A/N: Thanks to Veszelyite, UltraM2000 and Michele for their very kind words, and alerting me to the fact that I needed to allow for anonymous reviews to make things easier! Danke, danke!
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and characters belong to Kazuya Minekura… and I hope she never stops writing and drawing them.
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"Hell is a lot more rustic than I thought it would be."
The weak voice startled Cho Gonou as he was feeding the fire. For a week now, he had tended the badly injured half-breed, who had not regained consciousness after the brief meeting of eyes on the bank of the stream. Gonou had been forced to take a trip back to Hyakugan Maoh's fortress to scavenge for medicines, blankets, food, everything he needed in order to save the redhead. No one there needed any of those things anyways, and his speedy rummage had even turned up a small box of power limiters. The set of three clips slid easily over his ear, and at least now on the outside, he no longer resembled the monster he had become.
"My apologies at the accommodations, but I fear there are none better available." Gonou had not been willing to stay in the corpse-filled castle, and he had set up a small camp under a small overhang of rock not far from Kanan's grave. Carefully pouring out a measure of the tea he had been keeping warm, Gonou moved over to the prone man. One red eye blinked curiously at him from a sea of bandages and bruises. Gonou maneuvered the man to a more upright position, leaning the man's head against his shoulder to support him. "Here, try to drink some of this."
The half-breed managed to get his hand around the cup, but Gonou had to assist him in drinking, the redhead was still too weak to manage on his own. "Gah," the patient gasped as the bitter fluid slid down his throat. "This has to be good for me, 'cause it tastes like shit." Gonou had to suppress a twitch at the casually spoken vulgarity; after all, compared to the stains now on his soul, a little harsh language was nothing he could look down upon.
"Well, I did put a strong dose of willow in it, but that was the only antipyretic I felt was safe to use on you." Gonou explained. "The medicine kit I found is a little… esoteric for my tastes. Fortunately, it seems you have a very high regenerative capability, and the damage done to your internal organs wasn't as bad as I had initially assessed."
"Doc, is there any way that you can translate that back into Chinese?"
"Um, you are going to live?"
"Heh, yeah I think I figured that out Doc."
"I'm not actually a physician, I just have a basic knowledge of medicine." Gonou replied, a bit defensively, for he did not want the redhead to form an incorrect opinion of him.
"So what do I call you then?"
"My name is Cho Gonou."
"Sha Gojyo. I don't suppose you can tell me where those five assholes went. I really don't feel like meeting up with them again, but I can't remember anything after being kicked in the head."
Gonou hesitated, then shifted to squarely meet the gaze of his patient. Gojyo's eye was slowly dilating under the effect of the soporific Gonou had place in the tea. "I killed them, and dragged you out of the stream where they had been drowning you." He felt Gojyo shudder under his arm at those words, and the hand holding the cup sagged downwards.
"You killed them to save me." A small tired smile twitched at the corner of Gojyo's torn mouth which dissolved into a yawn. His eye began to sag shut again, and Gonou felt the half-breed sliding back into sleep. "Always trying to save me." he murmured.
Gonou gently placed the redhead back down onto the blankets. One of the things that becoming a demon had granted him, was the amazing ability to tell how Gojyo was injured. It was like a map of energies that flowed under his fingers that he could suddenly now read. He had been able to trace the broken bones and known when he had set them correctly. Organs reported damage to him, he knew which ones needed to be treated, and which were healing on their own. The worst injuries had been the multiple breaks in Gojyo's right hand, where it had been stomped on, the gunshot wound to the shoulder, and the damage to the right eye. Gonou had been able to extract the bullet, and carefully align the bones in the hand, but the eye was troubling. Gonou could sense that the eye was healing, but slowly, and there was still something wrong with it. Something lay just outside his grasp, there was a feeling that he should have been able to fix it, but he had no idea as to how. He saw the faulty energy, but he could not balance it.
"I'm a teacher not a doctor," he hissed softly to the night air. Gonou leaned tiredly against a nearby tree. Book knowledge was one thing, actually having to apply it to someone had taken a lot out of him. "Not even that anymore. Now I'm a monster." He looked down at his limiter disguised hands. "A monster like the ones I killed." Unbidden, a little voice in his mind answered back. *Are you really?*
*****
This had to be a dream, because Kanan was with him. She met him with a laughing smile, twining her arms around his neck. She raised her face to be kissed, and Gonou readily acquiesced, tenderly claiming his beloved's lips, wrapping his arms around her waist. They sank to the ground, clothes vanishing along the way, and he made love to her, delighting in their passion, their all-consuming love. As they climaxed together, Kanan flung her head back and screamed. It was the wrong kind of scream. She went stiff, and the sweat glistening on her body turned into blood.
Gonou flung himself away from her, he was clothed again, and back in the cell where Kanan had died. Blood stained everything, his clothes, the walls, Kanan. She was standing there, the blade dangling in her hand, blood pouring down her throat, a happy loving smile gracing her lips. Gonou felt the cold iron of the bars pressing against his shoulders as his feet scrabbled madly, trying to get farther away from the madness in front of him. "No no no no nononononono….."
"What's wrong, my love? Aren't you happy? I killed a monster, killed it before it had a chance to ruin our lives." Her cheerful voice grated against him, tearing at his soul.
"Yes, aren't you happy? She did the right thing you know. No one wants an abomination." The blue haired demon stepped into view next to Kanan, the gaping wound where his eye once was streaming red, a deluge drenching the floor, pooling out towards him.
"No," he managed to gasp out. "No, Kanan. I didn't want this. I didn't want you to die. We could have done something…"
"Yeah, you could have drowned it at birth." Five men appeared, all covered in gaping wounds, things that should have been inside dangling out, more blood rushing, it covered his ankles now. "Should have wrapped it in a sack and tossed in the river like an unwanted cat. Only thing to do with filth like that."
Claws erupted from Gonou's hands, he could feel the changes whip through him, saw the leaves dance across his skin. "No! Kanan, I can't believe you would kill a child! I can't believe you killed your child!"
"But it's not a child Gonou," and now her free hand was wrapped in a fistful of long red hair, a lanky man bound and kneeling helplessly before her. "It's a monster, a monster just like you. But don't worry love, after we kill this one, I'll free you from your pain." She raised the knife, and Gonou lunged forward…
"NO!" His eyes snapped open, great heaving breaths shaking his frame. The fire was down to banked embers, and the sky was turning gray with false dawn. Gojyo lay a foot away, still deep in slumber, the rise and fall of his chest his only movements. His body did not seem to want to work properly, and it took nearly fifteen minutes to replenish the fire. He replayed the final moments of the nightmare in his head, and it was still unclear to him. Had he been trying to stop Kanan, save Gojyo, or meet the blade's stroke with his own heart?
"Is is so wrong Kanan?" Gonou whispered softly. "Wrong to have wanted you to live? The baby? Gojyo? Is it wrong for me to live?" There was no answer.
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and characters belong to Kazuya Minekura… and I hope she never stops writing and drawing them.
______________________________________
"Hell is a lot more rustic than I thought it would be."
The weak voice startled Cho Gonou as he was feeding the fire. For a week now, he had tended the badly injured half-breed, who had not regained consciousness after the brief meeting of eyes on the bank of the stream. Gonou had been forced to take a trip back to Hyakugan Maoh's fortress to scavenge for medicines, blankets, food, everything he needed in order to save the redhead. No one there needed any of those things anyways, and his speedy rummage had even turned up a small box of power limiters. The set of three clips slid easily over his ear, and at least now on the outside, he no longer resembled the monster he had become.
"My apologies at the accommodations, but I fear there are none better available." Gonou had not been willing to stay in the corpse-filled castle, and he had set up a small camp under a small overhang of rock not far from Kanan's grave. Carefully pouring out a measure of the tea he had been keeping warm, Gonou moved over to the prone man. One red eye blinked curiously at him from a sea of bandages and bruises. Gonou maneuvered the man to a more upright position, leaning the man's head against his shoulder to support him. "Here, try to drink some of this."
The half-breed managed to get his hand around the cup, but Gonou had to assist him in drinking, the redhead was still too weak to manage on his own. "Gah," the patient gasped as the bitter fluid slid down his throat. "This has to be good for me, 'cause it tastes like shit." Gonou had to suppress a twitch at the casually spoken vulgarity; after all, compared to the stains now on his soul, a little harsh language was nothing he could look down upon.
"Well, I did put a strong dose of willow in it, but that was the only antipyretic I felt was safe to use on you." Gonou explained. "The medicine kit I found is a little… esoteric for my tastes. Fortunately, it seems you have a very high regenerative capability, and the damage done to your internal organs wasn't as bad as I had initially assessed."
"Doc, is there any way that you can translate that back into Chinese?"
"Um, you are going to live?"
"Heh, yeah I think I figured that out Doc."
"I'm not actually a physician, I just have a basic knowledge of medicine." Gonou replied, a bit defensively, for he did not want the redhead to form an incorrect opinion of him.
"So what do I call you then?"
"My name is Cho Gonou."
"Sha Gojyo. I don't suppose you can tell me where those five assholes went. I really don't feel like meeting up with them again, but I can't remember anything after being kicked in the head."
Gonou hesitated, then shifted to squarely meet the gaze of his patient. Gojyo's eye was slowly dilating under the effect of the soporific Gonou had place in the tea. "I killed them, and dragged you out of the stream where they had been drowning you." He felt Gojyo shudder under his arm at those words, and the hand holding the cup sagged downwards.
"You killed them to save me." A small tired smile twitched at the corner of Gojyo's torn mouth which dissolved into a yawn. His eye began to sag shut again, and Gonou felt the half-breed sliding back into sleep. "Always trying to save me." he murmured.
Gonou gently placed the redhead back down onto the blankets. One of the things that becoming a demon had granted him, was the amazing ability to tell how Gojyo was injured. It was like a map of energies that flowed under his fingers that he could suddenly now read. He had been able to trace the broken bones and known when he had set them correctly. Organs reported damage to him, he knew which ones needed to be treated, and which were healing on their own. The worst injuries had been the multiple breaks in Gojyo's right hand, where it had been stomped on, the gunshot wound to the shoulder, and the damage to the right eye. Gonou had been able to extract the bullet, and carefully align the bones in the hand, but the eye was troubling. Gonou could sense that the eye was healing, but slowly, and there was still something wrong with it. Something lay just outside his grasp, there was a feeling that he should have been able to fix it, but he had no idea as to how. He saw the faulty energy, but he could not balance it.
"I'm a teacher not a doctor," he hissed softly to the night air. Gonou leaned tiredly against a nearby tree. Book knowledge was one thing, actually having to apply it to someone had taken a lot out of him. "Not even that anymore. Now I'm a monster." He looked down at his limiter disguised hands. "A monster like the ones I killed." Unbidden, a little voice in his mind answered back. *Are you really?*
*****
This had to be a dream, because Kanan was with him. She met him with a laughing smile, twining her arms around his neck. She raised her face to be kissed, and Gonou readily acquiesced, tenderly claiming his beloved's lips, wrapping his arms around her waist. They sank to the ground, clothes vanishing along the way, and he made love to her, delighting in their passion, their all-consuming love. As they climaxed together, Kanan flung her head back and screamed. It was the wrong kind of scream. She went stiff, and the sweat glistening on her body turned into blood.
Gonou flung himself away from her, he was clothed again, and back in the cell where Kanan had died. Blood stained everything, his clothes, the walls, Kanan. She was standing there, the blade dangling in her hand, blood pouring down her throat, a happy loving smile gracing her lips. Gonou felt the cold iron of the bars pressing against his shoulders as his feet scrabbled madly, trying to get farther away from the madness in front of him. "No no no no nononononono….."
"What's wrong, my love? Aren't you happy? I killed a monster, killed it before it had a chance to ruin our lives." Her cheerful voice grated against him, tearing at his soul.
"Yes, aren't you happy? She did the right thing you know. No one wants an abomination." The blue haired demon stepped into view next to Kanan, the gaping wound where his eye once was streaming red, a deluge drenching the floor, pooling out towards him.
"No," he managed to gasp out. "No, Kanan. I didn't want this. I didn't want you to die. We could have done something…"
"Yeah, you could have drowned it at birth." Five men appeared, all covered in gaping wounds, things that should have been inside dangling out, more blood rushing, it covered his ankles now. "Should have wrapped it in a sack and tossed in the river like an unwanted cat. Only thing to do with filth like that."
Claws erupted from Gonou's hands, he could feel the changes whip through him, saw the leaves dance across his skin. "No! Kanan, I can't believe you would kill a child! I can't believe you killed your child!"
"But it's not a child Gonou," and now her free hand was wrapped in a fistful of long red hair, a lanky man bound and kneeling helplessly before her. "It's a monster, a monster just like you. But don't worry love, after we kill this one, I'll free you from your pain." She raised the knife, and Gonou lunged forward…
"NO!" His eyes snapped open, great heaving breaths shaking his frame. The fire was down to banked embers, and the sky was turning gray with false dawn. Gojyo lay a foot away, still deep in slumber, the rise and fall of his chest his only movements. His body did not seem to want to work properly, and it took nearly fifteen minutes to replenish the fire. He replayed the final moments of the nightmare in his head, and it was still unclear to him. Had he been trying to stop Kanan, save Gojyo, or meet the blade's stroke with his own heart?
"Is is so wrong Kanan?" Gonou whispered softly. "Wrong to have wanted you to live? The baby? Gojyo? Is it wrong for me to live?" There was no answer.