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Chapter 7: A Shared Wish

"Cher?"

She closes the door to the birdcage and looks to me with a smile before she says, "Yes, Hubb?"

"Could you come inside for a moment?"
"Oh, I'm done here, I'll be right there," she answers.

She steps inside and closes the glass door behind her. She seats herself next to me on the couch and I take hold of her hand, clasping it between both of mine.

She laughs quietly and says, "You're acting so serious, Hubb."

"There's something I've wanted to discuss with you, Cher."

She appears curious but says nothing.

I tighten my grip on her hand slightly and say, "Cher, have you – given any thought to having children?"

A look of surprise and then consternation crosses her face.

"There are times when I have thought about it..."

She pauses for a moment, and I am about to say something when she continues, "And – I never realized, Hubb, your interest in them."

Startled by her response, I answer, "I've felt for a while how wonderful it would be to share our happiness with a child. It's just that you'd never expressed any feelings about it."

She laughs quietly and says, "To think, neither of us has brought it up out of consideration of the other."

I laugh at this thought as well.

She looks away from me towards her bird, her expression serious and says, "Even though I've just begun with the new research, I still think this is a good time. By the time we had the baby, I'd be settled there and we would have arrangements for child care."

I place my hand on her cheek, causing her to turn her face towards me once more.

I say, "I know that you'd make a wonderful mother, Cher."

She blushes slightly and says, "I know you'd be an excellent father, Hubb."

She reads a multitude of books on the subject of child rearing, taking notes on a computer as she does so. I am at first surprised when I note Cher's dedication to this new pursuit, but soon realize that it is consistent with her personality. Sometimes she will call for me, and I am happy to share in the learning and to see her excitement at the prospects.

"Hubb, look here, at what it says in this book about how you can help your child learn to read."

I smile and move from the kitchen to sit beside her on the couch.

Still holding it, she moves the book so that it is perched between us, and uses the index finger on her right hand to point to a passage. She waits while I read.

After I finish, I look to her and say, "That sounds like good advice to me."

She smiles as she nods her head and then answers, "I thought the same thing."

Enjoying this, and knowing that she is too, I remain seated next to her, and we read the book together.

Some months pass without results. Cher's diligence increases, and eventually begins to worry me.

"What is it? I've read everything, followed all the recommendations. What could I be doing wrong?"

Concerned, I place my arms on her shoulders, startling her.

She looks back to me, her expression a mixture of frustration and sadness.

I turn her so that she is facing me, and embrace her, which she soon after returns.

There is a moment of silence between us as I stroke her hair slowly.

I pull away, but take hold of her hands before I smile and say, "It's a matter of time, Cher. Things will work out well, I'm sure of it."

She smiles slightly and says, "I know you're right, Hubb, I just need patience."

Although I hear her words, I do not believe that she is fully convinced by my reassurances.

As more time passes, Cher's level of anxiety about being childless actually declines. While I am glad that she is no longer allowing it to be a major source of distress, I am still concerned as I have noticed another development. Cher has always found satisfaction and purpose in her research, but it has never been central to her existence. However, lately, there have been instances in which she has been distracted. Also, her words and thoughts often seem to center around her work. Is it possible that these two events are connected or is there something important I am not noticing – or both?