The Vajacka monologues
*Disclaimer* I don't own this character.
*Scene* A packed night club.
Jack come on to the stage…
Jack: Why? Oh my god! There's so many of you. I don't usually get such big crowds. *notices a sign* Oh free drinks all night if you stay. I'm Jack By the way.
I'm really flattered to be here, seriously.
I'm here to tell you about my self and a few friends of mine. And of course to answer any of those burning questions.
Let me tell you about a person I know called….grace. Now she is ginger flat chested and Jewish …. She pretty unlucky… well except for the Jewish part.
Any way she is so unlucky I love it is unbelievable I mean she turns half her boyfriends gay! Well bless her though she does try. She does have a gay best friends called will…
YES SHE DID TURN HIM GAY.
Well that brings me onto Will… He's really cool… although I don't tell him this…I really respect him and all the mocking of his weight and his grey hair is just a false wall I really like will and I couldn't imagine life without him. But he does have some faults like….He's a lawyer and he's gay…Bless the two most hated things in the world and will is both….He doesn't have very good insults either…which brings me to my next subject Karen.
Now Karen. Is amazing she's nasty insulting, always drinking and popping pills and commenting on Graces "different" fashion sense. She is stinking rich. She has an alias… Anastasia Beaverhausen. We go round regularly getting people fired
*Question from the audience* Hey tell us more about Will I think we are all interested.
*Audience agree*
Jack: Well ok I met will in 1984/5 I'm not sure which I was the one who told him he was gay… But let's blame it on grace anyway. Well He found out he was gay we beamiest friends and one night in 1988 we…. Oh no that's for a different time.
*Audience: we wanna hear it etc*
Jack: We kind of kissed in a Jacuzzi and then I got him drunk so he wouldn't remember that night… the best night ever… of my life… Any way so we kissed and It felt so good and I don't think I will ever get over that. Sometimes I think to myself.. "ask him jack go on ask will out and then you'll be happy" but then I realise that he's to intelligent and perfect for me and that I stand Not one chance.
But then I think what's wrong with me? Why wouldn't he like me. What is actually wrong with me *choking up* Why wouldn't he like me.
*will walks in to the room*
Will: There's nothing up with you… Your perfect JUST perfect.
To be continued….
*Disclaimer* I don't own this character.
*Scene* A packed night club.
Jack come on to the stage…
Jack: Why? Oh my god! There's so many of you. I don't usually get such big crowds. *notices a sign* Oh free drinks all night if you stay. I'm Jack By the way.
I'm really flattered to be here, seriously.
I'm here to tell you about my self and a few friends of mine. And of course to answer any of those burning questions.
Let me tell you about a person I know called….grace. Now she is ginger flat chested and Jewish …. She pretty unlucky… well except for the Jewish part.
Any way she is so unlucky I love it is unbelievable I mean she turns half her boyfriends gay! Well bless her though she does try. She does have a gay best friends called will…
YES SHE DID TURN HIM GAY.
Well that brings me onto Will… He's really cool… although I don't tell him this…I really respect him and all the mocking of his weight and his grey hair is just a false wall I really like will and I couldn't imagine life without him. But he does have some faults like….He's a lawyer and he's gay…Bless the two most hated things in the world and will is both….He doesn't have very good insults either…which brings me to my next subject Karen.
Now Karen. Is amazing she's nasty insulting, always drinking and popping pills and commenting on Graces "different" fashion sense. She is stinking rich. She has an alias… Anastasia Beaverhausen. We go round regularly getting people fired
*Question from the audience* Hey tell us more about Will I think we are all interested.
*Audience agree*
Jack: Well ok I met will in 1984/5 I'm not sure which I was the one who told him he was gay… But let's blame it on grace anyway. Well He found out he was gay we beamiest friends and one night in 1988 we…. Oh no that's for a different time.
*Audience: we wanna hear it etc*
Jack: We kind of kissed in a Jacuzzi and then I got him drunk so he wouldn't remember that night… the best night ever… of my life… Any way so we kissed and It felt so good and I don't think I will ever get over that. Sometimes I think to myself.. "ask him jack go on ask will out and then you'll be happy" but then I realise that he's to intelligent and perfect for me and that I stand Not one chance.
But then I think what's wrong with me? Why wouldn't he like me. What is actually wrong with me *choking up* Why wouldn't he like me.
*will walks in to the room*
Will: There's nothing up with you… Your perfect JUST perfect.
To be continued….