Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. Which is just as well...
Authors Note: This is the final part of my latest tale. A tale of evil, betrayal and constipation. Some guest character appear in this one from other well known fantasy books, apologies if you don't get the references, but its not too important anyhow. More apologises for the time it took to write this one, I've had a lot on recently, thanks to my one reviewer!
Back in room 6 of the Prancing Pony inn, the hobbits had given up trying to persuade Strider to leave their room. He claimed to have just got himself "comfortable" on one of the hobbit beds. How exactly he'd managed to be comfortable on a bed designed for hobbits was anyone's guess. After more argument he confided that he was "scared of the dark" and that room 9, his rightful bedroom, had a big spider in last time he visited. At any length the hobbits eventually agreed to his presence as they did have four beds and this "Strider" seemed harmless enough. Pippin, the fourth member of their party was probably still missing in the Barrow Downs, Frodo suspected sourly, Merry in particular was feeling his absence keenest. Did Pippin now lay slain by some evil Wight? Had the Nine captured him? Had he been forcibly recruited by a Store Manager? He didn't know, but somehow Frodo had the feeling that Pippin was not too far away....
In the hall, outside room 10, Pippin gestured for quiet from the nine Nazgul behind him, "Shhhhhhhh! I'm trying to listen", Pippin put his ear to the key hole...
A discussion seemed to be taking place....
"I'm afraid our troubles are not over..." (a woman's coolly modulated voice)
"What? I thought we dispatched those Dark Hounds... and that Fade, the three grey men before that, a Draghkar, a Forsaken, seven Dark Friends and a whole horde of Trollocs!" (a young mans rather agitated voice)
"Yes we did.....but the taint of the Dark One reaches far... we must now face....erm... Dark.... Chairs! Quick Rand! You maybe sitting on one! Get up quickly before it..........erm ....imprisons you with..... tainted..... magic?!"
No sounds of movement followed.
"Pah! Your making this up now aren't you? Its just getting silly..... I mean as soon as we run out of plot, you just introduce a new monster!" (a different mans voice)
"Well.... It could be a Dark Chair..... sold its soul or maybe its cushion to Shaitan...did you notice it has no cushion?"
"I thought you said we were never to name the Dark one lest it brings his attention down on you!" (the first mans voice)
"Oh yes.... I forgot.... Mmmm...Oh no! Oooooooh" (the woman made fainting noises)
Pippin had had enough. "Charge!", he bellowed.
The Nazgul shoulder charged the door, sending it flying into the small, regal looking women standing in the middle of the room. At once the two men jumped up. One unsheathed a sword, the other took up a wooden quarter staff. Pippin lunged at the swordsman, his long knife flashing against the mans sword. The man attacked, Pippin parried a blow, ducked the next, before sending his knife deep into the mans chest. The man with the staff went down as well, surrounded by cloaked figures, "but I'm supposed to be lucky!", he wailed with his last breath.
Back in room 6 no one was getting any sleep. Strider seemed quite excited by having company "like one of those sleep over's, Elrond banned". He seemed intent upon making conversation.
"So.....", he genially began, (again) "What are hobbit parties like?"
Frodo sighed, he wanted badly to close his eyes and just sleep. "Lots of drinking, dancing, music and food", answered Frodo.
"Pippin used to play the banjo......", Merry said quietly.
"Of course, there was fire works when Gandalf came", Sam put in.
"Gandalf!", Strider blurted (Frodo heard the mans bed creak at sudden movement), "You know Gandalf?", Strider said urgently
The hobbits were just as surprised, "yeah, we know Gandalf, that's why we're here, he was supposed to meet us....", said Frodo
Strider gasped. His bed creaked some more and he fell out of it with a thump. "that's who you are then", the Ranger mumbled to himself softly. Frodo heard, and watched him walk to the small window and light a candle. He was tensed in his bed, ready to spring should Strider reach for his sword, was he an agent of Sauron?
"Gandalf told me to be on the lookout for a group of four hobbits", he addressed to the room.
"You're a friend of Gandalf?"
"Aye, he asked me to take care of you, should he for any reason, not be able to meet you here"
"I see", said Frodo, sitting up in his bed, Sam and Merry did likewise. Strider pulled his hood up to cloak his face, it instantly made him look more mysterious. "Are you scared?", he asked Frodo
"Yes", Frodo admitted
"Not nearly enough, I know what hunts you...."
The hobbits drew in breath, Strider was damn good at creating an atmosphere.
"What are they?", asked Frodo
Strider turned his hooded gaze upon him, "they are the nine...."
Meanwhile the ten Nazgul gathered outside room 7. Room 9 had been empty but room 8 had contained two young women, their conversation had been annoying in the extreme....
"Egwene do you think my dress looks indecent?"
"No, what about my hair? Does it go with this gown?"
"Of course"
"That was a little quick are you mocking me?"
"No.....but maybe I should..."
"What's that supposed to mean? You're not the Wisdom anymore!"
"I never said I was"
"but you still think you are"
"I think you should give me more respect, have you lost all sense of decency?"
"What?"
"That skirts too short you harlot! I can see your ankles!"
"At least I don't talk to men! And when I do I act like a complete bitch, unlike one whore I know!"
"Are you calling me a whore!"
"Well I'm not the one who said "thank you" when that drunkard held open the door for us tonight"
"I never did such a thing! How indecent! I hate men just as much as you! They're all wool heads if you ask me!"
(It was here that Pippin burst through the door and personally killed them both) Pippins evil heart leapt in his chest when he listened outside the door of room 7. A slightly girly voice with bucket loads of innocence, verging on wussiness was speaking. It must be Frodo! The ring bearer, the one he must kill. For a instant Pippin knew that killing Frodo was not what he should be wanting to do, but it was only for an instant before evil once again took hold of his mind. There were two young men speaking behind the door, the other sounded very much like Sam.
"I wander what Allanon wants me to do with the sword of Shannara?" (worried Frodo like voice)
"I don't know, hit people with it maybe?" (Sam like voice)
(Long Pause)
"Any way we should first concentrate on getting to Culhaven" (Sam like voice)
"You're right brother. We should recruit a Prince of Leah"
"Maybe... what do you think will happen after that?"
"We'll probably get to Culhaven.... Form a fellowship, I'm guessing it will include an elf, a dwarf and probably a man who turns out to be a king...." (confident, but still girly Frodo voice)
"From then on it's a simple matter of sword fighting until we meet the bad guy at the end" (assuring Sam voice)
"Yeah, I suppose it'll all be straightforward right?" (Ironic, girly Frodo voice)
"Wrong!", said Pippin who stood silhouetted in the open doorway with an action man pose.
The two young men were not Frodo and Sam, but looked extremely similar. And both looked as shocked to have had their door bulldozed by a group of malicious looking black cloaked strangers.
"Aaaaaah!", squealed the Frodo-like one, "save me Flick! I am too much of a girl to defend myself!"
Which made Pippins job a lot easier. The one who looked like Sam, Flick, lasted a bit longer, but was easily skewered on the long sword of a Nazgul.
"Thisssssssss issssss funnnnnn", said a Nazgul, his sword dripping with blood.
Pippin agreed.
"One by one they fell to the power of th-"
"What was that!", Frodo interrupted, they had all heard scuffling noises from next-door. Frodo was certain he'd heard a girl scream as well.
"Oh nothing", Strider waved away, irritated that his story had been interrupted
The hobbits exchanged uneasy looks, "The Nazgul can't get us here can they?", Merry shivered.
"Definatly not!", Strider confidently affirmed, "they would never dare, I mean they would not only have to break into the inn, but first get past that old man on the gates. At the hobbits doubtful faces Strider continued, "He keeps a pretty sharp stick in his cabin you know!"
Pippin and his nine friends gathered outside room 6. By the sounds of it a man was telling a story inside...
"Where was I? Oh yes – one by one they fell to the power of the ring..."
One of the Nazgul shifted impatiently.
"Letssssssss jussssssst kill them....."
Pippin agreed, "Alright..... but there's something I....need....to....do...first.....must go.....to....outhouse...back soon"
The Nazgul watched as the smallest of their number walked rather stiffly down the hallway. They waited until he was out of sight.
"Letssss kill now...", suggested one
They all nodded agreement.
THUMP! The door to room 6 strained against its hinges, but didn't open. Inside the room the three hobbits jumped out of bed in terror. Strider, who had opened the window to enhance the "atmosphere" nearly fell out of it in surprise.
THUMP!
"Oh shit it can't hold for much longer!" cried Merry
Strider leapt across the room and grabbed his sword. Sam positioned himself protectively in front of Frodo.
They waited. Waited for the next charge that would surely break the doors lock. Nothing happened.
Then a discreet knock, followed by...
"Room sssssssservice"
"Ah! What did I tell you? Nothing to worry about. Probably old Butterbeer is trying to sell his body again. I'll tell him no.....far too hairy..."
The hobbits watched open mouthed as the ranger strolled to the door and opened it. It was quite possibly the stupidest thing they had ever seen. Although the sight of nine tall black cloaked Nazgul still came as a shock to Strider.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!", the ranger raced across the room and heroically dived out of the open window, his sword forgotten on the floor.
The nine advanced into the room, long swords glinting in the candle light. Out of the hobbits, Frodo was the first to react. He dived for Strider's sword, tossed it to Sam and shouted, "hold them off brave Sam, whilst I escape through the window!"
The Nazgul hesitated when they saw Sam.
"sssssssssshit not hiiiiim again.....", the one with jam stains on his robes hissed.
Luckily this pause was enough time for both Frodo and Merry to escape through the window.
The fall wasn't too bad, and Frodo allowed Merry to go first which gave him a softer landing. Strider was no where to be seen.
"That was painful", said Merry, who had landed on a small cactus, which really had no right to be there at all, being as it was, one of the authors shameless comedy devices.
From above the clash of steel on steel reminded the hobbits that they were not out of danger yet.
"Can you run?", asked Frodo as Merry detached the cactus from his stomach.
"Yeah"
"Wait for me!", the voice was Pippins
He came running around the corner of the Prancing Pony. At first glance both hobbits knew that Pippin was no longer under the rings evil thrall. His brow was no longer deep-set, his eyes were no longer narrowed in suspicion and his mouth no longer snarled.
"Pip!", Merry shouted gleefully
"You'll never guess what I just found in the outhouse!", he held aloft the one ring, it glinted golden-brown in the moonlight. He went to hand it to Frodo. Frodo declined, "Um... maybe you should wash it first. And your hands"
At that moment Sam leaped out of the window, Striders sword in hand, and came up in a roll. He brushed himself off.
"Well, I've locked two of them in the wardrobe, ones pinned to the wall with his own sword and the others are locked in room 8, but it wont take them long to get free!"
Frodo nodded, "well we best get a head start on them"
The reunited hobbits jogged down the narrow streets of Bree. Along the way Pippin explained how he couldn't remember anything that happened to him recently.
"At least the ring is out of you now Pip", said Merry
"Yeah, at least the constipation left me before I did anything really bad"
"Yes", Merry agreed, "You must have been so steeped in evil that you could have killed one of us "
"A miracle no one was killed", said Frodo
They found Strider waiting for them at the village gates. He was picking spines out of his clothes (he had landed on a porcupine). It seemed everything had turned out alright, Frodo reflected. Pippin was back, the ring was recovered, they had a new ally, hardly the sort who turned out to be a king..... but an ally all the same. Just on thing was bothering him...
"Without Gandalf where are we going to go now?"
"Into the wilds!", exclaimed Strider, snatching his sword back off Sam.
"The wilds?"
Strider pointed, "Those grassy bits. Don't worry I'll lead you!"
Disclaimer: Borrowed characters from Robert Jordans "Wheel of Time", and Terry Brooks "Sword of Shannara". I do not own them. Besides they're dead now....
Next time: Striders leadership comes into question and there's lots of singing involved....
Authors Note: This is the final part of my latest tale. A tale of evil, betrayal and constipation. Some guest character appear in this one from other well known fantasy books, apologies if you don't get the references, but its not too important anyhow. More apologises for the time it took to write this one, I've had a lot on recently, thanks to my one reviewer!
Back in room 6 of the Prancing Pony inn, the hobbits had given up trying to persuade Strider to leave their room. He claimed to have just got himself "comfortable" on one of the hobbit beds. How exactly he'd managed to be comfortable on a bed designed for hobbits was anyone's guess. After more argument he confided that he was "scared of the dark" and that room 9, his rightful bedroom, had a big spider in last time he visited. At any length the hobbits eventually agreed to his presence as they did have four beds and this "Strider" seemed harmless enough. Pippin, the fourth member of their party was probably still missing in the Barrow Downs, Frodo suspected sourly, Merry in particular was feeling his absence keenest. Did Pippin now lay slain by some evil Wight? Had the Nine captured him? Had he been forcibly recruited by a Store Manager? He didn't know, but somehow Frodo had the feeling that Pippin was not too far away....
In the hall, outside room 10, Pippin gestured for quiet from the nine Nazgul behind him, "Shhhhhhhh! I'm trying to listen", Pippin put his ear to the key hole...
A discussion seemed to be taking place....
"I'm afraid our troubles are not over..." (a woman's coolly modulated voice)
"What? I thought we dispatched those Dark Hounds... and that Fade, the three grey men before that, a Draghkar, a Forsaken, seven Dark Friends and a whole horde of Trollocs!" (a young mans rather agitated voice)
"Yes we did.....but the taint of the Dark One reaches far... we must now face....erm... Dark.... Chairs! Quick Rand! You maybe sitting on one! Get up quickly before it..........erm ....imprisons you with..... tainted..... magic?!"
No sounds of movement followed.
"Pah! Your making this up now aren't you? Its just getting silly..... I mean as soon as we run out of plot, you just introduce a new monster!" (a different mans voice)
"Well.... It could be a Dark Chair..... sold its soul or maybe its cushion to Shaitan...did you notice it has no cushion?"
"I thought you said we were never to name the Dark one lest it brings his attention down on you!" (the first mans voice)
"Oh yes.... I forgot.... Mmmm...Oh no! Oooooooh" (the woman made fainting noises)
Pippin had had enough. "Charge!", he bellowed.
The Nazgul shoulder charged the door, sending it flying into the small, regal looking women standing in the middle of the room. At once the two men jumped up. One unsheathed a sword, the other took up a wooden quarter staff. Pippin lunged at the swordsman, his long knife flashing against the mans sword. The man attacked, Pippin parried a blow, ducked the next, before sending his knife deep into the mans chest. The man with the staff went down as well, surrounded by cloaked figures, "but I'm supposed to be lucky!", he wailed with his last breath.
Back in room 6 no one was getting any sleep. Strider seemed quite excited by having company "like one of those sleep over's, Elrond banned". He seemed intent upon making conversation.
"So.....", he genially began, (again) "What are hobbit parties like?"
Frodo sighed, he wanted badly to close his eyes and just sleep. "Lots of drinking, dancing, music and food", answered Frodo.
"Pippin used to play the banjo......", Merry said quietly.
"Of course, there was fire works when Gandalf came", Sam put in.
"Gandalf!", Strider blurted (Frodo heard the mans bed creak at sudden movement), "You know Gandalf?", Strider said urgently
The hobbits were just as surprised, "yeah, we know Gandalf, that's why we're here, he was supposed to meet us....", said Frodo
Strider gasped. His bed creaked some more and he fell out of it with a thump. "that's who you are then", the Ranger mumbled to himself softly. Frodo heard, and watched him walk to the small window and light a candle. He was tensed in his bed, ready to spring should Strider reach for his sword, was he an agent of Sauron?
"Gandalf told me to be on the lookout for a group of four hobbits", he addressed to the room.
"You're a friend of Gandalf?"
"Aye, he asked me to take care of you, should he for any reason, not be able to meet you here"
"I see", said Frodo, sitting up in his bed, Sam and Merry did likewise. Strider pulled his hood up to cloak his face, it instantly made him look more mysterious. "Are you scared?", he asked Frodo
"Yes", Frodo admitted
"Not nearly enough, I know what hunts you...."
The hobbits drew in breath, Strider was damn good at creating an atmosphere.
"What are they?", asked Frodo
Strider turned his hooded gaze upon him, "they are the nine...."
Meanwhile the ten Nazgul gathered outside room 7. Room 9 had been empty but room 8 had contained two young women, their conversation had been annoying in the extreme....
"Egwene do you think my dress looks indecent?"
"No, what about my hair? Does it go with this gown?"
"Of course"
"That was a little quick are you mocking me?"
"No.....but maybe I should..."
"What's that supposed to mean? You're not the Wisdom anymore!"
"I never said I was"
"but you still think you are"
"I think you should give me more respect, have you lost all sense of decency?"
"What?"
"That skirts too short you harlot! I can see your ankles!"
"At least I don't talk to men! And when I do I act like a complete bitch, unlike one whore I know!"
"Are you calling me a whore!"
"Well I'm not the one who said "thank you" when that drunkard held open the door for us tonight"
"I never did such a thing! How indecent! I hate men just as much as you! They're all wool heads if you ask me!"
(It was here that Pippin burst through the door and personally killed them both) Pippins evil heart leapt in his chest when he listened outside the door of room 7. A slightly girly voice with bucket loads of innocence, verging on wussiness was speaking. It must be Frodo! The ring bearer, the one he must kill. For a instant Pippin knew that killing Frodo was not what he should be wanting to do, but it was only for an instant before evil once again took hold of his mind. There were two young men speaking behind the door, the other sounded very much like Sam.
"I wander what Allanon wants me to do with the sword of Shannara?" (worried Frodo like voice)
"I don't know, hit people with it maybe?" (Sam like voice)
(Long Pause)
"Any way we should first concentrate on getting to Culhaven" (Sam like voice)
"You're right brother. We should recruit a Prince of Leah"
"Maybe... what do you think will happen after that?"
"We'll probably get to Culhaven.... Form a fellowship, I'm guessing it will include an elf, a dwarf and probably a man who turns out to be a king...." (confident, but still girly Frodo voice)
"From then on it's a simple matter of sword fighting until we meet the bad guy at the end" (assuring Sam voice)
"Yeah, I suppose it'll all be straightforward right?" (Ironic, girly Frodo voice)
"Wrong!", said Pippin who stood silhouetted in the open doorway with an action man pose.
The two young men were not Frodo and Sam, but looked extremely similar. And both looked as shocked to have had their door bulldozed by a group of malicious looking black cloaked strangers.
"Aaaaaah!", squealed the Frodo-like one, "save me Flick! I am too much of a girl to defend myself!"
Which made Pippins job a lot easier. The one who looked like Sam, Flick, lasted a bit longer, but was easily skewered on the long sword of a Nazgul.
"Thisssssssss issssss funnnnnn", said a Nazgul, his sword dripping with blood.
Pippin agreed.
"One by one they fell to the power of th-"
"What was that!", Frodo interrupted, they had all heard scuffling noises from next-door. Frodo was certain he'd heard a girl scream as well.
"Oh nothing", Strider waved away, irritated that his story had been interrupted
The hobbits exchanged uneasy looks, "The Nazgul can't get us here can they?", Merry shivered.
"Definatly not!", Strider confidently affirmed, "they would never dare, I mean they would not only have to break into the inn, but first get past that old man on the gates. At the hobbits doubtful faces Strider continued, "He keeps a pretty sharp stick in his cabin you know!"
Pippin and his nine friends gathered outside room 6. By the sounds of it a man was telling a story inside...
"Where was I? Oh yes – one by one they fell to the power of the ring..."
One of the Nazgul shifted impatiently.
"Letssssssss jussssssst kill them....."
Pippin agreed, "Alright..... but there's something I....need....to....do...first.....must go.....to....outhouse...back soon"
The Nazgul watched as the smallest of their number walked rather stiffly down the hallway. They waited until he was out of sight.
"Letssss kill now...", suggested one
They all nodded agreement.
THUMP! The door to room 6 strained against its hinges, but didn't open. Inside the room the three hobbits jumped out of bed in terror. Strider, who had opened the window to enhance the "atmosphere" nearly fell out of it in surprise.
THUMP!
"Oh shit it can't hold for much longer!" cried Merry
Strider leapt across the room and grabbed his sword. Sam positioned himself protectively in front of Frodo.
They waited. Waited for the next charge that would surely break the doors lock. Nothing happened.
Then a discreet knock, followed by...
"Room sssssssservice"
"Ah! What did I tell you? Nothing to worry about. Probably old Butterbeer is trying to sell his body again. I'll tell him no.....far too hairy..."
The hobbits watched open mouthed as the ranger strolled to the door and opened it. It was quite possibly the stupidest thing they had ever seen. Although the sight of nine tall black cloaked Nazgul still came as a shock to Strider.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!", the ranger raced across the room and heroically dived out of the open window, his sword forgotten on the floor.
The nine advanced into the room, long swords glinting in the candle light. Out of the hobbits, Frodo was the first to react. He dived for Strider's sword, tossed it to Sam and shouted, "hold them off brave Sam, whilst I escape through the window!"
The Nazgul hesitated when they saw Sam.
"sssssssssshit not hiiiiim again.....", the one with jam stains on his robes hissed.
Luckily this pause was enough time for both Frodo and Merry to escape through the window.
The fall wasn't too bad, and Frodo allowed Merry to go first which gave him a softer landing. Strider was no where to be seen.
"That was painful", said Merry, who had landed on a small cactus, which really had no right to be there at all, being as it was, one of the authors shameless comedy devices.
From above the clash of steel on steel reminded the hobbits that they were not out of danger yet.
"Can you run?", asked Frodo as Merry detached the cactus from his stomach.
"Yeah"
"Wait for me!", the voice was Pippins
He came running around the corner of the Prancing Pony. At first glance both hobbits knew that Pippin was no longer under the rings evil thrall. His brow was no longer deep-set, his eyes were no longer narrowed in suspicion and his mouth no longer snarled.
"Pip!", Merry shouted gleefully
"You'll never guess what I just found in the outhouse!", he held aloft the one ring, it glinted golden-brown in the moonlight. He went to hand it to Frodo. Frodo declined, "Um... maybe you should wash it first. And your hands"
At that moment Sam leaped out of the window, Striders sword in hand, and came up in a roll. He brushed himself off.
"Well, I've locked two of them in the wardrobe, ones pinned to the wall with his own sword and the others are locked in room 8, but it wont take them long to get free!"
Frodo nodded, "well we best get a head start on them"
The reunited hobbits jogged down the narrow streets of Bree. Along the way Pippin explained how he couldn't remember anything that happened to him recently.
"At least the ring is out of you now Pip", said Merry
"Yeah, at least the constipation left me before I did anything really bad"
"Yes", Merry agreed, "You must have been so steeped in evil that you could have killed one of us "
"A miracle no one was killed", said Frodo
They found Strider waiting for them at the village gates. He was picking spines out of his clothes (he had landed on a porcupine). It seemed everything had turned out alright, Frodo reflected. Pippin was back, the ring was recovered, they had a new ally, hardly the sort who turned out to be a king..... but an ally all the same. Just on thing was bothering him...
"Without Gandalf where are we going to go now?"
"Into the wilds!", exclaimed Strider, snatching his sword back off Sam.
"The wilds?"
Strider pointed, "Those grassy bits. Don't worry I'll lead you!"
Disclaimer: Borrowed characters from Robert Jordans "Wheel of Time", and Terry Brooks "Sword of Shannara". I do not own them. Besides they're dead now....
Next time: Striders leadership comes into question and there's lots of singing involved....