Part 15
Tara sits down at the table while the others stare at her expectantly. Finally Willow breaks the silence. "Tara, are you going to tell us what happened in there," she asks.
"No," she replies simply.
"What?" the others explode. "Why not?"
"It's private, and it's personal, and I want time to go over it myself before I share it with anyone," replied Tara. She reaches into her bag and pulls out a cloth covered book and a pen and excuses herself, and climbs the ladder to the loft area where Giles keeps the really dangerous books.
"I can't believe she wouldn't tell me?" says Willow in an injured voice. "We tell each other everything."
"Come on Will, cut her some slack," says Buffy, putting her arm around the other girl's shoulder. "She didn't say she wasn't ever going to tell you, just that she wanted to sort through it all before she did."
"I know," says Willow in a pouty voice. "But it still hurts."
"Will, get a grip," says Buffy. "Meg is laying out some pretty heavy stuff in there." "At least she did for Dawn, and everybody is going to deal with it in their own way."
"Hey," says Willow laughing a little. "I thought I was supposed to be the smart one."
Up in the loft, Tara arranges herself in a more comfortable position and begins to write in her journal.
Professor Farrell, is an amazing woman, writes Tara. She seems to know exactly what to say to make you feel comfortable, and secure, and even safe. And she is such a powerful witch. I think she is probably more powerful than even Willow. The amazing thing is, she thinks that I am powerful too. She believes there isn't anything I can't accomplish. I think she's wrong. I'm never going to be that powerful, and I told her so. She wasn't shy about telling me that was my biggest fault. That I'm sure I'm not going to be powerful. She thinks I need to have more confidence in my abilities and myself. I tired to explain to her that Willow is really the more powerful one of us, and she told me not to bother making excuses and such. That if I didn't want to study and work with her, that was fine, but not to waste her time building up Willow. And then she said, and this is a quote "I am not here with you to talk about Willow, yes Willow is a great and powerful witch, and has the ability to grow even more powerful, but you Tara, right now possess far more magic. Trust in yourself, and have faith in your abilities. You can do anything you want to. I believe in you, believe in yourself."
I've never had anyone but Willow believe in me that way. It's funny, she didn't say anything to me that Willow hasn't said before, but this time it hit home. It isn't that she has a power or hold over me, but she has this ability to make you believe in yourself. We set up a study schedule and there are just tons of books she suggested for me. We are going to devise and actual curriculum and everything. And best of all, when she starts her history of the occult classes, she asked me to be a T.A. in there even though I am not a graduate student.
Tara closed her journal and prepares to climbs back down the ladder to where she knows Willow is waiting to hear about her meeting.
"Tara, are you ok?" questions Willow as Tara steps off the ladder.
"I'm fine Sweetie, I just wanted to sort through some things before I told everyone what happened." "Basically, Meg asked me if I'd like to study with her, and offered me a T.A. position in her history of the occult class." "I think the studying with her will be fun." "I know we tried the wicca group at the school, but that was a big bust." "This will be different," finishes Tara in a rush.
"Wow, that's, that's really great," says Willow a bit wistfully. "A T.A. position and everything, that's really great."
"Awe, Sweetie, don't be like that," says Tara as she takes Willow's hands in her own. "Don't go feeling left out and hurt." "Just wait until you talk with her." "I'm sure she has some wonderful ideas for you as well."
"I guess I'm just jealous," said Willow. "And nervous too."
"Ain't got nothing to be nervous about Red," said Spike. "She seems to be on the up and up, and she sure made the Niblet and Tara pretty happy."
"Wait," says Buffy. "If you like her, I may have to change my opinion of her!"
"Very funny Slayer." "I just mean that the lady seems to know what she's talking about." "I'm glad the council is going to find a way to pay you, even if it is indirectly," he says in a softer voice that only Buffy can hear. "You and the Niblet deserve a hell of a lot more from those wankers anyhow."
Across the room, Anya finishes up with her customer and shoots a glance at the door. "She sure is taking a long time with Xander." "I wonder what she is saying to him."