Chapter 13
What was he trying to say? He was unsure himself, so how was he meant to tell his wife. Even though Sydney wasn't supposed to be his main priority anymore, he often found himself running his life around her. He didn't want to move away as that would mean that he would have to leave her behind. But would staying in LA be any fairer to her? In nine months time Lauren would have had her baby, and Syd would have to deal with living in the same place as them. One thing was for sure; he didn't want to cause her anymore pain.
"Lauren, I'm sorry this is just all happening too quickly. I mean a couple of days ago, everything was normal and now we're having a baby! This was just so unexpected, I'm not quite sure how to handle it." At least he was being honest with her, for what could have been the first time in their marriage.
"I know, it's scary, but we can handle it together." She pulled him towards her, and embraced him in a hug. "We don't have to move away if you don't want to, but I just thought that it would be best for all of us."
"I know you did Lauren, and it was a nice thought honestly. But I can't just move away from Los Angeles. My whole life is here, my job, my apartment, my friends..."
"And Sydney. We both know that's where this is going, so why don't you just admit it? The one reason why you won't leave LA is because of her. The CIA isn't just in LA Michael; you could go back to Langley. As for your apartment and friends we could buy a new place and you'd make new friends. Weiss could come and visit. But none of that stuff matters to you really. It's all about Bristow." A tear fell down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand.
"I won't lie to you Lauren. But yeah, she is one of the main reasons why I won't leave. I've adjusted my life to not being with her, but I'm not ready to cut her out altogether. And that's what it feels like your asking me to do, when you say that we should move away." Vaughn knew that she was upset, but so was he. Sydney was a big part of his life and losing her once had nearly killed him. He couldn't lose her again.
"You're leaving me for her aren't you?" There was a long pause before Vaughn answered. He looked down at his shoes, not quite sure whether or not he should answer her. How was he supposed to tell his wife that he wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend instead of her? He kept thinking about his wedding day, how he had said his vows and actually meant them. But now he felt like his was going against his vows; against his wife. If she hadn't told him that she was pregnant, it would have been easier to tell her the truth. But she was pregnant, and he couldn't just leave his unborn child. Could he?
"You asked me a while ago, whether I was still in love with her." He stopped as the memory came back to him. Lauren looked away from him, feeling certain that she knew where this conversation was leading. "I avoided answering you then. I was afraid to admit it to myself, let alone you. But I can't go on hiding any longer, pretending to be someone I'm not. I loved Sydney from the first day she walked into my office, after finding out the truth about SD-6. I could see the pain in her eyes after finding out that her life was lie and that this lie had killed her fiancé. I continued to love her, even though protocol stopped me from being with her. I still love her when we were finally a couple, until she was taken away from me. And now that she's back, I've realised that I do still love her, and I'm not afraid to admit it anymore."
"So that's it? We're over?" Lauren stopped wiping the tears off of her face. She just let them continuously fall down her cheek.
"I didn't say that." He felt guilty for making her cry, when all the pain in her life was caused by his lies.
"Just think, soon we'll be parents. That's if you're willing to be this baby's father? I want to keep it Michael, but I can't do it without you. I don't want my baby to grow up with only one parent. Even if you don't want to stay with me out of love, at least stay for you baby." She was pleading with him, hoping that he would agree.
"I do love you Lauren, never question that." He was silent for a couple of minutes, his head aching with the previous events. Finally he decided that his life needed to be sorted out. Starting with his wife. "I'm willing to give our marriage another chance, if you are." He pushed thoughts of Sydney to the back of his mind; it was about time that he put his wife first.
"Do you mean that?" She asked as he nodded. Smiling she continued, "Of course I want to give us another chance. I love you Michael." The words just flowed out of her mouth, just like they had when she took her wedding vows.
"I love you to Lauren." He moved closer to her, wiping the tears away from her face. She wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him towards her. "We'll make this work Michael, you'll see."
What was he trying to say? He was unsure himself, so how was he meant to tell his wife. Even though Sydney wasn't supposed to be his main priority anymore, he often found himself running his life around her. He didn't want to move away as that would mean that he would have to leave her behind. But would staying in LA be any fairer to her? In nine months time Lauren would have had her baby, and Syd would have to deal with living in the same place as them. One thing was for sure; he didn't want to cause her anymore pain.
"Lauren, I'm sorry this is just all happening too quickly. I mean a couple of days ago, everything was normal and now we're having a baby! This was just so unexpected, I'm not quite sure how to handle it." At least he was being honest with her, for what could have been the first time in their marriage.
"I know, it's scary, but we can handle it together." She pulled him towards her, and embraced him in a hug. "We don't have to move away if you don't want to, but I just thought that it would be best for all of us."
"I know you did Lauren, and it was a nice thought honestly. But I can't just move away from Los Angeles. My whole life is here, my job, my apartment, my friends..."
"And Sydney. We both know that's where this is going, so why don't you just admit it? The one reason why you won't leave LA is because of her. The CIA isn't just in LA Michael; you could go back to Langley. As for your apartment and friends we could buy a new place and you'd make new friends. Weiss could come and visit. But none of that stuff matters to you really. It's all about Bristow." A tear fell down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand.
"I won't lie to you Lauren. But yeah, she is one of the main reasons why I won't leave. I've adjusted my life to not being with her, but I'm not ready to cut her out altogether. And that's what it feels like your asking me to do, when you say that we should move away." Vaughn knew that she was upset, but so was he. Sydney was a big part of his life and losing her once had nearly killed him. He couldn't lose her again.
"You're leaving me for her aren't you?" There was a long pause before Vaughn answered. He looked down at his shoes, not quite sure whether or not he should answer her. How was he supposed to tell his wife that he wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend instead of her? He kept thinking about his wedding day, how he had said his vows and actually meant them. But now he felt like his was going against his vows; against his wife. If she hadn't told him that she was pregnant, it would have been easier to tell her the truth. But she was pregnant, and he couldn't just leave his unborn child. Could he?
"You asked me a while ago, whether I was still in love with her." He stopped as the memory came back to him. Lauren looked away from him, feeling certain that she knew where this conversation was leading. "I avoided answering you then. I was afraid to admit it to myself, let alone you. But I can't go on hiding any longer, pretending to be someone I'm not. I loved Sydney from the first day she walked into my office, after finding out the truth about SD-6. I could see the pain in her eyes after finding out that her life was lie and that this lie had killed her fiancé. I continued to love her, even though protocol stopped me from being with her. I still love her when we were finally a couple, until she was taken away from me. And now that she's back, I've realised that I do still love her, and I'm not afraid to admit it anymore."
"So that's it? We're over?" Lauren stopped wiping the tears off of her face. She just let them continuously fall down her cheek.
"I didn't say that." He felt guilty for making her cry, when all the pain in her life was caused by his lies.
"Just think, soon we'll be parents. That's if you're willing to be this baby's father? I want to keep it Michael, but I can't do it without you. I don't want my baby to grow up with only one parent. Even if you don't want to stay with me out of love, at least stay for you baby." She was pleading with him, hoping that he would agree.
"I do love you Lauren, never question that." He was silent for a couple of minutes, his head aching with the previous events. Finally he decided that his life needed to be sorted out. Starting with his wife. "I'm willing to give our marriage another chance, if you are." He pushed thoughts of Sydney to the back of his mind; it was about time that he put his wife first.
"Do you mean that?" She asked as he nodded. Smiling she continued, "Of course I want to give us another chance. I love you Michael." The words just flowed out of her mouth, just like they had when she took her wedding vows.
"I love you to Lauren." He moved closer to her, wiping the tears away from her face. She wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him towards her. "We'll make this work Michael, you'll see."