First Steps

by: Whomping Willow ~

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.

***

Chapter nine: Overdue Conversations ~


Candlelight filtered out through the windows of the hospital wing in the early morning at Hogwarts. The castle's grounds were bathed in grey mist, quiet as its occupants. The hustle and bustle of the previous night had finally died down long after dark when they were confident that Harry would survive the night. Even after they had parted for their quarters little sleep was to be had, as fatigued minds mulled over what little information had been gleaned from the injured runaway.

Of the castle's sleeping occupants, Harry was the first to stir.

A delightful smell taunted him from his slumber. Harry was almost sure he could smell porridge. If it was a dream he wanted it to last as long as possible, but if it wasn't he shouldn't be wasting time while his stomach growled. Harry opened his eyes and was greeted by the far too familiar sight, even without his specs he recognized Hogwarts' hospital wing. He had likely spent more time in the hospital than any other student in Hogwarts' history, and for once Harry had no intention of complaining.

For the first time in days he was warm and dry, there was even the promise of food lingering in the air. Groping blindly, he found his spectacles on the bedside table. He was almost as stunned by the general lack of pain when he moved as he was by his surroundings. The room was uncharacteristically dim, perhaps due to the early morning hour, and Remus Lupin had pulled up a chair close to his bedside, where he was now gently snoring. He didn't appear to be comfortable, slouching in the chair with his head bent forward and chin resting on his chest.

Harry vaguely remembered seeing him sometime earlier, but could remember little of their conversation. Shifting about, he could just see the table that held what looked suspiciously like the source of the aroma that had been driving his stomach to distraction. Did house-elves stay at Hogwarts in the summer, he wondered? Harry peeled back the covers as he sat up slowly and slid his legs off the edge of the bed. The mattress gave a groan of protest which woke Remus from his slumber.

"Harry . . ." he said straightening in his seat and looking immediately alert. His next words were far louder causing Harry to wince slightly. "Poppy, he's awake!"

Harry was instantly confused. What was Madam Pomfrey doing at Hogwarts during the summer? Beckoned by Remus, Madam Pomfrey came bustling around the corner clucking at him for attempting to rise. "Young man, you should know better than to get out of bed . . ."

He looked to Remus for help in relaxing the anxious mediwitch but he appeared as concerned as she did. It wasn't till Harry was propped with pillows and tucked in that the reproving looks diminished.

"How are you feeling Harry? You gave us all an awful scare you know," Pomfrey said as she rechecked his healing wounds.

Harry swallowed thickly and Remus handed him a glass of water. After a few sips, the cool water soothed his irritated throat so he could speak. "M'fine, just a bit hungry." He cast a sideways glance at the table once more.

"Good to hear you have an appetite, and I'll let you eat as soon as I'm through here."

Before Poppy started in again, Remus smiled genuinely at Harry. He was glad to see he had improved overnight. "It's good to see you feeling so much better than yesterday. You've had us all worried about you." Harry winced, but Remus continued undeterred. "You were so weak you passed out before we could find out what happened. The last intelligible thing you said was something about Dumbledore being alive."

"You've been here all night?" Harry asked through his first mouthful of porridge. The porridge was hot and just as delicious as it smelled.

Remus nodded before looking away, and Harry noticed he looked older than he had at King's Cross before summer holiday. The voice that broke the silence was quiet and perhaps a bit unsteady. "I couldn't risk losing you again." When Remus looked up Harry understood, like himself, Remus had lost so much . . . with little else to cling to, his disappearance must have been nearly intolerable.

"The Headmaster will be back to speak with you shortly. He's been terribly worried." Remus watched Harry closely for a reaction. He knew about the row that Harry and the Headmaster had before the summer and was afraid Harry might still hold a grudge, but if he did, there was no sign of it in his reaction.

Harry pondered over his porridge for several minutes before he spoke. "It is stupid now that I can think clearly . . . just because the wards fell didn't mean that Professor Dumbledore was dead, but then how did Voldemort get through them?"

"That I believe, is a better question for Dumbledore," Remus said as the Headmaster entered the room with Snape following one step behind.

Harry glanced at the Headmaster over his breakfast. He pushed it aside, hunger sated and more eager to get the answers to his questions. Professor Dumbledore wore a smile that was almost as vibrant as his violet robes, as he greeted Harry.

"Good morning Harry. I trust you are feeling a bit better today?"

"Yes sir," he replied. "How is everyone? Ron must be awfully mad about the note . . ."

"Everyone is fine Harry, and they understand you did what you needed to protect yourself. Now I am quite eager to hear your account of what happened."

Harry took a moment to gather his thoughts before starting. "Well, Death Eaters attacked Privet Drive. I waited till I could escape with my broom under my dad's cloak. I flew till I got hurt when I hit the trees. I was bit by grindylows and flew by thestral the rest."

Three faces all held the same expression, looking at each other in confusion before Professor Snape voiced the reason for their shared expressions. "Mr. Potter, could you elaborate? We would greatly appreciate a . . . slightly less abbreviated version, if you please."

"I just thought . . ." Harry started.

"I highly doubt that," the Potions Master sneered.

"Severus, please . . . now is hardly the time," Dumbledore scolded.

"What would you like to know?" Harry asked.

Professor Snape fired off questions before anyone else had the chance. "How is it you had enough warning before the attack to hide yourself? Why did you not seek assistance from Arabella Figg? Or barring that, fly to the Leaky Cauldron or Grimmauld Place instead of foolishly attempting to fly all the way to Hogwarts?"

Dumbledore shot the Potions Master a warning look before he turned to Harry awaiting his answers. Harry's mouth went dry as his mind raced over the events of the last few days.

"I really didn't have any warning – no visions or anything at least. I was getting something out from the cupboard under the stairs when I heard someone at the front door. I knew the Dursleys' weren't supposed to be home for at least an hour so I ducked into the cupboard and closed the door behind me to wait and see who it was." It was close enough to the truth that Harry thought he could get away with a little lie.

At this point Snape interrupted, "It could have simply been your family returning early, or do you make it a habit to hide from your relatives in cupboards?"

Harry paled, but Remus saved him from Snape's question. "It wasn't his family Severus, and Harry's good instincts saved his life." Snape sneered at Remus, but said no more. Remus didn't know why Snape was being so cruel to Harry, but Dumbledore suspected there was a motive behind his question.

Harry sent Remus a thankful smile and started to speak again. "I knew it was Voldemort when my scar started to burn. I wrapped up in my dad's cloak and waited, hoping they wouldn't find me. When a shout from upstairs distracted the Death Eaters, I grabbed my broom and ran out the front door."

Harry paused for a few sips of water. "I could hear them chasing me for a long time. It was hard to keep fully covered while running and they sent curses in my direction, but never close enough to hit me. It was almost like they wanted me to get away."

Snape opened his mouth to interrupt again, but Dumbledore held up a hand to stop him.

"By the time I was fairly sure I had lost them I was a long way from Mrs. Figg's. It was too early to fly. I didn't want to risk being seen and I didn't have any money for the Knight Bus. I wouldn't have risked going there anyway, being a squib she could hardly protect us if I was still being followed."

"You didn't consider the fact that she may not have been alone or that she could contact the Order?" Snape looked rather pleased with himself.

"Severus, you are not to mock Harry's decisions. He was unaware of the level of contact Arabella has with the Order and was trying to protect her." The Headmaster once again felt guilty for the part he played in keeping Harry ignorant of the measures in place to keep him safe. That ignorance left him unaware of the many options that were open to him, but one option that Harry was aware of had been blatantly ignored and Dumbledore was curious as to why. "Why didn't you fly to Grimmauld Place?"

Harry looked up to the Headmaster a bit surprised that the clever old wizard hadn't figured it out without asking. "I figured it was a trap . . . I escaped too easily. The Death Eaters must have let me go in order to follow me to Order headquarters."

"I can assure you Mr. Potter – we were under strict orders not to allow you to escape."

Harry's eyes widened, "You were there?"

"Yes, I was granted the dubious honor. We were all severely punished for your escape," Snape said wincing slightly at the memory.

It took a moment for Harry to digest the new information. When he did, he decided to ask a question of his own. "How did Voldemort breech the wards?"

Dumbledore looked sad despite his flamboyant outfit. "Harry – the wards around Privet Drive were weakened. We believe that Peter Pettigrew spent some time prior to the attack testing their strength for Voldemort. He found they could be breeched in the Dursleys absence . . ."

This time it was Harry who held up a hand to stop the flow of words. "Thank you. I suspected as much." Harry was afraid the Headmaster was going to explain about the Dursleys' murders and despite their animosity he wasn't prepared to hear about it yet.

Remus was stunned by the way Harry had stopped Dumbledore from continuing. He had never known Harry to be rude, but the Headmaster dismissed the discourtesy knowing the subject of the Dursleys to be a sensitive one. Instead he encouraged Harry to continue his account of his escape.

"Ron had said in his letters that his family had all moved to headquarters, so I knew the Burrow was out of the question. I figured the Leaky Cauldron would be the next safest bet, but when I got there it was surrounded by dementors. So I decided that I could floo to headquarters from Hogsmeade."

"You were in Hogsmeade?" Remus and Dumbledore asked at once.

"No, I never made it. I crashed my broom when I dipped low into the trees." Harry blushed, embarrassed by the memory.

"That's how you damaged your arm? You looked more like you had been worked over by Macnair." Snape stated, as his mind mulled over the fact that Harry's destination had been Hogsmeade.

"Yes it broke in the crash. After I woke up, I walked north till it was dark and safe to fly again. I was very thirsty, so when I spotted a pond I landed. That's where the Grindylows took me by surprise, but I fought them off without magic. I guess I passed out again, cause I remember waking up with a thestral looming over me. It let me get on its back so I told it to take me to Hogsmeade, but I ended up here."

"Smart thestral," Remus mused aloud. "What happened to your broom? We didn't find it near the doors?"

"I dropped it somewhere along the way," Harry said sadly then added, "where are my wand and cloak?"

"I have them," the Headmaster assured. "The house-elves are cleaning your cloak. It was not much use to you in its present state. We'll have to see about your broom later."

Finally Harry thought about Remus' last statement. "Why did you say 'smart thestral'?" he asked. "What is wrong with going to Hogsmeade?"

Dumbledore answered sadly, "Hogsmeade was attacked by dementors early yesterday morning."

Harry was starting to wonder how many lucky stars he had, because he had some thanking to do.

"Are you okay Harry?" Remus asked. He was a bit worried. Harry had been through quite an ordeal.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit overwhelmed by it all."

"Perhaps you should get some rest. I have it on good authority that Miss Granger and the Weasleys are all anxiously awaiting Madam Pomfrey's permission to visit."

Harry smiled at the Headmaster and promised to get some rest. Professor Snape followed the Headmaster out as Madam Pomfrey approached to check on her only patient. She was worried that he seemed to recovering slower than expected, but assumed it had to do with the difficulties they'd had in judging his potion dosage. His bones mended without issue, but he was recovering the lost blood slowly. She advised him to remain in bed to prevent dizzy spells and promised she would permit visitors soon.

Once they were alone, Remus took Harry's hand and gave it a squeeze. It was meant to be reassuring but Harry bit his lip and stared at their hands with an oddly emotional look in his eye. Remus opened his mouth to ask what was wrong but snapped it shut when Harry began to speak.

"I'm so sorry . . . about Sirius. I know this must be hard for you . . ."

"Harry, like I told you before summer, I don't blame you. Hungarian Horntails couldn't have kept Sirius away when you were in trouble and I don't blame him a bit. You were everything to him . . ." they both wore matching reflective expressions. "He would be so proud of you right now, the way you made it here . . . we're all grateful to have you back."

Harry was not entirely convinced, but nodded anyway, he didn't want Remus worrying about him needlessly. He had come a far way toward forgiving himself for his godfather's death but he certainly hadn't expected Remus to forgive him so quickly. He was not going to wallow in self-pity . . .

"I'm going to have to face him," Harry said abruptly breaking the silence. "Voldemort – I will have to face him sometime . . . I can't just go on being lucky."

Remus smiled a grim sort of smile. "You have been very lucky so far, not just any wizard could face Voldemort in their first-year and live to tell about it, but you are right you cannot depend on luck. You are a powerful wizard, and steps are being taken to assure you will receive more appropriate defense training than last year."

"Are you coming back to teach?" Harry pleaded. "You are the best teacher we ever had . . . I know that isn't saying much, but I mean you are a great teacher."

Remus smiled genuinely this time at the praise, but shook his head. "No Harry. The governors and parents are no more prepared to have a werewolf teach now that Voldemort has returned than they were before . . . and before you ask, no, I don't know who it is the Headmaster has lined up for this year. He has been rather tight-lipped about the matter."

Harry nodded sadly. He knew the Ministry was too prejudiced to allow Remus to come back and teach, but he had hoped that those opinions would change with their acceptance of Voldemort's return. His eyes fluttered shut as his face contorted in a huge yawn.

Laughing, Remus suggested Harry rest as Dumbledore had suggested. It took only a moment for Harry to comply, drifting into a lazy dream.

***

Remus Lupin entered the Headmaster's office pleased to see the two men looked only slightly more rested than himself. Snape was not sitting rigidly in the chair as usual, instead he opted for a most uncharacteristic slouch as he peered into his cup seeming to ignore his arrival. Remus joined them for a steaming cup of tea as they enquired as to Harry's state of mind.

"I believe he is coping admirably with losing Sirius." His voice faltered only slightly as he said his departed friends' name. After taking a sip and relishing the soothing warmth, he continued. "He is concerned about his defense training. He wants to be prepared to face Voldemort when the time comes. Barely put back together again and he is already thinking of the next time . . ."

"And what did you tell him, Lupin?" Snape scowled.

"The truth – I don't know who is to be teaching Defense this term, but that Dumbledore is not going to allow another Umbridge to take the position. Have you found someone suitable for the position, Albus?"

"Indeed I have, but I am not at liberty to discuss the matter further at this time."

"Of course," Remus nodded. He understood the hiring process for the Defense position was becoming more and more complicated each year. It was rumored that Sibyll Trelawney had even offered her services to assist Dumbledore in choosing from the candidates, but that the Headmaster had politely declined.

"When Potter is strong enough to begin training, he should do so. The Dark Lord has not called since he punished those who participated in the raid . . . that in all likeliness means he is up to something . . . what – I do not know, but he should be monitored."

"I am glad to see you and I agree, Severus. I would like to start with resuming his Occlumency training, and I will need your help."

Snape glared at Lupin and the Headmaster in turn, clenching and unclenching his jaw so tightly the sound of grinding teeth could be heard by all.

"If I am not mistaken, Harry should take his studies much more seriously this time," Dumbledore assured.

Professor Snape responded with less than his usual decorum. "And what makes you think Potter will even permit me to instruct him again?"

Dumbledore ignored his tone and replied with a question of his own. "How many friends do you think Harry is willing to lose before he is compelled to learn Occlumency? It is my belief that he will be willing if it means the safety of those around him."

"I agree, Albus. Harry is not willing to risk those close to him . . . now that he is aware of the danger," Remus interjected. "Just look at how much trouble he went to in order to keep Voldemort from finding the Order headquarters."

"If I agree to this, it will be with your promise that Potter will conduct himself properly and you will be present for all lessons. Is that clear?"

The Headmaster's eyes lit up though his expression remained impassive. "I understand Severus and will ensure that Harry complies with your wishes."

"If he were to comply with my wishes he would not resume the lessons at all."

"I am afraid that is not an option."

"Very well, Albus. I will resume his lessons for the safety of us all, but if he steps out of line again he will not receive another chance."

"We can inform him when he awakes. It may be beneficial for Harry to have some time to get comfortable with the idea."

"No amount of time shall provide me comfort," the disgruntled Potions Master responded.

"Severus, I am beginning to believe you would have preferred it if Harry had in fact been a Polyjuiced imposter."

Snape knew Dumbledore was losing his patience and held his tongue.

"If we are about through here, I would like to go check on Harry."

"I believe we are finished for now Remus, but I believe you should get some rest. Severus and I will check on him. I'd like a quick word with him if he is awake."

Remus regretfully agreed and made his way to the guest room he had declined the previous evening. That left Snape and Dumbledore to see for themselves how Harry was holding up.

***

Harry tossed and turned fitfully on the small hospital bed. The sheets were tangling around him and his fringe was plastered to his sweaty forehead. His dreams had started off innocent enough but having drifted to sleep without his preliminary meditations his mind was accessible to Voldemort. For the first time since the incident at the Department of Mysteries Harry heard that unmistakable voice in his head. "You will not escape me . . . running will do you no good . . ."

Harry awoke and sat up abruptly. When the room came into focus, he scanned it quickly to ensure the voice hadn't come form a more tangible source. Once satisfied that he was alone, he wiped his brow on his sleeve and gulped the water he hadn't finished earlier. A lunch tray sat beside the glass and he filled his stomach as he pushed the haunting words from his mind.

When the tray was nearly empty, the double doors swung open. Dumbledore and Snape entered, apparently unnoticed by Madam Pomfrey. Harry was surprised that Remus wasn't with them. He had left sometime after Harry had fallen asleep and he assumed it was to speak with Dumbledore. The Headmaster must have guessed his unasked question. "Remus didn't get much sleep last night. I convinced him it would be best to take a nap while you did. Now, how are you feeling? It looks like you have your appetite back."

"I'm feeling fine. How long will I have to stay here?"

"That decision is entirely up to Madam Pomfrey, but you will be moved to Grimmauld Place with your friends as soon as she feels you are well enough. You will not have to return to the Dursleys' care."

"You mean they're alive?"

"Did you assume everyone dead, Mr. Potter?"

Harry flushed. "But you said that the wards were weakened in the Dursleys' absence?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes, weakened while they were not at home. I do not know exactly how Voldemort gained access to the house, but I know that the Dursleys are very much alive."

The look of immense relief on Harry's face caught both men off guard. They suspected that at least some of the bruises had been made before Harry fled the Dursley home and were not expecting that level of compassion toward the less than loving family.

"Voldemort destroyed the house and all your belongings I am afraid, but we will replace them as soon as you are well enough to be escorted to Diagon Alley."

"Will I go back there next summer?" Harry asked curiously.

"You will never return to the Dursleys' home," Dumbledore stated before asking, "Harry why did you lie to us in your letters about how the Dursleys treated you? The correspondence was intended to protect you as much as staying in their home was."

"My uncle read them before they were sent," he admitted sheepishly. "Besides, if I hadn't . . . glossed over a few facts . . . and someone showed up to threaten the Dursleys' I would have been unwelcome there and you said I needed their protection . . ."

The room was silent as Harry's words trailed off uncontested.

Finally the Headmaster spoke. "Remus has informed me of your concerns and I can assure you that I have plans to aid your training. The Defense Professor this year will be more than adequate to make up for last year. Although I must say, your Defense club did prevent many students from falling behind, as well as making a remarkable impact on the O.W.L. scores."

Harry smiled briefly at that. Knowing he helped other students like Neville and Ron not only get better test scores but also defend their lives was a small boost, despite the fact that they wouldn't have needed to defend themselves if he hadn't led them into danger.

Clearing his throat, Dumbledore continued. "When you are strong enough, I would like you to resume your Occlumency lessons." The Headmaster was prepared for an argument that never came.

Harry answered without pause. "Yes sir."

"I will be teaching you along with Professor Snape. I hope we can begin before the start of term."

Harry's eyes darted to the dour Professor and then back to the Headmaster. "Of course sir, whenever you think I am ready."

The Potions Master was expecting to see animosity lurking behind the green eyes that met his, but instead he saw reticent curiosity. He raised one eyebrow as an unspoken question, but Harry turned away leaving it unanswered.

"If you have no questions for me I will go and find Poppy. I need to ask when the Weasleys will be permitted a visit. Poor Molly has had to start locking away the floo powder to keep Ron and Hermione from sneaking in to see you." He chuckled and left.

Professor Snape however stayed. He stared at Harry for a full minute before speaking. "Are you prepared to commit yourself to the study of Occlumency this time Potter? Or will I be treated to more pathetic attempts and excuses?"

"I will do my best," he said trying to forget the sound of Voldemort's voice whispering in his ear 'you will not escape me . . . running will do you no good . . .'

"I certainly hope you will do better than last year, for your friends sake."

His tone was not sarcastic, but Harry still felt it was far from sincere.

"I am sorry you are stuck teaching me Occlumency again Professor, but at least you won't have to teach me Potions anymore."

A cold mockery of a smile crossed the Potions Master's face before he replied. "Yes Potter, I can assure you I will most definitely not be teaching you Potions this year."

Harry had seen the letter. He knew his Potions score, but having Snape confirm it was the final proof. Unless Professor McGonagall came up with something, his chances of becoming an Auror were lost.

"Good day Potter," Snape said as he exited the ward, smirking at his own private joke.

***

tbc . . .




~ Whomping Willow ~