are you doing here?", said Frodo

"Yeah", rejoined Sam suspiciously eyeing a piece of bacon stuck to Toms blue jacket , "No one sang you're song..."

"Aye! But I decided to keep watch for you last night, fearing the rings evil would turn you're friend against you. Alas old Tom was right!"

At this Pippin started to chuckle to himself, then it turned into laughter with the hysterical edge of an evil genius, "So now you know! It was me! And I'd do it again I tell you!", then, swirling his cloak around he fled laughing"

"Hahahahahahahaha........."

"Quick he's heading for the Barrow Downs!", shrieked Merry

The three hobbits spurred after him, Merry in the lead, followed by Frodo and then Sam. however a brightly coloured blur soon overtook the hobbits.

"So long my friends! Remember if ye need me sing my song!", Tom vanished as Pippin disappeared into the thick fog of the Barrow Downs.

"Arse!", Frodo swore, "how are we going to find him in there?"

The three hobbits had stopped on the brink of the fog. Frodo did some quick thinking. He analysed his options. Firstly he wasn't going anywhere inhabited by undead wights, on the other hand he quite liked Pippin, also he didn't want to have to tell Gandalf he'd lost the ring. He could imagine how that scene would play out......

Gandalf: Ah! Frodo have a beer on me!

Frodo: Thanks

Gandalf: I trust you've kept the ring safe?

Frodo: Of course

Gandalf: Can I see it?

Frodo: No

Gandalf: Oh, alright then

Another consideration was that if he didn't recover the ring then Sauron would probably cover the world in a second darkness...........which didn't sound nice.

"Do not fear!" , said Merry, "By spending so much time in the company of Pippin, I have developed a kind of sixth sense as to his whereabouts, I'm sure I could track him!", and with that Merry bravely jumped into the mist. Frodo hesitated.

"Don't worry Mr Frodo I'll protect you!"

"Fine!", he said dully and followed after Merry, with Sam bringing up the rear.

Like molesting fingers, cloying tendrils of mist swirled about the three hobbits, penetrating their clothes with stickiness and dulling all sound, Frodo felt something brush his rear.

"Sorry", said Sam from behind him, "I slipped"

"Pippiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin", called Merry, but his shouts were in vain, no one answered.

Time dragged, like Frodo's wet cloths and soon the light of the day faded. Its hopeless thought Frodo, even if we could see anything, Pippin doesn't want to be found. He continued for a short while, his mind wandering in the blank surroundings before he suggested a break. No one answered. Suddenly panic seized Frodo, where were his friends. He couldn't see them! How long had they been split up? If only he had paid more attention!

"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!"

"Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry!"

Silence. Well all he could do now was continue in the direction he'd been heading and hopefully he'd reach the end of this fog. Frodo didn't continue for much longer however, his hobbit feet tripped on cold stone and he fell. Everything went black.

Later (for he had no idea for how long he'd been out for) he awoke on a moderately cushioned chair. Through the mist he discerned that he was part of a circle of chairs. On each chair skeletal shapes moved restlessly. Gold rings, bracelets and chains bedecked their ravaged forms with the cold clink of bone on metal. Their eyes were black pits, filled with malice. At the head of the circle, for that was on who the wight's concentrated their attention, stood a plain looking women with a sensible haircut and a smart – casual suite with a cringe worthy smile. A Store Manager! Frodo remembered Toms warning and shivered. To his left something nudged him. Frodo tried to ignore it.

"Pssssst! Mr Frodo!"

Frodo's heart leapt, Sam sat next to him and Merry next to Sam. He was not alone!

"How did you two get caught?", Frodo whispered.

But the Store Manager had started to speak in over-happy tones.

"Alright, hello everyone! Let's get to know each other a bit better by introducing each other! Let's start with you!", she pointed to Frodo

"Er....Frodo Baggins"

"Samwise Gamgee"

"Merriadoc Brandybuck"

"Athelus Agamoor", said the wight next to Merry in its dead voice

"Drackin Taiden...."

"We have to get out of here!", Frodo whispered to his friends

They nodded, "the song!", suggested Sam

"Yes. But we must find a moment to sing it in!"

An enthusiastically faceless voice cut in, "No talking back there please!"

"Dave"

The introductions were over. "Now I don't want anyone to feel nervous because this is a formal occasion! So we'll play a game to get to know one another!", She produced a small ball, "We have to throw the ball to one another and say that persons name! I'll start us off!"

Frodo hissed, "Quick! The song!"

"Athelus!", the Store Manager shouted, the wight dropped the ball as two of its fingers snapped off. The Store manager laughed hysterically for a moment. The wight retrieved the ball and it cold eyes roamed the circle.

"Merry", his friend jumped at the mention of his name and narrowly avoided dropping the ball. The Store manager forced laughter, as if to say "we're all having a good time aren't we?".

Merry floundered for a moment, then said, "Sam!", and lamely passed it to him.

Sam said, "Mr Frodo!", and the ball passed into Frodo's hand

Frodo was just about to pass it back to Sam when the Store manager intervened. "Pass it to someone you don't know", she said, smiling broadly.

Mentally Frodo said "Arse!", he hadn't been paying attention, he didn't know anyone else's name!

Then, a moment of inspiration came to Frodo, he shouted "Moron!", and hurled the ball at the Store managers face. She recoiled as it smashed into her nose. He stood up. Now was the time!

"Ho! Tombombadil, Tombombadillo!

By water, wood and hill, by reed and willow,

Ho! Tombombadil, like a lightening flash,

Ho! Tombombadil, turn our foes to mash!

You're boots are yellow, your eyes are bright,

Ho! Tombombadil, what a merry sight!

For dangers lurks, shadow and death to name a few,

Come quick Tombombadil, for my pants are filled with poo!"

Sam and Merry leapt up, their chairs clattering to the cold ground. The Store manager recovered, holding her nose, "Get them!" she shrieked pointing at the three hobbits. At this command the wights rose stiffly and began to shamble towards our heroes. In a flash Sam had his knife out, "You stay away from Mr Frodo!"

In a detached sort of way Frodo could hear Tombambadil getting closer, but his attention was mainly focused on the attacking wights. Sam met the first one, his knife severed its head in one slash. Next two of them came at once. Sam spun, ducking a bony swipe, then took off the wights arm while his right leg kicked at the second one's shin, sending its skeletal leg flying, meaning it must now hop to the attack.

"Aaaaaaaargh!", Tombombadil fell from the sky in a rush of colour. Crack! He landed on the Store manager. At the appearance of the "Master", the undead wights fled, one hopping into the mists.

"Never fear young hobbits for Tombombadil is here to save ye!"

"Yeah thanks Tom", said Frodo, "Do you know a way out of this fog?"

Later that day the hobbits cheered as they were led out, into the blinding brightness of daylight.

"To celebrate!", enthused Tom, "Let us cast off our clothes!"

"No", said Frodo

Tombombadil shrugged, "fine....."

Then Merry said, "Tombombadil.... We strayed into the Barrow Downs to find Pippin, but alas we found no trace of him...."

Tom stroked his chin. "My master senses tell me you shouldn't worry too much about it. Continue you're journey and he will find you!"

Meanwhile.... Deep in the fog of the Barrow Downs Pippin stood in the midst of nine black cloaked horse men.

"So youssssssssssss wantsss to join ussssssss?"

"Yeah", said Pippin, "I'm a big fan, plus I know where to find the ring!"

The Nazgul looked at each other.

"Maybe", hissed one, "if he pasessss the tessst....."

The other black riders nodded.

The Nazgul that had spoken reached a mailed hand and lifted Pippin onto his horse. "Great!", said Pippin, the faint light through the mist illuminating a decidedly evil smile.

Next time: Bree, the tenth Nazgul, and a ranger