A Naruto fanfiction
By asa-chan
Warning: Shounen Ai, R, swearing, silly humor, OOC
Pairing: Main Gaara/Naru and much more..., Anyone/Naru
Disclaimer: Never owned Naruto, never will. Life sucks.
Summary: How did this all happen, Naruto asked himself. O yeah, one day Gaara came up to me and said: Show me what being in love means.... Sasuke didn't like that one bit... I wonder why... Gaa/Naru Sasu/Naru
Review replies:
Hikari no Yami: Not too jealous? Oh, but in this chapter, Gaara has so many reasons to be jealous....
Jiro: Here is the update! Thanks for the review!
Sadistic Demon: Well, I just can portray them in a OOCway. Sadly. T_T Thanks for the review!
Soccer*Mexi: You hate me? I hope you won't kill me for the cliffhanger! But please keep on reviewing!
Iceheart 19: Maybe I will write her reaction in the next chapter? But I bet, she wasn't too flattered with the remark! Thanks for the review!
Ninetails2: Of course a lot of people have the hots for Naru-chan!! He is just too cute!
Rings Of Saturn: Well, they have to read something... And sappy romance novels are the best! Especially for bad guys
like Gaara and Neji....
RuByMoOn17: Sorry, in this chapter there isn't the Sasu/Naru kiss, but you will have it! Don't worry!
Luna: Ok, thanks for the review!
Kellie: Oh yes, Neji/Naru is sooo tempting! Here is the update!
Nikkler: *huggles back* Thank you! I'm so flattered! I hope you will like this chappie!
Gina-uzumaki: Okay, here is the next chapter! Thanks for the review!
Ninetails2: Okay, okay, here is the update! Just don't die on me, k? *laughs*
Love-chibis: Oh man, I think many will be disappointed by the lack of the Sasu/Naru kiss...., but don't fear! They will kiss!
SW: Thank you, thank you! The ficcie is strange? Good! ^o^
J3n: I'm so glad, that my fic. made you laugh! Thanks for the review!
Furor Scribiendi: Oh, my Harry Potter reviewer is back! You liked it? I'm happy! Thanks!
Skittles the Sugar Fairy: Really? I'm glad! Thanks for the review!
Darkscythe 1: Ok, ok, here is the update! Thanks for the review!
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"Blah" - Speaking
'Blah' - Thinking
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-CHAPTER 3-
Sasuke POV:
'Oh my god!!!! Naruto...., Naruto is a slut!' - Outer Sasuke
'Haiiiiiyaaaaaaaaaaaa!' Screamed Inner Sasuke and kicked Outer Sasuke's head. 'How dare you? Calling Naru-chan a slut!!! I will defend his honor!'
'Oww! What was that for?! And what's up with the endearment N-naru-chan?' - Outer Sasuke snarled, his cheeks tinted red.
'Hah! I knew it!! In reality, you are just a big softie and you have the hots for sexy Naru-chan! And remember, our turn is still open!!! Then we can kiss Naru-chan!!! Ahh, what bliss!!' Inner Sasuke gushed, stars in his eyes. 'Just imagine, Naru-chan's soft lips, locked with our lips, then maybe you can grope a bit here and there and then we will know if our data is correct! Sadly, I can't remember our kiss.'
[Yeeeessss, you heard right, my dear readers. Sasuke has knowledge of Naruto's garment size (Shirt, shoes, pants, underwear), on which side of the bed Naruto preferred to sleep, what type of toothpaste Naruto used, which cleaning supplies Naruto bought, and that he was right-handed. Sasuke didn't want to admit that so much information bordered on being obsessed with Naruto, but hah! Sasuke could only laugh about such irrelevant babbling! He just stalked, no followed!... followed Naruto, because he wanted to have as much information, about his teammate, as possible. You know, weaknesses and stuff like that. Yeah, that was it. No, Sasuke wasn't obsessed, no way in hell.]
'Endless hours of cold sleepless nights, having to hide in bad smelling places, walking through the streets of Konoha at stormy wet nights.. Everything was worth it! Nothing was in vain! Now we know, what type of underwear Naruto prefers!!! Success! We rule man, we rule!' Inner Sasuke celebrated, throwing confetti around.
[Yep, not obsessed. We can see it.]
Outer Sasuke let a victorious smile slip past his stoic mask. 'You're right. Mission completed! But still....., Naruto kissing Nara. I can't tolerate that.'
'Hah!' Sneered Inner Sasuke. 'You just can't wait, you want to be the one kissing Naru-chan! Greedy bastard, but I'm with you. And if anyone comes in my way of getting to kiss Naru-chan...!!!! He will die in the most painful way!!' Inner Sasuke ranted, shaking his fist.
'Was that a threat?' Outer Sasuke raised his eyebrow.
'No, a promise! Persons, who are in love or want to get laid, do everything for their object of affection! Anything! Rivals are to be executed!'
---------------------------------
Third POV:
Gaara, Neji and Sasuke watched on, as Shikamaru and Naruto continued kissing. After two minutes Gaara had enough. He stepped up behind Shikamaru and whispered in his ear: "Continue and I will kill you!"
Shikamaru shivered and broke the kiss, his cheeks flushed, lips swollen. "Pfft, you're not a bad kisser Naruto, but still you're annoying." Shikamaru drawled and turned away, walking towards the window and then he disappeared.
Outside, he was assaulted by various female ninjas." Kyaaahhh!!! How was it?! How was it?!" "Did you French-kiss? Did you?!" "Did his breath smell like miso?!" "Tell everything!!! NOW!"
Shikamaru's eyes widened and he backed away, sweatdropping. He looked at the older shinobis, begging silently for help, but when he caught sight of Iruka, Shikamaru paled. Iruka's eyes were closed and the muscle under his left eye was twitching madly. His teeth was bared and he had dozen kunais and shurikens in his hands.
"Shikamaru-kun, you took advantage of Naruto-kun! YOU EVEN FRENCH-KISSED HIM! You pervert! Face your punishment!" Overprotective Iruka yelled, running full speed at a sweatdropping Shikamaru.
"Gahhh!"
---
In the room, Sasuke waited, his hands clenched into tight fists. His emotionless expression showed nothing, but his inner self was ecstatic.
'Yeah!! Come on Naru-chan go and kiss me baby!! Don't be shy!' Inner Sasuke yelled, grinning.
'But the scenario isn't right! We can't kiss here, it's too unromantic!' Outer Sasuke countered, brooding. 'It should be under the sunset, we kissing, Sakura-blossoms surrounding us, bird singing their last song for the day, wind rustling the leafs, the last sun-beams highlighting Naruto's blonde locks.....' Outer Sasuke sighed.
Inner Sasuke: '... Now, you're the one who is sappy. Your secret fantasy, eh?' He grinned. 'Well then, let's go!' 'Go where?!'
'To the Sakura tree!' 'What?!'
"Dobe...." Sasuke started to say and he looked towards the side. "Yes?!" Naruto asked, a puzzled frown crossing his face.
"Let's go!" Sasuke said and grabbed Naruto's hand. He sprinted to the window, dragging Naruto behind him and jumped out.
Gaara was seething. "Wait you---!!!" He jumped up and followed the pair, Neji right behind him.
The room was deserted.
Somewhere a door creaked and two shadows fell across the floor. The shadows vanished. And that was a pitiful attempt of mystery. Oh well.
/Outside.... /
And under a blooming Sakura tree, with chirping birds in it, the pair stood. Sasuke glancing with an unreadable gaze at a confused Naruto, who was scratching his head, eyes closed. "What's up with you, jerk? Why are we standing under a Sakura tree? I don't get it..."
'Thank god.' Sasuke thought.
"Anyway, let's kiss!" Smiled Naruto and brought his head closer and closer to Sasuke's.
'Finally....., the only person who could destroy this wonderful moment would be Itachi, my bastard brother. But this won't happen, I'm sure of it....'
'Noooo! You jinxed it!' Inner Sasuke yelled and shook his head, trying to concentrate on the future kiss. 'Only three inches..... Only two!'
But then, two shadows fell across the pair and Naruto looked up.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Only one inch! Only one!' Inner Sasuke cried, throwing his hands up in despair.
In the bushes, the kunoichis cursed. Kakashi was also disappointed, he really wanted to see his students getting it on.
'Can't have everything, I suppose.' He thought.
Sasuke also looked up and froze when he saw the two persons. As he caught sight of a black cloak with cute floaty clouds on it, he narrowed his eyes and hissed:
"Itachi!"
Naruto's eyes were wide and he tilted his head. "He just looks like a jelly fish" He said, crossing his arms. The stranger removed his strawhat. Naruto's jaw dropped and he gasped: "Itachi! Sasuke's sexy as hell brother!" The blond gulped and glanced at Sasuke, who was luckily ignoring Naruto.
"Itachi!" Kakashi growled.
"Itachi!" Gai said, clenching his hand.
"Itachi?" Sakura asked.
"Itachi!"
Itachi smirked, running a hand through his silky locks. "Hehe, my fanclub."
Kisame, the shark like man thingie sidekick smirked and threw off his cloak, creating a cloud of smoke. Everyone of the Leaf Village tensed and prepared for an attack. But their eyes bugged after seeing Kisame.
He wore a bright pink tank-top with Itachi spelled boldly in silver letters on the front and had a short pink skirt on.
Disturbing, I know.
He was waving madly with his bright pink pom-poms and started to shout: "Two, four, six eight, who do we appreciate? Go Itachi, go, go, go! You're the man, the king, the master! You let all the hearts beat faster!! Go Itachi, go, go, go! We are your willing slaves and we will turn bright pink, when you do the magic wink! Go Itachi, go, go, go! Two, four, six eight, who do we appreciate? Go Itachi, go, go go!! Woohoooooo!!"
Kisame stopped, calmly put the pom-poms away and put his cloak on. Now we know what his hobbies are. I think, we didn't have to know.
Naruto sweatdropped, like the other Leaf Shinobis. Itachi smirked again and his red Sharingan eyes flashed. He flipped his hair over his shoulders, which was a really gay move, but hey, this is a shonen ai fanfiction, so gayness is welcome!
LOVE IS LOVE!
"Itachi!" Sasuke snarled, all thoughts of kissing Naruto forgotten. "I will kill you, you bastard! You made my life a living hell! I hate you! I swore to kill you! I will have my revenge!!! I will kill you! Kill you, you hear me?!"
Itachi stared off to the side, chewing on a bubble gum. "Yeah, yeah, you say that all the time. It get's boring after a while. Cut the dramatics Sasuke and get laid. You're really uptight." Itachi said, a smirk on his pale lips.
Sasuke flushed in anger, while Inner Sasuke cheered. 'Hell yeah! Sex is the answer to everything!' 'Shut up!' Snapped Outer Sasuke.
"Ohhhh, Sasuke-kun!" The fangirls of Sasuke cooed, their eyes flashing madly. "We are all ready for you! We're waiting!!! Sasukeeeeeeeeeeeee-kuuuuuuuuuuuun!"
Sasuke ignored them, but a tiny sweatdrop appeared on the back of his head.
Naruto snapped his fingers and said: "I knew, I was gay for a reason! Girls in love are really scary!"
The male shinobis nodded.
Itachi's eyes narrowed and he walked towards Naruto, a looming presence. Naruto gulped and took a few steps back, blue eyes wary.
Sasuke's eyes went even colder. 'Itachi.... You won't get Naruto. Never! I will kill you!'
And Sasuke had an angst-filled flashback, but I won't show it to you, because you know how Sasuke's flashbacks are.
"Naruto-kun...." Itachi softly said and inwardly Naruto swooned. 'What a sexy voice!' He thought. "We are here to collect you. You don't have a choice, you are coming with us with us and if you don't, then..." But Itachi's dramatic speech was cut off, as the wind picked up and Itachi's cloak/robe thingie fluttered and let the rest see what he wore underneath.
Which was nothing.
"IIIEEEEEEEEKK!" Everyone screeched.
"Hehe, it was very hot today, sorry!" He said, a sheepish grin on his lips.
"You pervert!" Naruto shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at Itachi. "But I have to say, you're really well hung. Be proud. But if you are so stupid to wear such a heavy cloak on a warm summer day, then only god can help you!"
Sasuke's knees hit the dirty ground and his eyes were wide in shock. "My brother is an exhibitionist...., I never knew....." His shaking hand covered his mouth. "All the time, I was oblivious..... Anyway, I will kill you! Prepare to die!" He snarled.
"Sasuke, Sasuke," Itachi shook his head, "don't you ever learn? I have absolutely no interest in you now. All I want is.... Naruto-kun..." He whispered and stared at a blushing Naruto.
"What?! Hey you girly-man, Naruto is mine!" Gaara yelled.
The female ninjas sighed. "Lover's quarrel...., how cute!"
"Pfft! Yours...? Don't make me laugh...., you raccoon! Naruto is destined to be mine!" Itachi said haughtily, red eyes mocking Gaara.
Gaara narrowed his eyes and the sand started to pour out of his gourd.
"Unloved boy-killer, what did you feel when you killed Yashamaru? Happiness? Sadness? Did you feel anything at all? Or did you feel so...., unloved? Knowing that nobody ever wanted you, to be a part in this world...., a burden, a failure, a born killer. Hated. Feared. Resented, despised by everyone. Look at you now, clinging to the small beam of light in your dark world, only relying on Naruto-kun. How weak, how pathetic, just like Sasuke..." Itachi smirked, as he saw that both boys flinched. "But I don't have time for you. Time is money and I have to convince Naru-kun to come with me." Itachi looked over at Naruto and winked.
'Itachi, you seem to have a death wish.' Naruto thought, shaking his head.' And this was a bit too angsty for a humor-fic. asa-chan is dumb.'
"You...!" Gaara seethed.
---------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, in a dark and dreary room, there was a man sitting on a throne made of old cardboard boxes, tapping his pale fingers against a cup of cold green tea.
His dark red eyes shifted around and he was clothed in a black robe with silver trimming.
We will call him O-chan!
Before him kneeled a blond haired man, his masked face nearly reaching the ground.
"Oro, uh, I mean, Voldemort-sama. You've called me. What do you want from me, my lord?" The masked man asked, head still bowed, a sign of submission.
"Hehehehe. My dear Lucius, all I want is to see that Naruto-boy dead!" Voldemort-sama cackled, his bald head thrown back.
"Umm, Voldemort-sama? Am I allowed to speak?"
"Yes."
"It's not Naruto-boy, he is called Potter-boy."
"..."
"..."
"Oh..."
"Uhh, Voldemort-sama?"
"Yes?"
"I really respect you and everything, but this is too embarrassing!" Lucius cried and threw his mask and cloak down, grabbed a pair of glasses and threw the blonde wig away from his head. Revealing long white hair.
"But role-playing is too much fun! And I also had to make some sacrifices! I had to cut my beautiful, shiny, black hair in order to act as Voldemort! Don't be so selfish, Kabuto-kun!" Pouted Voldemort, or better known as Orochimaru, the maniac, the snake-man, the one who is has really ugly clothes and is fat around the stomach area. And the most terrible thing was, ....that he had no hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aww!! Please try to ignore sobs of O-chan fans. If there exists one.....
'I think greasy would fit the description better...' Kabuto thought, but didn't say his thoughts aloud. He knew that O-chan wouldn't have appreciated that.
"But I mean, Voldemort and I are really alike. We both have obsessions with snakes, have red eyes, are powerful and evil!" O-chan stated, leafing through a book called: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
"And we both have old, but powerful coots as enemies. Thank god I got rid of Sarutobi. He was annoying."
Yes, my dear readers they (O-chan and Kabuto) were acting as Voldie and Lucy! Tadaaa!!!
"I'm bored Kabuto. Let's stalk Sasuke. I haven't done that for months. But I need my daily dose!" He ordered and got up. And promptly fell on his butt.
"Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto gasped, immediately running to Orochimaru's fallen side. "What happened?"
"Oh Kabuto....! My muscles ache, my bones creak and my skin gets more wrinkly every day. You surely know the symptoms?"
"No, I never heard of such an illness!"
"You moron! I'm getting old!" Snapped O-chan, who was already over fifty years old. I think.
Kabuto blinked. "Oh."
"Oh, indeed. Let's go!"
And the O-chan and Kabuto disappeared in a whirl of darkness and dust and dramatic music.
"Cheap special effects!" Snarled O-chan.
"Yes, Orochimaru-sama."
------------------------------------------------------------------
And they promptly reappeared. On Kisame.
"Uff---!" Kisame gasped, but was cut off, as a sandal-clad foot stepped onto his face. "Sorry." Kabuto smiled.
"Orochimaru!" The Leaf Shinobis cried out, their eyes narrowing. Itachi just raised his eyebrow, looking cool as usual. "Orochimaru, what a surprise to meet you here." He said softly, folding his arms.
O-chan gulped and hid behind Kabuto. "Kabuto!" Shouted Naruto. "Yes, Naruto-kun?"
"You know, your name just sounds like the name of a Pokémon." Stated Naruto, grinning widely. "And Sasuke's Uchiha symbol looks like a Pokéball. I just noticed that. Hey Sasuke, gotta catch them all, ne? Ne?"
Both Sasuke and Kabuto stared at Naruto for a long time, before their shrugged their shoulders. "Let's fight!" Yelled
Naruto, bouncing around.
"Naruto-chan, violence isn't the answer for everything." Itachi whispered softly in Naruto's ear. Naruto shivered. "How the hell did you get that fast behind me?"
"I..." Itachi started to say, but was cut off.
"VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING?!" Sasuke screeched. "SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL MY PARENTS?"
"Sasuke, Sasuke, don't be so egotistical. They were my parents too. And are you so forgetful? I already told you my reasons. And stop interrupting me."
"YOU ONLY KILLED THEM TO TEST YOUR FUCKING STRENGTH!!! ONLY FOR THAT!! FIGHT ME, DAMMIT!"
"You're such an annoying brat sometimes Sasuke. Like all younger siblings tend to be at one moment or another. But you're even not worth fighting. Such a weakling. But Naruto, I demand a price for an answer."
"Oh?" Asked Naruto.
"Give me the best lap dance and kiss of the universe. Than I will answer."
"Hah! Naruto would never agree to it!" Sasuke shouted.
"Naruto! Do it! Do it!" The fangirls screamed.
"Yes! Do it!" Kakashi yelled. "Oww!" He moaned and glared at Iruka. "What was that for?" "Hmph." Sniffed Iruka. "Naruto wouldn't ever lower himself to such a level to gather such useless information. I mean, why would he want the answer of the question 'How the hell did you get that fast behind me'. It was just a special jutsu."
"Okay." Smiled Naruto.
The birds stopped chirping, the wind stopped moving, the water stopped running.
The earth stood still.
And now it should be night, but oh well, it's anime fanfiction.
Life went on.
"WHAT?!" Iruka, Gaara and Sasuke screamed. The fangirls and Kakashi high-fived.
Itachi flipped his long hair over his shoulders and smirked arrogantly. "Hah! Take that you suckers!"
Slowly Naruto began to approach an already drooling Itachi, and Sasuke couldn't believe the OOCness of it all, but then the author snapped her fingers and now Sasuke was angry again. Phew!
Naruto sat himself on Itachi's lap, who sat himself on the ground and remember dear readers. Itachi is still naked under the cloak/robe thingie. A horrified expression crossed Sasuke's face. Hmm, it seems this thought arrived at Sasuke's mind. Too late.
///Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex///
(A/N: Don't own the lyrics)
Itachi prepared himself for the ride of his life.
And let me tell you.
He wasn't disappointed. Not at all.
Gaara's last thought: 'I hate all Uchihas. I really do.'
We believe you Gaara. But don't give up!!!! Sooner or later Naruto will also give you a lap dance! Just wait! Patience is a virtue!
Oh, and Itachi Jr. was also very happy after the lap dance and the ten minute kiss. You do know, what I am talking about, ....right? ^_~
TBC...
Nyaaaaa, please review!! Did it suck?
asa-chan