Thanks to everyone who wrote and reviewed. This is the final
installment. It's not at all what I planned it to be, but then again,
the series didn't do what I'd hoped it would, either, so it's all par
for the course! I hope everyone has a great summer - keep reading - and
to all the great authors out there - keep writing!
Conversations G: Words Never Say Enough...
By: Mariel
"Agent Spade."
The sound of his voice made her pause. Low, familiar, warm....it sent shivers down her spine and warmed her heart all at the same time. She stared at the whiteboard she was writing on, unable to remember how she had planned to finish what she had started. Giving up, she carefully controlled her features as she slowly lowered her arm and turned around.
"Agent Malone," she said, unconsciously matching her tone to his. "I wasn't expecting you until later today."
Their eyes locked. It had been one year since they'd last seen each other, one year since Jack had hung up the phone after promising to be right there, and then left her to wait in vain. She'd waited until the taxi came. Waited until the cabbie impatiently told her if they didn't leave immediately, she'd miss her plane - if she hadn't already. Finally accepting that Jack had changed his mind and was not coming, she had reluctantly agreed to go. In the months between then and now, there had been no contact between them - not an email, not a phone call, not an accidental meeting at a conference. Wondering how it could have ended so completely, the empty, wordless silence between them had stalked her days.
And Jack's, too.
Now the silence between them spoke volumes.
Nothing had changed.
She could see that old, familiar warmth in his eye, and could feel her pulse quicken in response to it. Drinking in the sight of him, she stood as frozen as he, until someone at the conference table cleared their throat.
"Um, Samantha, are you going to introduce us?"
Abruptly brought back to an awareness of her team sitting at the table in front of her, she glanced over at the agent who had spoken, and nodded. Eyes drawn back to Jack, she said, "This is Special Supervisory Agent Jack Malone, from our New York Missing Persons Department." She then tore her eyes away from him long enough to introduce the three people seated at the table. Jack spared them a quick, friendly nod of acknowledgment and a "pleased to meet you," and then returned his attention to Samantha.
All too aware of his gaze, Samantha tried to control her voice from betraying her reaction to Jack's presence. "As you heard yesterday, Graham Spaulding dropped out of sight soon after his release. He is rumored to be headed this way. Jack will be with us for a couple of days, investigating leads." Eyes still trained on Jack, she added, "We'll help him in any way we can."
With her team looking on with interest, she and Jack continued to hold one another's gaze. Finally, Jack stirred. Samantha saw him hesitate, as though wondering if he could draw closer, and then watched as he glanced at the people sitting at the table. His sense of propriety winning, he stood his ground. "It looks like I caught you in the middle of something, Sam. I have to go meet with the Assistant Director. Will you be here later?"
At her nod, he smiled slightly. "Then I'll stop by on my way out." He paused, then threw caution to the wind. "Perhaps we could go to dinner when you're finished. Are you free?"
Unable to help herself, Samantha smiled. To hell with people watching. To hell with what they might think. And double to hell with the fact his "Sam" would cause comment amongst her team. Her heart sang. "That would be nice," she replied, knowing it would be heaven.
"Yeah," he agreed, reluctantly taking his eyes off her and moving in the direction of the AD's office.
They'd taken their time eating at a restaurant she'd discovered shortly after her arrival to New Orleans. Avoiding anything too personal, they kept their conversation light, focussing on the news and exploits of others. Now, strolling slowly through the busy French District, words began to fly easily, the undercurrent of warm tension that had arisen upon Jack's arrival blossoming.
Heavy as the warm, humid air surrounding them, however, the circumstance of their parting nudged them incessantly, refusing to be ignored. There were things that needed to be said, questions begging to be asked and answered, no matter how sure they were that what had once been was there still. A discussion of those last few hours in New York, no matter how difficult, had to be completed in order to set whatever was about to happen next on a solid foundation.
Jack shoved his hands into his pockets as they strolled down the street. Wanting to open the conversation, wanting to let her know some of what he was feeling, he said, "I've missed this."
The words, spoken in a low tone, surprised neither of them.
Samantha nodded. "Me, too."
Hesitantly, not wanting to disturb the delicious accord they had fallen into over dinner, but knowing she had to ask, Samantha questioned him, "Why didn't you ever call?" Looking away, she continued, "I thought you'd phone, to explain why you decided not to come."
"You were gone when I got there. I thought you'd changed your mind. Thought it better not to see me."
She looked at him in surprise. "You came?"
"I was on my way as soon as I hung up. But traffic was awful, my cell phone was dead..." his voice trailed off.
She moved closer to a building to get out of the way of people passing and stopped. Looking into his eyes earnestly, she said, "I waited as long as I could. I tried calling your office and your cell phone, but there was no answer. Then the taxi arrived. I kept him waiting, but when you didn't come and didn't call, I thought you'd changed your mind. When you didn't contact me here in New Orleans, I was sure of it."
"You didn't phone to say you were sorry you couldn't wait. I assumed...I thought..." His voice petered off. A whole year gone. The stupidity of it appalled him. It could have all been fixed with a simple phone call neither of them had felt able to make.
She saw the look in his eye and felt the same sense of loss. On top of that, however, hope quickly began to build. She'd heard about Jack and his wife's divorce, of course, but wanted to hear about it from him. "I heard about you and Maria. How is she doing?"
Jack made a gesture that they should resume walking. As they moved out onto the sidewalk again, he said, "Fine. She and the girls are living in Chicago. She's always wanted to move back there and when the opportunity to go came up, she grabbed it."
She looked at him sideways. "And you stayed in New York?"
He nodded. "She thought it best. It wasn't working." His wife's stark announcement that she didn't want to be married to him anymore and was leaving for Chicago with the girls without him, had put him in shock for weeks afterward. It had been a bitter pill, and had not settled well.
"I'm sorry," Samantha said. To her surprise, she really was. Jack put great importance on his family and had sacrificed his happiness in order to keep it intact. To have lost his girls in this way must have been painful. "So what are you doing with yourself when you're not at work?" she asked.
He smiled wryly. "I'm getting lots of reading done. Martin and Danny have attempted to introduce me to New York's nightlife, but-"
His expression said everything, and she laughed easily. Slowly, however, her smile faded. Tilting her head to one side, she looked at him and said slowly, "I can't picture you alone." She hated the very thought of it. And was glad he seemed to have found no one to change the situation.
"Yeah, well, I've been doing all right." He turned dark eyes to meet hers, then looked away. As casually as he could, he asked her, "And what about you? Are you seeing anyone? Ready to settle down yet?"
She shook her head and looked down at her feet as they walked. "No time. And I don't think I'm ready, just yet." She lifted her eyes. "I-" She didn't know how to continue. A sudden desire to put her arms around his neck and hold herself close to him almost overwhelmed her.
Jack stopped walking and turned to face her fully. "Whenever I think of us, I think of what a mess I made of it," he told her. Oblivious to the people moving around them, he continued, "I didn't mean things to happen the way they did. I don't know what I wanted, but I never, ever, wanted you to leave."
She looked away from him, wondering what she should say. Finally, she reminded him, "We were in a bad place, Jack. I wasn't getting over you, and our falling in and out of bed...it got to be too painful. It wasn't right. But it was no better when we tried to distance ourselves from each other. And when you began to question my performance at work...it just got to be too much. I needed you to trust me, and I felt as though you didn't any more." She gestured with her hands. "Everything seemed to be falling apart between us."
He stood looking at her in silence. He'd missed her. Not just after Maria left for Chicago, but from the moment he'd arrived at her door to find her gone. She was right: everything had been falling apart between them. But now....he gave in to his desire to touch her. He grazed her face lightly with the tips of his fingers, then rested his hand on her shoulder and stroked her jaw with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
If the counselling he'd sought after Samantha's departure had taught him anything, it was that he needed to explain his role in their relationship falling apart. She had said she felt she'd lost his trust, but it had been a matter of trust, not really. It had been a matter of fear - his fear that perhaps she was on the same destructive path his mother had travelled. His mother had reassured him that she would be fine. His mother had then acted in a way that had taken her from him permanently. In a very real sense, Samantha had already been taken away from him when they had ended their affair. The thought of having her do something that would take her away completely had been too much for him to handle.
"I never stopped thinking about you," he said, suppressing the urge to kiss her right there in the street.
She looked at him, the hurt in her eyes making him wince. "The way I felt about you...it didn't go away. It's been hard, being here and never hearing from you, and wondering what went wrong, and wondering what you were doing and if you ever thought of me. I haven't been happy, Jack. The idea of coming here wasn't as good an idea as I thought it would be. It didn't help me get over you, it just made me sadder."
He had spent his days wondering if she hated him, wondering if he had any idea how miserable he was without her. "I wish..." he began aloud. He hesitated, then admitted, "I wish I hadn't made the decisions I made, hadn't reacted the way I did." He understood that, under the circumstances it had been his way of coping with things he couldn't face, but now, he felt nothing but regret - and thankfulness that there seemed to be hope for them now.
"I'm glad we're here," he said, knowing that she would finally hear what she'd needed to hear ages ago. He noticed his surroundings and motioned that they should resume their walk. "I think we need to talk. I don't think I've ever told you the whole story about my mother," he said...
-SSS-
It was late, and time to go home. Not wanting to leave him yet, though, Samantha suggested they stop for coffee. At her place. "Going there will save us time - it's only a few blocks from your hotel," she explained, knowing that the real reason for her asking had all to do with something else entirely.
It had not taken long to reach her home. Located in an old, traditional southern home that had been divided into four spacious apartments, they had silently walked up the broad flight of stairs leading to the second floor landing. She moved to the door on her right and he watched as she found her key and opened it. He followed her in.
Closing the door softly behind him, he turned to find her standing right in front of him. He could tell she was waiting to say something important, so he stood still, conscious of nothing but her.
"Thank you for explaining things to me," she said. She paused. "Thank you for trusting me enough to explain it."
Without speaking, he reached out and brought her unresisting body against his. He held her tightly. "God, I've wanted to do this since I saw you this afternoon," he murmured into her hair. Inhaling deeply, he took in her scent, treasuring his recognition of it, and of the feel of her in his arms again.
She stepped back slightly. Felt the loss of his touch, but endured it. "I've missed you so much," she whispered.
"I'm here now."
She smiled, her eyes misty with emotion. "Yes, you are. So kiss me, please."
He obliged.
After what could have been hours or merely minutes, she slowly brought her head back so that she could see his face. What she saw there confirmed all the hopes she had held and hadn't been able to walk away from. There was no mistake now. He was here and would remain here. Kisses and caresses would be their conversation for now. Tomorrow, however, they would decide their future.
Together, they'd work things out.
Smiling, she gave herself up to the deliciously soft sensations of shared silence.
End
Conversations G: Words Never Say Enough...
Conversations G: Words Never Say Enough...
By: Mariel
"Agent Spade."
The sound of his voice made her pause. Low, familiar, warm....it sent shivers down her spine and warmed her heart all at the same time. She stared at the whiteboard she was writing on, unable to remember how she had planned to finish what she had started. Giving up, she carefully controlled her features as she slowly lowered her arm and turned around.
"Agent Malone," she said, unconsciously matching her tone to his. "I wasn't expecting you until later today."
Their eyes locked. It had been one year since they'd last seen each other, one year since Jack had hung up the phone after promising to be right there, and then left her to wait in vain. She'd waited until the taxi came. Waited until the cabbie impatiently told her if they didn't leave immediately, she'd miss her plane - if she hadn't already. Finally accepting that Jack had changed his mind and was not coming, she had reluctantly agreed to go. In the months between then and now, there had been no contact between them - not an email, not a phone call, not an accidental meeting at a conference. Wondering how it could have ended so completely, the empty, wordless silence between them had stalked her days.
And Jack's, too.
Now the silence between them spoke volumes.
Nothing had changed.
She could see that old, familiar warmth in his eye, and could feel her pulse quicken in response to it. Drinking in the sight of him, she stood as frozen as he, until someone at the conference table cleared their throat.
"Um, Samantha, are you going to introduce us?"
Abruptly brought back to an awareness of her team sitting at the table in front of her, she glanced over at the agent who had spoken, and nodded. Eyes drawn back to Jack, she said, "This is Special Supervisory Agent Jack Malone, from our New York Missing Persons Department." She then tore her eyes away from him long enough to introduce the three people seated at the table. Jack spared them a quick, friendly nod of acknowledgment and a "pleased to meet you," and then returned his attention to Samantha.
All too aware of his gaze, Samantha tried to control her voice from betraying her reaction to Jack's presence. "As you heard yesterday, Graham Spaulding dropped out of sight soon after his release. He is rumored to be headed this way. Jack will be with us for a couple of days, investigating leads." Eyes still trained on Jack, she added, "We'll help him in any way we can."
With her team looking on with interest, she and Jack continued to hold one another's gaze. Finally, Jack stirred. Samantha saw him hesitate, as though wondering if he could draw closer, and then watched as he glanced at the people sitting at the table. His sense of propriety winning, he stood his ground. "It looks like I caught you in the middle of something, Sam. I have to go meet with the Assistant Director. Will you be here later?"
At her nod, he smiled slightly. "Then I'll stop by on my way out." He paused, then threw caution to the wind. "Perhaps we could go to dinner when you're finished. Are you free?"
Unable to help herself, Samantha smiled. To hell with people watching. To hell with what they might think. And double to hell with the fact his "Sam" would cause comment amongst her team. Her heart sang. "That would be nice," she replied, knowing it would be heaven.
"Yeah," he agreed, reluctantly taking his eyes off her and moving in the direction of the AD's office.
-SSS-
They'd taken their time eating at a restaurant she'd discovered shortly after her arrival to New Orleans. Avoiding anything too personal, they kept their conversation light, focussing on the news and exploits of others. Now, strolling slowly through the busy French District, words began to fly easily, the undercurrent of warm tension that had arisen upon Jack's arrival blossoming.
Heavy as the warm, humid air surrounding them, however, the circumstance of their parting nudged them incessantly, refusing to be ignored. There were things that needed to be said, questions begging to be asked and answered, no matter how sure they were that what had once been was there still. A discussion of those last few hours in New York, no matter how difficult, had to be completed in order to set whatever was about to happen next on a solid foundation.
Jack shoved his hands into his pockets as they strolled down the street. Wanting to open the conversation, wanting to let her know some of what he was feeling, he said, "I've missed this."
The words, spoken in a low tone, surprised neither of them.
Samantha nodded. "Me, too."
Hesitantly, not wanting to disturb the delicious accord they had fallen into over dinner, but knowing she had to ask, Samantha questioned him, "Why didn't you ever call?" Looking away, she continued, "I thought you'd phone, to explain why you decided not to come."
"You were gone when I got there. I thought you'd changed your mind. Thought it better not to see me."
She looked at him in surprise. "You came?"
"I was on my way as soon as I hung up. But traffic was awful, my cell phone was dead..." his voice trailed off.
She moved closer to a building to get out of the way of people passing and stopped. Looking into his eyes earnestly, she said, "I waited as long as I could. I tried calling your office and your cell phone, but there was no answer. Then the taxi arrived. I kept him waiting, but when you didn't come and didn't call, I thought you'd changed your mind. When you didn't contact me here in New Orleans, I was sure of it."
"You didn't phone to say you were sorry you couldn't wait. I assumed...I thought..." His voice petered off. A whole year gone. The stupidity of it appalled him. It could have all been fixed with a simple phone call neither of them had felt able to make.
She saw the look in his eye and felt the same sense of loss. On top of that, however, hope quickly began to build. She'd heard about Jack and his wife's divorce, of course, but wanted to hear about it from him. "I heard about you and Maria. How is she doing?"
Jack made a gesture that they should resume walking. As they moved out onto the sidewalk again, he said, "Fine. She and the girls are living in Chicago. She's always wanted to move back there and when the opportunity to go came up, she grabbed it."
She looked at him sideways. "And you stayed in New York?"
He nodded. "She thought it best. It wasn't working." His wife's stark announcement that she didn't want to be married to him anymore and was leaving for Chicago with the girls without him, had put him in shock for weeks afterward. It had been a bitter pill, and had not settled well.
"I'm sorry," Samantha said. To her surprise, she really was. Jack put great importance on his family and had sacrificed his happiness in order to keep it intact. To have lost his girls in this way must have been painful. "So what are you doing with yourself when you're not at work?" she asked.
He smiled wryly. "I'm getting lots of reading done. Martin and Danny have attempted to introduce me to New York's nightlife, but-"
His expression said everything, and she laughed easily. Slowly, however, her smile faded. Tilting her head to one side, she looked at him and said slowly, "I can't picture you alone." She hated the very thought of it. And was glad he seemed to have found no one to change the situation.
"Yeah, well, I've been doing all right." He turned dark eyes to meet hers, then looked away. As casually as he could, he asked her, "And what about you? Are you seeing anyone? Ready to settle down yet?"
She shook her head and looked down at her feet as they walked. "No time. And I don't think I'm ready, just yet." She lifted her eyes. "I-" She didn't know how to continue. A sudden desire to put her arms around his neck and hold herself close to him almost overwhelmed her.
Jack stopped walking and turned to face her fully. "Whenever I think of us, I think of what a mess I made of it," he told her. Oblivious to the people moving around them, he continued, "I didn't mean things to happen the way they did. I don't know what I wanted, but I never, ever, wanted you to leave."
She looked away from him, wondering what she should say. Finally, she reminded him, "We were in a bad place, Jack. I wasn't getting over you, and our falling in and out of bed...it got to be too painful. It wasn't right. But it was no better when we tried to distance ourselves from each other. And when you began to question my performance at work...it just got to be too much. I needed you to trust me, and I felt as though you didn't any more." She gestured with her hands. "Everything seemed to be falling apart between us."
He stood looking at her in silence. He'd missed her. Not just after Maria left for Chicago, but from the moment he'd arrived at her door to find her gone. She was right: everything had been falling apart between them. But now....he gave in to his desire to touch her. He grazed her face lightly with the tips of his fingers, then rested his hand on her shoulder and stroked her jaw with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
If the counselling he'd sought after Samantha's departure had taught him anything, it was that he needed to explain his role in their relationship falling apart. She had said she felt she'd lost his trust, but it had been a matter of trust, not really. It had been a matter of fear - his fear that perhaps she was on the same destructive path his mother had travelled. His mother had reassured him that she would be fine. His mother had then acted in a way that had taken her from him permanently. In a very real sense, Samantha had already been taken away from him when they had ended their affair. The thought of having her do something that would take her away completely had been too much for him to handle.
"I never stopped thinking about you," he said, suppressing the urge to kiss her right there in the street.
She looked at him, the hurt in her eyes making him wince. "The way I felt about you...it didn't go away. It's been hard, being here and never hearing from you, and wondering what went wrong, and wondering what you were doing and if you ever thought of me. I haven't been happy, Jack. The idea of coming here wasn't as good an idea as I thought it would be. It didn't help me get over you, it just made me sadder."
He had spent his days wondering if she hated him, wondering if he had any idea how miserable he was without her. "I wish..." he began aloud. He hesitated, then admitted, "I wish I hadn't made the decisions I made, hadn't reacted the way I did." He understood that, under the circumstances it had been his way of coping with things he couldn't face, but now, he felt nothing but regret - and thankfulness that there seemed to be hope for them now.
"I'm glad we're here," he said, knowing that she would finally hear what she'd needed to hear ages ago. He noticed his surroundings and motioned that they should resume their walk. "I think we need to talk. I don't think I've ever told you the whole story about my mother," he said...
-SSS-
It was late, and time to go home. Not wanting to leave him yet, though, Samantha suggested they stop for coffee. At her place. "Going there will save us time - it's only a few blocks from your hotel," she explained, knowing that the real reason for her asking had all to do with something else entirely.
It had not taken long to reach her home. Located in an old, traditional southern home that had been divided into four spacious apartments, they had silently walked up the broad flight of stairs leading to the second floor landing. She moved to the door on her right and he watched as she found her key and opened it. He followed her in.
Closing the door softly behind him, he turned to find her standing right in front of him. He could tell she was waiting to say something important, so he stood still, conscious of nothing but her.
"Thank you for explaining things to me," she said. She paused. "Thank you for trusting me enough to explain it."
Without speaking, he reached out and brought her unresisting body against his. He held her tightly. "God, I've wanted to do this since I saw you this afternoon," he murmured into her hair. Inhaling deeply, he took in her scent, treasuring his recognition of it, and of the feel of her in his arms again.
She stepped back slightly. Felt the loss of his touch, but endured it. "I've missed you so much," she whispered.
"I'm here now."
She smiled, her eyes misty with emotion. "Yes, you are. So kiss me, please."
He obliged.
After what could have been hours or merely minutes, she slowly brought her head back so that she could see his face. What she saw there confirmed all the hopes she had held and hadn't been able to walk away from. There was no mistake now. He was here and would remain here. Kisses and caresses would be their conversation for now. Tomorrow, however, they would decide their future.
Together, they'd work things out.
Smiling, she gave herself up to the deliciously soft sensations of shared silence.
End
Conversations G: Words Never Say Enough...