Reclaiming

I'm watching her as she tries to meditate and I'm well aware that it's not really working. I can tell she's afraid, terrified even, her grip on my wrists is enough for me to know that but I keep quiet in spite of the pain. This is not about meditation or exercises to help her relax, not today. This is about Buffy trying to reclaim her life.

For months now I've been holding her, helping her, doing everything in my power to keep her going against all odds, and today for the first time she has taken control of that process. We still haven't spoken about much of anything, not really, I've been reluctant to push her but I think she's finally ready. She still won't contradict me, not openly, but she has grown more assertive. So far her progress has been gradual but reasonably steady. I remember how only a month ago whenever we went out for a walk she would wait for me to guide her, to make all the decisions, now if I don't do it she will take the initiative, she will let me know where she wants to go... and in the end that's what brought us here.

We were walking and suddenly we found ourselves in front of the Magic Box, I could see that she was shaken and for a moment she wasn't quite sure of what to do so I pulled her close. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes and then something happened, I'm not sure what, but she smiled at me and she pulled me into the store. I don't think she's been here more than a couple of times since her resurrection and not once since I came back, so she was understandably nervous but in spite of that she brought me here, to her training room.

She chose to bring me here.

I know it's not over --I know it will probably never be over-- but now I can at least hope that the worst is behind us.