After breakfast, and before he started on his work for the day, Radar
stopped to watch a couple of soldiers play chess. They had drawn the board
in the dust by the basketball hoop and were playing with discarded objects
instead of actual pieces. Bottle tops, a dime a dozen around the camp,
were the pawns. One soldier played Cola while the other played an
assortment of tops. Odds and ends. A pathetic piece of mouldy carrot for a
king, an empty bottle of penicillin for a queen and a garter belt with the
elastic gone for a knight.
Radar never played chess, hardly ever played checkers even. Not many people knew that he could play. But there was something about always knowing where the other person was going to move that seemed a little too much like cheating. Poker was ok, 'cause everyone was so shut down, so focussed on stopping everyone else from guessing that he couldn't tell. Well, not often. Somehow chess was different. His mom had told him it was a gentleman's game, an honourable one. So even knowing a little was wrong.
A knight was about to take a queen when a shadow fell over the improvised board and Hawkeye interrupted with a rant.
"You know chess is war right? You're playing that the way some fool is playing you. You ever stop to think of that? I thought you'd be sick of that already!"
"Geez!" Radar said, "What's up his nose?"
Hawkeye had been in a terrible mood for nearly two weeks. It happened that way with him. He was like the water pump they'd had on the farm; up and down and sometimes it only took a little push to send him either way. Nobody knew what had done it this time, only that there seemed to be trouble in the Swamp. Everyone felt it, although it was kinda hard to figure out exactly what it was. Radar remembered talking to him about Trapper, but it couldn't be that still. That was a month ago! Could it be Major Burns?
Frank Burns was still Frank Burns, Radar screwed his face up upon thinking that name, only wearing a new coat of paranoia. Radar giggled at the thought of Frank covered in thousands of coats, his beady little eyes nearly unable to see out from under the mountain of fabric. That was the way he looked today, guarded against the winter and the war and everybody else. The theme of this one was to be 'perversion' and it was like Major Burns was screaming it constantly.
"What, pervert, is, pervert, an, pervert, enlisted man, pervert, doing, pervert, in, pervert, officer's, pervert, country, pervert?" Frank had screeched as Radar had come to deliver the mail a few days ago.
It got so bad sometimes that it was hard to figure out what Frank was saying under everything Radar was hearing. It didn't seem to be his usual Major Houlihan related paranoia either; they were fighting a lot and hadn't called out to each other in that way for a while. Radar grinned as he thought of Margaret naked but his face soured as, in his mind's eye, Frank sidled up next to her. He was sure nobody wanted to see Frank naked, ever, not inside anyone's head.
Except...
"Morning Capt'n McIntyre." "Morning Radar. Say, have you seen Hawkeye?" Trapper sneezed. Winter always seemed to treat him badly. The cold got into his blood; no matter how hard he tried to shut it out.
"Yes sir! Not five minutes ago. I think he was heading to the O.R." Radar moved his head in the direction Hawkeye had gone, reluctant to unwind his arms and destroy the warm cocoon he'd made for himself. The gesture was lost inside his jacket anyway.
Trapper reached out and gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder. "Oh, one more thing," Trapper added, voice dropping slightly, "If you see, mine, Major Burns, my thing, tell him that somethin's, Hawkeye, come up."
He walked off before Radar could answer. There were rumours, as always in a camp this small, about Trapper and Frank. And Hawkeye. Most popular seemed to be the one where Hawkeye and Trapper had had some sort of falling out, and Trapper was trying to use Frank to make Hawkeye jealous. It made a kind of sense, only Radar couldn't see anyone trying to buddy up to Frank and make it look believable.
Igor agreed, adding that Hawkeye and Trapper were best friends and no way a snivelling little weasel like Burns would come between them. Then someone would mention that, although there was some vague difference in the way Trapper was treating Frank, at least when he or she had seen them, it was a long way off being friendly. Then someone else, usually Sergeant Zale or sometimes a nurse, would comment on how much like a lover's triangle the whole thing was and snigger. Those were the other rumours. And they made a lot of people uncomfortable.
Henry had heard them. He didn't believe them and doubted whether or not anyone did. He certainly wasn't going to accuse anyone of anything or even bother to look into the matter. No one made a real complaint. No one took it seriously. It was only a rumour that eventually went around about everyone, including a doozy about himself and Radar at one point.
Radar remembered Henry trying to keep that one from him, not realising that he had heard it a thousand times already. Those type of rumours were inevitable, but they could still be trouble. All it took was one person to believe. And, really, how much did it take?
They made Radar uncomfortable because he heard things. Not that he believed or anything. He pushed away from that thought the way someone pushes bile back down their throat in denial that they were eventually going to be ill.
But he had work to do. He put up the new duty roster and dealt with the complaints, catfights and inevitable switches, all the while trying to keep it all from falling apart. It happened more or less every week, so he was getting quite good at it now. Next he had to get Frank to sign off on something or other. He found him and Margaret arguing behind the motor pool. Zale pointed to where they were 'hidden' whilst making several crude gestures that Radar was sure he'd one day find out the meaning of.
"But darling, I need you." Frank whined. "I need you, I need you, I need you..." he said over and over again when his lips weren't moving and only Radar could hear.
"Cut it out Frank!" Margaret glared. "You've been ignoring me for months. Who is she Frank?"
"She who? There's, how did you know, no one. Only you. My Goddess, my god does she know, my darling angel, I need you."
Radar couldn't figure out what part of that she heard, but whatever it was she didn't seem particularly convinced. "Look, Frank, I didn't come out here in the freezing cold to argue with you. I'm going to Tokyo!"
"But darling, don't leave me with him, if you only wait a little while we could go together, I'm trapped."
"It's three days Frank... And you! What do you want!" Radar jumped as he was spotted and screamed at. For his birthday Henry got him a book with animals from all over the world in it. If he were a little less terrified of her he would have called her a shrew.
"I'm sorry sirs..."
"Sorry just doesn't cut it bucko." Frank flared his nostrils. "Didn't anyone tell you that it's rude to listen on other people's conversations?"
"Sometimes I can't help it sir. I need you to sign these forms." "What forms?" Frank said as he snatched the clipboard from Radar's hands. Margaret picked up her bags and headed towards a jeep and driver who were waiting.
"Margaret..." He started to follow her. Radar called after him. "Wait sir! I have a message from Capt'n McIntyre."
Frank stopped as if frozen solid. Radar heard the word 'Pervert' as clear as day.
#
He held the door for Nurse Kellye as he entered the Officer's Club. She was always nice to everyone and wouldn't just dismiss him the way some of the nurses did. He followed her into the club, money already out for his Grape Nehi. It was warmer in the O.C. than almost anywhere else in the camp with body heat counting as much as the stoves. It was fairly crowded, although a few people were going back to their tents with partners who, they would say, are only staying for reasons of body heat.
Hawkeye was sitting at the bar, looking both hostile and miserable. He drank like man trying to build up his courage, promising that after this next drink...and always going for one more. There was something of a strategy being thought out, different courses of action assessed and dismantled.
Radar stared at him, trying not to be obvious, although all he could hear was a drunken ramble. A seemingly random "Help me!" amongst the "I don't want this" and the "I hate him. I hate them" and "But I want" made Radar turn away. He couldn't help Hawkeye because, try as he might, he couldn't understand what game was being played.
Because, if he were being honest, he wasn't really trying and he didn't really want to know.
Trapper laughed loudly from nearby and a pretty new nurse, the same one he had seen Hawkeye chatting up earlier, sat at his side and giggled. The new rumour was that this was causing he tension between Hawkeye and Trapper, but they had never gotten like this over a girl before. Trapper glanced at Hawkeye, confused and angry, then back at his date. Radar wasn't too far away to hear the "why" and the "but look, I'm staying away from him" that Trapper was saying, only to himself. He moved the nurse in between them, like placing a pawn to protect your king. Or to block a queen.
Later when they waltzed.
Frank stayed around on the far side of the room, never moving more than one step at a time. Radar would feel sorry for him, being all alone and friendless on a night like this, but he was so mean that Radar secretly believed he deserved it. He looked more and more like a trapped animal, not really wanting to be here but not really wanting to go. Too far away to hear clearly, Radar just watched his face.
Frank was drunk, which relaxed his face from the pinched scowl that seemed constantly affixed. His shifty little eyes darted at Trapper constantly, jealousy obvious. Understandable, too. Frank would have to go home alone while his tent mate would be cozying up with some nurse. Radar's mouth opened a little in some sort of acknowledgement before he amended the thought. Because Margaret had gone away...that was why Frank looked jealous. Now and again Frank would look at Hawkeye, but never for long. He just pretended to look occupied, just moving one step at a time.
Somehow Radar couldn't shake the feeling that he was sitting in the middle of a giant chessboard. And the pieces were in play.
Trapper followed his nurse outside. Hawkeye stared straight across the room at Frank. Trapper had left him open.
Check.
Radar never played chess, hardly ever played checkers even. Not many people knew that he could play. But there was something about always knowing where the other person was going to move that seemed a little too much like cheating. Poker was ok, 'cause everyone was so shut down, so focussed on stopping everyone else from guessing that he couldn't tell. Well, not often. Somehow chess was different. His mom had told him it was a gentleman's game, an honourable one. So even knowing a little was wrong.
A knight was about to take a queen when a shadow fell over the improvised board and Hawkeye interrupted with a rant.
"You know chess is war right? You're playing that the way some fool is playing you. You ever stop to think of that? I thought you'd be sick of that already!"
"Geez!" Radar said, "What's up his nose?"
Hawkeye had been in a terrible mood for nearly two weeks. It happened that way with him. He was like the water pump they'd had on the farm; up and down and sometimes it only took a little push to send him either way. Nobody knew what had done it this time, only that there seemed to be trouble in the Swamp. Everyone felt it, although it was kinda hard to figure out exactly what it was. Radar remembered talking to him about Trapper, but it couldn't be that still. That was a month ago! Could it be Major Burns?
Frank Burns was still Frank Burns, Radar screwed his face up upon thinking that name, only wearing a new coat of paranoia. Radar giggled at the thought of Frank covered in thousands of coats, his beady little eyes nearly unable to see out from under the mountain of fabric. That was the way he looked today, guarded against the winter and the war and everybody else. The theme of this one was to be 'perversion' and it was like Major Burns was screaming it constantly.
"What, pervert, is, pervert, an, pervert, enlisted man, pervert, doing, pervert, in, pervert, officer's, pervert, country, pervert?" Frank had screeched as Radar had come to deliver the mail a few days ago.
It got so bad sometimes that it was hard to figure out what Frank was saying under everything Radar was hearing. It didn't seem to be his usual Major Houlihan related paranoia either; they were fighting a lot and hadn't called out to each other in that way for a while. Radar grinned as he thought of Margaret naked but his face soured as, in his mind's eye, Frank sidled up next to her. He was sure nobody wanted to see Frank naked, ever, not inside anyone's head.
Except...
"Morning Capt'n McIntyre." "Morning Radar. Say, have you seen Hawkeye?" Trapper sneezed. Winter always seemed to treat him badly. The cold got into his blood; no matter how hard he tried to shut it out.
"Yes sir! Not five minutes ago. I think he was heading to the O.R." Radar moved his head in the direction Hawkeye had gone, reluctant to unwind his arms and destroy the warm cocoon he'd made for himself. The gesture was lost inside his jacket anyway.
Trapper reached out and gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder. "Oh, one more thing," Trapper added, voice dropping slightly, "If you see, mine, Major Burns, my thing, tell him that somethin's, Hawkeye, come up."
He walked off before Radar could answer. There were rumours, as always in a camp this small, about Trapper and Frank. And Hawkeye. Most popular seemed to be the one where Hawkeye and Trapper had had some sort of falling out, and Trapper was trying to use Frank to make Hawkeye jealous. It made a kind of sense, only Radar couldn't see anyone trying to buddy up to Frank and make it look believable.
Igor agreed, adding that Hawkeye and Trapper were best friends and no way a snivelling little weasel like Burns would come between them. Then someone would mention that, although there was some vague difference in the way Trapper was treating Frank, at least when he or she had seen them, it was a long way off being friendly. Then someone else, usually Sergeant Zale or sometimes a nurse, would comment on how much like a lover's triangle the whole thing was and snigger. Those were the other rumours. And they made a lot of people uncomfortable.
Henry had heard them. He didn't believe them and doubted whether or not anyone did. He certainly wasn't going to accuse anyone of anything or even bother to look into the matter. No one made a real complaint. No one took it seriously. It was only a rumour that eventually went around about everyone, including a doozy about himself and Radar at one point.
Radar remembered Henry trying to keep that one from him, not realising that he had heard it a thousand times already. Those type of rumours were inevitable, but they could still be trouble. All it took was one person to believe. And, really, how much did it take?
They made Radar uncomfortable because he heard things. Not that he believed or anything. He pushed away from that thought the way someone pushes bile back down their throat in denial that they were eventually going to be ill.
But he had work to do. He put up the new duty roster and dealt with the complaints, catfights and inevitable switches, all the while trying to keep it all from falling apart. It happened more or less every week, so he was getting quite good at it now. Next he had to get Frank to sign off on something or other. He found him and Margaret arguing behind the motor pool. Zale pointed to where they were 'hidden' whilst making several crude gestures that Radar was sure he'd one day find out the meaning of.
"But darling, I need you." Frank whined. "I need you, I need you, I need you..." he said over and over again when his lips weren't moving and only Radar could hear.
"Cut it out Frank!" Margaret glared. "You've been ignoring me for months. Who is she Frank?"
"She who? There's, how did you know, no one. Only you. My Goddess, my god does she know, my darling angel, I need you."
Radar couldn't figure out what part of that she heard, but whatever it was she didn't seem particularly convinced. "Look, Frank, I didn't come out here in the freezing cold to argue with you. I'm going to Tokyo!"
"But darling, don't leave me with him, if you only wait a little while we could go together, I'm trapped."
"It's three days Frank... And you! What do you want!" Radar jumped as he was spotted and screamed at. For his birthday Henry got him a book with animals from all over the world in it. If he were a little less terrified of her he would have called her a shrew.
"I'm sorry sirs..."
"Sorry just doesn't cut it bucko." Frank flared his nostrils. "Didn't anyone tell you that it's rude to listen on other people's conversations?"
"Sometimes I can't help it sir. I need you to sign these forms." "What forms?" Frank said as he snatched the clipboard from Radar's hands. Margaret picked up her bags and headed towards a jeep and driver who were waiting.
"Margaret..." He started to follow her. Radar called after him. "Wait sir! I have a message from Capt'n McIntyre."
Frank stopped as if frozen solid. Radar heard the word 'Pervert' as clear as day.
#
He held the door for Nurse Kellye as he entered the Officer's Club. She was always nice to everyone and wouldn't just dismiss him the way some of the nurses did. He followed her into the club, money already out for his Grape Nehi. It was warmer in the O.C. than almost anywhere else in the camp with body heat counting as much as the stoves. It was fairly crowded, although a few people were going back to their tents with partners who, they would say, are only staying for reasons of body heat.
Hawkeye was sitting at the bar, looking both hostile and miserable. He drank like man trying to build up his courage, promising that after this next drink...and always going for one more. There was something of a strategy being thought out, different courses of action assessed and dismantled.
Radar stared at him, trying not to be obvious, although all he could hear was a drunken ramble. A seemingly random "Help me!" amongst the "I don't want this" and the "I hate him. I hate them" and "But I want" made Radar turn away. He couldn't help Hawkeye because, try as he might, he couldn't understand what game was being played.
Because, if he were being honest, he wasn't really trying and he didn't really want to know.
Trapper laughed loudly from nearby and a pretty new nurse, the same one he had seen Hawkeye chatting up earlier, sat at his side and giggled. The new rumour was that this was causing he tension between Hawkeye and Trapper, but they had never gotten like this over a girl before. Trapper glanced at Hawkeye, confused and angry, then back at his date. Radar wasn't too far away to hear the "why" and the "but look, I'm staying away from him" that Trapper was saying, only to himself. He moved the nurse in between them, like placing a pawn to protect your king. Or to block a queen.
Later when they waltzed.
Frank stayed around on the far side of the room, never moving more than one step at a time. Radar would feel sorry for him, being all alone and friendless on a night like this, but he was so mean that Radar secretly believed he deserved it. He looked more and more like a trapped animal, not really wanting to be here but not really wanting to go. Too far away to hear clearly, Radar just watched his face.
Frank was drunk, which relaxed his face from the pinched scowl that seemed constantly affixed. His shifty little eyes darted at Trapper constantly, jealousy obvious. Understandable, too. Frank would have to go home alone while his tent mate would be cozying up with some nurse. Radar's mouth opened a little in some sort of acknowledgement before he amended the thought. Because Margaret had gone away...that was why Frank looked jealous. Now and again Frank would look at Hawkeye, but never for long. He just pretended to look occupied, just moving one step at a time.
Somehow Radar couldn't shake the feeling that he was sitting in the middle of a giant chessboard. And the pieces were in play.
Trapper followed his nurse outside. Hawkeye stared straight across the room at Frank. Trapper had left him open.
Check.