Chapter 3: The training begins, or at least after we have recovered Legolas.

Legolas lay on a soft, feminine bed in a large room looking around as his eyes began to focus.

"Ahhh your awake, how are you feeling?" Sara cooed, looking at the love of her life dreamily.

Sara walked over to the desk in her bedroom, where a bowl of warm water and flannel lay; she rinsed the flannel out and walked back over to her prince, who had a definite look of fear on his flawless features. She began to mop his brow, being careful not to wet his hair.

"I always knew we were meant to be together." She said, kneeling next to him.

"Excuse me..."

"Just call me Sara."

"Excuse me Sara but, please can I leave?"

"Leave? Now why would you want to do that?"

"Because-"

The door of the room slammed open, splintering yet another door in the palace of Gondor, Aragorn wasn't going to have any left if they weren't careful.

"SARA LOUISE POWELL, PUT THAT ELF BACK WHERE YOU FOUND HIM!!!"

"No he's mine!"

"He is not yours, he belongs to Tolkien, you know that!"

"I don't care I'm not giving him up now."

"Yes you will, I thought you said that you were just going to fill him in? You lying little (unfortunately this story is only PG-13 and therefore the next string of words emitted by Claire have been removed, we wouldn't want to offend anybody now, would we?)"

"I was, I was just trying to make him better first, any way, who have you left in charge of the cast members?"

"I have left your assistant director, Tabitha, in charge."

Back in the main hall...

"Good, that's it! Well done Aragorn! Sauron, don't forget to wiggle your hips!" Tabitha shouted to her minions, who were currently doing the Macarena.

During the time that the authors had been arguing they hadn't noticed as Legolas slipped away.

Sara turned back to the bed where her sex-on-a-stick lay.

"Hey, he's gone! It's your fault!!" Sara screamed.

"You shouldn't have stolen him in the first place!"

Sara huffed, and stormed out of the room, being careful to tread over what remained of her door as she left. The two girls returned to the hall, ready to unleash the power that we females possess.

"Right you bunch of lazy turnips! Time to start teaching you how to act in character, we have split you into two groups according to good or evil nature of the character you are going to be playing." Claire called, as she walked up to the stage.

Sara walked behind sulking, and giving Legolas a longing glance as she walked past.

"First we have to bring in the extra recruits we had to bring from our planet, Miss Powell if you would do the honours..."

Sara stood at the front edge of the stage and snapped her fingers a pile of humans, elves and stranger thing appeared in front of her, most of them complaining about the bruises they had just aquired.

"These people are to fill the missing role for the play, and I warn you now they may attack, so be on guard." Claire said.

All the girls, instantly spotted there lust objects and were therefore wallowing in a pool of drool.

"Okay, Aragorn, Arwen, Gimli, Boromir, Faramir, Elrohir, Elladan, Frodo, Sam, Gandalf, Galadriel, Eowyn, Theoden, Eomer, Stephany Daniel, Cher," Cher gave a large snarl, "Cher I know you opted to be a warg but Eomer is not your chew toy! Where was I, ah yes, Vel, Mary of Gondor and Carli Tadesko. You're all with me, I am going to be teaching you how to play a good character."

Carli walked up to Aragorn and Arwen and started to point and laugh at the bemused characters.

"Carli, no mocking the cast members, or we will make you our cave troll walker!" Sara snapped.

"Okay, now, Thranduil, Elrond, Merry, Pippin, Sauron, Grima, and all of the Uruk-hai, you're with Miss Powell, is there anyone I've missed out?"

Legolas raised his hand, causing a unified swoon.

"Ahh yes Legolas, you're with Tabitha, she will be your acting trainer, I thought it best not to leave you with Sara, as she tends to run off with you at every available opportunity."

Sara just scowled as Tabitha led the hunk out of the room, now the envy of half the female population of the world, "And I suppose leaving you with Faramir and Boromir is a wise idea?"

Claire just looked at the two stewards and smiled, "Of course, I'm not as stupid as you." She said, "I won't get caught." She added under her breath.

The two groups were lead to their designated areas to begin training. Claire took her group out onto the front platform of the palace, and stood checking they were all there, whilst Sara stayed in the hall, looking at her students miserably, how come she had to have the evil group, oh well at least she had Merry and Pippin, although they were nowhere near tall enough to be Legolas' bodyguards.

"Merry and Pippin, before we begin, I would like you to drink this."

"What is it? Is it a pint?" Merry asked.

"No it's Ent-Draft; I need you two to be taller for the parts you are playing."

Both Hobbits took the glasses apprehensively, but they downed the liquid in one go, knowing that it was not a good idea to disobey the authors; they could do nasty things, like bring in...The Mary Sues.

The hobbits started to grow and a minute later they towered over Sara, looking not so much mean, just tall and very cute, although if she tried to hug them now she would not be hugging a pleasant area.

"Right now that you're all here, i would like my assisstant and our resident technician to start handing out the notes i copied for you on how to be a good character." Claire stared at Sarah, who was looking at the twins curiously.

"Sarah!"

She snapped out of her reverie and began handing out the sheets.

"Now, who can tell me the key points to playing a good character?"

"Umm...you don't get to beat people up or be mean to them?" Sam said.

"Actually you do," most people's faces lit upwhen they heard this. "You will get to beat up the bad characters, for instance, Arwen gets to slap Legolas."

"But he's my cousin, i couldn't slap him."

"Well your going to have to, just pretend he is someone you hate. Now to start off with we are going to have a little introduction excercise for those of us who don't know each other, so i would like you all to sit in a circle."

The group arranged themselves into a roughly circle shape with the girls fighting on who they got to sit next to.

"Right you horrible lot, it's time to see just how mean you can be, so i want you all to tell me the meanest thing you have ever done to someone before, we'll start with...Sauron."

"Well, there was this one time, well two times actually when i tried to take over the whole of middle earth and cover it with darkness, maiming and torturing people."

"oookay, i can see you'll have no problem in being evil."

Back to Claire and her Motly crew...

"Right, i'll go first to break the ice, i'm miss Ramsden, i'm a Boromir, Legolas, Aragorn, Pippin and Faramir fangirl, i like chocolate, jelly bellies and pickled Garlic, and i come from England." Calir turned to her left where a worried looking Boromir sat. "Now your turn."

"I'm Boromir, i was the steward of Gondor, until i was killed by an Uruk-hai, i like ale, songs, and blowing my horn. I came from Minus Tirith."

"I'm Faramir, also steward of Gondor although i haven't died, i like songs, My wife Eowyn," He smiled at Eowyn and she smiled back lovingly, most girls just glared, "and i come from Minus Tirith."

"I'm Aragorn, i'm the king of Gondor and Arnor, i like elven wine, sword fighting and hot bubble baths. I come from Minus Tirith also, because i own the place, which people see fit to take over and wreck.."

"Yes well...Gimli?" Claire said hurriedly.

"I'm Gimli son of Gloin, i like Malt beer, salted pork and axe-swinging, i come from the dwarven realms but i live on the lonely mountain"

"I'm Arwen, Queen of Gondor and Arnor, and lady of Rivendell. I love music, nice clothes and spending time with my husband. I come from Rivendell."

Meanwhile...

"Merry, what is the most evil thing you've ever done?"

"i stole Pippin's diary, read it then told the hobbit he fancies that he fancied her."

"YOU DID WHAT!" Pippin yelled looking outraged, he turned around and punched Merry, who punched back and the two became a cloud of dust on the floor.

"Umm excuse me but i did not say that you can fight!" Sara shouted at the mass of hobbit, but they didn't listen, so Sara pulled the secret weapon she had been storing incase a fight broke out, but she didn't expect it to be between Merry and Pippin.

"ipetimeneta!" she called, the two hobbits instantly froze and fell to the floor like wooden sticks.

Sara gave a swish and flick on her wand, removing the curse, "There that will teach all of you that not so nice things happen to people who start fighting and annoy me!"

"Hi my name is Sarah, i chose to be a hobbit, i love mushrooms, annoying people and Fred and George Weasley!"

Elrohir and Elladan exchanged nervous glances.

"Hi my name is Stephany, or Steph, i'm human, from t5he planet earth and i love Legolas, Legolas and hmm...Legolas!"

"Yes well, i wouldn't tell miss Powell that or we may end up with a super bitch fight on our hands!" Claire said.

"Hi my name is Cher, i chose to be a warg, i love chewing things, reading and sleeping."

"My name is Vel, i love Oliver Wood, Rumil, and making people laugh. why did the chicken cross the road?"

everyones face just looked blank as they waited for the answer.

"To get to the other side!" she called before bursting out laughing hysterically.

"Hi my name is Carli, i'm a 13 and a half year old elf, so quite young, i love Chocolate ice cream, Fred and George, and mocking people who i don't like to make them look stupid."

"Hello, my name is Eowyn, i am the shieldmaiden of Rohan, i love beautiful clothes, Gondorian stewards and beating people to a bloody pulp!"

"Thank you Eowyn, now that we all know each other, we can begin some basic exersizes."

(A/N: well thats the end of another glorious chapter! hope you like and i thank all the lovely reviewers and i hope all the applicants are satisfied with their parts so far but i still need more people, and you can always nominate people you don't like to play the not so popular characters so please fill out the form below and i will get back to you! also don't forget to check out our other stories, such as the many faces of Orlando Bloom, thats by Claire and well worth a read!)

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with the entire cast of Lord of the Rings:
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