A Little Too Late
By Nix Winter
Youji ran until there was no place to run, until all the halls were the same. Then he started thinking. His body felt real enough. He could feel his heart beating, Christ, he could feel anger boiling in his veins. "Daniel!"
"Yes?" a very mellow voice asked. "Why stop running now? Such energy, such power, run a little more."
"You prick! Where am I?"
"You're not in Hell. You ought to be grateful." Daniel sat there in a large black leather wing chair, one leg across the other, white shirt open by the first couple of buttons. "Come have a drink with me?"
"I want to go back to Aya," Youji said, leaning forward, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath after his endless sprint. "Put me back!"
Dark red wine swirled. "Oh, but why would I want to do that? I do not pluck people from Hell just to send them back where they were. Most of them don't really want to go anyway. Give this place a chance." He held out the wine, the imprint of his own iridescent lip gloss on the lip. "What do you have back there that you want so badly? To be arrested for doing that people should have done themselves? To have Aya spit on you because you're a faggot?"
"Aya wouldn't do that," Youji panted, dropping down to his knees. "Aya was coming to...."
"To what? Tell you he only blackened your eye because he was surprised? Coming to tell you he loves you and wants to run away and be a teacher in Seattle?"
Youji cried alone in his room sometimes, muffled by his pillow, mellowed by a bit of brandy, his crimes and self hate could get polished down, but crying now, on his knees before this beautiful demon, only made the tears feel like acid, feel as if his soul were scoured and laid bare. "Why not? We could run away and I could be a private investigator again and he could be a teacher or an accountant and we could walk in the park."
"You are a murderer," Daniel said, reasonably, "A spiller of blood saved from the fires of Hell only because I fancied you. It's a little too late for anything else, don't you think?"
God, he'd known it was too late for so long. It had been too late for him since he'd killed Neu, and even before that, too late since Asuka had died. He didn't deserve love. He didn't deserve the sweetness of watching Aya in his life. Sorrow, grief melted him from the inside out so that his lungs and heart felt like black sludge and his bones brittle wishes not kept. "It's too late for me," Youji agreed.
The demon slipped from his chair and moved to Youji, "It's too late for what was, but not for the future, Youji, my beautiful love. Drink with me, leave what was behind. You'll be happy here. I look a little like him, do I not? And I will love you."
Youji didn't pull away as Daniel's thumb caressed trembling lips. This would never work, he knew it in his deepest being. No matter how nice the demon was, all that held Youji to life was a red head icicle on the other side of the veil. It was a longing for Aya that made him hold together as a conscious person, here or back in the real world. Youji still did not believe in Hell. Once he let go of Aya, he would simply cease to be.
Maybe that was what was best for Aya, for Youji just to cease to be.
Six hours was not a long time to be in trauma surgery. Aya hated every moment, but it gave him time to think, to really think about the decline that Youji had been on. He wasn't one for long and lacy thoughts, but more like the slice of a katana, he liked to slice it right down to the bone. Youji needed to be away from the death and dying. Youji needed someone who would smile at him.
Aya didn't know if he could do it. He hadn't wanted to smile for anyone for a long time. But he wanted to smile for Youji.
Manx waited in the doorway to the waiting room, arms across her chest. When Aya finally saw her, she said, no smile, eyes just normal, "He's dead."
His blood turned katana sharp. "You're lying."
Pulled from his thoughts, he could hear Omi crying, knew Ken was with him. Aya's thoughts added facts up, fast. If Youji were dead, Manx would not react like a manikin. They'd had their tumble too, and Aya new the woman cared for his soulmate. Aya had decided that Youji was his, dangerous and possessive, but the decision was made. If Youji wasn't dead, but they were being told he was, it was because the blond was damaged too much to be of use to Kritiker, and that they were planning on seeing that he was disposed of.
"I'll take him. Let me take him to America."
Manx blinked, her smooth façade cracking. "He's dead."
"You know that's not true yet. Let me take him away. I'll be of no use to anyone without him."
"When did that happen," Manx asked, shaking her head.
"A little at a time. We've done good for you," Aya said, hating how much pleading there was in his voice. "Let us go."
"He's likely to be blinded by the poison. It may have affected his speech centers as well."
A mute Kudou. Who would have thought. "I don't care."
She stepped into the room, closed the door, locked it. "I thought about it, about taking him out of here."
"Are you in love with him," Aya asked, watching her walk to the glass and chrome wet bar.
"I thought I was. He's very charming," she said, her excuse maybe. So efficient, she pulled on her gloves. "You wouldn't have the chance to say good bye."
Ken and Omi. Aya's heart hurt. They were his family. "We could all go."
"What? Do you think I'm going to get permission for this? Don't be stupid." She took two cyanide capsules and spilled the contents into a plastic baggie. The empty shells, she held out to Aya. "Get your prints on these."
No way back, he thought, taking the deadly little orange shells, pinching them so they would have his prints on them, as if he'd opened them. "It shouldn't have to be like this."
"See?" she said, smiling as she stirred two capsules of blue powder into the rum and coke she'd made for him. "You're already thinking like a civilian. You never fit any better than he did. Not that anyone does. Drink up."
There wasn't really any asking if it would kill him or not. She'd just lie, or make this harder. "He deserves better."
"I've already paid for his passage. Drink up, or I wouldn't be able to afford yours as well."
Aya closed his eyes, sent a prayer to his ancestors, to Youji, wherever that spirit was and downed the drink. He didn't even feel himself drop. It was a death, in a way. Manx fingered the baggy in her pocket, and just stood there, watching Aya's breathing slow, go shallow, stop. Beautiful, lovely, untouchable dead man, she thought, so relaxed with his lips slightly parted, pale face lost in dreams that weren't.
Maybe it had taken just long enough for Omi to grow concerned, because the youngest member of Weiss slipped his head in, blinked at the tears on Manx's face. "Manx-san? AYA-kun! Oh god!"
Omi screamed and dropped to his knees by Aya. "Get a doctor! Manx! Get a doctor." Aya had no pulse. "Aya-kun!"
Ken lost the lunch he'd only half eaten in a waste can by the door. Love unspoken can leave hearts with loss they hadn't expected.
"Manx-san! What happened? Get a doctor! This is a hospital!"
"It was his choice," she said coldly. "Didn't want to live without Kuduo. Go home, both of you. There is nothing more to be done."
Ken wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and kicked the can viciously. "I quit. I'm done. Omi?"
Omi's eyes went wide, and he looked up at Manx, back to Ken, his face losing all color. "Ken-kun," he whispered. "You don't mean it!"
"Remember whose dog you are, Hidaka," Manx spat, walking towards the door, her heels clicking on the floor. "Go home. Everything will be alright."
It was forever, that Omi sat there, holding Aya's wrist, waiting for a pulse. Finally, Ken moved, grabbed Omi's hand and they left. Hidaka Ken was no one's dog, not now. And Neither was his Omi. One love might be gone, but the other was going to be okay.
Aya stayed. Red hair hiding a chilling face, knees bent, heart beating so very slowly.
Youji let Death caress his face, brush back sweaty blond hair. He let death lean close, cool lips touch his. And then
That's when he saw her, reflected in Daniel's eyes. Youji spun, knocking over Daniel's wine. "Asuka! Asuka!"
She was there, just like the day she'd first died, tight pants, a tight wicked smile, and she wore his old hat. She pushed the brim up and waved. "Youji."
Daniel cursed blue, insulting Asuka's parentage and sexual habits. Youji spun again and this time his fist sent Daniel flying back against the chair. "Don't say that kind of thing!"
"She's a demon!" Daniel snarled, rubbing his jaw. "I knew you weren't done running yet!"
"Asuka!" And chase he did, just like he'd been chasing for years. She went this way, that way, through the maze of halls and he followed. "Wait! Please!"
He caught up with her at the end of a dead end hall. She smiled, so much like she'd been when he knew her "Asuka! I'm sorry! God! I'm so sorry!"
"You saved me, Youji," she said taking his hat off. "You always did. Neu wasn't me, just a prison to hold what tiny bit of me was left."
He buried his hands in his hair, overcome by the emotion. "I killed you! I didn't want to!"
She crossed to him, put his hat on his head. "I know, Yo-chan. I know. I didn't mean to hurt you either. I've wanted so much to tell you that, that it wasn't your fault. I love you, Yo-chan. I loved who you were when we were partners and I love you now."
"Aya." Youji said, finger gliding along the edge of his hat brim, a forgotten mannerism coming back.
"I know about Aya. I'm glad you love him, Yo-chan. It means I can move on. You've always had too big of a heart, caring with so much energy that there's not enough left for yourself. You need someone one to take care of you."
"I do not!" Youji said, offended.
"Yes, you do. And in return, you give a love that whoever is taking care of you needs just as much. I know I did. You need Aya now. Call him to him, so you can find your way back."
"Asuka," Youji said softly. "Are we really dead?"
"You're not," she said softly, hand on his chest. "You're a lot less dead than you were. Live, Yo-chan. Enjoy living. Promise me this and I can let go, go on to the other side."
He caught her to him, an arm around the small of her back. While he didn't believe in an after life for himself, just dissolved nothing waited for him. For her he believed in Heaven, in happily ever after and belief made everything in this place. "I promise. I'll love him and I'll live."
The kiss he gave her was one he'd never done when they were both breathing, intimate and loving, lips saying things he couldn't have said with a million words. Of all the women he'd kissed, seduced with lies of lip and tongue, this was the last, the sweetest, the good bye to lies. She equaled his kiss, washing him in forgiveness and understanding, her smaller tongue, evading and dancing with his. When she disappeared, it was as if he'd never lost her at all. He took a deep breath, a shiver moving across his shoulder.
"Aya! Aya!" He called, feeling rather silly, as if he could just call to the living and have them answer. Asuka has suggested he wasn't dead though, made him promise to live. "Fujimiya Ran!"
Youji blinked, slowly, the air around him so heavy, drawing him down as if he'd drown right there. "Fu..." he snarled, but the floor was already gone.
When he opened his eyes the floor was metal and swaying. Forgetting he was nothing more than a spirit, he reached out for a table. The room was small, with round windows, and there at the edge of the room was a bed just large enough for two. A blond with clean dry curls lay in the arms of a red head, who slept as well, even though his fingers caressed through blond curls unconsciously. Maybe it was Aya's way of summoning.
Spirit Youji stood there for a moment, just watching Aya hold his body. How could it be that easy, just decide to live. And yet, it felt like a life time away that he'd let that guard take his life away. He didn't feel sorry though, just felt relieved, felt hopeful.
Without walking, he found himself across the small cabin, reaching down to touch Aya's face, those fiery red eyelashes. Suspicious violet eyes snapped open and Youji laughed, silent in his spirit form. Aya was Aya, and Youji's heart swelled, warm and happy. "Aya," he said, knowing the red head couldn't really hear him. The next blink took him back into his body, shivering and achy, but Aya was there, arm under him, pulling him close.
"Youji?"
"Aya," he said, voice raspy, "I meant it, you know. I still do."
"Good," Aya snarled, "I didn't mean it when I hit you. I just didn't know how to react and I got scared. Do you hurt? Are you feeling okay?"
Youji pushed himself up on one elbow, one hand reaching out to touch Aya's hair, the warm side of Aya's face. "God, I love you."
Their kiss began the next song of Youji's life, just as kissing Asuka had ended the old one. One hand behind Aya's head, Youji committed himself with that kiss, deep slow thrusts, swirls, tasting and caressing, sharing in a kiss that blended breath and soul.
It didn't matter that they were on a ship bound for Seattle, only that they were with each other and that they could make whatever kind of tea they fancied.
By Nix Winter
Youji ran until there was no place to run, until all the halls were the same. Then he started thinking. His body felt real enough. He could feel his heart beating, Christ, he could feel anger boiling in his veins. "Daniel!"
"Yes?" a very mellow voice asked. "Why stop running now? Such energy, such power, run a little more."
"You prick! Where am I?"
"You're not in Hell. You ought to be grateful." Daniel sat there in a large black leather wing chair, one leg across the other, white shirt open by the first couple of buttons. "Come have a drink with me?"
"I want to go back to Aya," Youji said, leaning forward, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath after his endless sprint. "Put me back!"
Dark red wine swirled. "Oh, but why would I want to do that? I do not pluck people from Hell just to send them back where they were. Most of them don't really want to go anyway. Give this place a chance." He held out the wine, the imprint of his own iridescent lip gloss on the lip. "What do you have back there that you want so badly? To be arrested for doing that people should have done themselves? To have Aya spit on you because you're a faggot?"
"Aya wouldn't do that," Youji panted, dropping down to his knees. "Aya was coming to...."
"To what? Tell you he only blackened your eye because he was surprised? Coming to tell you he loves you and wants to run away and be a teacher in Seattle?"
Youji cried alone in his room sometimes, muffled by his pillow, mellowed by a bit of brandy, his crimes and self hate could get polished down, but crying now, on his knees before this beautiful demon, only made the tears feel like acid, feel as if his soul were scoured and laid bare. "Why not? We could run away and I could be a private investigator again and he could be a teacher or an accountant and we could walk in the park."
"You are a murderer," Daniel said, reasonably, "A spiller of blood saved from the fires of Hell only because I fancied you. It's a little too late for anything else, don't you think?"
God, he'd known it was too late for so long. It had been too late for him since he'd killed Neu, and even before that, too late since Asuka had died. He didn't deserve love. He didn't deserve the sweetness of watching Aya in his life. Sorrow, grief melted him from the inside out so that his lungs and heart felt like black sludge and his bones brittle wishes not kept. "It's too late for me," Youji agreed.
The demon slipped from his chair and moved to Youji, "It's too late for what was, but not for the future, Youji, my beautiful love. Drink with me, leave what was behind. You'll be happy here. I look a little like him, do I not? And I will love you."
Youji didn't pull away as Daniel's thumb caressed trembling lips. This would never work, he knew it in his deepest being. No matter how nice the demon was, all that held Youji to life was a red head icicle on the other side of the veil. It was a longing for Aya that made him hold together as a conscious person, here or back in the real world. Youji still did not believe in Hell. Once he let go of Aya, he would simply cease to be.
Maybe that was what was best for Aya, for Youji just to cease to be.
Six hours was not a long time to be in trauma surgery. Aya hated every moment, but it gave him time to think, to really think about the decline that Youji had been on. He wasn't one for long and lacy thoughts, but more like the slice of a katana, he liked to slice it right down to the bone. Youji needed to be away from the death and dying. Youji needed someone who would smile at him.
Aya didn't know if he could do it. He hadn't wanted to smile for anyone for a long time. But he wanted to smile for Youji.
Manx waited in the doorway to the waiting room, arms across her chest. When Aya finally saw her, she said, no smile, eyes just normal, "He's dead."
His blood turned katana sharp. "You're lying."
Pulled from his thoughts, he could hear Omi crying, knew Ken was with him. Aya's thoughts added facts up, fast. If Youji were dead, Manx would not react like a manikin. They'd had their tumble too, and Aya new the woman cared for his soulmate. Aya had decided that Youji was his, dangerous and possessive, but the decision was made. If Youji wasn't dead, but they were being told he was, it was because the blond was damaged too much to be of use to Kritiker, and that they were planning on seeing that he was disposed of.
"I'll take him. Let me take him to America."
Manx blinked, her smooth façade cracking. "He's dead."
"You know that's not true yet. Let me take him away. I'll be of no use to anyone without him."
"When did that happen," Manx asked, shaking her head.
"A little at a time. We've done good for you," Aya said, hating how much pleading there was in his voice. "Let us go."
"He's likely to be blinded by the poison. It may have affected his speech centers as well."
A mute Kudou. Who would have thought. "I don't care."
She stepped into the room, closed the door, locked it. "I thought about it, about taking him out of here."
"Are you in love with him," Aya asked, watching her walk to the glass and chrome wet bar.
"I thought I was. He's very charming," she said, her excuse maybe. So efficient, she pulled on her gloves. "You wouldn't have the chance to say good bye."
Ken and Omi. Aya's heart hurt. They were his family. "We could all go."
"What? Do you think I'm going to get permission for this? Don't be stupid." She took two cyanide capsules and spilled the contents into a plastic baggie. The empty shells, she held out to Aya. "Get your prints on these."
No way back, he thought, taking the deadly little orange shells, pinching them so they would have his prints on them, as if he'd opened them. "It shouldn't have to be like this."
"See?" she said, smiling as she stirred two capsules of blue powder into the rum and coke she'd made for him. "You're already thinking like a civilian. You never fit any better than he did. Not that anyone does. Drink up."
There wasn't really any asking if it would kill him or not. She'd just lie, or make this harder. "He deserves better."
"I've already paid for his passage. Drink up, or I wouldn't be able to afford yours as well."
Aya closed his eyes, sent a prayer to his ancestors, to Youji, wherever that spirit was and downed the drink. He didn't even feel himself drop. It was a death, in a way. Manx fingered the baggy in her pocket, and just stood there, watching Aya's breathing slow, go shallow, stop. Beautiful, lovely, untouchable dead man, she thought, so relaxed with his lips slightly parted, pale face lost in dreams that weren't.
Maybe it had taken just long enough for Omi to grow concerned, because the youngest member of Weiss slipped his head in, blinked at the tears on Manx's face. "Manx-san? AYA-kun! Oh god!"
Omi screamed and dropped to his knees by Aya. "Get a doctor! Manx! Get a doctor." Aya had no pulse. "Aya-kun!"
Ken lost the lunch he'd only half eaten in a waste can by the door. Love unspoken can leave hearts with loss they hadn't expected.
"Manx-san! What happened? Get a doctor! This is a hospital!"
"It was his choice," she said coldly. "Didn't want to live without Kuduo. Go home, both of you. There is nothing more to be done."
Ken wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and kicked the can viciously. "I quit. I'm done. Omi?"
Omi's eyes went wide, and he looked up at Manx, back to Ken, his face losing all color. "Ken-kun," he whispered. "You don't mean it!"
"Remember whose dog you are, Hidaka," Manx spat, walking towards the door, her heels clicking on the floor. "Go home. Everything will be alright."
It was forever, that Omi sat there, holding Aya's wrist, waiting for a pulse. Finally, Ken moved, grabbed Omi's hand and they left. Hidaka Ken was no one's dog, not now. And Neither was his Omi. One love might be gone, but the other was going to be okay.
Aya stayed. Red hair hiding a chilling face, knees bent, heart beating so very slowly.
Youji let Death caress his face, brush back sweaty blond hair. He let death lean close, cool lips touch his. And then
That's when he saw her, reflected in Daniel's eyes. Youji spun, knocking over Daniel's wine. "Asuka! Asuka!"
She was there, just like the day she'd first died, tight pants, a tight wicked smile, and she wore his old hat. She pushed the brim up and waved. "Youji."
Daniel cursed blue, insulting Asuka's parentage and sexual habits. Youji spun again and this time his fist sent Daniel flying back against the chair. "Don't say that kind of thing!"
"She's a demon!" Daniel snarled, rubbing his jaw. "I knew you weren't done running yet!"
"Asuka!" And chase he did, just like he'd been chasing for years. She went this way, that way, through the maze of halls and he followed. "Wait! Please!"
He caught up with her at the end of a dead end hall. She smiled, so much like she'd been when he knew her "Asuka! I'm sorry! God! I'm so sorry!"
"You saved me, Youji," she said taking his hat off. "You always did. Neu wasn't me, just a prison to hold what tiny bit of me was left."
He buried his hands in his hair, overcome by the emotion. "I killed you! I didn't want to!"
She crossed to him, put his hat on his head. "I know, Yo-chan. I know. I didn't mean to hurt you either. I've wanted so much to tell you that, that it wasn't your fault. I love you, Yo-chan. I loved who you were when we were partners and I love you now."
"Aya." Youji said, finger gliding along the edge of his hat brim, a forgotten mannerism coming back.
"I know about Aya. I'm glad you love him, Yo-chan. It means I can move on. You've always had too big of a heart, caring with so much energy that there's not enough left for yourself. You need someone one to take care of you."
"I do not!" Youji said, offended.
"Yes, you do. And in return, you give a love that whoever is taking care of you needs just as much. I know I did. You need Aya now. Call him to him, so you can find your way back."
"Asuka," Youji said softly. "Are we really dead?"
"You're not," she said softly, hand on his chest. "You're a lot less dead than you were. Live, Yo-chan. Enjoy living. Promise me this and I can let go, go on to the other side."
He caught her to him, an arm around the small of her back. While he didn't believe in an after life for himself, just dissolved nothing waited for him. For her he believed in Heaven, in happily ever after and belief made everything in this place. "I promise. I'll love him and I'll live."
The kiss he gave her was one he'd never done when they were both breathing, intimate and loving, lips saying things he couldn't have said with a million words. Of all the women he'd kissed, seduced with lies of lip and tongue, this was the last, the sweetest, the good bye to lies. She equaled his kiss, washing him in forgiveness and understanding, her smaller tongue, evading and dancing with his. When she disappeared, it was as if he'd never lost her at all. He took a deep breath, a shiver moving across his shoulder.
"Aya! Aya!" He called, feeling rather silly, as if he could just call to the living and have them answer. Asuka has suggested he wasn't dead though, made him promise to live. "Fujimiya Ran!"
Youji blinked, slowly, the air around him so heavy, drawing him down as if he'd drown right there. "Fu..." he snarled, but the floor was already gone.
When he opened his eyes the floor was metal and swaying. Forgetting he was nothing more than a spirit, he reached out for a table. The room was small, with round windows, and there at the edge of the room was a bed just large enough for two. A blond with clean dry curls lay in the arms of a red head, who slept as well, even though his fingers caressed through blond curls unconsciously. Maybe it was Aya's way of summoning.
Spirit Youji stood there for a moment, just watching Aya hold his body. How could it be that easy, just decide to live. And yet, it felt like a life time away that he'd let that guard take his life away. He didn't feel sorry though, just felt relieved, felt hopeful.
Without walking, he found himself across the small cabin, reaching down to touch Aya's face, those fiery red eyelashes. Suspicious violet eyes snapped open and Youji laughed, silent in his spirit form. Aya was Aya, and Youji's heart swelled, warm and happy. "Aya," he said, knowing the red head couldn't really hear him. The next blink took him back into his body, shivering and achy, but Aya was there, arm under him, pulling him close.
"Youji?"
"Aya," he said, voice raspy, "I meant it, you know. I still do."
"Good," Aya snarled, "I didn't mean it when I hit you. I just didn't know how to react and I got scared. Do you hurt? Are you feeling okay?"
Youji pushed himself up on one elbow, one hand reaching out to touch Aya's hair, the warm side of Aya's face. "God, I love you."
Their kiss began the next song of Youji's life, just as kissing Asuka had ended the old one. One hand behind Aya's head, Youji committed himself with that kiss, deep slow thrusts, swirls, tasting and caressing, sharing in a kiss that blended breath and soul.
It didn't matter that they were on a ship bound for Seattle, only that they were with each other and that they could make whatever kind of tea they fancied.