Title: Matters of the Heart
Author: Viral
Author's Notes: Thank you all for your reviews so far. They are an encouragement. :) If you love Rogue/Remy stuff you will be getting some – but I'm not sure how much as of yet.
-=-=-=- The next night…-=-=-=-
July the 4th was approaching, another glorious day for the United States of America and another long, unwanted cookout for the Goth girl of the X-Men. She walked around the mall on the laidback Thursday night with the rest of the women who lived at the mansion. While they window shopped at high fashion stores, scouted the men's underwear section for the random sexy male looking at a pair of boxer briefs, and sat down to eat at the food court, Rogue wandered off by herself to the music store.
She picked up a Korn CD, one that she already owned but was just interested in looking at the cover of one of her favorite artists. She loved the cryptic artwork on the front cover: a blonde-haired girl playing hopscotch, about to jump over into an abyss, which attempted to paint a picture of hell as described in the Bible. The album title, "Follow the Leader", made the message even clearer. Of course as older, distinguished people walked by her and caught a glimpse of the CD cover they did their best to steer clear of her. The first thing people assumed when they saw her was that she was crazy – one of the type of people willing to blow up a school or cast a spell on anyone who looked at her the wrong way. She liked it like that. The farther away people stayed from her, the better off everyone would be.
"Rogue!" Kitty squealed which caused Rogue to put the CD back in its place with frustration and slowly begin walking down the aisle.
"Do you have to be so loud?" Rogue asked with annoyance ever-present in her voice.
"Yes! I totally just found the CD I've been looking for! I can't believe it took me so long to, like, find it!"
Rogue took a glimpse at the case in Kitty's hand and scoffed, "Mariah Carey? I thought you were into Country?"
"I am, but Mariah's like the total diva!"
"If you say so," Rogue replied, her eyebrows up with a playful look on her face. "Next thing you know you'll be listenin to Jay-Z and Usher."
"I'd listen to Usher just cause he's so totally hot!" Kitty said, a gleeful look on her face.
Rogue stared at her for a second and her mood lightened up, "So would I!" The two girls laughed their way through the music store. This was the one place Kitty and Rogue realized they could bond. This is why she felt so comfortable sitting next to Kitty at the dinner table and in the War Room. She had learned a lot about "Katherine Pryde: The Geeky Vallery Girl" and learned to accept her for who she was.
Kitty had become, in a weird sort of way, Rogue's anesthesia. In the bleakest of times all it would take was one big smile and silly remark from this girl to lighten Rogue's perspective. Even if she didn't laugh or smile on the outside – sometimes she'd even shout at Kitty to shut up – on the inside she was grateful to have someone like Kitty around.
"Guess who I hear is coming by for July 4th," Kitty said, as she put down a Beyoncè CD and looked over to Rogue who was studying a passing guy.
"Ah don't know," Rogue replied. "And Ah probably won't care."
"Oh, I think you'll care," Kitty teased, a devious smirk on her face. "He's tall, dark, and handsome and if you touch him the wrong way, you'll be lucky not to have any splinters."
"Evan's coming!?" Rogue shouted and then quickly concealed her pleasure. It was too late, though. Kitty had caught the happiness in Rogue's eyes.
"Yep," Kitty said. "And from what I hear, the blonde-dye isn't in his hair anymore, he has his hair cut normal, and his muscles make you want to bite him!"
"So, what do Ah care for?" Rogue responded, nonchalantly while continuing to walk down the aisle, trying her best to conceal the feelings she had for Evan. Just don't think about him, Rogue told herself, And it will all go away. Don't think about Evan. Don't think about his full lips and his hard pecs. Rogue! Look at yourself. Can't even pick one man! You got Scott, Evan, and Remy on the brain!
"I think you still have the hots for him," Kitty said in a singsong voice, smiling deviously as she turned Rogue around to face her.
"Ah don't have the hots for him," Rogue whispered. "And Ah told you to never bring that up! Ah told you that in confidence."
"If you say so Rogue," she smiled.
"Don't get me started, Piotr!" Rogue warned, referring to Colossus, and Kitty silenced. Rogue smiled in victory.
-=-=-=- Later that night…-=-=-=-
Rogue tiptoed around the mansion in her bare feet. A key was dangling from a thick black shoestring. It was the same key Ororo had given her and curiosity had finally made her get out of bed and search for whatever door it was supposed to open. She walked through the girl's dormitory on the second floor, trying the key on all the unused rooms that she knew about. The key did not fit in any of them. She frowned and walked down the main hall towards the boy's dormitory.
Her hands began to get jittery as she crossed the unseen boundary that was called "Man World". After curfew she was not supposed to be over there, but better to do her search when no one was watching then when the nosey people would begin to ask questions that she couldn't answer. It was too late for that. Insert: nosey adult. Logan walked out of his room, wiping crust from his tired eyes as he focused his attention on Rogue who was at a stand still.
"What are you doin over here?" he asked, grumpily, standing in his black muscle shirt and a pair of shorts.
"Ah," Rogue began but didn't know what to say. "Ah was—Ah mean, Ah am---," she stammered. Logan's presence demanded fear and answers. It's always hard to give answers when you're scared. Maybe that's why Logan got in so many fights.
"I asked you a question," Logan frowned.
"Do you really expect her to answer it or are you just asking because it seems like the proper thing to do in this situation?" asked Ororo's voice. Rogue turned around to see Ororo standing in the middle of the hallway, obviously trying her best to avoid the shadows. Claustrophobia. Rogue was kind of relieved, but also suspicious at the same time. Had Ororo been following her the entire time?
"It's a little late to be playin mind games, Ro," Logan said.
Ororo gave a subtle glance to Rogue, and Rogue immediately got the message. She began to walk down the hall, away from the two adults, back towards the girl's dormitory. It would be mighty hard to search through the boy's dorm with Logan's super-sensitive hearing.
"Well now that you are woke," Ororo smiled, "We have a few things to discuss."
"A few things like what?" Logan asked, grumpily, a growl in his throat but pleasure in his face.
A glass of iced water and five minutes late, Ororo and Logan sat outside in a garden swing with the solar-powered lights in the ground being their only source of light.
"Charles wants the two of us to select a small group of students to take on a trip to Europe," Ororo said. "The anti-mutant prejudice is a bit more suppressed overseas and things are becoming more upsetting in Washington."
"And this couldn't wait til the mornin?" Logan growled. He placed an arm around Ororo's torso and she turned her body to lie in his arms, her head on his shoulders.
"I am worried – no, that is not the right word – I am concerned for Rogue," Ororo sighed.
Logan and Ororo sat in silence, accompanied by the occasional gentle breeze that rustled the leaves of the tree that hung above their heads. There was nothing else to say.
-=-=-=- The next morning…-=-=-=-
"Good morning, Rogue," Professor Xavier said, sitting in his familiar position behind the large, mahogany desk of his office. He watched as Rogue walked into the office, sadness apparent on her face. She slumped down into the leather seat in front of his desk and looked around at the room. It always seemed to remain unchanged every time she came in: the white walls, the flawless bookcases filled with thick books, the screen saver of a floating ball on the Professor's computer screen, and the large picture window behind Xavier's head covered with vertical blinds.
"Morning, Professor," she answered and sighed.
"How have things been going since our last session?" he asked, his hands folded on top of his desk.
"Ah tried to kill myself three times," Rogue said sarcastically. "And, Ah had a dream that Ah planted explosives in everybody's rooms and blew up the mansion."
"Rogue, that's not funny," Xavier frowned. "I'm trying to help you but you keep pushing me away. Why?"
"It's not the easiest thing in the world to come in here every week and pour out my soul," Rogue frowned. "Sometimes Ah need to get through these things myself. My secrets, what goes in my mind, should be… something I work through for myself."
The Professor frowned and studied Rogue's face. He picked up a pen and wrote something on a piece of paper. He then studied the paper and turned it around so Rogue could see it. She moved towards his desk by scooting to the edge of the chair and looked at the word. Dependent. "What does this word mean to you?"
She thought for a moment and then shrugged her shoulders.
"Is it a negative or positive word?" he asked.
"Ah don't understand--."
"Let me rephrase: when you see this word do you think of it in a negative way or a positive way?"
"Negative," she replied, brushing her gloved hand through her short hair.
"Why?"
"Because," she said and then sighed, scooting back into the chair. "If you're dependent than you're always leaning on someone else. When the time comes you won't be able to handle things on your own."
"From that definition I guess that your feelings and the word "independent" are the exact opposite. Am I right?"
She nodded affirmatively.
"Rogue, I am going to give you my insight on these two words and then I'm going to cut this session short, but I want you to think about what I'm about to tell you." He paused; balled up the piece of paper he had written on and tossed it in a nearby garbage can. He put the pen in a drawer in his desk and then folded his hands and placed them on top of the desk. "When I think of the word 'dependence' I think of it in a negative light, like you. However, when I think of 'independence' I also think of it in a negative light. Both these attitudes and conditions, when taken to their extremes, have negative results. You already explained the dangerous effects of total dependence. Total independence is also damaging because it results in complete isolation and refusal to ask for or accept help when it is really needed.
"What I try to instill in the X-Men is the idea of dependence on one another but still having the ability to be independent when it's necessary. A team, clan, family, or any structure of the kind is built on dependence. I'll leave you with the words of Jane O'Reilly who said, 'Maybe the greatest challenge now is to find a way to keep independence while also committing ourselves to the ties that bind people, families, and ultimately societies together.' I want you to figure out the solution to this challenge, Rogue. When you do things will begin to change; your feelings about your stepmother, your stepbrother, and your place here as apart of the team and, most importantly, our family."
-=-=-=- That afternoon…-=-=-=-
Jean rushed pass Rogue, putting a tight French braid in her hair as she made her way towards the exit of the girl's locker room. "Hurry, Rogue. You know how Logan gets when we're late to his training sessions." Rogue frowned, but this was the story of her life. No one noticed the tears on her face or the melancholy in her eyes. Who cared enough to take a rag and wipe the dark make up from her eyes when they were matting away her tears to see the frightened and abused teenager who was hiding?
"Rogue…" came a worried, hesitant voice. "Are you crying?" She concealed her face from Kitty's voice. "Are you okay? We can talk… you know, like, if you want. I'll take the brunt of Logan's punishment if you need to talk--."
Rogue cut her off before she continued to offer consolation, "Ah'm alright. Ah'll see you in the Danger Room."
"I'll wait for you," Kitty said, sitting down on a bench that went down the middle of the two rows of lockers. Rogue frowned and wiped her eyes before putting her boots in her spacious locker and closing it.
"What's today's task?" Rogue asked Kitty, trying to seem as normal as possible.
"We're supposed to be doing one-on-one combats today," Kitty frowned. "Hopefully Ororo is going to be there because Logan would let us kill each other."
"Who are you up against today?"
"I think I'm fighting Jean," she said and then stopped walking. "No, that was last week. This week I'm sparring against Kurt. I think you're going up against Jean."
Rogue frowned. Mental premonitions told her this wasn't the best idea -- especially not now.