Disclaimer: Yup, I just own everything! I own the whole world! I own YOU!! Mwahahahahahaha! ::coughs:: Ok, no, I still don't own jack shnookies.
Warnings: Pokemon and Yugioh fans...avert thine eyes, hehehe. The return of Let Me in Your Pants Quatre! More Wizard of Oz scene thievery! And more strange pet names for the G-Boys!
I didn't bother looking up the proper names for the Pokemon people. I just used the dub ones 'cause I don't really care. I also know next to nothing about Yugioh...stupid Egyptian bondage boy. Neener neener! The term 'snorty foof' is something that came about from working way too many late nights and being asked stupid questions by customers. The quality may start slowly improving to what it was in the earlier chapters. Gomen for my laziness, but ::tries to come up with an excuse for her crappy writing:: Oh...wait, never mind. I'm just a lazy so and so. That and my other works are sapping my creativity. Though I hope you Hiei x Kurama fans will be happy when 'Caught in the Act' is published. Go go Yaoi Rangers! ::gets pelted with rotten fruit until she leaves the stage:: Ok, no more 'Power Ranger' quips. ::wonders if she needs to bump the rating on this thing up to 'R'::
Chapter 10
Sesshoumaru looked over his 'troops'. He had more or less chosen randomly, though some of his choices were made solely on the hopes that they would get themselves killed. Such as Ash. You may be asking yourself right now, 'What is he doing in Hell for the Violent...I mean, the Happy Reeducation Facility for the Peacefully Challenged?' Well, most people don't know this, but he was arrested on animal abuse charges many times for neglecting and beating his Pokemon as well as the whole lawsuit thing with Misty. But we won't get into that. Another on the cannon fodder list was Yugi Moto. Little Mr. Possessed by an Egyptian Guy ended up at the Facility due to the abuse of his powers. We'll just say that he went more overboard than Bokura ever did while possessed. Both boys annoyed the living daylights out of the Dog Demon Prince as well and were thus part of the front lines.
In true villain/minion fashion, only the two front troops were visible. That left fuzzy, shadowy outlines of those to come after the expected demise of the first minions. Go watch Sailor Moon or something. That's how it almost always goes. Anyways, Sesshoumaru left in his limousine while his little Death Squad (insert canned laughter here) was crammed into one of those irritating little clown cars and sent careening off in the general direction of Heero and Co.
Even the pacifist Quatre was beginning to wish he had some sort of weapon of destruction to use on his other self. Trowa, noticing his lover was on the verge of a 'Zero System' episode, actually began to try and make jokes to distract the little blonde. Unfortunately, being a military man/circus clown, most of the jokes either flat out sucked or were more appreciated by Leather Lad (oh, how I've missed that term) than by the others. The Unibanged Wonder gave up and lapsed back into his usual silence. Wufei was currently cowering behind Heero while A.Q. tried to get him to 'loosen up'. Failing that, he turned his attentions to our stoic, that green tank top really suits you, gun-toting pilot. "Heeeeroooo," he purred while trying to get the boy's tank top untucked from his shorts. The current object of his raging hormones was about three seconds from punching him in the face. It wasn't needed. A disturbingly familiar red and white ball hit the Alternate Arabian in the back of the head, knocking him out cold.
"Dammit, I missed." An annoying, unnatural sounding (really, have you heard ANYONE that sounds like that in real life?) voice grumbled. "Go Pikachu!" Heero blinked, "Sparkle Mouse? What the snorty foof is that?" Everyone looked at Heero as though he had just proclaimed undying love for Relena and was going to be the one wearing the wedding dress. "Who the hell writes your material, Yuy?" Wufei had left off hiding behind the Wing pilot to snicker at him. Ash, meanwhile, was jumping up and down like a monkey on drugs. "DAMMIT! Why aren't you paying attention to me? I'm the star of this show!! MY SHOW!!" He paused and then for good measure threw in another 'DAMMIT!' Polite, non-leather clad Quatre spoke up. "Um, excuse me? Have you read the title? This is 'Heero Yuy Goes to Hell'. Your name is nowhere in there." The animal abuser glared, well, he tried to glare. But even Quatre could glare better than that. Heck, those creepy Precious Moments children could glare better. "I'm the star of every show! I don't care whose name is in the title! It's my show!" Pikachu decided that this was a good time to call animal control and get his 'trainer' arrested...again. It was unnecessary. After about three more minutes of listening to the little boy yell and whine, Quatre completely lost his cool. His eyes held the same manic look of Duo's in chapter eight as he reached into Heero's spandex, pulled out his gun, and planted a round squarely between the kid's eyes.
As the body crumpled to the ground, flashes of light escaped from his belt. The lights materialized as many dancing Pokemon who were vainly trying to sing something along the lines of 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead'. All that came out was an odd cacophony of varying Pokemon names spoken in squeaky little voices. Quatre leveled the gun, prepared to pick off the critters one at a time. Only Trowa's restraining hand and the fact that Heero had already taken his gun back stopped him. "What the heck was that anyway?" Four of the five exchanged glances, A.Q. was still out cold on the ground. "We should run before he wakes up." No one knew who said this, but it sounded like a good plan. It might have worked too, if the leather-bound blonde hadn't chosen that moment to wake up. Curses, foiled again.
"You're all so mean!" Tears welled up in the opposite Quatre's eyes, causing his mascara to run. And that really ruined the whole teary eyed, cute look he was going for I can tell you. He threw himself onto Heero, his death grip cutting off the oxygen to the stony faced boy's brain. Pilot 01 turned about ten different shades of blue before passing out. Leather Lad looked at the limp body in his arms. If only he was alone with him to take advantage of his unconscious state. Instead, he settled for letting Trowa play pack animal and carry the unconscious one until he came around. They managed to get about another twenty yards or so before a flickering hologram sprang to imitation life in front of them.
"Stop where you are!" A boy who looked like he and Hiei might share the same hairdresser stepped out from behind the nondescript, holographic menace. "Oh, for Nataku's sake! What is going on around here!!" Wu threw his hands up in exasperation. "Here, read this." The author handed Pilot 05 a copy of the already published parts of the story. "Hey! Satan is really...mrflemrph!" Never Ending Nosebleed Boy glared around the big ole authorial hand clamped over his mouth. "You're not supposed to tell! If you do I'll..." The author whispered in his ear. Wufei looked more and more frightened as she went on until he was white as a sheet and trembling badly. "Got it?" Wufei rewarded the author with a weak nod. "What's on that paper?" A.Q. reached for the papers. "Is it porn?" At the thought of having to endure what the author had just told him, Wu wu snuggy wugs began rending the papers into little bits and shoving them in his mouth. After this pointless display, the heroes of this chapter turned back to face their newest opponent. Yugi was ignoring them in favor of some intense nose picking. And when I say intense, I mean intense! Like, hand halfway up the nostril intense.
"What? Am I on? Oh..." The spiky haired guy pulled his bogey covered hand out of his nose and ran his fingers through his hair. Well, now we know why it looks the way it does. The author handed out barf bags for the G-boys to make use of. "Can I get on with it now?" Yugi struck a dramatic pose after going through his whole getting possessed by the possibly pedophile dude inside that big tacky piece of bling around his neck. Yeah, so impressive. You still just have a kid who uses his own snot to hold his hair up. The others seemed to be of the same mindset. Even the I'll Jump Almost Anything That Walks Upright Quatre was completely turned off by that. Even he had some standards.
Trowa unceremoniously dumped Heero on the ground. Scrawny as Heero was, the Master of All Unibangs (he's even the master of my unibang! Wait...that doesn't sound right and Quatre is glaring at me now...) was getting a cramp in his shoulders from holding him. The holographic monster was busy trying to attack them. But since it wasn't really there, nothing happened. "I play this card in attack mode!" Another holographic creature appeared. "Go, Dark Magician!" It had no effect. Yami Yugi was beginning to realize something wasn't right here. He looked around wildly for the little box that told him what his opponents' life points were. Finding nothing, he began to cry. For about five seconds. Another gunshot rang out. "This is what Satan sends against us?" Heero looked at the bleeding corpse of Mr. Bogey Hair. "It makes it look like Satan wants us to reach him and kill him..." Wu coughed, looking away. He really wanted to tell Heero that Satan was really Relena. But then, he also valued his life and his sanity as well.
A/N: This is what you get for writing while at work. And after work, until weird hours of the morning. Listening to Seramyu swing music. Yep, such is my life ::goes off to work on sappy romance type stuff now:: Next chapter, the groups collide, more destruction of random people, and the full on return of Hiei and Kurama! Flying ice cream and man-animals in high heels! On the next exciting episode of HYGTH!