Disclaimer: You know the drill. The characters are not mine, except for the tulip, and may I say, it's a better character than Harry.
A/N: Please admire my restraint in not allowing Hermione to completely explain angst... because it fascinates me, and I could have bored you all to tears with it.
Harry Potter And The Gringott's Bank Job
Harry left Snape's office feeling very dejected and useless. Was this angst? He wondered. He'd better ask Hermione. By an extraordinary stroke of luck, Hermione wandered around a corner that very moment.
"Hermione!"
"Harry!"
"What are you doing out of bed this late?"
"I was looking for you, actually. What are you doing, asking for trouble?"
"I was visiting Professor Snape."
"Harry, are you feeling all right?"
"Not particularly. I'm having disturbing thoughts."
"Oh boy... what about this time?"
"Hermione, what is angst?"
"Angst is a word, Harry, that has several meanings, but is generally used to describe depression, anxiety, and other such emotions. It has a very interesting history. I've read all about it. Angst is a philosophical term for the feeling of dread that arises from knowing we have free will - you see, in the theory of existentialism..."
"That's nice, Hermione, thanks!" Harry said and bolted away from her. As he sprinted away, Hermione still babbling behind him, he ran into a wall.
"Filthy student scum, lying in the corridors at all hours of the day and night - oh, I wish I could beat you, child!" Of all the people that could have discovered me here, thought Harry, it had to be the homicidal janitor.
"Hey, Filch, I have a major problem, and if you're not going to be sensitive to my needs, bugger off!" Filch looked surprised at Harry's outburst, and sneered back at him.
"Oh yeah, what's this major problem, then?"
"I'm - I'm - angsty!"
"Me, too! Hey, you should talk to.."
"Snape, yeah, did it already."
"Hmm... well, perhaps Blaise Zabini, do you know hir?"
"Wow, ze's angsty?"
"Well, yes. It's tough not knowing your sex."
"I suppose it must be." With that, Harry trotted off to the Slytherin common room - he had a hard time remembering where it was, but followed the scent of Malfoy's hair gel. When Draco spotted Harry standing outside the common room, his eyebrows leapt off his face and he ran to find Professor Snape.
"Professor Snape, come quick! Potter's outside!"
"Draco, you shouldn't be so concerned about Potter - nevertheless, I'll take care of him for you."
"Thank you, Professor!"
"Yeah. Whatever," muttered Snape as he headed for the door. Potter must want to discuss our angst, he thought. He opened the door to Potter's surprise.
"Hey, Professor, is Blaise Zabini here?"
"I'm sure ze is, but I don't know which dormitory to look in." Harry sighed and turned away, disappointed. But by an extraordinary stroke of luck, Blaise walked into the room that very moment.
"Hey, Blaise, can I talk to you?"
"How do you even know who I am? Hey, I get to speak!"
"Yes, you do. Your very important to this subplot's subplot."
"Damn, that's special for me."
"I hear from Filch that you're angsty, too."
"Yep. It's a tough life. I can't even sleep because I don't know which dorm to go into."
"Yikes. So, hey, what can we do to un-angst ourselves?"
"Money always works."
"Spoken like a true Slytherin! Well done, Blaise!" Snape exclaimed, clapping Blaise on the shoulder.
"How do we get money?"
"Rob a bank!"
"A Muggle bank?" Harry asked.
"No, we'd have to change the money, it could be traced."
"Wow, Blaise, you're smarter than me!"
"Harry, a tulip is smarter than you."
"Indeed," remarked a passing tulip.
"So, we have to rob Gringotts."
"Isn't that dangerous?" Harry asked worriedly.
"Sure is."
"I'm in!"
"You both have personality disorders and need to seek help," commented the tulip.
"Nobody asked you!" Harry screamed. Blaise jumped back, as did all the Slytherins who had gathered and were eyeing Harry as if he were the last slice of pizza in a room full of hungry girls at a slumber party. [a/n: I love my simile.] Snape stepped forward.
"Don't worry about Potter, he's an angst character now and is prone to temper tantrums." The Slytherins looked disbelieving, but the word had been handed down from the Head of House - they had to pretend to accept it.
Harry and Blaise abandoned their plan to rob Gringotts when Cho heard what they were doing and began to cry so hard she drowned Blaise. Harry survived only by holding on to the tulip as a life raft. Tulips are very buoyant.
A/N: Please admire my restraint in not allowing Hermione to completely explain angst... because it fascinates me, and I could have bored you all to tears with it.
Harry Potter And The Gringott's Bank Job
Harry left Snape's office feeling very dejected and useless. Was this angst? He wondered. He'd better ask Hermione. By an extraordinary stroke of luck, Hermione wandered around a corner that very moment.
"Hermione!"
"Harry!"
"What are you doing out of bed this late?"
"I was looking for you, actually. What are you doing, asking for trouble?"
"I was visiting Professor Snape."
"Harry, are you feeling all right?"
"Not particularly. I'm having disturbing thoughts."
"Oh boy... what about this time?"
"Hermione, what is angst?"
"Angst is a word, Harry, that has several meanings, but is generally used to describe depression, anxiety, and other such emotions. It has a very interesting history. I've read all about it. Angst is a philosophical term for the feeling of dread that arises from knowing we have free will - you see, in the theory of existentialism..."
"That's nice, Hermione, thanks!" Harry said and bolted away from her. As he sprinted away, Hermione still babbling behind him, he ran into a wall.
"Filthy student scum, lying in the corridors at all hours of the day and night - oh, I wish I could beat you, child!" Of all the people that could have discovered me here, thought Harry, it had to be the homicidal janitor.
"Hey, Filch, I have a major problem, and if you're not going to be sensitive to my needs, bugger off!" Filch looked surprised at Harry's outburst, and sneered back at him.
"Oh yeah, what's this major problem, then?"
"I'm - I'm - angsty!"
"Me, too! Hey, you should talk to.."
"Snape, yeah, did it already."
"Hmm... well, perhaps Blaise Zabini, do you know hir?"
"Wow, ze's angsty?"
"Well, yes. It's tough not knowing your sex."
"I suppose it must be." With that, Harry trotted off to the Slytherin common room - he had a hard time remembering where it was, but followed the scent of Malfoy's hair gel. When Draco spotted Harry standing outside the common room, his eyebrows leapt off his face and he ran to find Professor Snape.
"Professor Snape, come quick! Potter's outside!"
"Draco, you shouldn't be so concerned about Potter - nevertheless, I'll take care of him for you."
"Thank you, Professor!"
"Yeah. Whatever," muttered Snape as he headed for the door. Potter must want to discuss our angst, he thought. He opened the door to Potter's surprise.
"Hey, Professor, is Blaise Zabini here?"
"I'm sure ze is, but I don't know which dormitory to look in." Harry sighed and turned away, disappointed. But by an extraordinary stroke of luck, Blaise walked into the room that very moment.
"Hey, Blaise, can I talk to you?"
"How do you even know who I am? Hey, I get to speak!"
"Yes, you do. Your very important to this subplot's subplot."
"Damn, that's special for me."
"I hear from Filch that you're angsty, too."
"Yep. It's a tough life. I can't even sleep because I don't know which dorm to go into."
"Yikes. So, hey, what can we do to un-angst ourselves?"
"Money always works."
"Spoken like a true Slytherin! Well done, Blaise!" Snape exclaimed, clapping Blaise on the shoulder.
"How do we get money?"
"Rob a bank!"
"A Muggle bank?" Harry asked.
"No, we'd have to change the money, it could be traced."
"Wow, Blaise, you're smarter than me!"
"Harry, a tulip is smarter than you."
"Indeed," remarked a passing tulip.
"So, we have to rob Gringotts."
"Isn't that dangerous?" Harry asked worriedly.
"Sure is."
"I'm in!"
"You both have personality disorders and need to seek help," commented the tulip.
"Nobody asked you!" Harry screamed. Blaise jumped back, as did all the Slytherins who had gathered and were eyeing Harry as if he were the last slice of pizza in a room full of hungry girls at a slumber party. [a/n: I love my simile.] Snape stepped forward.
"Don't worry about Potter, he's an angst character now and is prone to temper tantrums." The Slytherins looked disbelieving, but the word had been handed down from the Head of House - they had to pretend to accept it.
Harry and Blaise abandoned their plan to rob Gringotts when Cho heard what they were doing and began to cry so hard she drowned Blaise. Harry survived only by holding on to the tulip as a life raft. Tulips are very buoyant.