Chapter Sixteen
October 19, Wednesday, Summerlin, 8:30 AM
Clarice Starling's first thought, as she gazed at Ardelia Mapp, was that her
former roommate looked older. She looked as though she had perhaps aged more in
the single year that had passed since the two of them had been face to face
than was normal, or right, in any sane version of the world.
Starling's second thought was that she knew exactly who was responsible for the
angular, drawn lineaments of Ardelia's half-smile. She saw the faint new lines
around Ardelia's mouth, the subtle hollows under her eyes, the shadow that had
fallen on her closest woman friend's familiar and once-loved face. Starling saw
all these things and more. She saw very well.
I did this, she thought. I'm the one who gave her twenty years worth of
nightmares telescoped into one.
The two women were alone, in Margot Verger's study, the pleasant and peaceful
room that had been the scene of Dr. Everett Doemling's
last, fatal interview. Starling had not needed to tell either Judy or Margot
she needed a little privacy for this new interview.
Clarice looked at Ardelia, and Ardelia looked back. They were so still in this moment, they might have been a pair of stone bookends.
"Hey, Ardelia," Clarice finally said, trying her best to smile.
"Long time no see."
"Oh, Starling. Oh, Clarice. Look at you. What's become of you?"
Starling's awkward smile faded and she raised a hand to her cheek
involuntarily. She felt herself flushing. For the first time since she'd
awakened to a contrived crime scene in a high-priced hotel room, she felt
self-conscious about her injured face.
"Turns out Las Vegas is kind of a rough town, I
guess," Clarice said, knowing how wholly inadequate a remark it was, how
stupid and flip, how ultimately dishonest. Somewhere in the course of the past
year, she'd lost the easy knack of talking with Ardelia. She found she no
longer knew how to speak truthfully to her friend.
Angry tears sprang to Ardelia's eyes and her posture stiffened with hurt. She
took a step closer to Starling and stared into her face. Clarice saw that she
wasn't missing anything. Not a bite, not a bruise, not a mark.
"I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you were dead," Ardelia
said. Smothered tears and a year's worth of helpless dread roughened her voice.
"I saw you in the ground, Starling, over and over again, nights when I
couldn't sleep. Lots of nights. And then day before
yesterday, there you are, big as life, passing out in some parking structure in
Vegas on the evening news! So you need to come up with something a little
better than that to say to me, after all this time, girlfriend. You need to try
again!"
How right she is, Clarice thought miserably. I do need to try again. I guess I
owe her a little effort.
She reached down inside herself, rummaging through her own disarrayed soul for
some appropriate words, and came up, surprisingly, with the truth. One truth, anyway.
Two stumbling steps brought her close enough to Ardelia to grasp both of her
friend's hands in her own.
"But I'm not dead. Ardelia. I'm not dead. I'm
right here. I may look like hell, but I'm right here. And Jesus God . . . how
much I've missed you," her voice cracked as she felt her own eyes fill,
and she was intensely grateful to discover that there could still be room in
her heart for such love and such regret.
She tightened her grip on Ardelia's hands. "I've missed you so much,
Ardelia. So much. You can't believe how glad I am to
see you."
Ardelia looked down at her hands in Starling's and the tears spilled out of her
eyes and down her cheeks. But when she looked up, she was grinning, wet cheeks
and all. She took her hands out of Starling's grip and pulled her into a fierce
hug.
"Okay. Okay, Starling, that's better. I guess maybe I can let you off the
hook with that..."
Clarice grinned herself, relieved. She hugged back.
"Whew! So that's okay, then. Still the brass-plated toughie, aren't you,
Drill Sergeant Mapp?"
"You don't know the half of it, Missy May. I've got a few questions for
you, once we get done bawling and hugging and all this other sentimental bull.
We need to have a talk."
Clarice sighed and gave Ardelia one final affectionate squeeze. Then she moved
away to a chair and sat down heavily. After a pause, Ardelia followed suit and
took a seat of her own. Though they did not know it, they faced each other
across the same space that had separated Margot Verger and Dr. Doemling only two days earlier.
"You know, Ardelia, a talk would be nice." Clarice said, and laughed,
a little. "Been a while since I had a good gab with a
girlfriend. So . . . questions, huh? Yeah, I guess you must have some.
But I'm afraid I've got to ask you a question, before we get started. And
you're not gonna like it, either."
Ardelia fixed her with a level gaze.
"I'm a big girl, Starling. Shoot," she said. "From
the hip. You always do."
"Okay. If we're gonna talk, I need to know it's
just us talking, Ardelia. Just you and me. Not you,
me, and the Bureau."
Ardelia's lips thinned as she considered Starling's question.
"A year ago, you wouldn't have asked me that," she observed, coldly.
Starling shrugged. "Things change. I can't help that. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well . . ." Ardelia answered, and reached
inside her purse. She brought out an opened envelope, nondescript
airmail stationery, available in any variety store in the world, common as
dirt. Clarice recognized her own handwriting on the address lines.
"Remember this note, Clarice? You should, because you wrote it. I got it
in the mail just last month. 'I'm fine and more than fine' it says, among other
things. Fairly incriminating things. Do you still want
to ask me if I'm here fishing for the Bureau?"
Clarice smiled sadly. "I asked you to burn that, Ardelia. A year ago,
you'd have done what I asked."
"Let's not dance around, okay? Let me ask you, now. Is it just us talking
here, or is it you, me, and him?"
Clarice looked out the French doors of the study, out at the overcast morning
beyond. Damn. Another dreary, drizzly day in Las
Vegas. Would the rain never end?
Clarice asked herself if there was any part of her left that was still truly
separate from Hannibal Lecter. Was it just Clarice and Ardelia talking together
on this Wednesday morning? Or was that no longer possible?
There weren't any clear answers in the wet, grey light streaming in through the
windows.
"Did you keep the ring I sent you, Ardelia?" Clarice asked
inconsequently. "I was afraid you might throw it away."
"I almost did," Ardelia answered, and reached inside her blouse. She
drew a fine silver chain past her collar and held her closed hand out toward
Starling. When she opened her hand, a platinum ring set with emeralds gleamed
on her open palm.
"Nice," Ardelia added. There was a hard, biting edge of recrimination
in her voice. "You couldn't have afforded rocks like these on your old
salary. I guess he can offer a girl a few solid fringe benefits, anyway."
A split second later, Starling was surprised to find herself
standing, almost nose to nose with her friend. She didn't remember Ardelia
rising, she didn't remember leaping to her own feet, and she couldn't remember
when she had ever been so angry with Ardelia Mapp.
"Now you know it's just us here, Ardelia," she rapped out. "If
it really was you, me and him, you'd be dead. He doesn't let anyone call me a whore. Not even a
close friend."
"Oh, isn't that SWEET," Ardelia countered, hissing, a year of pain
and fear and loss lending venom to her words. "Your rabid human attack dog
will kill to defend your honor, is that the way it is? Of course, he'd do it
anyway, since killing is what he is, since killing is all he is! But - hey - you don't want to talk about that, right?
It's the thought that counts!"
"You ought to shut your flapping, sanctimonious jaw, Ardelia. You don't
know what you're talking about. You don't know the first thing about Hannibal
Lecter and you never have."
"WHY, goddamnit? Why? What in the name of God happened to you? What in
hell did he do to you, to twist you around like this? Has he got you so blind
you don't see what - "
"He didn't do anything to - "
"You've gone so completely crazy you've destroyed your entire life to go
running off with that toxic fucking psycho from hell and you try to tell me
that he hasn't done anything to-"
"The only thing he EVER did to me was love - "
"NO! NO! NO! Don't you say that to me!"
Ardelia screamed, and her face twisted. Her warm brown skin had gone a sick
ashy grey.
"Don't you EVER say that to me! Don't you stand
there with your poor face looking like a pound of ground round and tell me that
evil sonofabitch LOVES you! DON'T YOU TELL ME THAT, CLARICE!
Ardelia choked out a single, hoarse, infuriated sob and turned her back on
Clarice. Clarice could see that her friend was shaking, her narrow shoulders
hunched inward.
Oh, nice work, Starling, she said to herself. You're handling this beautifully.
Maybe later you can shoot her.
"Ardelia . . . Ardelia." Clarice said, quietly. She hesitantly
reached out to touch Ardelia's shoulder and was dismayed when Ardelia jerked
away from the touch. "Listen to me. If you don't want me to tell you the
truth, then what CAN I tell you? Is there some other reason you'd like
better?"
"Look at you, Clarice, " Ardelia said, still
unwilling to turn back toward Starling. "Look what he's done to you. Don't
you know what they're saying he did to you, on the news?"
"Of course I know what they're saying, Ardelia. Exactly what we expected
them to say, word for word. I told him to do this. I told him HOW to do it, for
Christ's sake."
Mapp turned around to stare at her friend.
"Why? Why would you put yourself in a world of hurt like this? How could
you agree to something so sick?"
"They had us trapped in that fucking hotel, Mapp. No way we could have
gotten out together, and no way he'd have made it into custody alive, either.
They'd have blown his damn head off for resisting arrest even if he'd put on
the handcuffs himself and baked 'em a cake in the bargain. You know what I'm
talking about, Ardelia, you've seen it happen."
"So, let me see if I've got this straight. You guys figured out that if he
beat you to a bloody pulp and busted up your face and . . . and raped you and
left you for the cops it would be a good idea?"
"He made me look like a victim so I wouldn't be arrested myself. Jeez,
Ardelia, you never used to be so slow. He did it so I could blame everything on
him and get away clean. And I agreed because I had to. If he'd thought for one
moment that I was in danger of being charged, he never would have left
me."
"And he's loyal too! What a guy! Maybe he could have massacred a few cops
for you, too, like he did in Memphis."
"We had three choices. Get arrested, get killed, or get our butts in gear
and do whatever it took to get out alive. We chose whatever. I chose. And I
chose right. It worked. I can't help it if you've got a problem with that. Is
it the fucking that bothers you the most about this? Or is it that we got away
with it?"
"I've got so many problems with all of this fucked up craziness I don't
even know where to begin. Tell me this. Where's your black knight now? Isn't he
around to chew my face off or whatever for speaking harshly to his princess?
He's so goddamned committed to you, why don't I see him here?"
Had Ardelia stabbed Clarice through the chest, she could not have pierced her
heart more accurately. The emotional impact was so acute, Clarice actually
experienced physical pain and staggered back a step or two, as though Ardelia
had struck her. All the hot energy in her seemed to drain away like water
flowing out of a vessel.
"But you wouldn't see him, Ardelia," Clarice remarked, almost
absently, almost more to herself than to her friend. She turned back to her
chair and sank into it, suddenly limp. "You'd never have seen him coming.
No one ever does."
Ardelia flung herself into her own chair with a discouraged sigh. She stared at
Starling for a long time, and some strange species of terrible pity hardened
her expression, drew her skin too tight over the bones of her face.
"You sure didn't see him coming, did you, honey?" her tone was both
kind and harsh, softened with grief and cold with judgment.
Clarice made one final effort to explain that which she herself could not
really understand. What neither she nor Dr. Lecter had ever been able to
explain or quantify, and had been obliged, finally, to learn to simply accept. The central mystery in their intertwined lives, as inexplicable and
miraculous and frightening as raising the dead or walking on water.
It came to Clarice, as she gathered her thoughts, that she would never have
made this doomed attempt to explain the ineffable to anyone less precious to
her than Ardelia Mapp had once been.
"Neither of us could have foreseen any of it," she said to her
friend. "Neither of us saw it coming. We know how crazy it is - don't you
realize that? We're the ones who wasted almost ten years on games and
smokescreens and obstinate denial. Ten years we can never get back again, gone.
And how many years more would you give us, Ardelia? Care to lay some
odds?"
She pinned Ardelia with an uncompromising gaze and went on.
"Love isn't brains, it isn't rational thought, it isn't a goal you can
seek or a plan you can make or a calamity you can avoid. It moves through your
life like a wind. It just happens. It's just the way it is. We didn't ask for
it. People don't ask for lightning to strike either, but sometimes it
does."
"Sometimes bad things happen to good people?" Ardelia asked
caustically.
"And sometimes good things happen to bad people," Clarice answered.
"Tell you the truth, I like to think that somehow... it all evens
out."
"I've read the files, Clarice, same as you. Hannibal Lecter is a vicious,
murdering, evil man. He's terror personified and he's not fit to walk the same
earth as the rest of us. That's what I know about it, even if you don't. Can
you even that out?"
Ardelia shook her head vigorously, as though trying to clear it of some
repellent psychic substance. She obviously didn't expect any answer to her
question.
"Fucking Jack Crawford," she observed bitterly. "I hope he's
screaming in hell for what he did to you."
Clarice let out a brittle caw of laughter. She saw Ardelia's eyes narrow with
surprise.
"There ya go, Ardelia. Loyal to end. Crawford did
it to me. Lecter did it to me. The Bureau did it to me. Anyone and everyone is
to blame, everyone except pure-of-heart little me, is that how you have it
figured? But it's so hard to believe anything else, right? I guess I'm the
first woman in the history of the world who ever fell in love with an evil man.
Saint C of the Bureau falls from grace. "
"Ladies who fall for the bad guy don't come out well in the end, Starling.
Eva Braun died young. And even if you're not a saint, you sure as hell aren't
in the same league as Lecter."
"You know, girlfriend, I really don't want to go round and round with this
any more. I'm tired of it. I've been there, done that, more than you know. And
what it all boils down to is I don't care. I made my choice. I'm living with
it. And you know what? I'm not obligated to defend my choices to you."
"Okay. Okay. But where is he, then? The love of your
life? Why isn't he here with you now, when you need him?"
Starling laughed again, icy, tearing laughter that was horrible to hear.
"He's not here because, strange as it sounds, he thinks just like you,
Ardelia. I hate to tell you this, since I know you won't want to hear it, but
you guys are in agreement. He doesn't think he's good for me either. "
Ardelia blinked, surprised. "So. . .what? You're
saying he-"
"He cut me loose. That's what I'm saying. First he fixed it so I'd never
ever have to tell anyone the truth about us, and then he fixed it so I could
never get back to him without putting his neck in a noose, and then he
vanished. He's good at that, not leaving loose ends, all the i's dotted and all the t's crossed. You two are alike in that, too, Ardelia."
"I am nothing like that
grotesque freak of yours, and I'm sorry I called you a whore, okay? Can we call
it a draw on the name-calling contest? Why would he do something like
that?"
"So I wouldn't have to play dead anymore. So I could get back to my own
life. So that I could do or have anything in the world my heart might desire,
except the only thing I really want. You ought to throw him a party, Ardelia.
He did the 'decent' thing, the only truly selfless thing he's probably ever
done in his whole adult life."
Starling's own primary pain, never far away, ground
and twisted in the new wounds in her heart and she found she was suddenly weary
of this fruitless conversation with Ardelia Mapp. This friendship, years old
and once so important to her, was probably impossible to salvage, and that was
a loss. But she had more intolerable losses to attempt to
withstand now, and she honestly didn't know how, or if, she could.
She added a bitter footnote to all she'd said before. "And you can believe
me when I say - I sure never saw THAT coming."
"But . . . but that's the best news I've heard in a year, if it's really
true. He just let you go? No strings? That's a good thing."
"No, it is not a good thing, Ardelia. I don't expect you to understand.
It's wrong and it's stupid and it'll probably kill us both, in time," she
sighed desolately and went on. "We both had to pay enormous prices and
fight a thousand different demons and turn ourselves inside out just to steal a
few short months of happiness and now . . . after everything we've been through
. . . he's left us with nothing."
She stopped to pass a shaking hand over eyes that had started to burn.
"I could just kill him for it," she said thickly, and her voice
broke.
Ardelia smiled humorlessly in response, a merciless, ugly little grin that
Clarice would not ever have dreamed she'd one day see disfiguring her friend's
face.
"Good deal. I'll help you do it."
Clarice looked at Ardelia, and looked into her own memory, remembering so much,
how they'd shared so many of the same hopes as young women at Quantico. She saw what a staunch
ally Ardelia had been to her, and what an implacable enemy she now was to
Hannibal Lecter. It was such a tragic irony that the two people in all the world she most loved must be so irrevocably
estranged.
"Oh, Ardelia," she argued, knowing it was pointless. "He doesn't
hate you. . ."
The two women were silent for a time, having reached an impasse that neither
could find a way around. The desultory pattering of the rain outside filled the
silence between them, and it seemed to Clarice that perhaps an ancient and
dismal message about the way of the world could be discerned in the sound.
Everything flows away. Nothing stays the same. The center doesn't hold.
Yeats on entropy. Not exactly
encouraging.
I am so very tired, she thought. I've just about had it.
"What will you do now?" Ardelia asked, breaking into Starling's
wretched reverie.
"I really don't know for sure," Clarice admitted. "I don't have
a lot of options left."
Ardelia shook her head with a small exasperated snort of laughter. "You
know what your problem is, Starling?"
Clarice snorted too, genuinely amused. "No fucking idea. Are you going to
enlighten me, Dr. Mapp?"
Ardelia ignored the sarcastic jibe and went on. "You've got the whole
world divided into two poles. The Bureau versus Lecter.
You've been oscillating between them for a decade. First one,
then the other, either-or, nothing in between. You suffer from an acute
case of tunnel vision."
"That's strange. That's pretty much what he thinks too."
"Gosh, I'm supported by a professional opinion. I'm just so pleased I
could spit. C'mon, let's get out of this dreary little room. I want to show you
something outside."
"Is it my surprise? You said you'd brought me a surprise. "
"Yep. I did," Ardelia stood up and grinned at Starling.
"Not that you've been a good girl and actually deserve a surprise or
anything . . . but, you can think of it as a learning aid."
Clarice rose too. "Oh, that's nice. Patronize me some more, please,
Ardelia? It makes me feel like I'm right at home."
They moved toward the door of the study, and stepped out into the hall beyond.
"Ah, what a cutting remark. You've been
sharpening your smart-ass skills, Starling," Ardelia commented as they
walked down the corridor. "Been practicing, I guess. They say every time
Lecter opens his mouth, razor blades fall out."
Clarice was struck by the fantastic and not wholly inaccurate image, and
laughed in spite of her sense of loyalty. The two of them moved towards the
foyer that led to the front door of the house. They saw no one. Judy and Margot
and those of their guests who were up must be gathered in the kitchen hunting
coffee. The foyer and the great room beyond it were empty.
Ardelia moved to the front door and opened it. She turned back to her friend
from the threshold.
"C'mon. It's right out here."
Clarice felt a sudden craven reluctance to see whatever Ardelia wanted to show
her. Such fearful reactions were foreign to her, and she knew of no reason to
be afraid. Yet she was.
"What is it?" she asked, hesitating at the threshold, unwilling, for
the moment, to step past.
Ardelia smiled back at her. "Animal, vegetable, or
mineral? Bigger than a bread box? C'mon, C, don't
be a wuss. I think you'll be pleased."
She walked out the door then, leaving Clarice alone to follow if she would.
A familiar voice from the past asked her a question as she hovered in the
doorway.
"You're tough, aren't you, Officer
Starling?"
Oh yeah. Oh yeah . . . I'm tough all right. Takes a licking and keeps on
ticking, that's me. Bring it on. On and on and on.
She squared her tired shoulders and went outside to see what Ardelia had
brought for her.
About twenty yards past the front door, out in the circular
driveway, in the misty grey light of a rainy morning, Ardelia Mapp stood beside
a metal ghost.
A blast from the past crouched down like a beast about to spring in the
driveway, sleek bodied, bristling muscle, still ready to rumble, too tough to
die. Vintage Detroit rolling
steel, the most beautiful, graceful and gleefully brutal of automotive designs
ever, the once and future king of the highway.
My speedy chariot, Clarice thought, overwhelmed with wonder and pleasure to
behold this old friend that she had never thought to see again. My old beast. My career may have gone to hell, and I never
got to join the good ol' boys club, but I damn sure
always had the coolest ride in the whole Bureau. My Mustang. My car!
"Oh . . . my . . . GOD," she breathed, stunned, delighted. "How
did you find it?"
Ardelia managed to look both smug and disapproving.
"Like I told you, I can read case files just as well as you. I found it in
a self-storage facility about three miles from the Chesapeake Bay. Where they found your
friend and mine, Paul Krendler, by the way, floating face down with his brains
scooped out."
A black impulse to laugh seized Clarice Starling, as it always did when she
thought of Hannibal's mad dinner party for
three on the shores of the Chesapeake. She always remembered how
Paul had said the blessing, and how Dr. Lecter had kept his sleek head bowed
and his eyes reverently downcast throughout the unusual grace, delivered so
earnestly by Paul, esteemed guest and second course. The blackest of comedies,
staged just for her. That extreme feast had been both the worst and the
funniest thing she had ever seen. Or done.
"Marine life predation," she commented to Ardelia, only barely
managing not to chuckle. "Always happens with the floaters. How'd you know
to check the self-storage yard, Agent Mapp?"
"I remembered your boyfriend's extra special Valentine and put two and two
together. Then I just checked all the self-storage facilities near the bay
until I found it. And I think we'd better tell National Geographic that the
sharks are using crossbows and trepanning skulls now."
Clarice walked closer to her old car, laid a hand on the hood. The paint looked
a little seedy and there was a hairline crack near the top of the windshield,
but Ardelia had clearly kept the car in pretty good working order all these
months.
"I don't think it was the sharks, Mapp. But I'd look hard at the
crustaceans if I were you," she turned away from the Mustang and looked at
Mapp. "This was a bitch for you to find, wasn't it? This, more than
anything else, convinced you I was dead, didn't it?"
"Yes. Yes, it did."
"But you still kept the car. Why?"
Ardelia's lips peeled back from her teeth in a pained smile.
"We weren't put here to know everything, however much we'd like to, my
grandma used to say. Life always has another bend in the road for us. When I
saw that car, covered with dust and sitting in the dark in that ratty storage
bay, I knew you were dead, see . . . but I still hoped you weren't. Understand?"
"Yes, perfectly. Hope. It's really the best thing life can show us,
isn't it? The only thing, really. At least we agree on
that. So you found the papers and stuff in my safety deposit box, then."
"Well of course. You left a little message on my answer machine, didn't
you? Dear Delia, in case I'm dead, blah, blah. Your
will, deed to your half of the duplex, title to the car, all that stuff you
left."
Clarice walked around to the driver's side of the Mustang and opened the car
door. No familiar scents wafted out; it had been too long since she'd occupied
this car. But the myriad scents of memory flowed from the interior in a virtual
torrent. She glanced at Ardelia over the roof.
"You DO know that when I left that message for you, I really pretty much
thought I WOULD be dead, right?" she asked. "We are clear on
that?"
"Yes," Ardelia said, simply.
"Good," Clarice smiled. "Drive it much?"
"Hell, no. Guzzles gas like it's a double agent for
OPEC, creeps up to eighty on the straight in a second. You can tell it has
evil intentions, that car."
Clarice laughed, a high, clear laugh, the first truly good one since she'd read
a handwritten letter in an antiseptic hospital room three days prior. She
patted the roof of the car fondly, as she might have patted a big, mean dog
that only she could control.
"And you brought it all this way," she said to Mapp. "For me. Thank you. Really, thank you, Ardelia. It's
the nicest surprise I've had in a while."
Ardelia moved to the passenger side of the car and opened that door. She stood
there a moment, staring at Clarice across the roof.
"Want to know why I brought it for you?" she asked.
Clarice sighed. Everyone she loved always had some lesson they wanted her to
learn. She must strike people as inordinately stupid.
"Sure. Fire away."
No use putting it off. Ardelia would never lighten up until she'd had her say.
And Clarice wanted to get the lecture over with. She felt like she might want
to go for a ride.
"Once upon a time, C," Ardelia said. "You used to drive this
rolling death-trap for fun, for the sheer recklessness of it, for the speed,
whatever. It was yours, your thing. Mark that part - okay? Your
thing. How long has it been since you did your own thing, only yours,
you, Clarice Starling, separate from anyone else?"
"Three days," Clarice answered without hesitation.
"Wrong answer. It's like I was saying inside.
You've got the whole world boiled down to a choice between an
corrupt organization and a murderous aberration. But there's more to life than
that. More to YOUR life. There are other roads to
take, thousands of 'em."
Ardelia stopped and tossed something over the roof of the car to Clarice.
Starling's reflexes had always been sharp, and she caught the toss without
thinking. Her hand closed around metal, and she thought she could guess what
Ardelia had thrown her.
A set of car keys.
"Drive, Clarice," Ardelia said, eyes serious and intent. "Road trip. Just do me that
one favor, okay? Before you do anything else, before you make any decisions,
take a drive, hit the road, think about all the places
where the road could lead you. It's all I'm asking."
Clarice stared back at her friend a moment or two longer, then
looked inside the car, at the driver's seat. Very slowly, her hand drifted away
from her side, almost as if it moved to its own purpose, and need not refer to
her will. She reached into the car and put her fingers on the steering wheel,
felt the rich texture of the leather wheel cover, soft and cool, smooth yet
with a slight drag under the pads of her fingers, an oddly intimate feeling,
like touching a lover's skin. She gave the wheel a tentative little twist.
Life was a journey, and you never really knew exactly where you were going.
She'd taken in that particular life lesson in spades over the past two years.
Life could be a road, and ultimately, all you could do was drive on.
Not an endless road, though. One could never know where, or why, or when, but
eventually every traveler must meet his or her journey's end.
But not right now, Clarice said to herself with a slightly crooked grin. Not
before breakfast . . . surely? She was experiencing a sudden bizarre food
craving, an insistent yen she hadn't known since she'd left the United States a year before this day, and
would have sworn she'd forgotten.
"Hey, Mapp," she asked. "What time is it?"
Ardelia blinked and checked her wristwatch. "Uh . . . about a quarter
past nine . . ."
"Cool!" Clarice exclaimed, and laughed, a somewhat manic laugh that
made Ardelia blink again. "There's still time!"
She jumped into the Mustang and reset the seat controls by touch. She put the
key into the ignition.
"C'mon, Mapp, get in. Road trip it is."
Ardelia leaned down to look in, for a time, at Clarice. Finally she shook her
head, both amused and perplexed, and got into the car.
Clarice turned over the engine. The old V-8 roared aggressively as it came to
life. Internal combustion. That old
black magic, working just fine, after all this time. Clarice grinned
hugely.
"Buckle up, baby," she told her passenger. "I'm hungry. I want
some breakfast, something really special, and we're gonna
have to hurry. Here we go."
She put the car in gear and as she pulled around in the driveway, she heard
gravel crunching under her tires and felt it through the soles of her feet.
Good surface under tires, the quintessential siren song of the road.
"Uh-huh. Oka-aay . . ." Ardelia commented,
a bit warily. "Fine. Whatever
you say, Starling. Ummm, can I ask where we're
going?"
Clarice Starling cackled as though she'd gone mad and sprayed gravel as she
stomped on the gas pedal.
"You never ask, Ardelia!" she shouted through her crazed guffaws.
"You never ask! It spoils the surprise!"
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