Harry Potter and the Painful Rectal Itch
"Hey, as long as I'm in the hospital wing, I have a medical problem to ask you about." Madam Pomfrey came bustling over to Harry.
"As long as it doesn't require a BANDAGE, because cheap ass…"
"No, no bandages. See, my… well… erm…. this is embarrassing."
Madam Pomfrey sighed and sat down beside Harry. "Well, son, you are at the age that some… odd things begin to happen. Trust me, the hair appearing in your nether regions is perfectly normal."
"WHAT? I'm gonna get hair down there? ICKY!" Harry screamed.
"Oh um… that wasn't your concern?"
"Well, it wasn't but it sure as hell is now!"
"I'm sorry, son. I'll refer you to a male professor to further discuss your personal issues. How about Professor Snape? He owes me one for the thing with the glove…"
"Please, DON'T go into further detail. And hand me that basin, I need to vomit."
Harry wandered down to the dungeons, unable to believe that he was really going to talk to Snape about something so personal as his bum. Draco probably did it all the time, but Draco had a hero-worship for Snape that Harry frankly could not understand. Then again, Harry could not understand much.
"Mr. Potter," Snape wafted out of a shadow.
"Um… hi Professor… um… McGona - Professor McGonagall said I should talk to you about - well, see I have -"
"A painful rectal itch?"
"I don't want to think about how you knew that."
"You are scratching your ass."
"Oh. Well. Um…"
"Look, Mr. Potter, I have just the potion to take care of that. Here." Snape extended a small vial to Harry, who took it and downed it eagerly. Almost immediately, his butt began to burn.
"MY ASS BURNS!!!!"
"That just means it's working," Snape reassured Harry, a bit gleefully.
Harry waddled back to the dormitories, his ass still burning. By the time he got into his room, the itch and burn has subsided, but now he had a whole new problem to deal with. He gasped as he opened the door to find….
"Hey, as long as I'm in the hospital wing, I have a medical problem to ask you about." Madam Pomfrey came bustling over to Harry.
"As long as it doesn't require a BANDAGE, because cheap ass…"
"No, no bandages. See, my… well… erm…. this is embarrassing."
Madam Pomfrey sighed and sat down beside Harry. "Well, son, you are at the age that some… odd things begin to happen. Trust me, the hair appearing in your nether regions is perfectly normal."
"WHAT? I'm gonna get hair down there? ICKY!" Harry screamed.
"Oh um… that wasn't your concern?"
"Well, it wasn't but it sure as hell is now!"
"I'm sorry, son. I'll refer you to a male professor to further discuss your personal issues. How about Professor Snape? He owes me one for the thing with the glove…"
"Please, DON'T go into further detail. And hand me that basin, I need to vomit."
Harry wandered down to the dungeons, unable to believe that he was really going to talk to Snape about something so personal as his bum. Draco probably did it all the time, but Draco had a hero-worship for Snape that Harry frankly could not understand. Then again, Harry could not understand much.
"Mr. Potter," Snape wafted out of a shadow.
"Um… hi Professor… um… McGona - Professor McGonagall said I should talk to you about - well, see I have -"
"A painful rectal itch?"
"I don't want to think about how you knew that."
"You are scratching your ass."
"Oh. Well. Um…"
"Look, Mr. Potter, I have just the potion to take care of that. Here." Snape extended a small vial to Harry, who took it and downed it eagerly. Almost immediately, his butt began to burn.
"MY ASS BURNS!!!!"
"That just means it's working," Snape reassured Harry, a bit gleefully.
Harry waddled back to the dormitories, his ass still burning. By the time he got into his room, the itch and burn has subsided, but now he had a whole new problem to deal with. He gasped as he opened the door to find….