Chapter 10: Desperate for Freedom
Moony's Story
Hooray for summer! Thanks to my reviewers, I love you all!
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I stared out the window gloomily as a cool breeze played across my face.
I had pulled a chair over to the windowsill. A chilly mist had flooded through the room during the night, and it wrapped itself around me. I shivered; my thin nightgown didn't stop the cold, and the wet hair hanging down my back from my shower wasn't helping. I took another sip of coffee. The sun hadn't risen yet, and I was the only one in my dorm awake. I liked it that way. I needed to be alone.
Frowning, I pushed wisps of hair out my face, clutched the coffee mug more tightly to warm my hands, and continued looking out into the pale gray sky.
The first pink and orange rays of light had appeared over the horizon. I moved my gaze from the sunrise to the Owlrey, which I had a clear view of. It was almost six o' clock.
I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Sami in her animagus form. It was the one cheerful thing I was holding on to at the moment.
Everything else in my life was going horribly, horribly wrong. Because
a) I was failing all my classes even worse than usual, due to the fact I had been up playing my guitar so late each night,
b) Voldemort, whom I'd already spent enough time with to last me several lifetimes, seemed to have taken a terribly disgusting interest in me,
and c) I had just ruined the one chance I had to be with Remus.
It was all Voldemort's fault. It really was. If he hadn't performed that terrible binding spell on me…if he hadn't been so skillful with Dark Magic…I would have had my first kiss last night, while I was wrapped in Remus's arms.
Why me? Why?
The binding spell that connected Voldemort and myself basically fused our emotions. I could be sitting doing homework, or eating my breakfast, or even sleeping, when suddenly feelings completely unrelated to what I was doing would flash through my head. Often these feelings were so strong I would express myself verbally, as I had done last night.
Voldemort had been furious last night. Very furious. And I was almost positive I knew why.
Pushing such thoughts from my mind, I refocused my attention on the Owlrey, watching the windows hopefully. Minutes passed. I watched two tawny owls, a barn owl, and a great horned owl fly through the windows, most likely looking forward to a good long sleep after a night of hunting. The great horned owl was clutching a letter, which surprised me; it was too early for the mail to arrive. I didn't see any owls leave the Owlrey, though. Still, I kept my eyes trained on the tower. Sami had assured me she would be there.
Six o'clock came and went. I drained my coffee, until only black dregs remained at the bottom of the cup. The sun was rising steadily into the sky, the air becoming warmer…yet still there was no sign of Sami. I was alone with my thoughts, and the silence was beginning to press in on me. I got up and found my wand, figuring I might as well polish it while I was waiting.
Six ten…six fifteen…six twenty…my wand was so shiny it was going to disappear if I kept rubbing it. The only good thing about this was that although my wand didn't work properly, it still looked nice…but where on earth was Sami?
Finally, when I had just about given up hope and had returned to brooding over my relationship with Remus, a snowy owl soared out of the Owlrey window.
Sami in her animagus form was a beautiful sight. She reflected everything she was as a person: confidence, strength, and grace. The owl spread her wings wide, supporting herself on air and gliding over the trees of the Forbidden Forest. I watched as she swooped and dived, the sun's first rays shining gently on her feathers, enjoying the feeling of flying without a broom stick- something most wizards and witches would never experience.
Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be flying next to Sami in the morning sky. I wanted to be out in the open, carefree and joyful…I longed for the unlimited freedom Sami had.
Taking one last look, I turned away from the window and began getting dressed.
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I was lost in thought as I wandered into the Great Hall later that morning.
This was partly because I was desperately trying to devise a plan to help me finish my Defense Against the Dark Arts homework before eleven o'clock, when I had class. I had completed six inches of my foot-and-a-half long essay that morning while I waited for my roommates to wake up, but it wasn't long enough for me to get a passing grade.
It was partly because I was still in awe from having the chance to see Sami in her animagus form, which made me feel very trusted and respected- after all, I was sure she didn't just go around showing off her ability to random people.
And it was partly because my thoughts, as always, were with Remus.
I sat down in the first empty seat I saw and immediately pulled three different platters towards me. I was suddenly starving. I began to shovel large piles of what might have been sausage and eggs onto my plate, but I wouldn't know because I wasn't really looking.
"Eat much, Wilson?" asked an incredulous voice very close by.
I froze, hardly daring to look up. I raised my eyes until they were looking right into the eyes of Sirius Black. He was directly across the table from me, and wearing an expression halfway between shock and amusement. I swallowed nervously.
If Sirius Black was sitting across from me…and that was James on his left…then that must mean…
Slowly, I turned my head to the side and confirmed what I had been afraid of.
I had seated myself next to Remus Lupin, whose mouth was hanging open.
I completely forgot about my food as I rose to my feet, turned around, and began to walk away from Gryffindor table as fast as my legs would carry me. I could feel a blush spreading across my face. I almost never ate breakfast in the Great Hall— normally I took my meals to the Gryffindor common room— so why did I have to end up sitting next to Remus the one time I decided to join my classmates?
I didn't look back, and had almost reached the doors of the Great Hall when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around, bracing myself, but it wasn't Remus. It was Sami. As if Remus would have followed me, anyway...
"Are you okay?" asked Sami with something that sounded like concern. "You seemed to be in quite a hurry." She looked perfect, as always, with her makeup expertly done and her hair falling in soft curls down her back. I couldn't help the little flare of jealousy I felt in my stomach when I looked at her.
"No, I'm fine," I said sheepishly. "Just remembered I had homework to do, that's all."
"Oh," said Sami, obviously a bit confused.
"By the way, I happened to wake up early this morning, and I saw you fly—"
Sami clapped her hand over my mouth. "Not here!" she whispered fearfully. I nodded, and she removed her hand. The blush was creeping into my cheeks again. It was so typical of me to almost let such important information slip. I'd made a promise to her, and I intended to keep it.
"You were amazing," I said in a very low voice. "It's awesome that you are using your talents to fight Voldemort." Sami flinched.
I was confused. "I thought you were okay with the name."
Sami shook her head. "It was a stretch for me to use it, but I felt like on the day my Grandpa talked to me, it needed to be said. Normally I don't say his name."
I was embarrassed. "Well, thanks for letting me watch, anyway."
"No problem." We grinned at each other in the silence.
"Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you," said Sami suddenly, smacking her forehead with her palm. She held up a letter, written on stationary with a ballpoint pen.
"I got a letter from my parents today," she continued, "About my grandfather." She paused.
"Ok…" I said, not understanding where this was going.
"Remember you said there was no way my grandfather could contact me if he wasn't a wizard? Well…I decided to do a bit of digging, because I absolutely knew it had to be him. I sent an owl to my parents the day he came through, and I got the answer back today."
Well, that explained the stationary. Sami's parents were Muggles.
"And what did they say?" I asked, my throat dry. I already knew the answer.
"You were right. My grandfather was a wizard."
"Oh." It was all I could think of. What else was there to say?
"My parents knew all along."
Sami was looking at the floor, with a hurt look on her face. It was clear that not being trusted with this information had damaged her pride.
"He went to Hogwarts when he was young, fell in love with a beautiful witch, and married her after he graduated. They had a baby— my father— and were enjoying their life and raising a child together…"
Sami broke off, blinking furiously. She was clutching the letter so tightly I was sure she would rip it.
"And then?" I prompted gently.
"They were packing up everything in the apartment, because they had been saving up and now had enough money to buy a house. They were using magic to make the job easier. Anyway, they got around to the heavy furniture. Grandpa levitated a bookcase and was slowly moving it around the room towards the door, but the baby began crying and he got distracted. The bookcase fell…right on top of my grandmother…
I could tell this was a painful story for Sami to relate. Amazed at my own boldness (I certainly seemed to be getting better at this feeling stuff) I stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug.
"She fell down the stairs." Sami swallowed. "She died from the head trauma. Grandpa felt so distraught and so guilty, he swore never to do anything magical for the rest of his life. All this time I had been told my grandma died of a heart attack…I never would have found out if it weren't for you. Thanks."
"Anytime," I said quietly. I squeezed Sami gently, then let go. Sami stepped back and began rubbing at the corners of her eyes.
For a few moments we stood in silence. I had known, of course, that there was no possibility of Sami's grandfather not being a wizard, but I hadn't know the truth would be this painful or dramatic. It really tugged at your heartstrings.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Sami and I jerked our heads upward in surprise. One sweeping glance of the Great Hall told me everything.
The entire student body had gone berserk.
Each and every female in the school— and quite a few of the boys as well— had jumped to their feet, making a mad dash for the doors and shrieking their hearts out. Sami and I quickly got out of the way so as to avoid being trampled. It was chaos. Even the teachers didn't seem to know what to do.
The reason as to why everyone was screaming? Countless little green frogs were hopping all over the room. They were on the floor, the benches, even in the food.
My eyes scanned the Gryffindor table. Exactly as I had suspected— James and Sirius were in hysterics, clutching their stomachs and slapping each other high fives as they laughed.
I shifted my gaze to the other side of the room. Bingo— while several boys were still seated at the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables, looking bewildered, the Slytherin table was completely empty.
Another clever, brilliant trick pulled off by the infamous duo, Potter and Black. Hooray.
This was definitely one of their better ones, though. I wondered how long the spell would last—forever, hopefully.
Sami hadn't quite caught on. She bent down and picked up one of the frogs that had hopped close to her shoe.
"Hey there," she said in a falsely cheerful voice to it, petting its bumpy head with her thumb.
"It's a Slytherin," I informed her. She immediately dropped it. The frog fell to the floor with an indignant croak. Laughing, Sami and I left the Great Hall.
The prank had brightened my morning, if only for a little while. I knew my happiness couldn't last.
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The corridor was dark, silent, and empty, which was a given considering it was the middle of the night, and I didn't like it one bit. It was all too clear in my mind what had happened the last time I walked alone in a corridor, and I fully knew it would happen again. I could sense it. It was the waiting that was killing me.
But I didn't have a choice. I had forgotten my dragon hide gloves in the Potions classroom, which I needed for Herbology the next day. I wouldn't have time to go and get them after breakfast. Goosebumps sprang up on my bare arms as I turned a corner and began descending the stone steps toward the dungeons.
The air got steadily cooler as I continued down the cracked stairs. Lit candles lined the wall, but the light shining from them was feeble and didn't offer any warmth. I drew my wand, mainly because it made me feel safe.
"Lumos," I whispered, but I wasn't surprised when nothing happened.
I reached the bottom of the staircase and headed in the direction of the Potions classroom. It was even creepier at night than in the daytime, and when I reached the classroom door, I stopped and stood still as dread flooded throughout my body. The surface of my skin was tingling, and I braced myself.
I pushed open the door…
…but nothing was there. I let out the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.
I crept between the desks, trying to navigate to the back of the classroom in the darkness. My desk was as far away from the front of the room as possible, which was the way I liked it.
Finally, I found my desk…but to my surprise, my gloves weren't on it. I was positive I had left them here. I ran my hand over the smooth wood, over my chair, even over the floor under the desk, but no gloves. I stood up, defeated. I was just going to have to hope the plants we were working with in Herbology wouldn't be poisonous. Until…
"Mara," said a cold voice. It sent chills down my spine.
I closed my eyes, sucking in a deep breath and counting to ten. Slowly, I turned around. The classroom was empty.
"Where are you?" I asked suspiciously. I hated it when Voldemort played games.
"I'm right here, Mara," came the disembodied voice. I shuddered when he said my name; he uttered it with triumph, as if I was a prize he had won.
I squinted and could just barely make out the outline of a black cloak on the opposite side of the room, but when I looked again it was gone. I bit my lip.
I focused my thoughts on our bond, trying desperately to figure out where he had disappeared to. I felt a prickling up and down my side, and I knew…he was behind me.
I spun around at once to face him. He was way too close.
"Very good, Mara," he said, and I tried not to throw up as I felt his breath on my ear. "As our bond grows stronger, so do you."
His voice wasn't the same cool, teasing voice he usually used when he was with me. He sounded flat out angry, and I could feel his fury in my head. I tried to push it out.
"Yes…" he muttered, mere inches from my face. "Strong enough to connect with a certain old wizard I killed the other day, in front of all your classmates and a teacher…"
He grabbed me violently by the front of my robes, pulling me even closer to him. His horrible red eyes were glinting.
"What did he say?" Voldemort demanded, pronouncing each word with particular venom.
"N-nothing," I gasped, struggling to breath. Voldemort's grip tightened on my robes.
"Don't lie to me," he hissed. "Do you really think you of all people can lie in my presence? When we are connected as we are?"
I knew I didn't have a chance. "It was just a message for his granddaughter, that's all!"
I closed my eyes and prayed that it would work. After all, it wasn't a lie, just not the entire truth. I sucked in a large breath with difficulty.
Voldemort's grip on my robes loosened slightly. "And who is his granddaughter?" he asked. It seemed as if he thought I was breaking down and ready to tell him everything. I would have punched him if I could.
"He…he didn't say," I replied, thinking fast. Sami's grandfather hadn't come straight out and mentioned Sami, so that wasn't a lie, either.
The silence was suffocating. I swore I could hear my heartbeat echoing off the dungeon walls.
"Don't think I won't find out the exact wording," Voldemort breathed down my neck. "You aren't being truthful, and for that you will pay. But as for now…do you remember what I told you the last time we met?"
My heart stopped.
I remembered.
Voldemort had moved closer, too close. I tried to step away, but he had me by the front of my robes again. Roughly, I was turned around and shoved backwards into the rock wall. I struggled as terror flooded through me.
An emotion I couldn't quite place was pounding in my ears; I could tell it was coming from Voldemort, from our bond. Every Lord needs a Lady, Mara.
The rocks were sharp and were digging into my back. He came closer and closer, until his body was pressed up against mine and it was all I could do to keep from screaming.
He took one long, chalk white finger and ran it down the side of my face. I nearly collapsed from the contact.
Next moment he had buried one hand in my hair. The other hand was roaming all over my body. My mind couldn't even comprehend the horror of him touching me. I need to get out, I need to be free, to be flying away, flying in the sky…
He licked his lips and I wondered if he had ever been so close to a female. His face was coming nearer…
Oh please don't kiss me, don't, oh please…But next moment he had stepped back, and I had fallen forward onto my knees.
"Just a little taster," Voldemort whispered. "I'll be back." I was drawing in great, shuddering gasps of air.
"And I think you were looking for these." He drew my dragon hide gloves out of his pocket and threw them onto the floor in front of me. I gathered my strength and looked up at him. Our eyes met, and I could see the arousal in his eyes. My fear had aroused him.
It was in that moment that I knew the feeling that I had sensed from the bond between us, and what that feeling was…was lust.
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In case anyone was confused, when Mara cried out in the last chapter, it was because Voldemort had just learned that she had 'connected' with Sami's grandfather and was very angry about it…just thought I'd clear that up.
Thanks for the really positive feedback on last chapter, I was thrilled!
I don't have time to comment on everyone's review, though, because I'm leaving for Cape Cod in less than an hour and had to wake up early to get this posted…Sorry. I just want to comment on two:
FallenHarusame: That's cool about your username meaning :D And hooray for us for surviving middle school!
Snuffles2984: Thank you so much! And as for Fallen, it completely deserves all the good feedback it gets.
Most of you probably noticed I changed my username. I changed it on June 26th, with made it exactly a year since I joined fanfiction and started writing :) and I thought a change might be nice. It's going to be bizarre signing the end of this chapter differently, but here goes…
Happy July 4th to anyone in the US!
-Nora's magelet-