A/N: Took a brief trip to visit friends, so the boys sat on the back burner for a bit. Gave me a chance to flesh out Gojyo's life between Jien and Hakkai though... poor kappa. However the hardships he survived are what gives him the core of strength to bounce back from what life (and fanfic authors) throws at him. Or as Sanzo might say: "That which does not kill me had better run away damn fast." (And you can't outrun a bullet!)
I have read sources that have said Gojyo was either 8 or 12 years old when his step-mother finally snapped, but have never seen anything definitive. So I decided to split it and in this AU he was 10.
MoMo-kun: Well, in order for Hakkai to stay with Gojyo, Gonou is going to have to leave. Painful, but irrevocably necessary.
UltraM2000: Yeah, Gojyo is "street-smart" rather than "book-smart". But I'm hoping that his experience treading on the darker sides of life are going to give Gonou a whole new perspective. Certainly nothing Gonou has to "reveal" will shock the kappa. It'll be more the other way around.
Wind Wanderer and Mia: Thank you both for your appreciation! Hope you continue to enjoy!
Disclaimer: Saiyuki isn't mine. Not one little smegging bit. Not even the skintight black leather pants Gojyo wears. Ahem.
___________________________________
For the first time in Gojyo's life, someone was there. Someone who had stayed after everything had fallen apart on him. Jien had left him, Mother's cooling body on the floor and Gojyo's cheek burning with the bone-deep gouges. Lian was gone, a dead soul in a living body, devoured by the life he had fled from five years ago. But Gonou was here, supporting him, being the ground underneath his feet, holding him gently in a way that offered comfort without demanding anything in return.
It should have repelled him, being touched so familiarly. The women with whom he had spent time with over the past few years always woke up alone; he never stayed in their arms after he was done. Certainly no man ever had since Gojyo discovered at age fourteen that no one human was a match for his demonically enhanced strength and speed. But Gonou had slipped past all of his defenses as easily as water through sand.
It may have been only minutes, it may have been hours, but Gonou finally broke the silence. "Gojyo, this really isn't as bad as it seems. Your eye still works."
"It works, but I can't use it. Nothing will focus, and I just get dizzy trying. Face it, I've got a blind side." A small bitter laugh escaped his lips. "I can't judge distances anymore, you saw that when I nearly reached into the fire two days ago." Gojyo was about to continue when Gonou gave him a slight shake.
"Gojyo, the eye *works*. All you need is a corrective lens. They're a little expensive, and you'll need a very strong prescription, but the problem is correctable."
"A corrective... you mean glasses? Gonou, I can't go see a doctor. Even if I had the money for something like that, I've been spending the past few years as far away from educated people like doctors for a reason."
"Because you are a half-breed? Is that it?"
There, the word was in the open. Gojyo knew Gonou was aware of what he was, but they had never actually brought it up in conversation. He pulled away from Gonou. "Yes, damn it. Because I'm taboo. The last doctor I ran into wanted to study me... take me apart... because he'd never heard of a half-breed living to near-adulthood."
"So find a doctor that either doesn't know, or doesn't care. Further south and east possibly. There aren't many demon tribes that way, so there is less likelihood of anyone remembering what a half-breed looks like." Gonou looked thoughtful, as if this was simply an exercise placed in front of him. "Nanjing perhaps?"
"No. Not Nanjing." Memory rose at the mention of the city, it's smells, it's crowds, it's... appetites. Five years since he fled from it's cruel grasp. "I won't go back there."
*****
As towns went, it wasn't much. Semi-isolated, with only a small river-trade route through it, there was not enough wealth to attract organized crime, and it was populous enough to discourage the small bandit packs that roamed wherever there was opportunity. The river had enabled Sanzo and Goku to reach the place where Cho Gonou had once lived with a week of traveling.
The few dockworkers stared in awe at the sight of the blonde priest and his immaculate robes striding down the gangplank, Goku tagging alongside with their pack, a short staff in his hand. Sanzo picked what he thought was the most intelligent of the lot, and stopped. "Where can I find your mayor?"
"Jiang Yifu? He's at his office."
Idiot. "And where exactly would I *find* his office?"
The dock man looked startled at hardened tone, and flinched away a bit. "It's a two story building with blue trim next to the Merchant's Guild, Hoshi-sama."
"Thank you. Goku quit staring at the fish and let's go." Sanzo began to walk away, towards the town center.
"But, Sanzo, I'm hung..."
CRACK. Goku rubbed his head as the fan disappeared back into Sanzo's sleeve. "I really don't want to hear it right now. I know you're hungry. Keep this up, and I'm putting you back on the barge to Chang 'An."
The threat worked, and Goku slunk next to Sanzo, attempting to sulk. For the two minutes it took to reach the town, Sanzo had blissful silence. Wonderful, serene silence. "Sanzo! Look! They've got buns! Look! Look! Can I have a bun? Please? One little bun?" So much for silence. Sanzo ignored Goku, instead inventorying all the houses he was passing. Every single house bore signs of mourning; the small family graveyards and shrines all bore signs of new additions. This was definitely the place. Approaching the building that housed the local administration, Sanzo noted the two guards outside the door. Both men held their weapons awkwardly, and their condition was poor. Goku could probably knock them out with his breath.
*I wonder how many guards were left alive after Gonou got done here and moved on to Maoh's place? These two jokers looked freshly pulled from the rice fields.* Both guards goggled at the priest's approach, eyes fastened on the golden headdress, and the red chakra that proclaimed his status. *Probably the first time they've even seen real gold. Maybe I can get in and out of here with the information I need easily.*
"Goku, wait here for me, I should only be a minute." He tossed a few coins towards Goku, who caught them with a quick snap of his hand. "Get some lunch for me while I'm inside." Sanzo knew by the time he came out, the money would be spent, the food eaten, and Goku would be "sorry". But with his charge's mind on the food vendors' wares, it would not be on causing mischief. Goku eagerly bounded towards the stall with a happy smile, and Sanzo turned to the guards. "Please escort me to Mayor Jiang."
The mayor was in a meeting with the town council according to his assistant, but Sanzo wasn't in the mood to cool his heels while the council was informed of the surprising presence of an important priest. Sanzo brushed off the man, and flung open the doors to the council room, taking two steps in and stopping in a square of light from the large windows. Before any protests could be raised, Sanzo spoke in a voice like winter, cold and implacable. "I'm here on the matter of Cho Gonou."
The council froze, staring at the blazing gold and white figure dominating the room. Sanzo had counted on overwhelming them with sheer force of presence, getting that very important unguarded moment of initial shock, where their emotions would be most apparent. Fear and anger played across the faces of the council members faces, heavily laden with grief at the losses Gonou had inflicted. But riding over all of that was something Sanzo had not expected. Guilt. On all the faces, in all the postures, no matter what else they felt at the mention of Cho Gonou, all of them felt guilt. How interesting. Sanzo continued forward, dropping his hands firmly on the table, leaning slightly into their space, violating it, controlling it. He felt them shrink away from him, unable to take back any sort of initiative, wilting under his violet stare. Sanzo's smile offered no reassurance, just a wordless demand that the truth had better start spilling out. "Mayor Jiang, let's start with you, shall we?"
*****
"I won't go back there." Gojyo's face had shut down, but the defeated look that had been in his eye had vanished, replaced with determination.
"It was your home?"
"Home? It was never home. It was where I ended up when my home was gone. It took me four years to escape it, and I'm never going back." Gojyo's free hand absently rubbed the scars on his cheek. "Trust me my friend, you don't want to go there, and I sure as hell won't."
Such simple statements that raised so many questions. Gonou wanted to reach out, ask what had happened there, but he knew that if he asked, if he pried, then Gojyo would have the right to ask the same of him. Gonou did not want to see the condemnation that would be on the half-breed's face should he learn the extent of Gonou's crimes. He saw enough of that in his dreams. But he needed to know one thing.
"Did you mean that Gojyo?"
"What, that Nanjing is a shithole? Absolutely."
"No, when you called me your friend. Did you mean that?"
Gojyo froze for a single moment. "I did say that, didn't I?" His hand played at his sling in his familiar nervous gesture. "Yeah, I meant it. You know, I don't think I've ever had a friend before. Never stuck around one place long enough to have one."
"I've never had a friend either." Gonou confessed. He had been a loner in the orphanage, and he and Kanan had never socialized much in the town where they had lived. Like Gojyo, they had their own secrets to protect. Gonou had maintained a polite civility to his neighbors, willing to lend a hand when needed, but keeping a comfortable barrier between them. But that barrier was rapidly disintegrating, and Gonou knew that his secrets wouldn't be safe from Gojyo much longer. "So, it's new ground for both of us."
"Huh." A wry grin swept across Gojyo's face. "Well, my friend, is there any chance dinner is salvageable?"
Gonou cast an appraising eye on the now cold fish and gave a thoughtful click of his tongue. "Possibly. If we reheat this while the rice is cooking... yes, that might work."
"Glasses... damn, that sounds so... respectable. You're not even supposed to hit guys with glasses. I could see you in glasses, ya know, say in a library with tons of scrolls and a big ass desk."
Gonou smiled as he continued to rescue their dinner. He could almost see the room Gojyo described. "Gojyo I don't think you could be respectable if you tried... my friend." Gonou ignored the rude noise coming from Gojyo's bed. He really almost could see that library, messier than he preferred, and someone who was, and wasn't Gojyo, standing there laughing at something he didn't quite understand, arms wrapping around Gonou, and Gonou tilting his head up slightly to meet his kiss...
*WHAT?* Gonou roughly shook himself out of the trance. *What on earth was THAT? How could I even THINK that?* A quick glance across the fire showed Gojyo occupied attempting to shuffle a battered deck of cards with only one hand. Gonou pulled his scattered wits together.
"Dinner's ready." A nice neutral sentence, voice under control. Good.
"Great, I'm starved. Hey, wanna play poker after?"
"What, you mean cards? I've never played it before." Push away those thoughts.
Gojyo smiled the toothy grin of a shark scenting blood in the water. "Well, it's not too hard."
*****
Goku had really meant to save some of the food for Sanzo, really he had. He had even put the buns in a different bag, just for the priest. But the three kids playing in the street had looked so hungrily at Goku's lunch he had given them the buns. He knew what it was to be hungry, and how could he ignore that when he had food?
"Why do you carry a staff Goku-san? Are you a warrior?" One of the children asked as they were finishing off the last buns. Goku-san... no one had ever called him that before. It made him feel a little important, almost grown up.
"It's for training. Dr. Yang, my sensei, said I shouldn't neglect my practices just because I'm on a journey." Goku gave the staff a practiced twirl, feeling the smooth wood slide obediently to his commands.
"You have a sensei? What is he like?" The other two children looked expectantly at Goku.
"Well, he's really old, and he knows tons about fighting and medicine. He came to stay with us after his wife died."
"Did she get taken away by demons?"
Goku was startled at the question. "Um, no, I think she was just old. Why?"
"Demons took away our sensei's wife. Mother said it was because Cho-sensei was bad, and hurt people. If you're bad, then the demons take you away. We don't know why the demons took sensei's wife, I guess she was bad too."
Goku wasn't entirely sure what to make of this. After all, he was a demon, and he'd never taken anyone away for being bad. He'd pummeled a few people, but mostly because they had threatened Sanzo, which sort of made them bad in his eyes. And didn't Sanzo say they were looking for Cho Gonou because Cho had killed a lot of demons? Was it because the demons took away his wife? Did demons do that? "Are you sure? About the demons?"
All three children looked up at him with identical expressions, ones that clearly said they thought he was being a stupid adult. It was a bit disconcerting, because Goku was sure *he* was supposed to be the one using that face on other grown-ups. "Of course. Mother said so. Demons always come and take bad people away."
"Well, see, that can't be right because I'm a..."
THWACK! Goku went sprawling, a large white fan solidly planted on the back of his head. He looked up to see Sanzo standing where he had just been, a severe scowl taking in the foursome. The other three children had the presence of mind to rapidly scatter into other portions of the marketplace.
"I do believe that I specifically mentioned before we left Chang 'An that you were not to reveal the fact that you are a demon, did I not?" Sanzo's voice was low, and pitched to Goku's ears alone.
"Umm... yes."
"And yet I step out from my delightful little conference with the biggest bunch of sell-outs it has ever been my misfortune to meet to hear you about to announce that fact to a group of snot-nosed ankle-biters who would probably have immediately spread that all over this gods-forsaken rat-hole, thus making my job infinitely harder." Goku squirmed uncomfortably under Sanzo's severe gaze. Hopefully though Sanzo was angry enough about that not to ask about...
"So where's my lunch?"
I have read sources that have said Gojyo was either 8 or 12 years old when his step-mother finally snapped, but have never seen anything definitive. So I decided to split it and in this AU he was 10.
MoMo-kun: Well, in order for Hakkai to stay with Gojyo, Gonou is going to have to leave. Painful, but irrevocably necessary.
UltraM2000: Yeah, Gojyo is "street-smart" rather than "book-smart". But I'm hoping that his experience treading on the darker sides of life are going to give Gonou a whole new perspective. Certainly nothing Gonou has to "reveal" will shock the kappa. It'll be more the other way around.
Wind Wanderer and Mia: Thank you both for your appreciation! Hope you continue to enjoy!
Disclaimer: Saiyuki isn't mine. Not one little smegging bit. Not even the skintight black leather pants Gojyo wears. Ahem.
___________________________________
For the first time in Gojyo's life, someone was there. Someone who had stayed after everything had fallen apart on him. Jien had left him, Mother's cooling body on the floor and Gojyo's cheek burning with the bone-deep gouges. Lian was gone, a dead soul in a living body, devoured by the life he had fled from five years ago. But Gonou was here, supporting him, being the ground underneath his feet, holding him gently in a way that offered comfort without demanding anything in return.
It should have repelled him, being touched so familiarly. The women with whom he had spent time with over the past few years always woke up alone; he never stayed in their arms after he was done. Certainly no man ever had since Gojyo discovered at age fourteen that no one human was a match for his demonically enhanced strength and speed. But Gonou had slipped past all of his defenses as easily as water through sand.
It may have been only minutes, it may have been hours, but Gonou finally broke the silence. "Gojyo, this really isn't as bad as it seems. Your eye still works."
"It works, but I can't use it. Nothing will focus, and I just get dizzy trying. Face it, I've got a blind side." A small bitter laugh escaped his lips. "I can't judge distances anymore, you saw that when I nearly reached into the fire two days ago." Gojyo was about to continue when Gonou gave him a slight shake.
"Gojyo, the eye *works*. All you need is a corrective lens. They're a little expensive, and you'll need a very strong prescription, but the problem is correctable."
"A corrective... you mean glasses? Gonou, I can't go see a doctor. Even if I had the money for something like that, I've been spending the past few years as far away from educated people like doctors for a reason."
"Because you are a half-breed? Is that it?"
There, the word was in the open. Gojyo knew Gonou was aware of what he was, but they had never actually brought it up in conversation. He pulled away from Gonou. "Yes, damn it. Because I'm taboo. The last doctor I ran into wanted to study me... take me apart... because he'd never heard of a half-breed living to near-adulthood."
"So find a doctor that either doesn't know, or doesn't care. Further south and east possibly. There aren't many demon tribes that way, so there is less likelihood of anyone remembering what a half-breed looks like." Gonou looked thoughtful, as if this was simply an exercise placed in front of him. "Nanjing perhaps?"
"No. Not Nanjing." Memory rose at the mention of the city, it's smells, it's crowds, it's... appetites. Five years since he fled from it's cruel grasp. "I won't go back there."
*****
As towns went, it wasn't much. Semi-isolated, with only a small river-trade route through it, there was not enough wealth to attract organized crime, and it was populous enough to discourage the small bandit packs that roamed wherever there was opportunity. The river had enabled Sanzo and Goku to reach the place where Cho Gonou had once lived with a week of traveling.
The few dockworkers stared in awe at the sight of the blonde priest and his immaculate robes striding down the gangplank, Goku tagging alongside with their pack, a short staff in his hand. Sanzo picked what he thought was the most intelligent of the lot, and stopped. "Where can I find your mayor?"
"Jiang Yifu? He's at his office."
Idiot. "And where exactly would I *find* his office?"
The dock man looked startled at hardened tone, and flinched away a bit. "It's a two story building with blue trim next to the Merchant's Guild, Hoshi-sama."
"Thank you. Goku quit staring at the fish and let's go." Sanzo began to walk away, towards the town center.
"But, Sanzo, I'm hung..."
CRACK. Goku rubbed his head as the fan disappeared back into Sanzo's sleeve. "I really don't want to hear it right now. I know you're hungry. Keep this up, and I'm putting you back on the barge to Chang 'An."
The threat worked, and Goku slunk next to Sanzo, attempting to sulk. For the two minutes it took to reach the town, Sanzo had blissful silence. Wonderful, serene silence. "Sanzo! Look! They've got buns! Look! Look! Can I have a bun? Please? One little bun?" So much for silence. Sanzo ignored Goku, instead inventorying all the houses he was passing. Every single house bore signs of mourning; the small family graveyards and shrines all bore signs of new additions. This was definitely the place. Approaching the building that housed the local administration, Sanzo noted the two guards outside the door. Both men held their weapons awkwardly, and their condition was poor. Goku could probably knock them out with his breath.
*I wonder how many guards were left alive after Gonou got done here and moved on to Maoh's place? These two jokers looked freshly pulled from the rice fields.* Both guards goggled at the priest's approach, eyes fastened on the golden headdress, and the red chakra that proclaimed his status. *Probably the first time they've even seen real gold. Maybe I can get in and out of here with the information I need easily.*
"Goku, wait here for me, I should only be a minute." He tossed a few coins towards Goku, who caught them with a quick snap of his hand. "Get some lunch for me while I'm inside." Sanzo knew by the time he came out, the money would be spent, the food eaten, and Goku would be "sorry". But with his charge's mind on the food vendors' wares, it would not be on causing mischief. Goku eagerly bounded towards the stall with a happy smile, and Sanzo turned to the guards. "Please escort me to Mayor Jiang."
The mayor was in a meeting with the town council according to his assistant, but Sanzo wasn't in the mood to cool his heels while the council was informed of the surprising presence of an important priest. Sanzo brushed off the man, and flung open the doors to the council room, taking two steps in and stopping in a square of light from the large windows. Before any protests could be raised, Sanzo spoke in a voice like winter, cold and implacable. "I'm here on the matter of Cho Gonou."
The council froze, staring at the blazing gold and white figure dominating the room. Sanzo had counted on overwhelming them with sheer force of presence, getting that very important unguarded moment of initial shock, where their emotions would be most apparent. Fear and anger played across the faces of the council members faces, heavily laden with grief at the losses Gonou had inflicted. But riding over all of that was something Sanzo had not expected. Guilt. On all the faces, in all the postures, no matter what else they felt at the mention of Cho Gonou, all of them felt guilt. How interesting. Sanzo continued forward, dropping his hands firmly on the table, leaning slightly into their space, violating it, controlling it. He felt them shrink away from him, unable to take back any sort of initiative, wilting under his violet stare. Sanzo's smile offered no reassurance, just a wordless demand that the truth had better start spilling out. "Mayor Jiang, let's start with you, shall we?"
*****
"I won't go back there." Gojyo's face had shut down, but the defeated look that had been in his eye had vanished, replaced with determination.
"It was your home?"
"Home? It was never home. It was where I ended up when my home was gone. It took me four years to escape it, and I'm never going back." Gojyo's free hand absently rubbed the scars on his cheek. "Trust me my friend, you don't want to go there, and I sure as hell won't."
Such simple statements that raised so many questions. Gonou wanted to reach out, ask what had happened there, but he knew that if he asked, if he pried, then Gojyo would have the right to ask the same of him. Gonou did not want to see the condemnation that would be on the half-breed's face should he learn the extent of Gonou's crimes. He saw enough of that in his dreams. But he needed to know one thing.
"Did you mean that Gojyo?"
"What, that Nanjing is a shithole? Absolutely."
"No, when you called me your friend. Did you mean that?"
Gojyo froze for a single moment. "I did say that, didn't I?" His hand played at his sling in his familiar nervous gesture. "Yeah, I meant it. You know, I don't think I've ever had a friend before. Never stuck around one place long enough to have one."
"I've never had a friend either." Gonou confessed. He had been a loner in the orphanage, and he and Kanan had never socialized much in the town where they had lived. Like Gojyo, they had their own secrets to protect. Gonou had maintained a polite civility to his neighbors, willing to lend a hand when needed, but keeping a comfortable barrier between them. But that barrier was rapidly disintegrating, and Gonou knew that his secrets wouldn't be safe from Gojyo much longer. "So, it's new ground for both of us."
"Huh." A wry grin swept across Gojyo's face. "Well, my friend, is there any chance dinner is salvageable?"
Gonou cast an appraising eye on the now cold fish and gave a thoughtful click of his tongue. "Possibly. If we reheat this while the rice is cooking... yes, that might work."
"Glasses... damn, that sounds so... respectable. You're not even supposed to hit guys with glasses. I could see you in glasses, ya know, say in a library with tons of scrolls and a big ass desk."
Gonou smiled as he continued to rescue their dinner. He could almost see the room Gojyo described. "Gojyo I don't think you could be respectable if you tried... my friend." Gonou ignored the rude noise coming from Gojyo's bed. He really almost could see that library, messier than he preferred, and someone who was, and wasn't Gojyo, standing there laughing at something he didn't quite understand, arms wrapping around Gonou, and Gonou tilting his head up slightly to meet his kiss...
*WHAT?* Gonou roughly shook himself out of the trance. *What on earth was THAT? How could I even THINK that?* A quick glance across the fire showed Gojyo occupied attempting to shuffle a battered deck of cards with only one hand. Gonou pulled his scattered wits together.
"Dinner's ready." A nice neutral sentence, voice under control. Good.
"Great, I'm starved. Hey, wanna play poker after?"
"What, you mean cards? I've never played it before." Push away those thoughts.
Gojyo smiled the toothy grin of a shark scenting blood in the water. "Well, it's not too hard."
*****
Goku had really meant to save some of the food for Sanzo, really he had. He had even put the buns in a different bag, just for the priest. But the three kids playing in the street had looked so hungrily at Goku's lunch he had given them the buns. He knew what it was to be hungry, and how could he ignore that when he had food?
"Why do you carry a staff Goku-san? Are you a warrior?" One of the children asked as they were finishing off the last buns. Goku-san... no one had ever called him that before. It made him feel a little important, almost grown up.
"It's for training. Dr. Yang, my sensei, said I shouldn't neglect my practices just because I'm on a journey." Goku gave the staff a practiced twirl, feeling the smooth wood slide obediently to his commands.
"You have a sensei? What is he like?" The other two children looked expectantly at Goku.
"Well, he's really old, and he knows tons about fighting and medicine. He came to stay with us after his wife died."
"Did she get taken away by demons?"
Goku was startled at the question. "Um, no, I think she was just old. Why?"
"Demons took away our sensei's wife. Mother said it was because Cho-sensei was bad, and hurt people. If you're bad, then the demons take you away. We don't know why the demons took sensei's wife, I guess she was bad too."
Goku wasn't entirely sure what to make of this. After all, he was a demon, and he'd never taken anyone away for being bad. He'd pummeled a few people, but mostly because they had threatened Sanzo, which sort of made them bad in his eyes. And didn't Sanzo say they were looking for Cho Gonou because Cho had killed a lot of demons? Was it because the demons took away his wife? Did demons do that? "Are you sure? About the demons?"
All three children looked up at him with identical expressions, ones that clearly said they thought he was being a stupid adult. It was a bit disconcerting, because Goku was sure *he* was supposed to be the one using that face on other grown-ups. "Of course. Mother said so. Demons always come and take bad people away."
"Well, see, that can't be right because I'm a..."
THWACK! Goku went sprawling, a large white fan solidly planted on the back of his head. He looked up to see Sanzo standing where he had just been, a severe scowl taking in the foursome. The other three children had the presence of mind to rapidly scatter into other portions of the marketplace.
"I do believe that I specifically mentioned before we left Chang 'An that you were not to reveal the fact that you are a demon, did I not?" Sanzo's voice was low, and pitched to Goku's ears alone.
"Umm... yes."
"And yet I step out from my delightful little conference with the biggest bunch of sell-outs it has ever been my misfortune to meet to hear you about to announce that fact to a group of snot-nosed ankle-biters who would probably have immediately spread that all over this gods-forsaken rat-hole, thus making my job infinitely harder." Goku squirmed uncomfortably under Sanzo's severe gaze. Hopefully though Sanzo was angry enough about that not to ask about...
"So where's my lunch?"