Chapter Two

Mournful Contemplation

Darkness smothered Theresa's senses as she sat limply on her bed. Her eyes were not particularly focused on anything, and her mind tried desperately to refrain from thinking. Thinking seemed to hurt Theresa in more ways than one. When she did think, her heart would feel as though it were being painfully twisted into an amorphous shape. Theresa always found her thoughts drifting to her deceased soul mate. The harsh reality that he was gone would hit her hard like a train at full speed. The powerful impact left her breathless and shaking with immense grief.

Theresa harbored so much love for him, but it went unexpressed. It remained hidden deep down within the depths of her fragile soul. Why Theresa never told the man she loved how she felt mainly centered on one emotion.

Fear.

Fear has a tendency to drive people away, and unfortunately for Theresa it managed to seize her and implant the idea that the man she loved with all of her heart did not love her back. In actuality, he did love her back, but he too failed to tell her how he felt. 

Their hearts had been calling out to each other, but fear inhibited their ability to listen.

Blinking slowly, Theresa turned her body and found herself gazing at his face. The photograph perfectly captured his boyish grin and his warm playful eyes. His dirty blond hair was tousled in the same way it always was whenever Theresa saw him. A small smile formed on Theresa's lips as she lost herself in the happy memories she relied on to keep Nicholas Foxworth Crane alive in her heart and mind.

She remembered his contagious laugh and his strong embrace. She loved his embrace. When he held her in his arms she felt secure and protected. Now Theresa was left feeling alone and vulnerable to the pessimestic forces of the world.

Dark, brooding, and mournful thoughts threatened to eradicate Theresa's happy memories of Fox. She tried desperately to fight the darkness consuming her, but she was too spent to fight anymore.

Numbness overcame Theresa's limbs. They were like dead weights pulling her down towards the ground. Theresa could have fallen to the ground and never notice. She was oblivious to her surroundings.

Nothing was the same anymore.

For Theresa, it felt like nothing mattered anymore. She did not even have her own son to focus and dedicate her life to, for even Ethan Martin was taken from her. Julian and Rebecca Crane took her own flesh and blood from her unfairly. The Crane money swayed easily influenced individuals who had the power to take custody completely from Theresa. The judge did not even grant Theresa any visitation rights. Rebecca often taunted Theresa, and only a few days ago, Theresa learned that Ethan and Gwen were going to adopt Ethan Martin. It was not fair, and Theresa began to hate her life and frequently felt as though it was making a never ending downward spiral to oblivion.

Theresa bent her head. As her eyes closed, tears escaped the corners of her eyes and slid down her cheeks. "Why God?" She whispered tearfully. Her lower lip quivered as she looked upwards. "Why?" She asked again. "Why him? Why did you have to take Fox? I love him." Theresa paused as she tried to control her emotions. "First I lose my little boy- my precious son. Then- then you take away Fox. Who's next, God?" Theresa sputtered bitterly. "Who are you taking from me next because it seems like I'm losing everyone that I love."

Theresa sat there for hours in the silence vainly waiting for some type of response. She had so many unanswered questions that no one could answer for her.

Bending her head once again and feeling utterly defeated, Theresa let the tears fall. From then on, she would cry until at last her tears exhausted her into a restless sleep.