The hidden part of love
SUMMARY: set after butterflied. Sara can't take it anymore. She has to do something about her life. I got inspired by the album Meteora and Hybrid theory from Linkin Park
ARCHIVE: anywhere BUT ask me first (auroreehotmail.com)
RATING: For now PG13
PAIRING: GS
REVIEW and FEEDBACK: Oh Yes, Yes, please, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!!!!!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: The characters belong to their respective creators (wish they belong to me... but....) I just borrowed them.
Chapter I: In the End...
Sara watched the full moon rising above the mountains bordering the desert. Usually it would soothe her, bring her a much needed peace of mind. It was one of the only things she had come to love about Vegas, the desert and its light. But today was different, she felt different.
The young woman focused her attention back on the rising moon. She had heard his confession to Dr Lurie and it hurt. She understood too well why he couldn't allow himself to show and share his feelings. It was the same reason she could not act upon her own feelings: fear, need of control, fear of rejection. She had tried... once, only to be rejected. She had thought she could live with it and be happy with what he would give her. But it was never enough. It would never be enough. The fact he kept hiding from her was hurting even more. Her dream was there at hand reach; but each time she tried to grab it, it would fade away like a mirage. Perfection was a lost illusion. She had tried with all her might but every time, it backfired, leaving her wounded and hurting.
The young woman closed her eyes. She could not runaway, not this time. Somehow, she knew it would be her only chance. She was emotionally disabled, how could she help him when she was unable to find a way to solve her own problems. Was their friendship gone forever? Would they ever be able to have a normal conversation again? The pain inside her was silently gnawing at her heart and soul like a mortal disease. Pain and sorrow used to be unnoticeable. With time it had become unbearable like a real physical pain. Sometimes, it was so strong she had to scream or destroy something to ease it a bit. Silent tears began to fall from her eyes. She wanted to be numb. It hurt so much. Mixture of pain, emotions and feelings were bubbling in her. The pain exploded in her chest. The young woman screamed her agony heavily collapsing on the desert ground. Her sobs became wild. She had held every feeling, every emotion so tight in her she was not sure anymore. Sara felt so tired. She did not want to fight anymore, even if it meant death.
Slowly she gathered the broken piece of her heart and got up on her feet. She had a job to do. It was no more a comfort zone but it would have to do for the moment. She would not hide anymore. She was human and had flaws. There was no point hiding it. She desperately wanted to believe there was something for her out there. Something that would make her complete and happy. She parked her car on her reserved space and go out. For the first time in months she felt pleasantly numb, her turmoil forgotten. Whatever the doc had given her yesterday was good. She felt safe again.
Hearing the sound of a motorbike she lightly turned around and found herself in front of Nick, her partner and best friend. The young man parked his bike and she got near him. Nick Stockes on a bike was one thing she had never thought she would witness. The sight was rather pleasant she decided.
- Hello Nick. Where on heart did you steal that beauty?
The young man grinned madly. For once he had been able to surprise his friend and she was in for an even more huge surprise.
- Well hello Sara. It's my bike. Wanna go out for a ride tonight after work?
He flashed her his killer smile perfectly knowing what kind of effects it was producing on women. Mentally, he slapped himself. That was not what he had intended to say. He knew she would deflect his invitation but he had to try nonetheless. The young woman in front of him seemed to be thinking about the question as if it was a life or death matter. Was she considering his invitation? He decided to push his luck.
- I won't drive too fast you know. I'm not completely used to it. I got my licence only a month ago so...
Sara was looking at him through her sunglasses wondering why he would suddenly decide to drive a bike and more over, invite her for a ride.
Before she had the time to answer, they were suddenly jerked off of their thoughts by a horn and blaring music coming from the "Gregmobile" as Warrick had put it once. Both turned to see him parking his black Cadillac with red flames painted on the fenders and get out. Always hyperactive, he ran to them surprised to find Nick on a bike.
- Hey you two! Nick on a bike. Tell me I'm dreaming Sara.
- Nope. You're not.
Greg smiled. That was something unusual about Nick, the perfect man, always polished. Not the man he would have pictured driving such an engine.
- What is her name?
Sara couldn't help but laugh at Nick's distraught expression. Greg quickly joined her. It was good to finally see her laughing again genuinely. She had been so withdrawn in her shell lately. After the explosion in the lab every one had changed but Sara had been the one who had suffered the most and Grissom's attitude toward her was not helping at all.
- Don't know what you are talking about my friend. I just wanted something new to do.
Sara just laughed a little more at his answer. Nick was as transparent as a glass.
- Don't worry Nick we won't tell anyone about this. Besides, we should really get going otherwise, Grissom is going to kill us.
The three of them hastily got in the building for a night of work. Sara never answered Nick's question.
It was around two o'clock in the morning and Sara was starving. She was getting nowhere with her actual case and it was infuriating. The young woman glanced at the clock on the wall for the tenth time. Enough was enough. She needed a break otherwise she would explode. She closed her notebook and bagged the evidences displayed on the table. Quickly she went to the break room, retrieved her meal from the fridge and collapsed on the couch. She closed her eyes and sighed not even bothering to know if other people were in the room. She badly needed some holidays or a least a few days downtime. Sara opened her Tupperware and took a look at her salad. She wasn't hungry anymore. She closed it back and took an apple. That would have to do till the end of the shift. The young woman sank further in the couch and folded her legs under her. She opened her book and started eating her apple.
She did not notice Grissom staring at her wondering why she looked so upset and exhausted. After he had turned her down she had changed. She was no more the vibrant, energetic and passionate woman he had known some years ago. The playfulness of her smile was gone. Her eyes had now a bitter and disillusioned shine. He had wanted to protect her from that, from everything that could hurt her. But he had failed. What he had done had only worsened the problems.
- Sara?
The young woman quickly glanced over her book to find him staring at her. She sighed. She was not ready for a discussion with him. All she wanted was going back home, a decent cup of tea, a bath and more than 24 hours sleep.
- What is the matter Grissom?
- When did you have your last meal? And by meal, I mean something other than just a fruit.
She stared at him not knowing what to say. He had barely spoken to her at the beginning of the shift and now he was wondering when she had eaten last. The concern in his voice seemed to be genuine. The young woman wondered if she had not stepped in the twilight zone once more.
- I... , I ate before shift.
She was not ready to confess she had just eaten fruits. And why would he care or show any care for her after his last months attitude. Sara felt anger and even rage slowly build in the pit of her stomach. She was not going to accept one of his lectures about eating. Not seeing him answer she went on with anger barely repressed in her voice.
- Listen Grissom, I don't' need one of your lecture. I can take care of myself.
The young woman got up and began to pace. She knew she was ready to reach her breaking point. The pain in her stomach was back and anger was building upon anger. She needed to get out of here before she had to explode. Sensing her turmoil he back pedalled. Facing an angry Sara was not something he wanted to do, not right now.
- I was not about to lecture you. I thought we could use a break and go out to have a coffee.
She stopped pacing and faced him. "How dare he!". Grissom on the other hand was looking at her hateful grin. He had made a huge mistake. The young woman closed her eyes. Her fists were clenched as if she was ready to punch someone. Slowly she reopened her eyes. She was not going to dignify his suggestion with an answer or an anger outburst like some teenager. Instead she put her most gorgeous smile on her lips and got out of the room like a queen. It was the time for her revenge. Grissom watched her leaving the layout room not understanding what had gotten in her.
Her shift had ended 2 hours ago and she was not ready to go back home. First she needed to do some shopping. He would never understand what had hit him. Blinding rage was now filling her heart. She would never cry in self pity again. She was a strong woman and she would show them how things really were.
She opened her door after a few hours of intensive shopping. Her first reflex was to let all the bags fall on the floor. She felt exhausted but really good. She checked her answering machine and found two new messages. The first one was from Nick. He wanted to know if she had thought about his offer. The other one was from Catherine. The older woman wanted to know what had happened between her and Grissom because, "he was all grumpy after your little talk.". Sara began to openly and freely laugh. The situation was absurd. Each time one of them was grumpy or cranky Cath would have to endure initial problems and ask for an explanation. Right now she was thankful not to have been there to answer the phone.
Picking up the phone, she dialled Nick's number. He was the only one she wanted to talk to now.
- Hello Nick. Hope I haven't woke you up.
- Sara. No, not at all. Have you thought of my offer.
Sara paused unsure of what to do next. She was already in trouble with one man and she didn't want to have to deal with Nick as well. She waited, trying to find something intelligent to say. But the offer was too tempting to refuse it.
- Sara, you still there.
- Yeah, sorry Nick. I have Saturday free and if you also have, why don't we take the day to go in the desert.
Nick smiled and thanked his lucky star. She willingly would go for a ride with him.
- Why not. I'm also free on Saturday. That's cool Sara.
- That's all I wanted to tell you. I'll see you tonight. Sleep well Nick.
- Yeah you too Sara.
TBC
What do you think????