seaQuest bu shi wo di.
Toast and tea and a warm, dry place to read a book for these beautiful people: Mar, lo, sara, Crimson Amber, PhoenixTears80, hepatica, pari106, Teresa, TeacherTam and KatKnits00.
PhoenixTears80: No, I haven't read the Dark Tower. But you know what they say about great minds ; ).
And now, the answer to the question you've all been dying to know: will you all hate me by the end of this chapter? Read on to find out...
Ghosts
Chapter 17
Lucas felt the stillness flow from the door handle through his arm and into his body. The crashing of the waves and the sigh of the wind faded away, and there was nothing but the stillness and the soft singing that he heard with his mind, not his ears. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink into the feeling.
Then he frowned. There was something else, voices, tinny like a radio heard from another room. He tried to hear what they were saying, but they slipped away, muffled by the silence inside him and drowned out by the song of sleep. His frown deepened, and he let go of the door handle, stepping back.
Robert was beside him. Lucas knew he was there before he even opened his eyes. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, and it was an act of will to form the words, as if they didn't want to break the stillness. The rushing of the waves grew louder once more.
Robert watched, his face inscrutable. "It's not about what I want."
"Then why are you here?" Lucas asked, feeling dull resentment.
Robert looked away. "Because I wish it was my choice."
Lucas looked at the door in front of him. Peace was still washing over him in waves. "You would choose to go back."
Robert nodded. "In a second."
"Why?"
For a long moment, the other man did not answer. Then he raised his head and looked Lucas straight in the eye. "Because there are lots of things I left undone. Because I want to tell my father how much I love him. Because I want to love him."
"What do you mean?" Lucas asked uneasily.
"You must have worked it out by now," Robert said, gesturing at the door. "That doesn't bring happiness. It just brings... nothing. You won't find what you're looking for in there. You'll just be dead."
Lucas considered this, staring at the door. Somewhere, underneath the stillness that still filled his body, he felt a tiny spark. He took another step away from the door. The spark grew into a flame, and seemed to burn the stillness up, growing greater by the second. It was exhilarating. And terrifying. But suddenly he wanted to live. For better or worse.
He turned quickly and stepped towards the right-hand door, reaching out to open it. He felt a bewildering, intoxicating rush of emotions that only seemed to add fuel to the fire. As he stepped through he heard Robert's voice, very faintly.
"Help my dad. He needs you."
And then the door closed behind him.
Westphalen wiped the sweat off her forehead with her sleeve, feeling exhausted. "Charging," she said, for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Clear!"
But even as she placed the paddles on Lucas' chest, she gave a little scream as his eyes opened.
Once the commotion had died down, the tests had been run and the orderlies had dispersed to other tasks, Krieg came forward from where he had been lurking by the door and stood by Lucas' bed.
"Hey buddy," he said, smiling crookedly. "You gave us all a bit of a scare there."
His young friend looked up at him with exhausted eyes. "I told you Ben, I can look after myself."
Krieg snorted. "Yeah, it sure looks that way," he said sarcastically. "You go off to carry out a simple mission and you come back shot full of holes, and Westphalen has to use a couple of torpedoes' worth of power supply to stop you shuffling off this mortal coil. Remind me never to send you to do my laundry."
"You forgot to mention that I lost a million dollar sub," Lucas noted clinically.
Krieg grinned. "Yeah, I bet you're flavour of the month with Captain Bridger. If I were you I'd prepare to move my stuff into the brig."
"Fine by me," Lucas said, his voice slurring, "I kinda liked it there." His eyes were closed almost before the words were out of his mouth.
Krieg watched him sleep for a while. "Yeah, kid," he said sadly. "I know you did." He resolved to talk to O'Neill the first chance he got.
When Lucas woke again, Bridger was standing by the bed. He smiled. "Hey, Lucas. How're you feeling?"
Lucas struggled into a sitting position and considered the question. "Like I went to a really good party last night," he said finally. "Shame I can't remember it."
The captain's smile widened. Humour! he thought with surprise. There's something I didn't expect. "I'm glad to see you're OK." Then his smile faded slightly. "Did you manage to get the data disk?"
He watched Lucas' face carefully for any sign of a guilty conscience, but the boy was impassive as always. "I'm sorry, Captain, it was destroyed in the explosion."
Bridger frowned and dug in his pocket for the fragments of disk. He showed them to Lucas. "What does this look like to you?"
Lucas looked at the fragments, and still his expression did not change. He looked up at the captain again, unflinching. "The remains of a data disk," he said matter-of-factly.
"That's right," Bridger said, feeling slightly irritated. "They were found in your shuttle. Pretty big coincidence, don't you think?"
Lucas regarded him coolly. "What am I being accused of, Captain?"
Bridger sighed and sat down in the chair by Lucas' bed, rubbing his hand over the lower part of his face. "Let's not play games here, Lucas," he said, feeling very tired. "You were given an order to bring that disk back here. Now it seems you deliberately disobeyed that order. Given your... chequered history, you can hardly blame me for having doubts."
"If you didn't trust me," Lucas said quietly, "why did you send me on the mission?" If his face had been cold before, now it was positively icy. Bridger was reminded of the young man who had sat in the interrogation room eight months before, and knew he was losing the battle. He felt anger rise within him.
"I did trust you. But you betrayed that trust. You disobeyed an order, and you of all people, a soldier, should know what that means." He tried to control his voice, but could hear it rising all the same. "I cannot have a maverick on board this boat, Lucas."
"So you want me to leave?" Lucas asked, his eyes burning.
"No, goddamnit! I want you to obey orders!"
Lucas shook his head. "You didn't give me a rank so that if it turned out you were wrong about me you could wash your hands. But you expect me to act as if I am a full member of this crew nonetheless. You can't have it both ways."
"Do you need reminding that I stuck my neck out for you?" Bridger was animated now. "I went against the advice of my crew to give you what you wanted. Is this how you repay me?" He flung the fragments of disk onto the bed.
Lucas sat stiffly, his eyes never leaving Bridger's. "I did destroy the disk. And I am loyal to you. It's a shame you don't feel the same way about me."
"What on earth is going on here?!" The two men had been so engrossed in their discussion that they hadn't noticed Westphalen enter the room. Now she stood, hands on hips, eyes snapping with rage. "Captain, I'll thank you not to disturb my patients."
Bridger held Lucas' gaze for a long moment, his jaw tightly clenched. Then he turned. "We're done here anyway," he shot over his shoulder, and stalked out of the room.
Lucas watched him go, his face expressionless. Only his eyes betrayed his emotion.
Toast and tea and a warm, dry place to read a book for these beautiful people: Mar, lo, sara, Crimson Amber, PhoenixTears80, hepatica, pari106, Teresa, TeacherTam and KatKnits00.
PhoenixTears80: No, I haven't read the Dark Tower. But you know what they say about great minds ; ).
And now, the answer to the question you've all been dying to know: will you all hate me by the end of this chapter? Read on to find out...
Ghosts
Chapter 17
Lucas felt the stillness flow from the door handle through his arm and into his body. The crashing of the waves and the sigh of the wind faded away, and there was nothing but the stillness and the soft singing that he heard with his mind, not his ears. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink into the feeling.
Then he frowned. There was something else, voices, tinny like a radio heard from another room. He tried to hear what they were saying, but they slipped away, muffled by the silence inside him and drowned out by the song of sleep. His frown deepened, and he let go of the door handle, stepping back.
Robert was beside him. Lucas knew he was there before he even opened his eyes. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, and it was an act of will to form the words, as if they didn't want to break the stillness. The rushing of the waves grew louder once more.
Robert watched, his face inscrutable. "It's not about what I want."
"Then why are you here?" Lucas asked, feeling dull resentment.
Robert looked away. "Because I wish it was my choice."
Lucas looked at the door in front of him. Peace was still washing over him in waves. "You would choose to go back."
Robert nodded. "In a second."
"Why?"
For a long moment, the other man did not answer. Then he raised his head and looked Lucas straight in the eye. "Because there are lots of things I left undone. Because I want to tell my father how much I love him. Because I want to love him."
"What do you mean?" Lucas asked uneasily.
"You must have worked it out by now," Robert said, gesturing at the door. "That doesn't bring happiness. It just brings... nothing. You won't find what you're looking for in there. You'll just be dead."
Lucas considered this, staring at the door. Somewhere, underneath the stillness that still filled his body, he felt a tiny spark. He took another step away from the door. The spark grew into a flame, and seemed to burn the stillness up, growing greater by the second. It was exhilarating. And terrifying. But suddenly he wanted to live. For better or worse.
He turned quickly and stepped towards the right-hand door, reaching out to open it. He felt a bewildering, intoxicating rush of emotions that only seemed to add fuel to the fire. As he stepped through he heard Robert's voice, very faintly.
"Help my dad. He needs you."
And then the door closed behind him.
Westphalen wiped the sweat off her forehead with her sleeve, feeling exhausted. "Charging," she said, for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Clear!"
But even as she placed the paddles on Lucas' chest, she gave a little scream as his eyes opened.
Once the commotion had died down, the tests had been run and the orderlies had dispersed to other tasks, Krieg came forward from where he had been lurking by the door and stood by Lucas' bed.
"Hey buddy," he said, smiling crookedly. "You gave us all a bit of a scare there."
His young friend looked up at him with exhausted eyes. "I told you Ben, I can look after myself."
Krieg snorted. "Yeah, it sure looks that way," he said sarcastically. "You go off to carry out a simple mission and you come back shot full of holes, and Westphalen has to use a couple of torpedoes' worth of power supply to stop you shuffling off this mortal coil. Remind me never to send you to do my laundry."
"You forgot to mention that I lost a million dollar sub," Lucas noted clinically.
Krieg grinned. "Yeah, I bet you're flavour of the month with Captain Bridger. If I were you I'd prepare to move my stuff into the brig."
"Fine by me," Lucas said, his voice slurring, "I kinda liked it there." His eyes were closed almost before the words were out of his mouth.
Krieg watched him sleep for a while. "Yeah, kid," he said sadly. "I know you did." He resolved to talk to O'Neill the first chance he got.
When Lucas woke again, Bridger was standing by the bed. He smiled. "Hey, Lucas. How're you feeling?"
Lucas struggled into a sitting position and considered the question. "Like I went to a really good party last night," he said finally. "Shame I can't remember it."
The captain's smile widened. Humour! he thought with surprise. There's something I didn't expect. "I'm glad to see you're OK." Then his smile faded slightly. "Did you manage to get the data disk?"
He watched Lucas' face carefully for any sign of a guilty conscience, but the boy was impassive as always. "I'm sorry, Captain, it was destroyed in the explosion."
Bridger frowned and dug in his pocket for the fragments of disk. He showed them to Lucas. "What does this look like to you?"
Lucas looked at the fragments, and still his expression did not change. He looked up at the captain again, unflinching. "The remains of a data disk," he said matter-of-factly.
"That's right," Bridger said, feeling slightly irritated. "They were found in your shuttle. Pretty big coincidence, don't you think?"
Lucas regarded him coolly. "What am I being accused of, Captain?"
Bridger sighed and sat down in the chair by Lucas' bed, rubbing his hand over the lower part of his face. "Let's not play games here, Lucas," he said, feeling very tired. "You were given an order to bring that disk back here. Now it seems you deliberately disobeyed that order. Given your... chequered history, you can hardly blame me for having doubts."
"If you didn't trust me," Lucas said quietly, "why did you send me on the mission?" If his face had been cold before, now it was positively icy. Bridger was reminded of the young man who had sat in the interrogation room eight months before, and knew he was losing the battle. He felt anger rise within him.
"I did trust you. But you betrayed that trust. You disobeyed an order, and you of all people, a soldier, should know what that means." He tried to control his voice, but could hear it rising all the same. "I cannot have a maverick on board this boat, Lucas."
"So you want me to leave?" Lucas asked, his eyes burning.
"No, goddamnit! I want you to obey orders!"
Lucas shook his head. "You didn't give me a rank so that if it turned out you were wrong about me you could wash your hands. But you expect me to act as if I am a full member of this crew nonetheless. You can't have it both ways."
"Do you need reminding that I stuck my neck out for you?" Bridger was animated now. "I went against the advice of my crew to give you what you wanted. Is this how you repay me?" He flung the fragments of disk onto the bed.
Lucas sat stiffly, his eyes never leaving Bridger's. "I did destroy the disk. And I am loyal to you. It's a shame you don't feel the same way about me."
"What on earth is going on here?!" The two men had been so engrossed in their discussion that they hadn't noticed Westphalen enter the room. Now she stood, hands on hips, eyes snapping with rage. "Captain, I'll thank you not to disturb my patients."
Bridger held Lucas' gaze for a long moment, his jaw tightly clenched. Then he turned. "We're done here anyway," he shot over his shoulder, and stalked out of the room.
Lucas watched him go, his face expressionless. Only his eyes betrayed his emotion.