First Steps

by: Whomping Willow

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.

Chapter twelve: Crime and Punishment

It turned out that the owner of the approaching footsteps had conveniently been Remus Lupin. Harry promptly informed him of the Headmaster's request for his presence before he found his own way to a quiet place to think alone. He chose Sirius' old room for his escape and locked the door behind him.

The room looked as though it hadn't been touched since Sirius' death, and probably hadn't. There were still odds and ends littering the bedside table as well as a robe that had been carelessly discarded over the arm of a chair. For a few moments the grief welled up threatening to choke him completely . . .

Harry knew he had made a mistake by casting the Cruciatus curse . . . after all it was classified as an Unforgivable for a reason.

The fake Professor Moody had taught his class about the Unforgivables in his fourth-year and had warned about the punishments for their use. Harry had felt the power of each of them when cast by Voldemort. He had experienced the pain of Cruciatus as well as having seen the results overexposure had left on Neville's parents. Moody had shown him how Imperious dulled the mind, how strong the urge was to give up control . . . and in a graveyard in Little Hangleton he had witnessed the absolute finality of the Killing Curse.

Sadly none of that had mattered to him when he was distraught over his godfather's death, and he hoped with all his heart that they wouldn't punish him too severely for his attack against Bellatrix.

Could his use of Dark Arts really change him, Harry wondered? Was that what made Snape such an utter prick and had corrupted Tom Riddle? Was the burning in his scar a result of the curse he had cast or was it simply more manipulations from Voldemort? Harry couldn't really answer any of the questions that were spinning in his head, but he didn't want to bring them to the attention of the Headmaster either. Perhaps if he was cautious and kept his mind clear the burning would subside and he wouldn't be forced to mention it. It only made sense to keep these things to himself considering how many secrets the Order had kept from him.

Decision made, Harry wrapped his arms around his knees and allowed the pleasant memories of his godfather to comfort him. At that moment the only thing he wanted more than Sirius back was to show Snape that he wasn't the errant child he had always accused him of being.

Harry wasn't sure how many hours had passed since he began his meditation, but when the voices on the other side of the door startled him the room was bathed in the colors of sunset. He realized that Hermione and Ron were opening all the doors on the hallway most likely in search of him. Harry stood on shaky legs and shook the feeling back down to his feet. The tingling in his limbs was but one more sign of his lengthy meditation. When his hand finally rested on the doorknob, he found someone on the other side was turning the knob in an effort to open the locked door. Before they could mutter the unlocking charm, Harry opened the door startling his bushy-haired friend.

"Harry! We have been looking for you everywhere." Hermione's expression was somewhere between relief and frustration.

"I just needed some time to think about . . . things . . . is something wrong?" Harry wondered if this was a limited search inspired by concern or boredom or if something bad had happened.

"Professor Snape and Dumbledore left hours ago and no one knew where you had run off to. Remus was worried that you were upset . . . what happened in your Occlumency lesson?"

Ginny and the twins approached with jovial greetings. "Oh good, you found him. Now we can do some more exploring of the extra rooms. We didn't know how many hidden passages this place had until we had to search for you mate."

"Hidden passages? Brilliant!" Ron declared earning him an elbow to the ribs from Hermione.

"I know something happened Harry. You don't go running off for just any reason and Remus said you looked angry." Concern shown in Hermione's eyes as she waited for Harry's answer.

"Nothing I want to talk about." Harry knew Hermione wasn't likely to let it drop but he figured it was worth a try.

"I hope Snape isn't still in a snit over the beating you-know-who gave him after your escape . . . showed up in terrible shape he did . . . broke his nose and all," Fred and George volleyed back and forth.

As his eyes shifted from one face to another, Harry noted that they all wore matching expectant expressions. He had only just recently accepted what he had done in the Ministry atrium and hadn't prepared to share the knowledge with his friends yet, but perhaps it was better to get it off his chest now before Remus came to tell him of his punishment.

"Snape saw a memory he didn't like . . ." His voice trailed off and he tried to gather his courage. "I tried to cast the Cruciatus Curse on Bellatrix Lestrange." Harry finally blurted the words out in a rush.

He hoped his friends would leave it at that, but instead he was faced with his friends' stunned expressions and Ron's exclamation of, "Bloody Hell!"

"Harry!" Hermione scolded as she stammered in search of more appropriate words. "Harry that's an Unforgivable . . . how could you . . . what were you thinking?!"

"She killed Sirius . . . he was all I had left . . . what would you have done in my place?"

No one answered so Harry once again filled the silence. "It didn't work anyhow, but I guess that hardly makes a difference. They sent me away so they could discuss my punishment."

"What do you think Dumbledore will decide . . . I mean he wouldn't call the Ministry would he?" Hermione fidgeted nervously.

"I dunno, I'll have to wait and see . . ."

Lucius Malfoy breathed the stale air of his Master's study with care. The damp cells of Azkaban had left him with a slight phlegmy rattle in his chest as a last reminder of his stay that he'd yet to be rid of. Escaping past the Aurors that now guarded the accursed prison was not near the feat that it had been for Sirius Black to escape when it was occupied by dementors, but still he was proud to say he'd made it passed the guards with a little persuasion and was ready to rejoin his Master's service.

"Lucius, how good of you to come. How was Azkaban . . . less entertaining without the dementors I trust?" Voldemort's eyes glittered dangerously in the dim light of his study.

"Yes, My Lord. Without dementors Azkaban is merely a cold damp place to get together with old friends."

"Still I see you were eager to take your leave and return to my service . . . pity you were too late to aid in the attack on Potter's home . . ."

"Indeed it is my Lord. I trust you have a new plan to rid us of the boy-who-lived?" Lucius failed to bite back the cough that had been threatening to escape and now shook his entire body.

"Are you not well Lucius – do you require something . . . a potion perhaps?"

"You are most kind, My Lord. Perhaps a bit of tea would do the trick?" Lucius was glad to have found his master to be in a most amiable mood.

Voldemort snapped his fingers and a stocky young Death Eater Lucius didn't recognize arrived with hot tea.

"I see you have finally rid yourself of that worthless rat . . ."

"Yes, unfortunately Wormtail failed to return to me after he was punished for his last failure so I must make do with the fumbling of a new recruit. He is possessed of more enthusiasm than either skill or brains I am afraid . . . one of many reasons I am so pleased you have returned to me Lucius."

Lucius sincerely hoped the Dark Lord wasn't suggesting that he become his personal errand boy such as Wormtail had been. He hadn't botched things that severely at the Ministry surely. Lucius took his cup of off-colored tea and relished the warmth. He sipped cautiously at first and was pleased to find nothing more toxic than hastily steeped Earl Grey. Despite the taste the warm liquid was soothing enough to allow him to continue. He was most curious about his Lord's plans.

Voldemort frowned in distaste as he sipped the tea. Even Muggles would be more proficient at brewing pot of tea than this one. He discarded the tea and addressed Malfoy once more. "Due to recent failures I am keeping all details of my plan to subdue Potter to those I trust not to screw them up . . . namely me . . . suffice it to say the plan is progressing smoothly."

"That is excellent news, My Lord. I will be honored to assist you in anyway that I can."

"For now Lucius get yourself well. I cannot afford to have my most valuable weapons dull when I have need of them."

"I will see to it at once, My Lord." With that said he gladly abandoned the remainder of his tea and exited the stuffy chamber.

Harry's friends finally convinced him to leave his godfather's room in search of a late dinner considering he had barely picked at breakfast and missed lunch entirely. Being accustomed to the hollow ache in his stomach Harry had hardly noticed his hunger. If it wasn't for the twins, Harry would have turned back immediately when he noticed Remus mulling over a cup of tea at the far end of the scrubbed wooden table. Harry sat nervously for several moments before Remus looked at him with a vague expression.

Harry pondered for a moment if bezoars could form in human stomachs. He was sure he must have a stone of some sort in his gut causing the heavy ache that replaced his previous hunger. Ron passed Harry a Butter Beer which did more to occupy his hands than quench his thirst and he hoped that if Remus had any intention of speaking he would just hurry up and get it over with. Not that he was in any way eager to hear more condemning words . . . but strangely the silence was becoming even more ominous than Snape's words had been.

The plate Hermione pushed in front of him startled Harry into knocking over his mostly untouched Butter Beer, spilling its contents across the table. Cursing loudly Harry jumped from his seat before the spill could make its way to soak his clothes.

Remus approached Harry and rested a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "I think we'd better go talk before you manage to destroy Molly's kitchen."

Ignoring the attempt at humor, Harry nodded dumbly and followed Remus, receiving a reassuring pat on his back from Ron as he left. Remus led him to the parlor where his Occlumency lesson had taken place earlier that morning. Harry did his best to make himself comfortable though Remus stood stiffly.

Finally, pacing quietly in front of where Harry sat fidgeting on an old leather sofa, Remus broke the silence with a clear voice. "You are growing into a very powerful wizard Harry and that in itself can lead you into dangerous situations with difficult decisions to make. I must admit that I cannot blame you for your choice of curses . . . there is only one thing that kept me from doing the same thing myself . . ."

Harry was surprised by the confession, meeting his former professor's eyes for the first time that day he saw the pain they held.

"I wanted to chase after her – curse her into oblivion. That bloody witch deserves anything I can cast, but I needed to be there for you Harry . . . and if I cast an Unforgivable on Bellatrix I would be on my way to Azkaban. That is a risk Sirius wouldn't want either of us to take just to avenge his death. I promised that if anything happened to Sirius I would take care of you as best as I can which isn't nearly as good as you deserve . . ."

"I'm sixteen I don't need . . ." Harry started to object, wanting to remind his former professor that he was no longer a child.

"I know you are getting a bit old for guardians and all that, but could you humor me. Sirius didn't want you to go through this alone, and neither do I."

Harry realized that it wasn't as much about him needing someone to watch over him as it was about Remus needing to hold on to the last connection he had with his dearest friends. He was all that was left of the legacy of the Marauders and considering all that had been taken from him Harry was hardly about to do the same to another. Remus was surprised when Harry approached putting a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you're right, you're never too old for some things," Harry finally choked out. Remus pulled Harry into a hug and promised that he would do everything he could to influence Dumbledore and Snape toward leniency.

"You mean they haven't decided yet?"

"No, Dumbledore had a few matters he needed to look into before coming to a final decision. He'll be back tomorrow. I think you should also be prepared for another Occlumency lesson again just in case."

"Why . . . Snape still thinks I'm hiding more secrets?"

"No Harry. Actually the Headmaster said that you had greatly improved, and it wasn't until something distracted you, that Professor Snape was able to enter your mind. He wants you to focus more on controlling your level of focus throughout the day."

Harry's eyebrows rose in surprise. Had he really improved that much, he wondered.

"I want you to know that although I was surprised I understand why you did it, but that doesn't mean you can do it again. As I am sure you have been told, Dark Magic comes at a cost . . . I'm sure Sirius would have said that it's what has made Snape what he is today, but I am no authority on what makes Snape tick like your godfather was." Remus winked assuring Harry that there was no true authority on what made Snape . . . Snape.

Harry spent the hours between dinner and bed rereading the more pertinent sections of his Occlumency book. Not that he really felt it would make that much of a difference but he had to focus his attention on something besides his meeting with the Headmaster. He tossed and turned for what seemed like hours which made all attempts to keep his mind clear difficult, but he managed to avoid any unwanted visitors.

The next morning Harry was tired and anxious. He watched in silence from the stairway when the Headmaster arrived, looking for any sign of the wizard's decision. Harry was surprised when Professor Snape failed to arrive, but he was told that his Professor had another obligation arise unexpectedly. That meant he would be spared the Occlumency lesson and only had to worry about his impending punishment. When tea was ready and Harry had made his presence known they proceeded to the parlor and were joined by Remus.

"I'm sorry that Professor Snape couldn't join us today but I could not in all good conscience delay this meeting any longer." Although Dumbledore wasn't avoiding eye contact Harry was still filled with a feeling of dread and swallowed thickly as his mouth went dry.

Remus poured him more tea as Dumbledore carried on. "I had a meeting with Minister Fudge yesterday after I left here."

Harry's heart started pounding loudly giving him proof that it hadn't stopped like it felt it surely should have. Dumbledore couldn't have told Fudge . . . could he?

"No need to fear Harry, we didn't speak of anything more than your safety. Despite the severity of what you did we will not be mentioning anything that happened between you and Bellatrix to the Ministry . . . understood?"

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and he was suddenly aware of how tightly he had been griping the armrests. He flexed his fingers to relieve the tension and replied. "Yes, Sir."

"Good – good . . . now there is only the matter of your punishment. First, you will not be permitted to partake in Hogsmeade weekends this year, without exception. Also you will not be permitted to join your friends when they visit Diagon Alley to pick up their school supplies. And finally you have been assigned a Ministry guard for lack of a better term . . . to ensure your safety during the school year."

"Guard? You think I need a guard?" Harry forgot any objections he may have had about being denied access to Hogsmeade. After his experiences with Umbridge the fear of who the Ministry would assign to watch him was understandable.

"The Minister feels that, after the events of this summer and previous years, your life is in danger and would be remiss if it did not provide you with at least a small measure of protection. He will also be tutoring you in Defense. I was allowed access to the candidates' files and approved of the Minister's choice if not the necessity."

Harry relaxed at those words. The Headmaster didn't think he needed a babysitter but had only consented due to Fudge's desire to compensate for his earlier incompetence.

"His name is Janus Henniker. Perhaps you remember him, Remus?"

"Henniker . . . Wasn't he in Hufflepuff a couple of years behind me?"

"Ah good you do remember."

Remus chuckled and shook his head. "How could I not? He nearly took James' head off with a bludger seventh year and spent the rest of the term apologizing."

"I had nearly forgotten about that." Dumbledore's voice was full of mirth and Harry was happy to see the twinkle return to the headmaster's eyes for a moment before he became serious again. "Of course you were my first choice Remus, but the Ministry still refuses to see reason."

Remus nodded silently wishing once again that things could be different.

"The Minister also insisted that the DA be disbanded due to the assignment of a competent Defense professor . . . however he has seen no reason not to revoke your Quidditch ban."

Harry felt torn. Although he was happy to be allowed back on the Quidditch team, he would miss the clandestine classes in the room of Requirement. With a sad smile he responded, "Guess I'll need a new broom."

"Actually I don't believe that will be necessary," Dumbledore said with a smile. "I hope Hagrid will forgive me for spoiling his secret. He came to me this morning to tell me that Grawp found your broom in the Forbidden forest."

"My broom is okay?" Harry gasped in shock.

"Perhaps in need of a bit of polish, but it is otherwise game-ready."

It was really an odd day. Harry felt uneasy as though waiting for the other shoe to drop. His punishment was far milder than anything he could have imagined. "So that's all . . . no Diagon Alley, no Hogsmeade and I'm stuck with a bodyguard?"

"Did you want more? Perhaps Professor Snape . . ." Harry cut Dumbledore off mid-sentence.

"No! I just wanted to be sure that was all of it . . . no surprises."

"That is all of it Harry. You will meet Mister Henniker at King's Cross where he will accompany you to Hogwarts. I'm afraid the Ministry is worried about a possible attack at the station."

"Do you think that Voldemort would attack the train?" Remus asked looking more than a bit worried.

"No, I do not . . . the Ministry however is taking any and all threats seriously . . . for once."

When Harry was finally dismissed, he went in search of his friends. He only paused for the briefest of knocks outside the bedroom door before he entered and began to rattle off his news to the startled couple.

"So the Minister has assigned you a body guard?" Ron interrupted.

"Yea, but that's not all . . . the DA will have to disband."

"What?!" Ron and Hermione both looked stunned.

"I guess Fudge is still nervous about the whole Dumbledore's Army thing. When Dumbledore pushed hard for his choice of Defense Professor this year, Fudge made sure that it was a trade . . . the DA for Dumbledore's choice of Professor."

"Dumbledore must be confident in his choice of Professor to make that kind of deal." Hermione looked disappointed and Harry guessed that she had spent at least part of the summer researching new spells to teach when the school year resumed.

"You won't be able to have any fun this year Harry, with a Ministry bodyguard hanging over your shoulder." Shaking his head sadly, Ron thought of how hard it would be, leaving his friend behind again like in their third-year.

"Ron, I think Harry's safety is far more important than trips to Hogsmeade or midnight runs to the kitchens. It sounds to me like Dumbledore is trying to protect Harry more than punish him."

No one could argue with Hermione's logic.

"There is good news as well. The Quidditch ban has been lifted and Hagrid found my broom. So if the team will have me . . ." Ron interrupted before Harry even finished the sentence, near bursting with excitement.

"Are you kidding?! Of course we'll have you! You're the best Seeker in all of Hogwarts. I know Ginny won't mind either. She'd rather be Chaser anyway."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. No matter how irrational it seemed, Harry had feared that the team wouldn't want him back.

"Do you think you or your mum could pick up my supplies when you go to Diagon Alley?"

"Of course, Harry. It's a shame you won't be there to see Fred and George's shop though . . . I know they are eager for you to see where they are spending most of their time. Maybe Dumbledore will change his mind . . ."

"Ron, Harry got off easy . . . no offense Harry, but you could have had a lot worse punishment."

Harry knew Hermione was right, but Ron saw it as a great injustice and was still muttering about how unfair it was a week later when Mrs. Weasley gathered everyone together for the trip to Diagon Alley.

While everyone else was visiting the shops and enjoying ice-cream Harry was having yet another Occlumency lesson with his Professors. The lessons had steadily improved since his first attempt of the summer and Harry was even getting better at keeping his emotions in check, even in Kreacher's presence. He finished his lessons feeling generally tired and satisfied at his accomplishments, instead of with sore knees and a burning scar.

Professor Snape left as soon as the lesson was over not looking any more pleased with Harry's performance than he had been in the previous year however Dumbledore was beaming.

"Excellent work Harry. You are improving greatly."

Harry smiled at the praise and wished it had been this way the previous year when it could have prevented his godfather's death.

Dumbledore sensing the reason for his faltering smile added, "the key to happiness is knowing what we can change and learning to accept what we cannot. As painful as losing Sirius was for all of us, it could have been worse."

Harry looked up sharply, too stunned to hide his glare.

"If Sirius had been found by Aurors in the Ministry, he would have been delivered back to the dementors. He would have received the kiss long before Pettigrew could be found. At least this way Sirius is at peace."

In all of his contemplation Harry had never thought of it that way before. He knew in his heart for the first time in months that the Headmaster was right. As hard as it was for Harry, it was by far better for Sirius. It was said after all that the kiss was a horrendous way to go . . . existing as a soulless mockery of life. Harry wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. Suddenly Harry felt the need to change the subject.

"I've been wanting to ask you about the new Defense professor . . ." Harry started awkwardly.

"Ah well, I do suppose there is no harm in you knowing, now that it is official . . . Professor Snape will be taking over the position of Defense Professor, and I am sure he will do a commendable job."

Harry's mouth hung open for a moment. His least loved professor would be teaching his favorite class and he had traded the DA for that? A groan finally made its way past his lips.

Dumbledore chuckled lightly. "I know what you're thinking Harry and I believe if you give him a chance Professor Snape will surprise you. He is an effective teacher, and will be able to make up for what the previous professors lacked."

Harry quickly compared his past professors against what he knew of Snape in his mind and bit his tongue to prevent himself from voicing the results. He knew Dumbledore trusted Snape and it would be pointless to speak ill of him to the Headmaster. He rose from his seat and prepared to go. Dumbledore however had one more thing to add.

"I also believe Mister Henniker is a fair choice as your guard and tutor and may be able to assist you in preparation for Auror training . . . however I believe it would be advisable to remain cautious in what information you disclose."

"Of course sir, I understand." Harry was well aware that an off hand comment could endanger many of his friends.

Peering over his half-moon glasses, the Headmaster replied. "Be sure that you do."

That statement unnerved Harry and he was glad when he was finally out of the room and on his way to see if everyone was back from Diagon Alley. He was eager to share what he had learned about their new Defense professor.

When he entered the room that he shared with Ron he was surprised to find Ron, Hermione and Ginny all whispering nervously. It only added to his suspicion when they all looked to him wearing matching expressions.

"What?" Harry asked immediately. "What happened?"

"Lucius Malfoy . . ." Ginny managed to squeak before her brother's glare silenced her.

Harry held back a shudder at the name. "Malfoy . . . what about him?"

"Harry, we know why the Ministry insisted on you having a guard. Lucius Malfoy escaped from Azkaban. There were wanted posters up all over the alley."

Hermione was right. It was making sense. Malfoy would be anxious to get back in his master's good graces after his failure at the Ministry and delivering his nemesis to him would be the best way to accomplish that task.

"The papers are having a field day mocking the inefficiency of Aurors in comparison to dementors as guards of Azkaban. Kind of pointless really . . . not like they can get the dementors back."

"I wish they could . . . I don't like knowing that they are roaming about looking for souls." Ron made himself shudder.

Harry distracted himself with his own news. "Hey guys, I almost forgot my news. You'll never guess who is teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year . . ."

Harry's less than joyous expression told them that it certainly wasn't going to be Remus or even Tonks. No guesses followed.

"I'll give you a hint . . . who is the worst person you can think of to teach Defense?" adding as an afterthought, "besides Umbridge or Voldemort?"

"No!" Ron choked. "He can't. He's got Potions already. He can't teach both!"

"Professor Snape? Tell me you are joking . . ." Ginny said following her brother's words.

"Yes, Snape . . . and Dumbledore had to pull a lot of strings to get him into the position so he must've really wanted him for some reason." Harry could feel his friends' dismay.

Ron joked mirthlessly. "Which is he going to teach Dark Arts or the Defense against?"

"What about Potions . . . ? He can't teach both . . ." Hermione was fairly sure that Fudge was far too suspicious of Snape to allow him access to a Time Turner.

"I don't know who'll be teaching Potions. I forgot to ask. That may explain why we were admitted into the N.E.W.T.S. level class though."

That gave them all something to think about. Hermione worried about how it would affect her grades and Harry wondered what this would do to his chances of becoming an Auror. It may help his Potions grade, but that would be pointless if his Defense grade suffered instead. They would know soon enough as September first was drawing near and they all were compelled to spend the little time they had left with their new books.

tbc . . .