A/N: Oof. Getting inside Gonou's head isn't fun. He tends to obsess over things like hands and blood and wants to sit and brood. Thankfully Gojyo tends to know what to do to push the story back on track.
UltraM2000: I don't know if Iron Monkey is a real legend or a "Movie Legend", but the young boy in the movie was a real person and a great hero to the Chinese back in the late 1800's.
Firnheledien: Thank you for your kind review. I'm flying without a beta, so it's nice to know I'm not flubbing my grammar too badly!
Veszelyite: Mmmm… tea and cookies! Just the fuel for hungry muses!
Devera: Right now the boys are in a lot of pain, but they are soul mates. I want them to have a solid footing in friendship first before I decide whether or not to make them lovers. (tempting!)
badger wolf: Thank you! I like standing things on their head to see how they fall. This has been fun so far!
Disclaimer: If Saiyuki belonged to me, Yaone, Lirin and Rasetsunyo would be the happiest she-demons in the world with all those luscious men to choose from. But it doesn't belong to me, so the throw-down cat-fight between Gyokumen and Rasetsunyo hasn't happened. Sigh.
__________________________
Sha Gojyo had always been intrigued by mysteries, and Cho Gonou was the biggest enigma he had ever met. On one hand he had matter-of-factly confessed to killing the five men who had been hunting him, but he was down right squeamish whenever Gojyo swore. He had the mannerisms of not only an educated man, but a teacher, so what was he doing out in the middle of the woods? Gonou projected a calm façade of courteous concern, but whenever he thought Gojyo wasn't looking, the mask slipped to show an emotion that scared the half-breed. The last time he had seen someone standing on the edge of sanity was his step-mother, and he still bore those scars on his face and soul. He was just as helpless now as he was all those years ago, and there was no one to save him this time if Gonou fell to the madness.
So, despite the fact that every breath made his ribs ache, every twitch made his battered shoulder cry in agony, and incessant pounding of his head, Gojyo refused the pain medications that Gonou offered. Gojyo needed every single wit he had remaining, and being hopped up on what was obviously high-quality opium from Gonou's mysterious kit increased the chance that Gojyo might accidentally say or do the one thing that would push his caretaker over the edge. He had come close a few times, the latest when he had asked where they were the previous day.
"I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention when I took off out of town. Most of the time, I don't get followed too far, but those five were pretty persistent. Tracked me for four days, and I have no idea where I ended up."
Gonou looked over at him and pointed off northwards. "Hyakugan Maoh's fortress is about six miles that way. Not much else around here."
"The Centipede Clan? Hell, even I've heard of them. No offense, but I think we probably need to be a bit further away than six miles. Those bastards are really nasty and territorial."
"Oh, they won't be bothering us." The curious flat tone in Gonou's voice seized Gojyo's full attention. Bitter experience set off Gojyo's alarms: teeth slightly bared, stiffened shoulders, fists twitching, and a dangerous glint in Gonou's eyes all shouted familiar warnings and Gojyo hastily leapt for what was a sure, if painful diversion. He took a deep breath, overfilling his lungs and straining his cracked ribs, which prompted a coughing fit that wracked his body with agony. Hands were instantly there to steady him, a quiet voice cutting through the haze of pain.
"Gojyo-san, are you alright?" The calm mask was securely in place again, and the green eyes displayed only their usual detached worry over Gojyo's injuries. One more dance on the razor's edge of sanity, and Gojyo had won again, even if it meant his feet were bloody. Gonou hadn't run screaming off into the woods with that terrible look in his eyes, or picked up the ax and finished the swing Gojyo's mother had never landed.
"I... I guess I'm just tired." Gojyo said slowly, his head bowed in weariness. Gonou leaned over him and slipped a cool hand on Gojyo's neck, his thumb resting gently against the twin scars running down Gojyo's cheek. Gojyo could feel the slight tingle of Gonou "reading" his injuries, and then he sat back with a sigh.
"There's no sign of infection, but you have a low fever and you really aren't getting much rest with the constant pain. Are you sure you don't want the opium? It's the only thing in the kit I recognize that will do you any real good. If we're careful with it, you should be alright."
"Thanks, but I'd rather not take the risk." Gojyo had a new piece to his puzzle of Cho Gonou. Whatever was eating at him now contained the words Centipede Clan, family, and women. And with what Gojyo knew of that Clan's particular habits a rough outline of Gonou's problem was taking shape. *But why is he so sure they'll leave us alone? What happened out here?*
*****
Two weeks had passed since Kanan died. Two weeks since he had thrown away his humanity, and his entire life had come crashing down around him. Two weeks since Sha Gojyo had dropped into his lap, a man whose desire for life had outweighed Gonou's need for death. Gojyo was currently dozing fitfully, his breath coming in the soft whimpers of pain that the half-breed only gave into when sleeping, red hair spilling down his shoulder, across his throat, glistening like blood... reminding him of his sins, admonishing him...
*No. Stop it. It's just his hair. Not that.*
Gonou shuddered, chasing the images away. He walked over to Gojyo, and gently brushed the hair back, revealing the clean lines of an unmarred throat. *See, it's not blood. It's just hair in my hand, not blood.* He let the crimson strands fall through his fingers, leaving unstained flesh behind. How long Gonou sat there, staring blankly at his hands, he didn't know. But a familiar voice pulled on the edges of his mind, calling out to him. Dragging his eyes upwards, he saw Gojyo twitching in his sleep, incoherent words tumbling from his lips. A quick glance towards the sun told Gonou it was already past noon. If he was going to catch any fish for their dinner, he needed to head out now. Regretfully, he shook Gojyo's shoulder, waking the redhead out of his dream.
"What is it?" came the sleepy mumble.
"I'm going to be gone for a few hours, and I didn't want you to wake up to find me gone."
"Mmm... thanks. Where are you going?"
"Fishing, there's a good spot not far from here."
Gojyo nodded and levered himself upright. "Hunh, head's not so bad today. No dizziness anymore. Bring me back a mermaid, will ya?"
Gonou gave a startled blink. "A mermaid?"
A lazy, heated smile curved across Gojyo's face, "Finest piece of tail you'll ever find. Beats learning how to jerk off left-handed." For a moment, Gonou could only stare at Gojyo in disbelief. A crimson eye crinkled in amusement and Gojyo began to chuckle. "Oh, Gonou you should see your face! I do believe you're blushing!"
Gonou shook his head and rose to collect the fishing gear he had put together. He was surprised at how good it felt to hear Gojyo's laugh. It fell so easily from his lips, and Gonou knew that though Gojyo's mirth had been at his own expense, the redhead had not truly been laughing at him, but including him in the jest.
"Try not to set yourself on fire again while I'm gone. There's some rice cooked if you get hungry."
"Nag, nag. I'm not going to move from this spot, and that was an accident. Misjudged the distance is all." Gojyo made a shooing motion with his good arm. "Go on, I'll be fine and fish sounds good tonight."
The fish were biting well, and Gonou returned with the afternoon sun still fairly high in the sky. He quickly set up the catch to a slow cook, and refilled the water kettle. "Gojyo, I want to take a look at your eye before dinner. I think it has healed as much as it is going to, and..."
"And the sooner we know if I can see out of it the better, right?" Gojyo finished, plucking nervously at the sling his right arm rested in.
Gonou nodded in confirmation. "I just need to set up a few things, and it is best if we do this while there is still good light." Receiving a jerky nod in reply, Gonou set out some of the last remaining bandages and waited for the water in the kettle to heat over the small cookfire.
The outer wrapping and first layers of bandage came off easily, but the inner layers were sticky with dried blood and film. Gonou carefully loosened the gauze with the warm water, slowly easing it off the eyelid. Fading bruises and more dried blood covered the lid which was held shut firmly by yellowish drainage. Gonou gently gripped Gojyo's chin and began to clean the eye. "Let me know if you are in discomfort Gojyo-san."
"Just keep going." Gojyo's free hand reached up and wrapped around the wrist under his chin. Gonou finished clearing the lid of debris, and tilted Gojyo's face towards the light.
"Open it." The lid trembled a moment, then slowly parted, the eye underneath coated with film. Gonou felt Gojyo's hand tighten against him, and tremble. "Wait, let me flush this out, there is still some residue left." Warm water washed down Gojyo's face, carrying the last obstructions away. The eye looking out was dark, the pupil dilated to it's fullest extent with only a thin red iris showing. For a long moment, nothing happened, then the black suddenly retreated as it finally reacted to the light. Two identical crimson eyes stared at Gonou, then Gojyo winced.
"Everything's... off. I can't... it's all twisting out of focus." There was a faint note of hysteria in Gojyo's voice, and the grip on Gonou's wrist became crushing. "Shit shit shit..."
"Relax, Gojyo. I want you to close your left eye. Let's see what we really have here, alright?" Gonou put some authority into his voice, commanding Gojyo the way he would have one of his students. Holding up a finger, he placed it directly in front of Gojyo's right eye. "Now tell me if you can see my finger clearly."
A few minutes of experimentation proved that while Gojyo still had his full peripheral vision and could track the finger's movement, he could not focus his eye past four inches. Trying to see out of both eyes rapidly disoriented him, the conflicting images from the damaged eye producing a nauseating headache. Gonou hastily replaced the outer wrappings to serve as a patch. Finishing up, he turned from the silent redhead to complete dinner.
"Don't leave." the request was so quiet, Gonou almost missed it.
"Gojyo-san?"
"Please don't leave me." Everything sat in that simple request. Don't go. Stay. Live.
He pushed the fish to the side and wrapped his arms around Gojyo, the taller man fitting against his body perfectly.
"I'm right here."
UltraM2000: I don't know if Iron Monkey is a real legend or a "Movie Legend", but the young boy in the movie was a real person and a great hero to the Chinese back in the late 1800's.
Firnheledien: Thank you for your kind review. I'm flying without a beta, so it's nice to know I'm not flubbing my grammar too badly!
Veszelyite: Mmmm… tea and cookies! Just the fuel for hungry muses!
Devera: Right now the boys are in a lot of pain, but they are soul mates. I want them to have a solid footing in friendship first before I decide whether or not to make them lovers. (tempting!)
badger wolf: Thank you! I like standing things on their head to see how they fall. This has been fun so far!
Disclaimer: If Saiyuki belonged to me, Yaone, Lirin and Rasetsunyo would be the happiest she-demons in the world with all those luscious men to choose from. But it doesn't belong to me, so the throw-down cat-fight between Gyokumen and Rasetsunyo hasn't happened. Sigh.
__________________________
Sha Gojyo had always been intrigued by mysteries, and Cho Gonou was the biggest enigma he had ever met. On one hand he had matter-of-factly confessed to killing the five men who had been hunting him, but he was down right squeamish whenever Gojyo swore. He had the mannerisms of not only an educated man, but a teacher, so what was he doing out in the middle of the woods? Gonou projected a calm façade of courteous concern, but whenever he thought Gojyo wasn't looking, the mask slipped to show an emotion that scared the half-breed. The last time he had seen someone standing on the edge of sanity was his step-mother, and he still bore those scars on his face and soul. He was just as helpless now as he was all those years ago, and there was no one to save him this time if Gonou fell to the madness.
So, despite the fact that every breath made his ribs ache, every twitch made his battered shoulder cry in agony, and incessant pounding of his head, Gojyo refused the pain medications that Gonou offered. Gojyo needed every single wit he had remaining, and being hopped up on what was obviously high-quality opium from Gonou's mysterious kit increased the chance that Gojyo might accidentally say or do the one thing that would push his caretaker over the edge. He had come close a few times, the latest when he had asked where they were the previous day.
"I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention when I took off out of town. Most of the time, I don't get followed too far, but those five were pretty persistent. Tracked me for four days, and I have no idea where I ended up."
Gonou looked over at him and pointed off northwards. "Hyakugan Maoh's fortress is about six miles that way. Not much else around here."
"The Centipede Clan? Hell, even I've heard of them. No offense, but I think we probably need to be a bit further away than six miles. Those bastards are really nasty and territorial."
"Oh, they won't be bothering us." The curious flat tone in Gonou's voice seized Gojyo's full attention. Bitter experience set off Gojyo's alarms: teeth slightly bared, stiffened shoulders, fists twitching, and a dangerous glint in Gonou's eyes all shouted familiar warnings and Gojyo hastily leapt for what was a sure, if painful diversion. He took a deep breath, overfilling his lungs and straining his cracked ribs, which prompted a coughing fit that wracked his body with agony. Hands were instantly there to steady him, a quiet voice cutting through the haze of pain.
"Gojyo-san, are you alright?" The calm mask was securely in place again, and the green eyes displayed only their usual detached worry over Gojyo's injuries. One more dance on the razor's edge of sanity, and Gojyo had won again, even if it meant his feet were bloody. Gonou hadn't run screaming off into the woods with that terrible look in his eyes, or picked up the ax and finished the swing Gojyo's mother had never landed.
"I... I guess I'm just tired." Gojyo said slowly, his head bowed in weariness. Gonou leaned over him and slipped a cool hand on Gojyo's neck, his thumb resting gently against the twin scars running down Gojyo's cheek. Gojyo could feel the slight tingle of Gonou "reading" his injuries, and then he sat back with a sigh.
"There's no sign of infection, but you have a low fever and you really aren't getting much rest with the constant pain. Are you sure you don't want the opium? It's the only thing in the kit I recognize that will do you any real good. If we're careful with it, you should be alright."
"Thanks, but I'd rather not take the risk." Gojyo had a new piece to his puzzle of Cho Gonou. Whatever was eating at him now contained the words Centipede Clan, family, and women. And with what Gojyo knew of that Clan's particular habits a rough outline of Gonou's problem was taking shape. *But why is he so sure they'll leave us alone? What happened out here?*
*****
Two weeks had passed since Kanan died. Two weeks since he had thrown away his humanity, and his entire life had come crashing down around him. Two weeks since Sha Gojyo had dropped into his lap, a man whose desire for life had outweighed Gonou's need for death. Gojyo was currently dozing fitfully, his breath coming in the soft whimpers of pain that the half-breed only gave into when sleeping, red hair spilling down his shoulder, across his throat, glistening like blood... reminding him of his sins, admonishing him...
*No. Stop it. It's just his hair. Not that.*
Gonou shuddered, chasing the images away. He walked over to Gojyo, and gently brushed the hair back, revealing the clean lines of an unmarred throat. *See, it's not blood. It's just hair in my hand, not blood.* He let the crimson strands fall through his fingers, leaving unstained flesh behind. How long Gonou sat there, staring blankly at his hands, he didn't know. But a familiar voice pulled on the edges of his mind, calling out to him. Dragging his eyes upwards, he saw Gojyo twitching in his sleep, incoherent words tumbling from his lips. A quick glance towards the sun told Gonou it was already past noon. If he was going to catch any fish for their dinner, he needed to head out now. Regretfully, he shook Gojyo's shoulder, waking the redhead out of his dream.
"What is it?" came the sleepy mumble.
"I'm going to be gone for a few hours, and I didn't want you to wake up to find me gone."
"Mmm... thanks. Where are you going?"
"Fishing, there's a good spot not far from here."
Gojyo nodded and levered himself upright. "Hunh, head's not so bad today. No dizziness anymore. Bring me back a mermaid, will ya?"
Gonou gave a startled blink. "A mermaid?"
A lazy, heated smile curved across Gojyo's face, "Finest piece of tail you'll ever find. Beats learning how to jerk off left-handed." For a moment, Gonou could only stare at Gojyo in disbelief. A crimson eye crinkled in amusement and Gojyo began to chuckle. "Oh, Gonou you should see your face! I do believe you're blushing!"
Gonou shook his head and rose to collect the fishing gear he had put together. He was surprised at how good it felt to hear Gojyo's laugh. It fell so easily from his lips, and Gonou knew that though Gojyo's mirth had been at his own expense, the redhead had not truly been laughing at him, but including him in the jest.
"Try not to set yourself on fire again while I'm gone. There's some rice cooked if you get hungry."
"Nag, nag. I'm not going to move from this spot, and that was an accident. Misjudged the distance is all." Gojyo made a shooing motion with his good arm. "Go on, I'll be fine and fish sounds good tonight."
The fish were biting well, and Gonou returned with the afternoon sun still fairly high in the sky. He quickly set up the catch to a slow cook, and refilled the water kettle. "Gojyo, I want to take a look at your eye before dinner. I think it has healed as much as it is going to, and..."
"And the sooner we know if I can see out of it the better, right?" Gojyo finished, plucking nervously at the sling his right arm rested in.
Gonou nodded in confirmation. "I just need to set up a few things, and it is best if we do this while there is still good light." Receiving a jerky nod in reply, Gonou set out some of the last remaining bandages and waited for the water in the kettle to heat over the small cookfire.
The outer wrapping and first layers of bandage came off easily, but the inner layers were sticky with dried blood and film. Gonou carefully loosened the gauze with the warm water, slowly easing it off the eyelid. Fading bruises and more dried blood covered the lid which was held shut firmly by yellowish drainage. Gonou gently gripped Gojyo's chin and began to clean the eye. "Let me know if you are in discomfort Gojyo-san."
"Just keep going." Gojyo's free hand reached up and wrapped around the wrist under his chin. Gonou finished clearing the lid of debris, and tilted Gojyo's face towards the light.
"Open it." The lid trembled a moment, then slowly parted, the eye underneath coated with film. Gonou felt Gojyo's hand tighten against him, and tremble. "Wait, let me flush this out, there is still some residue left." Warm water washed down Gojyo's face, carrying the last obstructions away. The eye looking out was dark, the pupil dilated to it's fullest extent with only a thin red iris showing. For a long moment, nothing happened, then the black suddenly retreated as it finally reacted to the light. Two identical crimson eyes stared at Gonou, then Gojyo winced.
"Everything's... off. I can't... it's all twisting out of focus." There was a faint note of hysteria in Gojyo's voice, and the grip on Gonou's wrist became crushing. "Shit shit shit..."
"Relax, Gojyo. I want you to close your left eye. Let's see what we really have here, alright?" Gonou put some authority into his voice, commanding Gojyo the way he would have one of his students. Holding up a finger, he placed it directly in front of Gojyo's right eye. "Now tell me if you can see my finger clearly."
A few minutes of experimentation proved that while Gojyo still had his full peripheral vision and could track the finger's movement, he could not focus his eye past four inches. Trying to see out of both eyes rapidly disoriented him, the conflicting images from the damaged eye producing a nauseating headache. Gonou hastily replaced the outer wrappings to serve as a patch. Finishing up, he turned from the silent redhead to complete dinner.
"Don't leave." the request was so quiet, Gonou almost missed it.
"Gojyo-san?"
"Please don't leave me." Everything sat in that simple request. Don't go. Stay. Live.
He pushed the fish to the side and wrapped his arms around Gojyo, the taller man fitting against his body perfectly.
"I'm right here."